There are two great days in a person’s life – the day we are born and the day we discover why. – William Barclay
TODAY – JANUARY 4th
4th day of the year with 361 days to follow (362 in leap years).
Holidays for Today:
~ Dimpled Chad Day (to commemorate all the dimpled chads of the world, leftover from various contested elections)
~ National Spaghetti Day
~ Pop Music Chart Day
~ Trivia Day
~ World Braille Day
~ World Hypnotism Day
~ 11th of the Twelve Days of Christmas
~ Ogoni Day (Movement for the Survival of the Ogoni People of Central Niger Delta)
~ Tom Thumb Day (honors Charles Sherwood Stratton, “General Tom Thumb”, a dwarf who achieved great fame as a circus performer “General Tom Thumb” with P.T. Barnum)
BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:
- 1785 Jacob Grimm, German philologist and folklorist (one of the Brothers Grimm)
- 1809 Louis Braille, France, teacher of the blind and inventor of Braille
- 1813 Isaac Pitman, Trowbridge, Wiltshire, inventor (developed the most widely used system of shorthand)
- 1900 James Bond, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, ornithologist (known for Caribbean Ornithology, namesake for Ian Fleming’s fictional spy, James Bond (007))
- 1930 Don Shula, Grand River, Ohio, football coach (Lions, Colts, Dolphins)
- 1933 Phyllis Reynolds Naylor, Anderson, Indiana, author (Shiloh, The Grand Escape, The Witch Saga, The Boys Start the War, A Shiloh Christmas)
- 1937 Grace Bumbry, St Louis, Missouri, opera singer (considered one of the leading mezzo-sopranos of her generation)
- 1958 Matt Frewer, Washington, D.C., actor (1980s icon Max Headroom; Honey I Shrunk the Kids, Watchmen, Eureka, Falling Skies, The Librarians, Olympus, Timeless)
- 1960 April Winchell, New York City, New York, actress (King of The Hill, Phineas & Ferb, Kim Possible, Goof Troop, The Legend of Tarzan ,101 Dalmatians: The Series, Wander over Yonder)
- 1962 Harlan Coben, Newark, New Jersey, author (series: Myron Bolitar, Mickey Bolitar; Tell No One, Hold Tight, Long Lost, Six Years, The Stranger, Fool Me Once)
Our attitude toward life determines life’s attitude towards us. – Earl Nightingale
- 1865 The New York Stock Exchange opens its first permanent headquarters at 10-12 Broad near Wall Street in New York City.
- 1885 First successful appendectomy is performed by William W. Grant on Mary Gartside.
- 1896 Utah is admitted as the 45th U.S. state.
- 1958 Sputnik 1 falls to Earth from its orbit.
- 1959 Luna 1 becomes the first spacecraft to reach the vicinity of the Moon.
- 1962 New York City introduces a train that operates without a crew on-board.
- 1974 United States President Richard Nixon refuses to hand over materials subpoenaed by the Senate Watergate Committee.
- 1999 Former professional wrestler Jesse Ventura is sworn in as governor of Minnesota.
- 2004 Spirit, a NASA Mars Rover, lands successfully on Mars at 04:35 UTC.
- 2010 The Burj Khalifa, the world’s tallest building, is officially opened. Located in Dubai, United Arab Emirates, it is 828 meters (2,717 feet) tall.
Jack made his way through veterinary school working nights as a taxidermist.
Upon graduation, he decided he could combine his two vocations to better serve the needs of his patients and their owners, while doubling his practice and, therefore, his income.
He opened his own offices with a shingle on the door saying, “Dr. Jones, Veterinary Medicine and Taxidermy – Either way, you get your dog back!”
Walking home one night, this guy hears a, “Psst! Psst!-give me a hand with this pig would you?”
Looking into the shadows the guy sees his neighbor holding onto a restless and agitated pig. “What the heck are you planning to do with that?” he asks.
“I’m carrying it indoors and putting in the bath tub.”
“Why do you wanna do a crazy thing like that?”
“Well, you see, it’s my wife. She is one of those women who knows EVERYTHING! I tell her that the price of petrol has shot up again…she says I know! I tell her there is more trouble in the East again … she says I know! I tell her Francis down the street is getting a divorce and she knows that, too. Well, tomorrow morning, since she always gets up before me, I’ll wait for her to come running to me screaming ‘THERE’S A PIG IN THE BATHTUB! THERE’S A PIG IN BATHTUB!'”
And I’ll just turn to her and say, “Yeah, I know!”
ONE-LINERS: NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS YOU CAN KEEP…
Are you sick of making the same resolutions year after year that you never keep? Why not promise to do something you can ACTUALLY accomplish? Here are some resolutions that you can use as a starting point:
~ Gain weight. At least 30 pounds.
