Life is meaningless only if we allow it to be. Each of us has the power to give life meaning, to make our time and our bodies and our words into instruments of love and hope. – Tom Head
TODAY – JANUARY 23rd
23rd day of the year with 342 days to follow (343 in leap years).
Holidays for Today:
~ Measure Your Feet Day
~ National Handwriting Day
~ National Pie Day
~ Snowplow Mailbox Hockey Day
~ International Quality of Life Month
~ National Slow Cooking Month
BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:
- 1737 John Hancock, Braintree, Province of Massachusetts Bay, American patriot (1st & 3rd governor of Massachusetts, 4th President of the Continental Congress)
- 1897 Sir William Samuel Stephenson, Canadian soldier, W.W.II codename, Intrepid (Inspiration for James Bond)
- 1898 Randolph Scott, Orange County, California, actor (The Last of the Mohicans, Westbound, Ride Lonesome, Ride the High Country)
- 1918 Gertrude B. Elion, New York City, New York, scientist (developed a multitude of new drugs, using innovative research methods that would later lead to the development of the AIDS drug AZT)
- 1920 Walter Frederick Morrison, Richfield, Utah, inventor (the Frisbee)
- 1943 Gil Gerard, Little Rock, Arkansas, actor (Buck Rogers in the 25th Century, Nuclear Hurricane, Killing Stone, The Nice Guys)
- 1950 Richard Dean Anderson, Minneapolis, Minnesota, actor (General Hospital, MacGyver, Firehouse, Stargate SG-1)
- 1951 Chesley Sullenberger, Denison, Texas, pilot (Captain of US Airways Flight 1549, a flight that successfully ditched into the Hudson River)
- 1963 Gail O’Grady, Detroit, Michigan, actress (China Beach, NYPD Blue, American Dreams, Hot Properties, Justice Served, Revenge, Love on Ice, Lycan)
- 1964 Mariska Hargitay, Los Angeles, California, actress (Olivia Benson on Law & Order: SVU, Ghoulies, Lake Placid)
- 1981 Julia Jones, Boston, Massachusetts, actress (Leah Clearwater in The Twilight Saga: Eclipse, Winter in the Blood, Longmire, The Ridiculous 6, Wind River)
Into each life some rain must fall. – Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
- 1849 Elizabeth Blackwell is awarded her M.D. by the Geneva Medical College of Geneva, New York, becoming the United States’ first female doctor.
- 1897 Elva Zona Heaster is found dead in Greenbrier County, West Virginia. The resulting murder trial of her husband is perhaps the only case in United States history where the alleged testimony of a ghost helped secure a conviction.
- 1943 Duke Ellington plays at Carnegie Hall in New York City for the first time.
- 1957 American inventor Walter Frederick Morrison sells the rights to his flying disc to the Wham-O toy company, who later rename it the “Frisbee”.
- 1960 The bathyscaphe USS Trieste breaks a depth record by descending to 10,911 m (35,798 feet) in the Pacific Ocean.
- 1964 The 24th Amendment to the United States Constitution, prohibiting the use of poll taxes in national elections, is ratified.
- 1968 North Korea seizes the USS Pueblo (AGER-2), claiming the ship had violated their territorial waters while spying.
- 1973 President Richard Nixon announces that a peace accord has been reached in Vietnam.
- 1986 The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame inducts its first members: Little Richard, Chuck Berry, James Brown, Ray Charles, Fats Domino, the Everly Brothers, Buddy Holly, Jerry Lee Lewis and Elvis Presley.
- 2003 Final communication between Earth and Pioneer 10.
Doug was describing a 30 pound bass he’d caught recently after fighting it for three hours.
Bill interrupted the story saying, “I saw the picture you took of that fish. You’re lucky if it even weighed 10 pounds.”
Doug replied, “Well . . . a fish can lose an awful lot of weight during three hours of fighting.”
GOLDEN OLDIE… An Amish boy and his father were visiting a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and back together again.
The boy asked his father, “What is this, Father?” The father [never having seen an elevator] responded “Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don’t know what it is.”
While the boy and his father were watching wide-eyed, an old lady in a wheel chair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room.
