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January 2nd

The world of achievement has always belonged to the optimist. – Harold Wilkins

TODAY – JANUARY 2nd

2nd day of 2018 with 363 days to follow (364 in leap years).



Holidays for Today:
~ 55-MPH Speed Limit Day
~ Happy Mew Year for Cats Day
~ National Buffet Day
~ National Cream Puff Day
~ National Motivation and Inspiration Day
~ National Personal Trainer Awareness Day
~ National Science Fiction Day
~ Ninth of the Twelve Days of Christmas (Western Christianity)
~ Pet Travel and Safety Day
~ Run up the Flagpole and See if Anyone Salutes Day
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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1857 M. Carey Thomas, Baltimore, Maryland, suffragist, educator,  and second President of Bryn Mawr College
  • 1886 Apsley Cherry-Garrard, English explorer of Antarctica (Survived Terra Nova Expedition, wrote The Worst Journey in the World)
  • 1920 Isaac Asimov, Petrovichi, Russia, American author of science fiction and popular science books (Foundation Series, Robot series, Lucky Starr series)
  • 1936 Roger Miller, Fort Worth, Texas, singer (“King of the Road”, “Dang Me” and “England Swings”)
  • 1947 Jack Hanna, Knoxville, Tennessee, zookeeper (Director Emeritus of Columbus Zoo and Aquarium, appears on Good Morning America, David Letterman, Jack Hanna’s Animal Adventures)
  • 1959 Kim Coates, Canadian actor (Airborne, Battlefield Earth, Black Hawk Down, Open Range, Sons of Anarchy, Resident Evil: Afterlife, Goon, Godless)
  • 1961 Gabrielle Carteris, Scottsdale, Arizona, actress (Beverly Hills, 90210, Send Me, Code Black)
  • 1967 Tia Carrere, Honolulu, Hawaii, actress (Wayne’s World, Duck Dodgers, True Lies, Relic Hunter, Lilo & Stitch, Showdown in Manila)
  • 1968 Cuba Gooding Jr., New York City, New York, actor (Outbreak, The Tuskegee Airmen, Jerry Maguire, Men of Honor, Radio, Gifted Hands: The Ben Carson Story, American Horror Story)
  • 1971 Renee Elise Goldsberry, San Jose, California, actress and singer (All About You, One Life to Live, The Good Wife)
  • 1975 Dax Shepard, Milford, Michigan, actor (Zathura, Idiocracy, Parenthood, The Judge, Terrific Trucks)
  • 1983 Kate Bosworth, Los Angeles, California, actress (Young Americans, Beyond the Sea, Superman Returns, 21, Big Sur, The Art of More)

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There is no surprise more magical than the surprise of being loved. It is God’s finger on man’s shoulder. – Charles Morgan
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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1777 During the American Revolutionary War the American forces under the command of George Washington repulsed a British attack at the Battle of the Assunpink Creek near Trenton, New Jersey.
  • 1788 Georgia becomes the fourth state to ratify the United States Constitution.
  • 1860 The discovery of the planet Vulcan is announced at a meeting of the Académie des Sciences in Paris.
  • 1942 FBI convicts 33 members of a German spy ring headed by Fritz Joubert Duquesne in the largest espionage case in U.S. history—the Duquesne Spy Ring.
  • 1959 Luna 1, the first spacecraft to reach the vicinity of the Moon and to orbit the Sun, is launched by the U.S.S.R.
  • 1974 President Richard Nixon signs a bill lowering the maximum U.S. speed limit to 55 MPH in order to conserve gasoline during an OPEC embargo.
  • 2004 Stardust successfully flies past Comet Wild 2, collecting samples that are returned to Earth.
  • 2006 An explosion in a coal mine in Sago, West Virginia traps and kills 12 miners, while leaving one miner in critical condition.

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Golden Oldie… A religious farmer lost his Bible out in the field.

A few days later he went to answer a noise at his door. Standing there was a cow, with his Bible in its mouth!

The farmer raised his eyes to heaven and thanked the Lord for this miracle.

“Not really,” said the cow. “Your name was written inside.”

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The Proven New Year’s Pasta Diet: Happy New Year! Take up this diet in 2018 and you are certain to lose weight!

1) You walka pasta da bakery.

2) You walka pasta da candy store.

3) You walka pasta da Ice Cream shop.

4) You walka pasta da table and fridge.

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ONE-LINERS:Signs Your Vet Bill Is Going To Require Financing

— The doc’s thermometer registers in Fahrenheit, Celsius and dollars.

— The bill came with payment coupons.

— Your Doberman just ate the receptionist.

— “He has a very rare blood type. It’s called ‘$$ Positive.'”

— He starts talking about extended quality of life, miracles of modern veterinary medicine and joint replacement procedures. You own a goldfish.

— They take away the blood sample on a sterling silver serving tray.

— The sad, pathetic whining in the exam room is coming from the owners.

— You suddenly realize where you’ve heard that low whistle before: from the plumber and the auto mechanic.

— “Do you have any idea how expensive hamster defibrillators are?”

— and the #1 Sign Your Veterinary Bill is Going to Require Financing:
“We can rebuild him. Make him stronger, faster….”

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Not long ago I met the waitress of my dreams.

About halfway through dinner I called the waitress over and said, “Ma’am, this potato is bad.”

