Have a heart that never hardens, a temper that never tires, a touch that never hurts. – Charles Dickens
TODAY – JANUARY 24th
24th day of the year with 341 days to follow (342 in leap years).
Holidays for Today:
~ Beer Can Appreciation Day
~ Belly Laugh Day
~ International Moebius Syndrome Awareness Day (rare congenital neurological disorder characterized by facial paralysis and inability to move eyes from side to side)
~ Lobster Thermidor Day
~ National Compliment Day
~ National Peanut Butter Day
~ Talk Like A Grizzled Prospector Day (commemorates the 1848 discovery of gold in California)
BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:
- 1754 Andrew Ellicott, Bucks county, Pennsylvania, surveyor (helped map territories west of the Appalachians, surveyed District of Columbia, taught Meriwether Lewis surveying)
- 1888 Ernst Heinrich Heinkel, German inventor & aircraft designer (1st rocket-powered aircraft)
- 1917 Ernest Borgnine, Hamden, Connecticut, actor (Ice Station Zebra, McHale’s Navy)
- 1939 Ray Stevens, Clarkdale, Georgia, musician (best known for his novelty songs)
- 1941 Neil Diamond, Brooklyn, New York, singer
- 1943 Sharon Tate, Dallas, Texas, actress (Eye of the Devil, Valley of the Dolls); murdered 1969 by Manson Family
- 1967 Phil LaMarr, Los Angeles, California, voice actor (Justice League, Futurama, Samurai Jack, Static Shock, Metal Gear, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)
- 1968 Mary Lou Retton, Fairmont, West Virginia, gymnast (Olympics-gold/2 silver/2 bronze-84)
- 1974 Ed Helms, Atlanta, Georgia, actor (The Daily Show, The Office, Chappaquiddick)
- 1978 Kristen Schaal, Longmont, Colorado, actress and author (Flight of the Conchords, The Daily Show, Gravity Falls, The Last Man on Earth, Austin Found)
Do not speak of your happiness to one less fortunate than yourself. – Plutarch
- 1848 James W. Marshall finds gold at Sutter’s Mill near Sacramento, marking the beginning of California Gold Rush.
- 1908 The first Boy Scout troop is organized in England by Robert Baden-Powell.
- 1924 Russian city of St Petersburg renamed Leningrad.
- 1933 20th Amendment to the United States Constitution is ratified, changing the beginning and end of terms for all elected federal offices.
- 1935 The first cans of beer are sold in the US (Krueger’s Finest Beer and Krueger’s Cream Ale).
- 1961 A bomber carrying two H-bombs breaks up in mid-air over North Carolina. The uranium core of one weapon remains lost.
- 1972 Japanese Sgt. Shoichi Yokoi is found hiding in a Guam jungle, where he had been since the end of World War II.
- 1978 Soviet satellite Cosmos 954, with a nuclear reactor on board, burns up in Earth’s atmosphere, scattering radioactive debris over Canada’s Northwest Territories. Only 1% is recovered.
- 1984 The first Apple Macintosh goes on sale.
- 2003 The United States Department of Homeland Security officially begins operation.
MARS VS. VENUS
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A man will pay $20 for a $10 item he needs.
A woman will pay $10 for a $20 item that she doesn’t need.
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change, and she does.
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
Three tourists climbed up the tower with London’s Big Ben and decided to throw their watches off the top, run down the stairs and try to catch them before they hit the ground.
The first tourist threw his watch, but heard it crash before he had taken three steps. The second threw his watch and made only two steps before hearing his watch shatter.
The third tourist threw his watch off the tower, went down the stairs, bought a snack at a shop up the street and walked slowly back to Big Ben in time to catch the watch.
“How did you do that?” asked one of his friends.
“Easy. My watch is 20 minutes slow.”
ONE-LINERS: New Drugs
* St. Mom’s Wort – Plant extract that treats mom’s depression by rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to six hours.
* Empty Nestrogen – Highly effective suppository that eliminates melancholy by enhancing the memory of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn’t wait til they moved out.
* Peptobimbo – Liquid silicone for single women. Two full cups swallowed before an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and improves flirting.
* Dumerol – When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low I.Q. causing enjoyment of country western music.
* Flipitor – Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers.