The walls closed and the boy and his father watched small circles of lights with numbers above the walls light up. They continued to watch the circles light up in the reverse direction.
The walls opened up again and a beautiful 24-year-old woman stepped out. The father said to his son, “Go get your mother.”
ONE-LINERS: For all you health nuts out there . . .
~ I have to exercise in the morning before my brain figures out what I’m doing.
~ The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.
~ My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She’s 97 now & we don’t know where the heck she is.
~ I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.
~ The advantage of exercising every day is that you die healthier.
~ I joined a health club last year, spent about 400 bucks. Haven’t lost a pound. Apparently you have to show up.
~ I don’t jog. It makes the ice jump right out of my glass.
~ I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
~ If you are going to try cross-country skiing, start with a small country.
~ I don’t exercise at all. If God meant us to touch our toes, he would have put them further up our body.
When the power went off at the elementary school, the cook couldn’t serve a hot meal in the cafeteria. She had to feed the children something, so at the last minute she whipped up great stacks of peanut-butter and jelly sandwiches.
As one little boy filled his plate, he said, “It’s about time. At last — a home cooked meal!”
A New Survivor Show…
Six married men will be dropped on an island with 1 car and 4 kids each, for 6 weeks. Each kid plays two sports and either takes music or dance classes. There is no access to fast food.
Each man must take care of his 4 kids, keep his assigned house clean, correct all homework, complete science projects, cook, do laundry, etc. The men only have access to television when the kids are asleep and all chores are done. There is only one TV between them and there is no remote.
The men must shave their legs and wear makeup daily, which they must apply themselves, either while driving or while making four lunches. They must attend weekly PTA meetings; clean up after their sick children at 3:00 a.m.; make an Indian hut model with six toothpicks, a tortilla and one marker; and get a 4-year-old to eat a serving of peas.
The kids vote them off the island, based on performance.
The last man wins only if he has enough energy to also keep up with any requests from his spouse.
If the last man does win, he can play the game over and over again for the next 18-25 years…eventually earning the right to be called “Mother.”
pic of the day: Goat on Tractor
“My son Patrick is such a saint. He works hard, doesn’t smoke and he hasn’t so much as looked at a woman in over
“My son Francis is a saint himself. Not only has he not looked at a woman in over three years, but he hasn’t
touched a drop of liquor in all that time.”
“My word! You must be so proud.”
“I am. And when he’s paroled next month, I’m going to throw him a big party.”
If Heaven used an answering machine . . .
This is Celestial Voice Response
Thank you for calling Heaven.
Please select one of the following options:
For requests, press 1
For thanksgiving, press 2
For complaints, press 3
For all others, press 4
All of our Angels and Saints are busy helping other sinners. Your prayer is important to us and we will answer it in the order it was received. Please stay on the line.
To find a loved one that has been assigned to Heaven, press 5, then enter his or her Social Security Number
and the pound sign. If you receive a negative response, please hang up and dial area code 666.
For reservations to Heaven, please enter JOHN followed by 3, 1 and 6.
For answers to questions about dinosaurs, life and the Universe, you must wait until you arrive Here to learn
Heaven is currently closed for a religious observance. If you need emergency assistance, please contact your
local priest, pastor, rabbi, imam or guru.
Thank you and have a Heavenly day.
SCHOOL BEST SELLERS PUN ZONE!
~ Walking To School The First Day Back by Misty Bus
~ The Day The Car Pool Forgot Me by I. Rhoda Bike
~ Can’t See The Chalkboard by Sidney Backrow
~ Practical Jokes I Played On The First Day Of School by Major Crackupp
~ What I Dislike About Returning To School by Mona Lott
~ Making It Through The First Week Of School by Gladys Saturday
~ Is Life Over When Summer Ends? by Midas Welbee
~ What I Love About Returning To School by I.M. Kidding
~ Will Jimmy Finally Graduate? by I. Betty Wont
~ What Happens When You Get Caught Skipping School by U. Will Gettitt
My dog chewed the tongue on one of my new, expensive running shoes. I hoped to save my investment, so I took the sneakers to a shoe repair shop. I placed them on the counter and told the man, “My dog got hold of this.”
The repairman picked up the shoe, looked it over, and placed it back down on the counter. “Well, what do you recommend?” I asked.