She nodded, picked up the potato and smacked it. Then she put it back on my plate and said, “Sir, if that potato causes any more trouble, you just let me know.”

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Classmates at college were lamenting the cost of long distance phone service and debating the relative advantages of AT&T, MCI, and Sprint.

“I’ve found CTC to be the cheapest plan around,” offered one.

“CTC? Who are they?”

“You know,” he responded. “Call Them Collect.”
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In honor of Happy Mew Year for Cats Day…

cat beside frozen pond
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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!
~ What do you call 10 rabbits walking backwards? A receding hare line.
~ Hangover: The wrath of grapes
~ Income Tax: Capital punishment
~ A used car is not always all it’s jacked up to be
~ Two silkworms were in a race. They ended up in a tie
~ Two peanuts were walking down the street. One was assaulted.
~ To my sweetheart: My cooking’s gotten better since I fondue.
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Jimmy Piersall, baseball player, on how to diaper a baby:

“Spread the diaper in the position of the diamond, with you at bat.

Then, fold second-base down to home and set the baby on the pitcher’s mound.

Put first-base and third together, bring up home plate and pin the three together.

Of course, in case of rain, you gotta call-the-game and start all over again.”

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Nerd Overpopulation

This truck driver hauling a tractor-trailer load of computers stops for a beer. As he approaches the bar he sees a big sign on the door saying “Nerds Not Allowed – Enter At Your Own Risk!” He goes in and sits down.

The bartender comes over to him, sniffs, says, “You smell kind of nerdy. What do you do for a living?”

The truck driver says, “I drive a truck, and the smell is just from the computers I am hauling.”

The bartender says, “Okay, truck drivers are not nerds.” and serves him a beer. As he is sipping his beer, a skinny guy walks in with tape around his glasses, a pocket protector with twelve kinds of pens and pencils, and a belt at least a foot too long. The bartender, without saying a word, pulls out a shotgun and blows the guy away.

The truck driver said, totally shocked, “Why did you do that?”

The bartender said, “Not to worry, the nerds are overpopulating Silicon Valley and are in season now. You don’t even need a license.”

The truck driver finishes his beer, gets back in his truck, and heads back onto the freeway. Suddenly he veers to avoid an accident, and the load shifts. The back door breaks open and computers spill out all over the freeway. He jumps out and sees a crowd already forming, grabbing up the computers. They are all engineers, accountants and programmers wearing the nerdiest clothes he has ever seen.

He can’t let them steal his whole load. So, remembering what happened in the bar, he pulls out his gun and starts blasting away, felling several of them instantly. A highway patrol officer comes zooming up and jumps out of the car screaming at him to stop.

The truck driver said, “What’s wrong? I thought nerds were in season.”

“Well, sure,” said the patrolman. “But you can’t bait ’em.”

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Two airheads are nailing siding onto a house.

Airhead 1: “Y’know, when I pull nails out of the bag, half of them are pointing the wrong direction.”

Airhead 2: “Of course, dummy! Those are the nails for the other side of the house.”

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An optimist sees the best in the world, while a pessimist sees only the worst. An optimist finds the positive in the negative, and a pessimist can only find the negative in the positive.

For example, an avid duck hunter was in the market for a new bird dog. His search ended when he found a dog that could actually walk on water to retrieve a duck. Shocked by his find, he was sure none of his friends would ever believe him.

He decided to try to break the news to a friend of his, a pessimist by nature, and invited him to hunt with him and his new dog.

As they waited by the shore, a flock of ducks flew by. They fired, and a duck fell. The dog responded and jumped into the water. The dog, however, did not sink but instead walked across the water to retrieve the bird, never getting more than his paws wet. This continued all day long; each time a duck fell, the dog walked across the surface of the water to retrieve it.

The pessimist watched carefully, saw everything, but did not say a single word.

On the drive home the hunter asked his friend, “Did you notice anything unusual about my new dog?”

“I sure did,” responded the pessimist. “He can’t swim.”

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TODAY IN TRIVIA: What was 7-Up originally? The popular beverage 7-Up was originally a version of a “lithiated” patent medicine, containing small amounts of lithium. An irony here is that it was introduced to the U.S. markets during the 1930s – the height of the Great Depression.

~ Which muscle is longest? The longest muscle in the human body is the sartorius. This narrow muscle of the thigh passes obliquely across the front of the thigh and helps rotate the leg to the position assumed in sitting cross-legged. Its name is a derivation of the adjective “sartorial,” a reference to what was the traditional cross-legged position of tailors (or “sartors”) at work.

~ What are the birth flowers for January? The carnation and the snowdrop are the birth flowers for January.

~ How long is the day in Reykjavik? In the city of Reykjavik, Iceland, one can see the stars eighteen hours a day during the heart of the winter. During the summer, sunlight is visible 24 hours a day.

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QUIP OF THE DAY: Optimist: a person who figures that taking a step backward after taking a step forward is not a disaster…it’s more like the cha-cha.

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . . History shows us that the people who end up changing the world – the great political, social, scientific, technological, artistic, even sports revolutionaries – are always nuts, until they are right, and then they are geniuses. – John Eliot

1 Comment

  1. I really like the picture of the white cat by the water. I guess the cat must be there to get a drink.

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