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January 27th

“The secret of life, though, is to fall seven times and to get up eight times.” – Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist


TODAY – JANUARY 27th

27th day of the year with 338 days to follow (339 in leap years).

Holidays for Today:
~ Auschwitz Liberation Day (iberated by the Soviet army in 1945)
~ International Day of Commemoration in Memory of the Victims of the Holocaust
~ National Chocolate Cake Day
~ Punch the Clock Day
~ Thomas Crapper Day
~ Vietnam Peace Day
~ 36th National Cowboy Poetry Gathering, January 27 – February 1, 2020
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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1756 Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, Austrian composer (composed over 600 works)
  • 1795 Eli Whitney Blake, Westborough, Massachusetts, inventor (Mortise lock, stone-crushing machine)
  • 1832 Lewis Carroll, English author (Alice in Wonderland)
  • 1850 Samuel Gompers, American labor leader (founded AFL – American Federation of Labor)
  • 1901 Art Rooney, Coulterville, Pennsylvania, football player and coach (Pittsburgh Steelers founder and owner)
  • 1908 William Randolph Hearst, Jr., San Francisco, California, newspaper magnate (Pulitzer Prize for interview of Soviet premier, Nikita Kruschev)
  • 1921 Donna Reed, Denison, Iowa, actress (It’s A Wonderful Life, Donna Reed Show)
  • 1936 Troy Donahue, NYC, New York, actor (A Summer Place, The Godfather II, Hawaii Eye, Surfside 6, Terminal Force)
  • 1936 Samuel C. C. Ting, Ann Arbor, Michigan, physicist (Nobel w/ Burton Richter, discovery subatomic J/ particle. Principal investigator for Alpha Magnetic Spectrometer installed on the International Space Station in 2011)
  • 1940 James Cromwell, Los Angeles, California, actor (The Rockford Files, The Green Mile, Dr. Zefram Cochrane/ Star Trek: First Contact, Murder in the First, The Young Pope)
  • 1954 Peter Laird, North Adams, Massachusetts, comic-book artist (co-creator Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)
  • 1955 John G. Roberts, Buffalo, New York, 17th Chief Justice of the United States
  • 1957 Frank Miller, Olney, Maryland, comic book author and film director (Batman, Dare Devil, Sin City)
  • 1958 James Grippando, Waukegan, Illinois, lawyer & author (The Pardon, Last to Die, Afraid of the Dark, Blood Money)
  • 1964 Bridget Fonda, Los Angeles, California, actress (Godfather III, Scandal, The Gloaming, After Amy)
  • 1965 Alan Cumming, Scottish actor (Cabaret, GoldenEye, X2: X-Men United, Spy Kids, The Good Wife)
  • 1976 Clint Ford, Fort Worth, Texas, voice actor (Yu Yu hakusho, Blue Gender, Dragon Ball Z)

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Two people can have a middling day, but one rounds up and the other rounds down. – Robert Brault
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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1606 Gunpowder Plot: The trial of Guy Fawkes and other conspirators begins, ending in their execution on January 31.
  • 1785 The University of Georgia is founded, the first public university in the United States.
  • 1825 U.S. Congress approves Indian Territory (in what is present-day Oklahoma), clearing the way for forced relocation of the Eastern Indians on the “Trail of Tears.”
  • 1870 The first women’s fraternity, Kappa Alpha Theta, is formed at DePauw University.
  • 1888 In Washington, D.C., the National Geographic Society is founded.
  • 1945 The inmates of the Auschwitz-Birkenau concentration camp built by the Nazi Germans on the territory of Poland are liberated by The Red Army during WWII.
  • 1951 Nuclear testing at the Nevada Test Site begins with a one-kiloton bomb dropped on Frenchman Flats.
  • 1967 Apollo program: Apollo 1 – Astronauts Gus Grissom, Edward White and Roger Chaffee are killed in a fire during a test of the spacecraft at the Kennedy Space Center.
  • 1967 More than sixty nations sign the Outer Space Treaty banning nuclear weapons in space.
  • 1996 Germany first observes International Holocaust Remembrance Day.
  • 2003 The first selections for the National Recording Registry are announced by the Library of Congress.
  • 2006 Western Union discontinues its Telegram and Commercial Messaging services.

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Seen on People’s Bumpers –

~ Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
~ Whisper my favorite words: “I’ll buy it for you.”

~ Suburbia: where they tear out the trees & then name streets after them.
~ Stress is when you wake up screaming & you realize you haven’t fallen asleep yet.

~ Adults are just kids who owe money.
~ Who are these kids and why are they calling me Mom?

~ You! Off my planet!
~ I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.

~ Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
~ I majored in liberal arts. Would you like fries with that?
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Interviewer to applicant: “What’s your choice: I can either ask you ten easy questions or one very difficult question. Think well before you make up your mind.”

“My choice is one very difficult question.”

“What comes first, Day or Night?”

“It’s the Day, sir.”

“Why?”

“I’m sorry, sir. You promised me you would only ask me one difficult question.”

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ONE-LINERS: REJECTED SLOGANS FOR THE TSA

~ Grope discounts available.
~ Can’t see London, can’t see France, unless we see your underpants.
~ We rub you the wrong way so you can be on your way.