~ Stop exercising. Waste of time.
~ Read less. Makes you think.
~ Watch more TV. I’ve been missing some good stuff.
~ Procrastinate more. Starting tomorrow.
~ Spend more time at work, surfing the web.
~ Take a vacation to someplace important, like to see the world’s largest ball of twine.
~ Don’t jump off a cliff just because everyone else did.
~ Stop bringing lunch from home–eat out more.
~ Don’t have eight children at once.
~ Get in a whole NEW rut!
~ Start being superstitious.
~ Personal goal: Don’t bring back disco.
~ Speak in a monotone voice and only use monosyllabic words.
~ Only wear jeans that are 2 sizes too small and use a chain or rope for a belt.
~ Spend my summer vacation in cyberspace.
~ Create loose ends.
~ Get more toys.
~ Get further in debt.
~ Don’t believe politicians.
~ Break at least one traffic law.
~ Don’t drive a motorized vehicle across thin ice.
~ Don’t swim with piranhas or sharks.
~ Spread out priorities beyond the ability to keep track of them.
~ Wait for opportunity to knock.
~ Focus on the faults of others.
~ Mope about faults.
~ Never make New Year’s resolutions again.
A man is lost in the desert. He used up the last of his water days ago and he’s lying, gasping, on the sand. Suddenly in the distance he hears a voice calling “Mush! Mush!”
Not trusting his ears he turns his head and there it is again, closer this time — “Mush! Mush!”
Propping himself up on one elbow he squints against the sun and sees, of all things, an Eskimo in a fur coat driving a sled with a team of huskies across the dunes. Thinking it must be a hallucination, he blinks and shakes his head, but it’s for real! He painfully lifts one arm and in a cracked voice calls, “He-elp!”
The Eskimo pulls the sled up by him, the huskies panting. The guy says to the Eskimo, “I don’t know what you’re doing here or why, but thank God you are! I’ve been wandering around this desert for days, my water’s all gone and I’m completely lost!”
The Eskimo looks down at him and says, “You think YOU’RE lost!?!”
A journalist was interviewing an aging tycoon. “How did you get started?”
“Well, son, it was 1932, the depths of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel. I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and at the end of the day, I sold the apple for ten cents.
“The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples. I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them later for 20 cents. I continued this system for a month, by the end of which I’d accumulated a fortune of one dollar and thirty seven cents.”
“And that’s how you built an empire?”
“Oh, heavens, no! That’s when my wife’s father died and left us two million dollars.”
pic of the day: Gore Canyon in the Rocky Mountains
15 EXERCISES WE’D BE BETTER OFF WITHOUT IN THE NEW YEAR…
~ Jumping on the bandwagon
~ Wading through paperwork
~ Running around in circles
~ Pushing your luck
~ Playing in traffic
~ Spinning your wheels
~ Climbing the walls
~ Adding fuel to the fire
~ Beating your head against the wall
~ Dragging your heels
~ Beating your own drum
~ Jumping to conclusions
~ Grasping at straws
~ Fishing for compliments
~ Throwing your weight around
~ Passing the buck
~ Running with scissors
Deciding to take up jogging, the middle-aged man was astounded by the wide selection of jogging shoes available at the local sports shoe store.
While trying on a basic pair of jogging shoe, he noticed a minor feature and asked the clerk about it.
“What’s this little pocket thing here on the side for?”
“Oh, that’s to carry spare change so you can call your wife to come pick you up when you’ve jogged too far.”
WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!
The Lone Ranger and Tonto walk into a bar and sit down to drink a beer. After a few minutes, a cowboy walks in and says, “Who owns the big white horse outside?”
The Lone Ranger stands up, hitches his gun belt and replies, “I do. Why?”
“I just thought you’d like to know that your horse is just about dead.”
The Lone Ranger and Tonto rush outside and find Silver suffering from an extreme case of heat exhaustion.
The Lone Ranger gets him some water and says, “Tonto, I want you to run around Silver and see if you can create enough of a breeze to make him start to feel better.”
“Yes, Kemosabe,” and with that Tonto takes off, running circles around Silver.
Not able to do anything else but wait, the Lone Ranger returns to the bar to finish his drink.
A few minutes later, another cowboy struts into the bar and asks, “Who owns that big white horse outside?”
The Lone Ranger stands again and says, “I do, what’s wrong with him this time?”
“Nothin’ much. I just wanted you to know you left your injun running.”
