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January 20th

Laughter is an instant vacation. – Milton Berle


TODAY – JANUARY 20th

20th day of the year with 345 days (346 in leap years) days to follow.

Holidays for Today:
~ Camcorder Day
~ National Buttercrunch Day
~ National Cheese Lover’s Day
~ National Coffee Break Day
~ National Disc Jockey Day
~ Penguin Awareness Day
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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1775 André-Marie Ampère, French physicist (one of the main discoverers of electromagnetism)
  • 1798 Anson Jones, Great Barrington, Massachusetts, 5th and last President of Texas
  • 1889 Allan Haines Loughead, Niles, California, engineer and businessman (founded the Alco Hydro-Aeroplane Company)
  • 1894 Harold Gray, Kankakee, Illinois, cartoonist (Little Orphan Anni)
  • 1896 George Burns, NYC, New York, actor, comedian
  • 1910 Joy Adamson, Austrian naturalist and writer (Born Free)
  • 1920 DeForest Kelley, Toccoa, Georgia, actor (Dr. Leonard McCoy on Star Trek; Fear in the Night, Warlock, The Silent Service)
  • 1926 Patricia Neal, Packard, Kentucky, actress (The Day The Earth Stood Still, Hud, In Harm’s Way, Operation Pacific)
  • 1930 Buzz Aldrin, Glen Ridge, New Jersey, astronaut (Apollo 11, 1st manned lunar landing)
  • 1931 David Lee, Rye, New York, physicist ( Nobel / discovery of superfluidity in helium-3)
  • 1934 Tom Baker, Liverpool, Britian, actor (4th Dr. Who)
  • 1948 Nancy Kress, Buffalo, New York, writer (Beggars in Spain; series Robert Cavanaugh, Crossfire, Probability)
  • 1950 Edward Hirsch, Chicago, American poet (For the Sleepwalkers, Gabriel A Poem, The Demon and the Angel, A Poet’s Glossary)
  • 1956 Bill Maher, New York, New York, actor, comedian, and political analyst (Real Time w/Bill Maher, Politically Incorrect)
  • 1959 Tami Hoag, Cresco, Iowa, author (Series: Oak Knoll, Deer Lake, Hennessy, Loveswept, Quaid Horses, The 9th Girl, Cold Cold Heart)
  • 1959 R.A. Salvatore, Leominster, Massachusetts, author (series: DemonWars Saga, Forgotten Realms (Drizzt Do’urdan character), Saga of the First King, Crimson Shadow, Neverwinter; Vengeance of the Iron Dwarf)
  • 1960 Will Wright, Atlanta, Georgia, computer game designer (designer and co-founder of the game development company Maxis, now part of Electronic Arts)
  • 1963 James Denton, Nashville, Tennessee, actor (The Pretender, Philly, Threat Matrix,Desperate Housewives, Karaoke Man, Good Witch)
  • 1966 Stacey Dash, The Bronx, New York, actress (Clueless, The Game, Dysfunctional Friends, House Arrest)
  • 1969 Reno Wilson, NYC, New York, actor and voice artist (The Cosby Show, Blind Justice, Crank, Mike & Molly, voices for Transformer films)

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The ability to see beauty is the beginning of our moral sensibility. What we believe is beautiful we will not wantonly destroy. – Reverend Sean Parker Dennison, Ministrare, 2-10-05
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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1801 John Marshall is appointed the Chief Justice of the United States.
  • 1885 L.A. Thompson patents the roller coaster.
  • 1887 The United States Senate allows the Navy to lease Pearl Harbor as a naval base.
  • 1892 At the YMCA in Springfield, Massachusetts, the first official basketball game is played.
  • 1920 The American Civil Liberties Union is founded.
  • 1937 Franklin Roosevelt is inaugurated for a second term as U.S. President. This is the first inauguration on January 20. The date was changed from March 4 by the 20th Amendment to the Constitution.
  • 1941 Franklin Roosevelt is the only President inaugurated for a third term.
  • 1945 Franklin Roosevelt’s fourth and final inauguration is held at the White House due to wartime considerations.
  • 1953 Dwight D. Eisenhower is inaugurated as the first Republican President in twenty years.
  • 1961 John F. Kennedy is inaugurated as the youngest elected and first Roman Catholic President of the U.S.
  • 1977 Jimmy Carter is inaugurated as the 39th President of the United States. He is the last President inaugurated at the east front of the Capitol, which had been the traditional site for Presidential inaugurations since 1829.
  • 1981 Twenty minutes after Ronald Reagan is inaugurated, at age 69 the oldest man ever to be inaugurated as U.S. President, Iran releases 52 American hostages. It is the first Presidential inauguration to be held at the west front of the Capitol.
  • 1986 Martin Luther King, Jr. day is celebrated as a federal holiday for the first time.
  • 1987 Church of England envoy Terry Waite is kidnapped in Lebanon.
  • 2007 A three-man team, using only skis and kites, completes a 1,093-mile (1,759 km) trek to reach the southern pole of inaccessibility for the first time since 1958 and for the first time ever without mechanical assistance.

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A woman in my office recently divorced after years of marriage, had signed up for a refresher CPR course.
“Is it hard to learn?” someone asked.

“Not at all,” my co-worker replied. “Basically you’re asked to breathe life into a dummy. I don’t expect to have any problem. I did that for 12 years.”
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AFTER living in a remote wilderness all his life, an old codger decided it was time to visit the big city. In one of the stores, he picked up a mirror and looked into it. Not knowing what it was, he exclaimed, “How ‘bout that! Here’s a picture of my daddy.”

