Only put off until tomorrow what you are willing to die having left undone. – Pablo Picasso
TODAY – JANUARY 22nd
22nd day of the year with 343 days to follow (344 in leap years).
Holidays for Today:
~ Answer Your Cat’s Questions Day
~ Celebration of Life Day
~ National Blonde Brownie Day
~ National Southern Food Day
~ Roe vs. Wade Day
~ National Wheat Bread Month
~ Thyroid Awareness Month
BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:
- 1788 Lord Byron, English poet and playwright (Don Juan, Childe Harold’s Pilgrimage, She Walks in Beauty)
- 1865 Wilbur Scoville, Bridgeport, Connecticut, pharmacist and Inventor of the Scoville scale for pepper heat
- 1904 George Balanchine, Russian-American dancer, choreographer, and director (co-founded the New York City Ballet)
- 1906 Robert E. Howard, Peaster, Texas, author regarded as father of the sword and sorcery subgenre (Conan the Barbarian) and poet
- 1932 Piper Laurie, Detroit, Michigan, actress (The Hustler, Carrie, Children of a Lesser God, Twin Peaks)
- 1934 Bill Bixby, San Francisco, California, actor and director (My Favorite martian, The Courtship of Eddie’s Father, The Magician, The Incredible Hulk)
- 1937 Joseph Wambaugh, East Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, police officer and author (The New Centurions, The Blue Knight, Floaters, Hollywood Station, Harbor Nocturne)
- 1955 Thomas David Jones, Baltimore, Maryland, captain, pilot, and astronaut (STS-59, STS-68, STS-80, STS-98)
- 1959 Linda Blair, St. Louis, Missouri, actress (The Exorcist, Born Innocent, Airport 1975) and producer
- 1965 Diane Lane, NYC, New York, actress (Lonesome Dove, Judge Dredd, The Perfect Storm, Under the Tuscan Sun, Nights in Rodanthe, Man of Steel, Inside Out, Justice League)
- 1968 Guy Fieri, Columbus, Ohio, restaurateur, author, host and television personality (Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives; Guy’s Grocery Games)
- 1972 Gabriel Macht, The Bronx, New York, actor (Behind Enemy Lines, The Recruit, The Good Shepherd, The Spirit, Love & Other Drugs, Suits)
- 1980 Christopher Masterson, Long Island, New York, actor (Malcolm in the Middle, Beneath the Leaves)
- 1981 Beverley Mitchell, Arcadia, California, actress (7th Heaven, The Secret Life of the American Teenager, Toxin)
Joy is prayer – Joy is strength – Joy is love – Joy is a net of love by which you can catch souls. – Mother Teresa
- 1889 The Coca-Cola Company, then known as the Pemberton Medicine Company, is originally incorporated in Atlanta, Georgia.
- 1927 First live radio commentary of a football match given by Teddy Wakelam. Match is between Arsenal F.C. and Sheffield United at Highbury.
- 1946 Creation of the Central Intelligence Group, forerunner of the Central Intelligence Agency.
- 1968 Apollo 5 lifts off carrying the first Lunar module into space.
- 1970 The world’s first “jumbo jet”, the Boeing 747, enters commercial service for launch customer Pan American Airways with its maiden voyage from John F. Kennedy International Airport to London Heathrow Airport.
- 1973 The Supreme Court of the United States delivers its decisions in Roe v. Wade and Doe v. Bolton, legalizing elective abortion in all fifty states.
- 1973 Crew of Apollo 17 addresses a joint session of Congress after the completion of the final Apollo moon landing mission.
- 1984 Apple Macintosh, the first consumer computer to popularize the computer mouse and the graphical user interface, is introduced during Super Bowl XVIII with its famous “1984” television commercial.
- 1992 As part of the Space Shuttle program, Dr. Roberta Bondar becomes the first Canadian woman and the first neurologist in space.
- 2002 Kmart becomes the largest retailer in United States history to file for Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection.
Each Friday night I drove my wife to the train station so she could go visit her sister who was ill. Ten minutes later, my sister arrived by train so that she could help with the house and kids over the weekend while my wife was gone. On Sundays this procedure worked in reverse with my sister departing by train 10 minutes before my wife arrived.