~ It’s not a grope. It’s a freedom pat.
~ Don’t worry, my hands are still warm from the last guy.
~ If we did our job any better, we’d have to buy you dinner first.
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While attending college, I worked evenings at a retail store. On slow nights my co-worker, Susan, would often sing along with the radio while we filed paperwork or restocked the merchandise.

One night the manager decided to leave early and as he was walking out I expressed my concern to him about our safety — us two women working alone at night.

“Oh, you’ll be fine,” he said with a wave of his hand. “If you see anyone who looks suspicious, just warn him that Susan knows karaoke.”

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During a conference, I was pleasantly surprised to be seated next to a very handsome man. We flirted casually through dinner, then grew restless as the dignitaries gave speeches.

During one particularly long-winded lecture, my new friend drew a # sign on a cocktail napkin. Excited, I wrote down my phone number. Looking startled for a moment, he flipped the napkin over and drew another # sign, this time adding an X in the middle box.

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pic of the day: Cowboys & Horses

Cowboys herding horses
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CAR CLASSIFIED AD CLAIMS
If the car ad claims . . . what it really means

~ parts car . . . beyond repair
~ immaculate . . . recently washed
~ rough condition . . . too bad to lie about

~ needs minor overhaul . . . needs engine
~ engine quiet . . . if you use 90-weight oil
~ needs major overhaul . . . phone the junkyard

~ burns no oil . . . it all leaked out
~ drive it away . . . I live on a hill
~ rebuilt engine . . . cleaned the spark plugs

~ drive it anywhere . . . within 10 miles
~ desirable classic . . . no one wants it
~ rare classic . . . no one wanted it even when it was new

~ ran when stored . . . won’t start
~ stored 20 years . . . in a farmer’s field
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GOLDEN OLDIE. . . In Sunday School, they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings. One little boy seemed especially intent when they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam’s ribs.

Later in the week, his mother noticed him lying down holding his side and asked, “Kevin, what is the matter? Are you feeling ill?”

Little Kevin responded, “I have a pain in my side. I think I’m about to have a wife.”
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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

Did you know that William Tell and his family were avid bowlers?

Yes, it’s true. But, unfortunately, all the bowling league records were destroyed in a fire, so we will never know for whom the Tells bowled.

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Lawyer to witness: “Please explain what happened.”

“We had an argument and she hit me with a maple leaf.”

“A maple leaf? Surely that couldn’t have caused you any serious injury.”

“It was the leaf from our dining room table.”
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The tech support problem dates back to long before the industrial revolution, when primitive tribesmen beat out a rhythm on drums to communicate:

This “Fire Help.” Me Groog.
Me Lorto. Help. Fire not work.

You have flint and stone?
Ugh.

You hit them together?
Ugh.

What happen?
Fire not work.

(sigh) Make spark?
No spark, no fire, me confused. Fire work yesterday.

*sigh* You change rock?
I change nothing.

You sure?
Me make one change. Stone hot so me soak in stream so stone not burn Lorto hand. Small change, shouldn’t keep Lorto from make fire.

*Grabs club and goes to Lorto’s cave*
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On a visit to Boston, I noticed a parking meter with a paper sack over it upon which was written: “Broken.”

A skeptical parking officer removed the bag, inserted a quarter in the meter and turned the dial. It worked perfectly. As the officer began to write a parking ticket, the car’s owner rushed out of a nearby building.

“What are you doing?” he yelled after a quick glance at the meter. “There’s plenty of time left!”

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Taking his seat in chambers, the judge addressed the opposing lawyers. “I have been presented with a bribe.”

The lawyers gasped.

“In fact, I’ve been given two bribes. You, counselor, gave me $15,000. And you, Mr. Hotshot District Attorney, gave me $10,000.”

The judge reached in his pocket and pulled out a check, which he handed to the defense lawyer. “I’m returning $5,000, and we are going to decide this case on its merits.”

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TODAY’S TRIVIA: Who was Thomas Crapper? He was a plumber in the late 19th century who founded Thomas Crapper & Co. Although he did not invent the toilet, he was able to use his skills as a shrewd businessman and salesperson to make it extremely popular.

~ So who DID invent the toilet? The flush toilet was invented in 1596 by John Harrington. However, from the time of its invention up until the start up of Crapper’s company, bathroom fixtures were not part of the everyday household. It took Thomas Crapper’s promotions before the use became widespread.

~ Why is Vietnam Peace Day important in the United States? On this date in 1973, the Paris Peace Accords arranged a ceasefire to take place on midnight, officially ending American involvement in the Vietnam War.

~ What is the National Cowboy Poetry Gathering? This event is a week-long festival of cowboy poetry, music and art, rooted in tradition but focused on today’s rural West. It began in 1985 with a small group of folklorists and poets and has grown into national and international event.
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QUIP OF THE DAY: “I have left orders to be awakened at any time in case of national emergency, even if I’m in a cabinet meeting.” – Ronald Reagan

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . . Don’t try to solve serious matters in the middle of the night. – Philip K. Dick, What The Dead Men Say, 1964

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