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January 7th

The most important thing is to be whatever you are without shame. – Rod Steiger


TODAY – JANUARY 7th

7th day of the year with 358 days to follow (359 in leap years).

Holidays for Today:
*Harlem Globetrotter’s Day (played their first game in 1927)
*I’m Not Going To Take It Anymore Day
*International Programmers’ Day
*National Tempura Day
*Old Rock Day (appreciate old rocks and fossils)
*Eastern Orthodox Christmas
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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1827 Sir Sandford Fleming, Scottish-born Canadian engineer & inventor (designed Canada’s first postage stamp, inventor of universal standard time)
  • 1911 Butterfly McQueen, Tampa, Florida, actress (Scarlett O’Hara’s maid in Gone with Wind; Duel in the Sun, Adventures of Huckleberry Finn, The Mosquito Coast, Polly)
  • 1912 Charles Addams, Westfield, New Jersey, cartoonist (creator of The Addams Family)
  • 1941 Frederick D. Gregory, Washington, D.C., NASA astronaut (STS-51-B, STS-33, STS-44)
  • 1948 Kenny Loggins, Everett, Washington, singer (Loggins and Messina)
  • 1949 Steven Williams, Memphis, Tennessee, actor (21 Jump Street, L.A. Heat, Legacy, Linc’s, The X-Files)
  • 1950 Erin Gray, Honolulu, Hawaii, actress (Wilma Deering in Buck Rogers in the 25th Century, Kate Summers in Silver Spoons)
  • 1956 David Caruso, Queens, New York, actor (Det. John Kelly in NYPD Blue, Lt. Horatio Caine on CSI: Miami)
  • 1958 Linda Kozlowski, Fairfield, Connecticut, actress (Crocodile Dundee movies, Pass the Ammo)
  • 1960 David Marciano, Newark, New Jersey, actor (Due South, The Shield, Homeland)
  • 1964 Nicolas Cage, Long Beach, California, actor (Raising Arizona, Leaving Las Vegas, Adaptation, National Treasure, Lord of War, Ghost Rider, The Sorcerer’s Apprentice, Pay The Ghost)
  • 1971 Jeremy Renner, Modesto, California, singer & actor (Dahmer, The Hurt Locker, The Town, Thor, Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol, The Bourne Legacy, Marvel’s the Avengers, American Hustle)
  • 1978 Emilio Palma, Argentine national, first person born on the Antarctic continent (Esperanza Base)
  • 1980 Merritt Wever, NYC, New York, actress (Nurse Jackie, Into the Wild, Tiny Furniture, Birdman, Meadowland)
  • 1990 Liam Aiken, NYC, New York, actor (Stepmom, Road to Perdition, Lemony Snicket’s A Series of Unfortunate Events, Ned Rifle)

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You can’t build a reputation on what you are going to do. – Henry Ford
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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1610 Galileo Galilei makes his first observation of the four Galilean moons: Ganymede, Callisto, Io and Europa, although he is not able distinguish the last two until the following day.
  • 1782 The first American commercial bank, the Bank of North America, opens.
  • 1894 William Kennedy Dickson receives a patent for motion picture film.
  • 1904 The distress signal “CQD” is established only to be replaced two years later by “SOS”.
  • 1927 The first transatlantic telephone service is established – from New York, New York to London, England.
  • 1948 Kentucky Air National Guard pilot Thomas Mantell crashes while in pursuit of a supposed UFO.
  • 1954 Georgetown-IBM experiment: the first public demonstration of a machine translation system, is held in New York at the head office of IBM.
  • 1980 President Jimmy Carter authorizes legislation giving $1.5 billion in loans to bail out the Chrysler Corporation.
  • 1990 The interior of the Leaning Tower of Pisa is closed to the public because of safety concerns.
  • 1999 The Senate trial in the impeachment of U.S. President Bill Clinton begins.

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I pulled up to a parking meter and realized I didn’t have any change. As I got out of my car, I saw a parking officer heading my way. I called out to him, “I’m going to get change for the meter. Please don’t give me a ticket.”