He bought the “picture,” but on the way home, he remembered that his wife, Lizzy, didn’t like his father. So he hung it in the barn. Every morning before leaving for the field, he went there to look at it.

Lizzy began to get suspicious of these many trips to the barn. One day after her husband left, she searched the hayloft and found the mirror. As she looked into the glass, she fumed, “So that’s the old gal he’s been running after.”
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ONE-LINERS: You Might Be a Yankee If…

~ You don’t think Howard Stern has an accent.
~ You have never planned your summer vacation around a gun-and-knife show.
~ You think more money should go to important scientific research at your university than to pay the salary of the head football coach.

~ You don’t have any hats in your closet that advertise feed stores.
~ You don’t have at least one can of WD-40 somewhere around the house.
~ The last time you smiled was when you prevented someone from getting on an on-ramp on the highway.

~ You call binoculars opera glasses.
~ The farthest south you’ve ever been is the perfume counter at Neiman Marcus.
~ You can’t spit out the car window without pulling over to the side of the road and stopping.

~ You’ve never been to a craft show.
~ You don’t have doilies, and you certainly don’t know how to make one.
~ You don’t know anyone with two first names (i.e. Joe Bob, Billy Bob, Bubba Kay Bob, Bob Bob)

~ None of your fur coats are homemade.
~ You can’t do your laundry without quarters.
~ You get freaked out when people on the subway talk to you.
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As the animals left Noah’s ark, Mrs. Noah looked up at the dirty, beat-up, smelly boat and sighed, “It looks like such a wreck. Are we just going to leave it on the mountaintop?”

“Don’t worry about it,” Noah said confidently, “I left the termites on board.”
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England’s West Country is known for its charming cottage-like shops. While visiting the area, my friend peered in through one window to see shelf upon shelf of interesting looking books. So she went inside.
A woman appeared though a beaded curtain and asked, “Can I help you?”

“No, just browsing,” said my friend.
“Fine,” came the reply. “But so you know, around here most people knock before entering someone’s home.”
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pic of the day: Gnome and Rose


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An old man, because of his grumpy miserly ways, had no friends. Just before he died he asked his doctor, lawyer, and minister to gather around his bedside.

“I have always heard you can’t take it with you, but I am going to prove you can,” he said. “I have $90,000 in cash under my mattress. It’s in three envelopes of $30,000 each. I want each of you to take one envelope now and just before they throw the dirt on me, you throw the envelopes in.”

The three attended the funeral and each threw his envelope into the grave.

On the way back from the cemetery, the minister said, “I don’t feel exactly right. I’m going to confess. I needed $10,000 badly for a new church we’re building, so I took out $10,000 and threw only $20,000 in the grave.”

The doctor said, “I, too, must confess. I am building a hospital and took $20,000 and threw in only $10,000.”

The lawyer said, “Gentlemen, I’m surprised, shocked, and ashamed of you. I don’t see how you could hold out that money. I threw in my personal check for the full amount.”
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Today more and more cities have red light cameras, to take photos of cars running red lights.
In one particular city, a man received a ticket in the mail along with a picture of himself in a car, running the red light. The fine was $700.

So the man, thinking that this just wasn’t right, got two $100 bills, took a picture of them, and sent in the picture to the police.
One week later he received a picture of a pair of handcuffs. He promptly sent the money that day.
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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!
~Where do erasers go for vacation?
To Erazona.

~A neutron goes into a bar and asks the bartender, “How much for a beer?” The bartender replies, “For you, no charge.”

~Why did the golfer bring two pair of pants to the game?
In case he got a hole in one.

~There was a man who entered the local newspaper’s pun contest. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

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My husband David’s colleague at a package-processing center was trapped in a small rest room by a faulty lock. When he was finally discovered, David and another worker were able to open the door with some difficulty.

The lock was still jammed, so they blocked the door open while a maintenance worker was called. A bit later, David noticed the door was closed again. He jiggled the doorknob and a voice from inside called, “Get me out!”

“Don’t worry,” David replied, “Maintenance should be sending somebody.”

“They did,” said the voice.

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A school teacher injured his back and had to wear a plaster cast around the upper part of his body. It fit under his shirt and was not noticeable at all.

On the first day of school, still with the cast under his shirt, he found himself assigned the toughest students in school. Walking confidently into the rowdy classroom, he opened the window as wide as possible and then busied himself with desk work.

When a strong breeze made his tie flap, he took the desk stapler and stapled the tie to his chest. He had NO trouble with discipline that term!

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An interim school superintendent, speaking at a city-wide PTA luncheon, assured members that he was always happy to hear from them about problems. He told them, “You can call me day or night, at this number . . .”

Suddenly there was a cry from the assistant superintendent. “Hey,” he exclaimed, “that’s MY number!”
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A wife invited some people to dinner. At the table, she turned to their six-year-old daughter and said, “Would you like to say the blessing?”

“I wouldn’t know what to say,” the girl replied.

“Just say what you hear Mommy say,” the wife answered.

The daughter bowed her head and said, “Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?”

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QUIP OF THE DAY: My grandmother was very tough old woman. She buried three husbands. And two of them were just napping. – Rita Rudner

Quip #2: The brain is amazing. It begins from the time we are born, and works 24 hours a day 365 days a year right up to the time you get up to speak in public.

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . . Keeping your body healthy is an expression of gratitude to the whole cosmos – the trees, the clouds, everything. – Thich Nhat Hanh

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