Understanding Academic Papers…
The following list of phrases and their definitions might help you understand the mysterious language of science and medicine. These special phrases are also applicable to anyone reading a Ph.D. dissertation or academic paper:
~ “IT HAS LONG BEEN KNOWN”…
I didn’t look up the original reference.
~ “A DEFINITE TREND IS EVIDENT”…
These data are practically meaningless.
~ “WHILE IT HAS NOT BEEN POSSIBLE TO PROVIDE DEFINITE ANSWERS TO THE QUESTIONS”…
An unsuccessful experiment, but I still hope to get it published.
~ “THREE OF THE SAMPLES WERE CHOSEN FOR DETAILED STUDY”…
The other results didn’t make any sense.
~ “TYPICAL RESULTS ARE SHOWN”…
This is the prettiest graph.
~ “IN MY EXPERIENCE”…
~ “IN CASE AFTER CASE”…
~ “IN A SERIES OF CASES”…
~ “IT IS BELIEVED THAT”…
~ “IT IS GENERALLY BELIEVED THAT”…
A couple of others think so, too.
~ “CORRECT WITHIN AN ORDER OF MAGNITUDE”…
~ “ACCORDING TO STATISTICAL ANALYSIS”…
Rumor has it.
~ “A STATISTICALLY-ORIENTED PROJECTION OF THE SIGNIFICANCE OF THESE FINDINGS”…
A wild guess.
~ “A CAREFUL ANALYSIS OF OBTAINABLE DATA”…
Three pages of notes were obliterated when I knocked over a glass of soda.
~ “IT IS CLEAR THAT MUCH ADDITIONAL WORK WILL BE REQUIRED BEFORE A COMPLETE UNDERSTANDING OF THIS PHENOMENON OCCURS”…
I don’t understand it.
~ “AFTER ADDITIONAL STUDY BY MY COLLEAGUES”…
They don’t understand it either.
~ “THANKS ARE DUE TO JOE BLOTZ FOR ASSISTANCE WITH THE EXPERIMENT AND TO CINDY ADAMS FOR VALUABLE DISCUSSIONS”…
Mr. Blotz did the work and Ms. Adams explained to me what it meant.
~ “A HIGHLY SIGNIFICANT AREA FOR EXPLORATORY STUDY”…
A totally useless topic selected by my committee.
~ “IT IS HOPED THAT THIS STUDY WILL STIMULATE FURTHER INVESTIGATION IN THIS FIELD”…
Two little squirrels were walking along in the forest. The first one spied a nut and cried out, “Oh, look! A nut!”
The second squirrel jumped on it and said, “It’s my nut!”
The first squirrel said, “That’s not fair! I saw it first!” “Well, you may have seen it, but I have it,” argued the second.
At that point, a lawyer squirrel came up and said, “You shouldn’t quarrel. Let me resolve this dispute.”
The two squirrels nodded, and the lawyer squirrel said, “Now, give me the nut.”
He broke the nut in half, and handed half to each squirrel, saying, “See! It was foolish of you to fight. Now the dispute is resolved.” Then he reached over and said, “And for my fee, I’ll take the meat.”
One Sunday after church I asked my young daughter, “What was the children’s sermon about?”
She answered, “Don’t be scared, you’ll get your quilt.”
Needless to say, I was perplexed. Later in the day, the pastor stopped by for tea. I asked him about the topic of that morning’s children’s sermon.
He said, “Be not afraid, Thy comforter is coming.”
TODAY IN TRIVIA: What river runs through Gore Canyon? The upper Colorado River runs through the short and isolated Gore Canyon in southwestern Grand County, Colorado.
~ How far does the river descend in the canyon? The Colorado descends from approximately 7300 ft to approximately 7000 ft over the length of the canyon.
~ Since the canyon is roadless and inaccessible by most traffic, how can you see it? Although the canyon is not directly accessible by roads, it is possible to view part of the canyon from the Grand County road (CR 1, or Trough Road) that passes along its southern rim, as part of the Colorado Headwaters Scenic Byway. The California Zephyr also travels through the canyon and whitewater boats go through as well.
~ What class whitewater is found in Gore Canyon? Gore Canyon is famous for its class V whitewater. Most outfitters agree that Gore Canyon’s whitewater is the wildest commercially available whitewater rafting in the state of Colorado, and perhaps in the nation. Those who are brave enough to raft or kayak Gore Canyon will run rapids such as Pyrite, Tunnel Falls, and Gore Rapid. This is true wild water, so for those who are not expert river runners, Gore Canyon is considered a very dangerous section of the Colorado River.
QUIP OF THE DAY: A modest little person, with much to be modest about. – Winston Churchill
THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!
Thought for the day. . . >There are two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle. – Albert Einstein