He replied, “Sorry. If the meter isn’t set by the time I get to it, I’ll have to give you a ticket.”

I quickly ran into the nearest store, a coffee shop, and ordered a coffee. The waitress, seeing the bill in my hand, asked, “Do you have anything smaller?”

“No; I’m sorry, I don’t.”

“It’s your lucky day, then! We don’t have any change, so your coffee is on the house!”
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Paddy, a small boy, lived in a rural village on the far Northern coast of County Donegal. None of his classmates
liked him because he was so stupid. His teacher was always yelling at him, “You are driving me crazy, Paddy!”

One day Paddy’s mother went to the school for a teacher conference. The teacher said, “Honestly, your son is simply a disaster. He gets very low marks. I’ve never seen such an idiot in my entire teaching career.”

The mother was understandably shocked and angry and withdrew her son from the school. She even went so far as
to move to County Sligo to escape the ridicule.

Twenty Five years later, that same teacher was diagnosed with an incurable heart disease. All the doctors strongly advised him to have surgery which only one surgeon could perform. Left with no other options, the teacher decided to have the operation, which took place in Sligo and was successful.

When the teacher opened his eyes after the surgery, he saw a handsome doctor smiling down at him. He wanted to thank him, but could not talk. His face started to turn blue, he raised his hand, trying to tell him something, but he quickly died.

The doctor tried to figure out what went wrong. When he turned around, he saw Paddy, working as a cleaner in Sligo General Hospital. Paddy had unplugged the patient’s breathing apparatus so he could plug in his phone charger.

Wait, don’t tell me you thought that Paddy had become a famous heart surgeon … ?
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ONE-LINERS:

~I’m writing a book. I’ve got the page numbers done.
~If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.
~If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

~If you can’t convince them, confuse them.
~If you can read this, I can slam on my brakes and sue you!
~If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

~If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?
~If you haven’t much education you must use your brain.
~If you get to it and you can’t do it, well there you jolly well are, aren’t you?
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GOLDEN OLDIE… There once was a rich man who was near death. He was very grieved because he had worked so hard for his money and he wanted to be able to take it with him to heaven. So he began to pray that he might be able to take some of his wealth with him.

An angel hears his plea and appears to him, “Sorry, but you can’t take your wealth with you.”
The man implores the angel to speak to God to see if He might bend the rules.

The man continues to pray that his wealth could follow him. The angel reappears and informs the man that God has decided to allow him to take one suitcase with him. Overjoyed, the man gathers his largest suitcase and fills it with pure gold bars and places it beside his bed.

Soon afterward the man dies and shows up at the Gates of Heaven to greet St. Peter. Seeing the suitcase Peter says, “Hold on, you can’t bring that in here!”

But the man explains to him that he has permission and asks him to verify his story with the Lord. Sure enough,. Peter checks and comes back saying, “You’re right. You are allowed one carry-on bag, but I’m supposed to check its contents before letting it through.”

Peter opens the suitcase to inspect the worldly items that the man found too precious to leave behind and exclaims, “You brought pavement?!?!”
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Little Johnny’s father: “let me see your report card.”
“I don’t have it.”

“Why not?”
“Tommy borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents.”
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pic of the day: Bamboo berries

Berries on Heavenly Bamboo
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NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTIONS

2015: I will get my weight down below 180 pounds.

2016: I will follow my new diet religiously until I get below 200 pounds.

2017: I will develop a realistic attitude about my weight.

2018: I will work out 3 days a week.

2019: I will try to drive past a gym at least once a week.
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An actuary and a farmer were traveling by train. When they passed a flock of sheep in a meadow, the actuary said, “There are 1,248 sheep out there.”

The farmer replied, “Amazing. By chance, I know the owner, and the figure is absolutely correct. How did you count them so quickly?”

The actuary answered, “Easy, I just counted the number of legs and divided by four.”
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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

In ancient Israel, it came to pass that a trader by the name of Abraham Com did take unto himself a young wife by the name of Dot.