One evening after my sister left and while I awaited my wife’s arrival, a porter sauntered over.
“Mister,” he said, “you sure have some system going! But one of these days you’re goin’ to get caught!”
While Bubba and Billy Bob were in the local Walmart, they decided to get in on the weekly charity raffle.
They bought five tickets each at a dollar a pop. The following week, when the raffle was drawn, each had won a prize.
Billy Bob won 1st place; a years supply of gourmet spaghetti sauce and extra long spaghetti.
Bubba won 6th prize; a toilet brush.
About a week or so had passed when the men met back at Walmart. Bubba asked Billy Bob how he liked his prize, to which Billy Bob replied, “Great!, I love spaghetti!”
Billy Bob asked Bubba, “How ’bout you, how’s the toilet brush?”
“Not so good,” replied Bubba, “I reckon I’m gonna go back to paper.”
ONE-LINERS: You know you’ve joined a redneck HMO if …
… directions to the doctor’s office include “Take a left when you enter the trailer park.”
… the tongue depressors taste faintly of Fudgesicles.
… The Lone Star Bar and Grill is an approved pharmacy.
… your primary care physician is wearing the pants you gave to Goodwill last month.
… preventive Care Coverage consists of “an apple a day”.
… your Prozac comes in colors and has little “m”s on each pill.
… the only 100% covered expense is embalming.
My wife and teenage son belong to a local Tae Kwon Do club where they learn the strict rules of the discipline. The head instructor of the club is a highly-ranked black belt whose Tae Kwon Do title is “Sabumnim.” Away from class Sabumnim is a plumber named Dave.
One day, after making several futile attempts to unclog a blocked pipe, I called Dave to ask if he could stop by and take care of it. An hour later, he pulled up in his truck just as we were going out the door.
As he came up the walk, my wife and son, ever mindful of their martial-arts etiquette, stood rigidly at attention and bowed deeply from the waist. Dave gave a quick nod in return and went on into the house.
Just then, I saw my next-door neighbor standing in his yard, watching us with a perplexed look on his face. “Wow,” he said. “That guy must be one great plumber!”
10 Thoughts To Cheer You Up
1. I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
2. 99% of Lawyers give the rest a bad name.
3. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
4. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
5. Support bacteria. They’re the only culture some people have.
6. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
7. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.
8. How do you tell when you’re out of invisible ink?
9. If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
10. What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
pic In honor of Answer Your Cat’s Question Day:
After being married for many years, the wife asks her husband to describe her. He looks at her and finally says, “You’re A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H … I, J, K.”
“What does that mean?”
“Adorable, Beautiful, Cute, Delightful, Elegant, Foxy, Gorgeous, Hot.”
“Oh, that’s so lovely. What about I, J, K?”
“I’m Just Kidding!”
His eye is still swollen shut, but will open back up one of these days.
A burglar decided to burgle the safe in a store. On the safe door he was very pleased to find a note reading, “Please don’t use dynamite. The safe is not locked. Just turn the knob.” He did so.
Instantly a heavy sandbag fell on him, the entire premises were floodlighted, and alarms started clanging.
As the police carried him out on a stretcher, he was heard moaning, “Can’t trust nobody no more!”
WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!
A doctor made it his regular habit to stop off at a bar for a hazelnut daiquiri on his way home. The bartender knew of his habit, and would always have the drink waiting at precisely 5:03 p.m. One afternoon, as the end of the work day approached, the bartender was dismayed to find that he was out of hazelnut extract. Thinking quickly, he threw together a daiquiri made with hickory nuts and set it on the bar. The doctor came in at his regular time, took one sip of the drink and exclaimed, “This isn’t a hazelnut daiquiri!”
“No, I’m sorry,” replied the bartender, “it’s a hickory daiquiri, Doc.”
The youngest of my three boys had just started school with the same teacher his brothers had had. The teacher commented to him, “I can’t believe you’re already in first grade. What does you mother do all day now that
all three of you boys are in school?”
Dr. Geezer’s Clinic . . .
An old geezer became very bored in retirement and decided to open a medical clinic. He put a sign up outside that said: “Dr. Geezer’s clinic. Get your treatment for $500, if not cured, get back $1,000.”