He looked at me and replied, “Give your dog the other shoe.”
Things You’ll Never Hear In A Western Movie
~ “I reckon I’ll have me a half-caf double latte with a twist. IN A DIRTY MUG!”
~ “Gentlemen, rather than get caught up in mindless reaction, let’s draw upon our feminine selves for a more intuitive solution.”
~ “Can we postpone this duel till 12:05? I gotta use the little boys room.”
~ “Let’s see… hardtack and pemmican… that’s three grams of fat, seven grams of protein, and two starches.”
~ “You ‘n’ Slim round up them strays, and I’ll tell Cookie to get started on the gazpacho and the fondue.”
~ “That’s him! That’s the yella-bellied varmint who shot my therapist!”
~ “He was a strong man, a good marshal, and I reckon he had a keen eye for interior decoration.”
~ “Hey, Buck, do these chaps make my butt look big?”
~ “It’s like I keep tellin’ ya, Earl: men is from Tombstone, women is from Dodge.”
Husband and wife had an argument. Wife called up her mom and said, “He fought with me again. I am coming to live with you.”
Mom said, “No darling, he must pay for his mistake. I am coming to live with you.”
Lawyer: “Now, would you please tell the Jury the truth. Why did you shoot your husband with a bow and arrow?”
Defendant: “I didn’t want to wake up the children.”
Three gentlemen were all born the same year and decided to go to lunch together to celebrate turning 50. They decided to go out to the local German restaurant because they had pretty waitresses.
The next time they decided to celebrate turning 60 years old and decided to go to the local German restaurant because the food was good.
The next time they decided to celebrate turning 70 years old and decided to go to the local German restaurant because they were handicapped accessible.
The next time they decided to celebrate turning 80 years old and decided to go to the local German restaurant because they had never been there before…
TODAY IN TRIVIA: Why is National Handwriting Day celebrated on January 23rd? Today is the birthday of the American Revolutionary leader and first signer of the U.S. Declaration of Independence, so considered to be a fitting day to celebrate National Handwriting Day. (While the U.S. government recognizes Hancock’s birthday as January 12, others recognize his birthday as January 23 based on our modern-day calendar.)
~ When was National Handwriting Day started? The Writing Instrument Manufacturers Association started this holiday in 1977 to acknowledge the history and influence of penmanship.
~ Considering the prevalent use of computers, is there any reason to teach cursive handwriting anymore? According to a study by Mueller & Oppenheimer in 2014, people who take handwritten notes process information better than those who type notes on a laptop. It seems that students who type notes tend to record what they hear verbatim, whereas those who take handwritten notes are more apt to write more reflectively as they translate what they are learning into their own words.
Other research has shown that our brains get activated in ways that aren’t activated when we type something. And this brain activation helps with recall when we are learning. So while it might be efficient to type notes in class, handwritten notes appear to help students retain information better.
~ Who started National Pie Day? In the mid-1970s a Boulder, Colorado nuclear engineer, brewer and teacher named Charlie Papazian declared his own birthday, January 23, to be National Pie Day. Since 1986, National Pie Day is sponsored by the American Pie Council.
~ What in the world is Snow Plow Mailbox Hockey Day? This is a holiday made up by Wellcat.com. Their description: It’s wintertime, and time for Snow Plow Drivers everywhere to see how many rural mailboxes they can knock over. Twenty extra points for boosting one into the next township.
~ Why was William Stephenson considered the model for James Bond? Best known by his wartime intelligence codename Intrepid, Stephenson He set up the first training school in North American for training “secret agents, security personnel, intelligence officers, or psychological warfare experts, serving in clandestine operations”. He is considered to be one of the real-life inspirations for James Bond. In fact, James Bond author Ian Fleming himself once wrote, “James Bond is a highly romanticized version of a true spy. The real thing is … William Stephenson.”
Video of Top 10 James Bond Moments
QUIP OF THE DAY: I’ve had a wonderful time, but this wasn’t it – Groucho Marx
THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!
Thought for the day. . . Gratefulness is the key to a happy life that we hold in our hands, because if we are not grateful, then no matter how much we have we will not be happy — because we will always want to have something else or something more. – David Steindl-Rast