* Antiboyotics – When administered to teenage girls, is highly effective in improving grades, freeing up phone lines, and reducing money spent on make-up.
* Menicillin – Potent antibiotic for older women. Increases resistance to such lines as, “You make me want to be a better person … can we get naked now?”
* Buyagra – Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping. Increases potency and duration of spending spree.
* Extra Strength Buy-one-all – When combined with Buyagra, can cause an indiscriminate buying frenzy so severe the victim may even come home with a Donnie Osmond CD or a book by Dr. Laura.
* Jack Asspirin – Relieves the headache caused by a man who can’t remember your birthday, anniversary or phone number.
* Anti-talksident – A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share their life stories with total strangers.
* Ragamet – When administered to a husband, provides the same irritation as ragging on him all weekend, saving the wife the time and trouble of doing it herself.
Dear Ma and Pa,
I am well. Hope you are. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer the Marine Corps beats working for old man Minch by a mile. Tell them to join up quick before all of the places are filled.
I was restless at first because you get to stay in bed till nearly 6 a.m. But I am getting so I like to sleep late. Tell Walt and Elmer all you do before breakfast is smooth your cot, and shine some things. No hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay. Practically nothing.
Men got to shave but it is not so bad, there’s warm water. Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc., but kind of weak on chops, potatoes, ham, steak, fried eggplant, pie and other regular food, but tell Walt and Elmer you can always sit by the two city boys that live on coffee. Their food, plus yours, holds you until noon when you get fed again. It’s no wonder these city boys can’t walk much.
We go on “route marches,” which the platoon sergeant says are long walks to harden us. If he thinks so, it’s not my place to tell him different. A “route march” is about as far as to our mailbox at home. Then the city guys get sore feet and we all ride back in trucks.
The sergeant is like a school teacher. He nags a lot. The Captain is like the school board. Majors and Colonels just ride around and frown. They don’t bother you none.
This next will kill Walt and Elmer with laughing. I keep getting medals for shooting. I don’t know why. The bulls-eye is near as big as a chipmunk head and don’t move, and it ain’t shooting *at* you like the Higgett boys at home. All you got to do is lie there all comfortable and hit it. You don’t even load your own cartridges. They come in boxes.
Then we have what they call hand-to-hand combat training. You get to wrestle with them city boys. I have to be real careful though, they break real easy. It ain’t like fighting with that ole bull at home. I’m about the best they got in this except for that Tug Jordan from over in Silver Lake. I only beat him once. He joined up the same time as me, but I’m only 5’6″ and 130 pounds and he’s 6’8″ and near 300 pounds dry.
Be sure to tell Walt and Elmer to hurry and join before other fellers get onto this setup and come stampeding in.
Your loving daughter,
The California Gold Rush caused a rapid increase of population in California!
Sign in a Freshman dormitory . . .
Advice for New Students:
– Don’t look at anything in the physics lab.
– Don’t taste anything in the chemistry lab.
– Don’t sniff anything in the biology lab.
– Don’t touch anything in the medical lab.
And, most importantly:
– Don’t listen to anything in the Philosophy Department.
There will be no nursing home in my future……..
When I get old and feeble, I am going to get on a Princess Cruise Ship. The average cost for a nursing home is $200 per day. I have checked on reservations at Princess and I can get a long term discount and senior discount price of $135 per day. That leaves $65 a day for:
1. Gratuities which will only be $10 per day.
2. I will have as many as 10 meals a day if I can waddle to the restaurant, or I can have room service ( which means I can have breakfast in bed every day of the week).
3. Princess has as many as three swimming pools, a workout room, free washers and dryers, and shows every night.
4. They have free toothpaste and razors, and free soap and shampoo.
5. They will even treat you like a customer, not a patient. An extra $5 worth of tips will have the entire staff scrambling to help you.
6. I will get to meet new people every 7 or 14 days.
7. T.V. broken? Light bulb need changing? Need to have the mattress replaced? No Problem! They will fix everything and apologize for your inconvenience.
8. Clean sheets and towels every day, and you don’t even have to ask for them.
9. If you fall in the nursing home and break a hip you are on Medicare. If you fall and break a hip on the Princess ship they will upgrade you to a suite for the rest of your life.
Now hold on for the best! Do you want to see South America, the Panama Canal, Tahiti, Australia, New Zealand, Asia, or name where you want to go? Princess will have a ship ready to go. So don’t look for me in a nursing home, just call shore to ship.
WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!
One day the pigeons needed to make a long trip.
But baby pigeon said, “I can’t make it; I’ll get too tired.”
His mother said, “Don’t worry; I’ll tie a piece of string to one of your legs and the other end to mine.”
The baby started to cry.
“What’s wrong?” said the mother.
“I don’t want to be pigeon towed!”
Insurance salesman to housewife: “Just imagine if your husband were to die tomorrow. What would you get?”
“Oh, a dog, I think. Probably a English Setter, they’re so well-behaved.”
Two elderly ladies meet at the launderette after not seeing one another for some time. After inquiring about each other’s health one asked how the other’s husband was doing.
“Oh! Ted died last week. He went out to the garden to dig up a cabbage for dinner, had a heart attack and dropped down dead right there in the middle of the vegetable patch!”
“Oh dear! I’m very sorry.” replied her friend “What did you do?”
“Opened a can of peas instead.”
BASIC TRAINING: The story went something like this:
Sergeant: When you are scared, what do you do?
Recruit: Keep on fightin’
Sergeant: Good for you. And now they shoot off your right ear…what then?
Recruit: Keep on fightin’!
Sergeant: Excellent. But now they also shoot off your left ear, what then?
Recruit: Then I can’t see.
Sergeant: Can’t see? what school did you come from?
Recruit: Well sergeant, when both my ears are gone my helmet falls down…over my eyes.
After a trial had been going on for three days, Finley, the man accused of committing the crimes, stood up and approached the judge’s bench. “Your Honor, I would like to change my plea from ‘innocent’ to ‘guilty’ of the charges.”
The judge angrily banged his fist on the desk. “If you’re guilty, why didn’t you say so in the first place and save this court a lot of time and inconvenience?” he demanded.
Finley looked up wide-eyed and stated, “Well, when the trial started I thought I was innocent, but that was before I heard all the evidence against me.”
TODAY IN TRIVIA: Why do we call them “sundaes?” In the late 1890s, soda pop was a new invention and many people considered it as sinful as liquor. Evanston, Illinois, passed a law saying it was illegal to drink soda on Sundays because preachers felt sinners would spend the Sabbath in soda parlors instead of church. To get around this law, the Sundae was invented: take an ice cream soda and remove the soda and you have a sundae. It was originally spelled Sunday but was changed to avoid being sacrilegious.
~ How did the California Gold Rush affect San Francisco? The California gold rush starting in 1848 led to a large boom in population, including considerable immigration. Between January 1848 and December 1849, the population of San Francisco increased from 1,000 to 25,000. The rapid growth continued through the 1850s and under the influence of the 1859 Comstock Lode silver discovery. This rapid growth complicated city planning efforts, leaving a legacy of narrow streets that continues to cause unique traffic problems today. San Francisco became America’s largest city west of the Mississippi River, until it lost that title to Los Angeles in 1920. (SF-Info)
~ How did people get to California during the Gold Rush? At that time there was no easy way to get to California and each route had deadly hazards. At first, most traveled by sea. From the East Coast, a sailing voyage around the tip of South America would take five to eight months, and cover some 18,000 nautical miles (33,000 kilometres).
An alternative was to sail to the Atlantic side of the Isthmus of Panama, take canoes and mules for a week through the jungle, and then on the Pacific side, wait for a ship sailing for San Francisco. There was also a route across Mexico starting at Veracruz.
Probably most well known today is the overland route across the continental United States, particularly the route known as the California Trail.
~ What were people called who went to California for the Gold Rush? Argonauts or forty-niners. Argonauts is a reference to the myth of Jason and the Golden Fleece. They sailed on the ship, Argo, and were therefore called Argonauts. Since many traveled by sea to search for gold in California, they too ended up with the nickname of Argonauts.
As for being called forty-niners, that is an obvious reference to the year people starting pouring into California looking for gold.
Video about the start of the California Gold Rush
QUIP OF THE DAY: Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I’m not sure about the universe – Albert Einstein
THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!
Thought for the day. . . Keep love in your heart. A life without it is like a sunless garden when the flowers are dead. The consciousness of loving and being loved brings a warmth and richness to life that nothing else can bring. – Oscar Wilde