Doctor “Young,” who was positive that this old geezer didn’t know beans about medicine, thought this would be a great opportunity to get $1,000. So he went to Dr. Geezer’s clinic.
Dr. Young: “Dr. Geezer, I have lost all taste in my mouth. Can you please help me ??”
Dr. Geezer: “Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in Dr. Young’s mouth.”
Dr. Young: Aaagh !! — “This is Gasoline!”
Dr. Geezer: “Congratulations! You’ve got your taste back. That will be $500.”
Dr. Young gets annoyed and goes back after a couple of days figuring to recover his money.
Dr. Young: “I have lost my memory, I cannot remember anything.”
Dr. Geezer: “Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient’s mouth.”
Dr. Young: “Oh, no you don’t, — that is Gasoline!”
Dr. Geezer: “Congratulations! You’ve got your memory back. That will be $500.”
Dr. Young (after having lost $1000) leaves angrily and comes back after several more days.
Dr. Young: “My eyesight has become weak — I can hardly see anything!!!!
Dr. Geezer: “Well, I don’t have any medicine for that so, “Here’s your $1000 back.” (giving him a $10 bill)
Dr. Young: “But this is only $10!
Dr. Geezer: “Congratulations! You got your vision back! That will be $500.”
Moral of story — Just because you’re “Young” doesn’t mean that you can outsmart an “old Geezer”
* Remember: Don’t make old people mad. We don’t like being old in the first place, so it doesn’t take much to tick us off.
A lady noticed her husband standing on the bathroom scale, sucking in his stomach.
Thinking he was trying to weigh less with this maneuver, she commented, “I don’t think that’s going to help.”
“Sure it does,” he said. “It’s the only way I can see the numbers.”
Constant nagging didn’t seem to provide any relief from having to clean up the bathroom after each of my three teenage children. After I cleaned it one day, I resorted to posting a sign that read: “Please leave the bathroom as you found it.”
I noticed the bathroom was in the usual mess after my son used it, so I called, “Brian, how did you find the bathroom?”
After a brief pause, he replied, “Straight down the hall, first door on the right.”
TODAY IN TRIVIA: What is Celebration of Life Day? This day is set aside to honor our children and grandchildren. Each child and each life is to be held as a precious gift with the highest respect and dignity. However, it has evolved into an occasion to celebrate life at any age!
~ What is a blonde brownie? Blonde brownies are similar to the regular chocolate brownies, except instead of using cocoa in the recipe, brown sugar is used. That gives the brownie a bit of molasses flavor. Some people also add white chocolate or chocolate chips to the blonde brownie batter.
~ Where did blonde brownies originate? The recipe was actually invented in Upper Sandusky, Ohio. Recipes for blonde brownies can be found in recipe books dating back to the 1940s.
~ Who wrote Don Juan? Actually, a lot of people wrote about Don Juan.
Among the best-known works about this character are Molière’s play Dom Juan ou le Festin de pierre (1665), Byron’s epic poem Don Juan (1821), José de Espronceda’s poem El estudiante de Salamanca (1840), and José Zorrilla’s play Don Juan Tenorio (1844). Along with Don Juan Tenorio (still performed every November 2 throughout the Spanish-speaking world), Don Giovanni, an opera composed by Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart with libretto by Lorenzo da Ponte, is arguably the best-known version.
~ Any Don Juan films? Yes, in 1948, Errol Flynn stared as a swashbuckling lover of women who also fights on the side of a good Spanish queen against the forces of evil in the film The Adventures of Don Juan. Also, in 1995, Johnny Depp and Marlon Brando starred in the film Don Juan DeMarco, in which Depp plays the title role, a mental patient convinced he is Don Juan, and who retells his life story to the psychiatrist played by Brando.
There are references to Don Juan in many works of literature and films, and today “Don Juan” is a common metaphor for a womanizer.
QUIP OF THE DAY: His golf bag does not contain a full set of irons. – Robin Williams
THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!
Thought for the day. . . “The beginning of love is the will to let those we love be perfectly themselves, the resolution not to twist them to fit our own image. If in loving them we do not love what they are, but only their potential likeness to ourselves, then we do not love them: we only love the reflection of ourselves we find in them.” – Thomas Merton, No Man Is an Island