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January 14th

You’ve got to make a conscious choice every day to shed the old – whatever ‘the old’ means for you. – Sarah Ban Breathnach


TODAY – JANUARY 14th

14th day of the year with 351 days (352 in leap years) to follow.

Holidays for Today:
~ Cesarean Section Day
~ International Kite Day
~ National Dress Up Your Pet Day
~ National Hot Pastrami Sandwich Day
~ Organize Your Home Day
~ Orthodox New Year (start of the New Year by the Julian calendar)
~ Ratification Day (anniversary of the ratification of The Treaty of Paris)
~ International Quality of Life Month
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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1741 Benedict Arnold, American/British general (fought for Continental Army during Revolutionary War, but defected to British Army)
  • 1875 Albert Schweitzer, Germany, physician & theologian (Nobel / “Reverence for Life’)
  • 1886 Hugh Lofting, British author (Doctor Dolittle)
  • 1919 Andy Rooney, Albany, New York, journalist (A Few Minutes with Andy Rooney)
  • 1924 Guy Williams, New York City, NY, actor (TV series: Zorro, Lost in Space as Professor John Robinson)
  • 1941 Faye Dunaway, Bascom, Florida, actress (Bonnie and Clyde, The Thomas Crown Affair, Chinatown, Network, Barfly, Rain)
  • 1943 Shannon Lucid, Shanghai, China, American astronaut and biochemist (STS-51-G, STS-34, STS-43, STS-58, STS-76, Mir NASA-1, STS-79)
  • 1943 Holland Taylor, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, actress (Bosom Buddies, Romancing the Stone, The Naked Truth, The Practice, Two and a Half Men)
  • 1948 Carl Weathers, New Orleans, Louisiana, actor ( Apollo Creed in Rocky films, Dillon in Predator, Happy Gilmore, Arrested Development )
  • 1948 John Lescroart, Houston, Texas, author (crime thrillers with characters Dismas Hardy, Abe Glitsky and Wyatt Hunt)
  • 1950 Arthur Byron Cover, Grundy, Virginia, author (Autumn Angels, The Sound of Winter, Space Clusters, Planetfall, Station Fall, Rising Stars Trilogy)
  • 1967 Emily Watson, London, England, actress (Breaking the Waves, Hilary and Jackie, Cold Souls, War Horse, Appropriate Adult, Anna Karenina, The Book Thief, The Theory of Everything)
  • 1969 Jason Bateman, Rye, New York, actor (The Hogan Family, Arrested Development, The Kingdom, Hancock, The Family Fang)
  • 1974 Kevin Durand, Canadian actor (Dark Angel, Lost, X-Men Origins: Wolverine, Legion, Robin Hood, Noah, The Strain, Vikings)
  • 1986 Gary Brolsma, Saddle Brook, New Jersey, internet personality (Numa Numa video)
  • 1990 Grant Gustin, Norfolk, Virginia, actor (Sebastian Smythe in Glee, Arrow, The Flash)

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Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere. – Chinese proverb
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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1784 United States Congress ratified the Treaty of Paris with Great Britain, ending American Revolutionary War and establishing the United States as a sovereign country, called Ratification Day.
  • 1911 South Pole expedition of Roald Amundsen reaches the eastern edge of the Ross Ice Shelf.
  • 1943 Franklin D. Roosevelt and Winston Churchill begin the Casablanca Conference during World War II to discuss strategy and study the next phase of the war.
  • 1943 Franklin D. Roosevelt becomes the first President of the United States to travel via airplane while in office when he travels from Miami, Florida to Morocco to meet with Winston Churchill.
  • 1952 NBC’s long-running morning news program Today debuts, with host Dave Garroway.
  • 1954 The Hudson Motor Car Company merges with Nash-Kelvinator Corporation forming the American Motors Corporation.
  • 1967 Counterculture of the 1960s: The Human Be-In, takes place in San Francisco, California’s Golden Gate Park, launching the Summer of Love.
  • 1973 Elvis Presley’s concert Aloha from Hawaii is broadcast live via satellite, and sets a record as the most watched broadcast by an individual entertainer in television history.
  • 1975 Teenage heiress Lesley Whittle is kidnapped by Donald Neilson, aka “the Black Panther”.
  • 2005 Landing of the Huygens probe on Saturn’s moon Titan.

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I was in the band at Ellsworth Air Force Base, South Dakota. Our group was required to play for all generals who arrived on our base.
One morning, when our commanding officer heard on the radio that a General Frost was expected just after noon, he sent us scrambling to the flight line with instruments.

One of the musicians had also heard the radio announcement. He took the C.O. aside for a whispered conference. When they returned, the officer told us the performance was canceled. There was no arriving general.
We had almost played for the weather forecast.
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A blonde man, a brunette man and a woman are in a plane when the pilot announces that they’ve just run out of fuel.
The blonde man jumps out immediately.
The brunette man grabs a parachute and jumps out.
The woman walks down the boarding ramp, because the plane is still on the ground.
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ORDERING PIZZA IN 2035

“Thank you for calling Pizza Express. May I have your national ID number?”
“Hi, I’d like to place an order.”

“May I have your NIDN first, sir?”
“My National ID Number, yeah, hold on, eh, it’s 6102049998-45-54610.”

“Thank you, Mr. Sheehan. I see you live at 1742 Meadowland Drive, and Your office number over at Lincoln Insurance is 901-555-745-2302, and your cell number is 667-555-266-2566. Where would you like the pizza delivered, sir?”
“Huh? I’m at home. Where d’ya get all this information?”

“We’re wired into the system, sir.”

“Oh, well, I’d like to order a couple of your All-Meat Special pizzas.”
“I don’t think that’s a good idea, sir.”

“Whaddya mean?”
“Sir, your medical records indicate that your blood pressure is high and cholesterol is off the charts. Your HMO won’t allow such an unhealthy choice.”

“Oh man! What do you recommend then?”
“You might try our low-fat Soybean Pizza. I’m sure you’ll like it.”

“What makes you think I’d like something like that?”
“Last week you checked out ‘Gourmet Soybean Recipes’ from the library, sir.”

“All right, all right. Give me two family-sized ones, then.”
“That should be plenty for you, your wife and your four kids, sir. Your total is $49.99.”

“Lemme give you my credit card number.”
“I’m sorry sir, but I’m afraid you’ll have to pay in cash. Your credit card balance is over its limit.”

Customer: “I’ll run over to the ATM and get some cash before your driver gets here.”
“That won’t work either, sir. Your checking account’s overdrawn.”

“Never mind. Just send the pizzas. I’ll have the cash ready. How long will it take?”
“We’re running a little behind, sir. It’ll be about 45 minutes. If you’re in a hurry you might want to pick them up while you’re out getting the cash, but carrying pizzas on a motorcycle can be a little awkward.”

“How in the world do you know I’m riding a bike?”
“It seems your car got repo’d because you were in arrears on your payments, but your Harley’s paid up.”

“Yeah, well, the bike’s not bad …”
“I’d advise watching your speed though, sir. You’ve already got two speeding convictions.”

(Speechless)

“Will there be anything else, sir?”
“Yes, I have a coupon for a free 2 liters of Coke.”

“I’m sorry sir, but we don’t offer free soda to diabetics.”
“You know that too?!? Never mind – I don’t think I want ANYTHING.”

“Have a nice day then, sir. Oh and before I go, I just want to remind you that it’s time for your daughter’s medication. Thank you for calling Pizza Express.”
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While working at a pizza parlor I observed a man ordering a small pizza to go.
He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if he would like it cut into 4 pieces or 6.

He thought about it for some time before responding.
“Just cut it into 4 pieces; I don’t think I’m hungry enough to eat 6 pieces.”
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“That’s a big slash cut on your head. How did it happen?”
“My sister hit me with a tomato.”

“That’s not possible! A tomato is soft; it can’t make a gash like that!”
“It does when it’s in a can.”
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pic of the day: Guinea Fowl in Snowy Tree

guinea fowl in snowy tree
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A film crew was on location deep in the desert. One day an old Indian went up to the director and said, “Tomorrow rain.” The next day it rained. A week later, the Indian went up to the director and said, “Tomorrow storm.” The next day there was a hailstorm.

“This Indian is incredible,” said the director. He told his secretary to hire the Indian to predict the weather. However, after several successful predictions, the old Indian didn’t show up for two weeks. Finally the director sent for him.

“I have to shoot a big scene tomorrow,” said the director, “and I’m depending on you. What will the weather be like?”

The Indian shrugged his shoulders. “Don’t know,” he said. “Radio is broken.”
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“I’d give a thousand dollars to the man who would worry for me!”
“You’re on. Now, where is those thousand dollars?”
“That is your first worry!”
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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

The Energizer bunny got into an argument with Peter Cottontail. The squabble quickly escalated and the police were called. The two were arrested and taken to jail.

The Energizer bunny was charged with Battery.

At their arraignment, the judge reviewed the docket and said under his breath, “This is going to be a bad hare day.”

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The girl walked into the dark, dark house through the dark, dark hall and down the dark, dark stairs to the dark, dark cellar where there was a dark, dark passageway at the end of which was a dark, dark room. Inside was a dark, dark cupboard and inside that was an electrician mending the fuse!
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I was playing golf.
That’s an exaggeration. I was on the golf course.

That’s not entirely accurate. I was *OFF* the golf course, thrashing through the bushes looking for my lost ball. An elderly woman was sitting on a nearby bench watching me.

Finally, I gave up and headed back to take my penalty when the old lady said, “Excuse me, but is it against the
rules if I tell you where it is?”
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“Dad, I’m running away from home!”
“What will you do when you get hungry?”
“Then I’ll come home and eat.”

“And when you run out of money …?”
“I’ll come home and get some.”

“What’ll you do when your clothes get dirty?”
“I’ll come home and let mommy wash them.”
“You’re not running away from home; you’re going off to college!”
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Right outside her front door, my mother had a thermometer that never seemed to tell the correct temperature. One chilly day, we all noticed that the thermometer, which was in direct sunlight, read a balmy 72 degrees.
“Mom,” my sister suggested without thinking, “you should put that thing where the sun doesn’t shine.”
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TODAY’S TRIVIA: What is Ratification Day in the United States? It is the anniversary of the ratification of the Treaty of Paris on January 14, 1784, at the Maryland State House in Annapolis, Maryland by the Confederation Congress. This act officially ended the American Revolutionary War.

~ What is the purpose of International Quality of Life Month? The first month of the year symbolizes a new beginning and is a great time to reflect on the quality of your life and its purpose. While evaluating your quality of life, you may think about your relationships, community, work, school, finances, health, fitness, spirituality or other segments of your life. Closely related to quality of life is life purpose. Identifying your life purpose is a key part of celebrating what you bring to the world and how you contribute to your own and others’ quality of life.

~ How many insects can a toad eat? It is estimated that a single toad may catch and eat as many as 10,000 insects in the course of a summer.

~ Are dachshunds good for hunting? Dachshunds are the smallest breed of dog used for hunting. They are low to the ground, which allows them to enter and maneuver through tunnels easily.
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QUIP OF THE DAY: Though familiarity may not breed contempt, it takes off the edge of admiration. – William Hazlitt, essayist (1778-1830)

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . . Ever tried? Ever failed? No Matter, try again, fail again, Fail better. – Samuel Beckett

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