And Dot Com was a comely woman, broad of shoulder and long of leg. Indeed, she had been called Amazon Dot Com.

And she said unto Abraham, her husband, “Why doth thou travel far from town to town with thy goods when thou can trade without ever leaving thy tent?”

And Abraham did look at her as though she were several saddle bags short of a camel load, but simply said, “How, Dear?”

And Dot replied, “I will place drums in all the towns and drums in between to send messages saying what you have for sale and they will reply telling you how many they wish to buy. And the sale can be made on the drums and delivery made by Uriah’s Pony Stable (UPS).”

Abraham thought long and decided he would let Dot have her way with the drums. And the drums rang out and were an immediate success. Abraham sold all the goods he had at the top price, without ever moving from his tent.

But this success did arouse envy.

A man named Maccabia did secret himself inside Abraham’s drum and was accused of insider trading.

And the young men did take to Dot Com’s trading as doth the greedy horsefly take to camel dung. They were called Nomadic Ecclesiastical Rich Dominican Siderites, or NERDS for short.

And lo, the land was so feverish with joy at the new riches and the deafening sound of drums, that no one noticed that the real riches were going to the drum maker, one Brother William of Gates, who bought up every drum company in the land. And indeed did insist on making drums that would work only with Brother Gates’ drumheads and drumsticks.

And Dot did say, “Oh, Abraham, what we have started is being taken over by others.”

And as Abraham looked out over the Bay of Ezekiel, or as it came to be known as “eBay,” he said, “we need a name that reflects what we are,” and Dot replied, “Young Ambitious Hebrew Owners and Operators.”

“YAHOO!,” said Abraham.

And now you know the real story.
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The parents were very disappointed in the grades that their son brought home.
“The only consolation I can find in these awful grades,” lamented the father, “is that I know he never cheated during his exams.”
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A guy dies and is sent to Hades. Satan meets him, shows him doors to three rooms, and says he must choose one to spend eternity in. In the first room, people are standing in garbage up to their necks.

The guy says, “no, let me see the next room.” In the second room, people are standing with garbage up to their noses. The guy says no again.

Finally, Satan opens the door to the third room. People are standing with garbage up to their knees, drinking coffee and eating danish pastries. The guy says, “I pick this room.”

Satan says okay and starts to leave, and the guy wades in and starts pouring some coffee. On the way out Satan yells, “O.K., coffee break’s over. Everyone back on your heads!”

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Teacher to Little Johnny: “Can you name the Great Lakes?”
“I don’t need to. They’ve already been named.”
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At a cocktail party, the hostess overheard the conversation of a handsome gentleman and his friend.
“Oh, I really love her. I adore her,” said the handsome gentleman.
“I would love her too, if she were mine,” agreed his friend.

“I love the way she walks, and the way she moves, and her eyes are a beautiful brown color.”
“You’re very lucky,” said his friend.

“And do you know what I like the best?” asked the gentleman. “I love the way she kisses my ear.”
“Sir,” the hostess said, “I couldn’t help listening to your lovely words. In this day of divorce, I respect a man who loves his wife so much!”

“My wife?!” said the gentleman, very surprised. “I was talking about my champion race horse!
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TODAY IN TRIVIA: If there’s no one around, is the rainbow still there? It may surprise you to hear the answer is no. A rainbow has no independent reality. Sunlight and raindrops are not enough to create one. An observer is necessary for its existence, by standing exactly where the 42-degree refraction geometry gets completed. One bit of evidence that they’re not real is that rainbows not only cannot cast shadows, but also do not cast reflections!

~ Ever wonder how long it takes the sun to move its own width as it crosses the sky? (Hint: It’s also the length of every sunset, most precisely those seen from the tropics.) Answer: Two minutes. (from Bob Berman)

~ How verbose are the Taki? The language of Taki, spoken in parts of French Guinea, consists of only 340 words.

~ How hungry are termites? A mature, well-established termite colony with as many as 60,000 members will eat only about one-fifth of an ounce of wood a day.
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QUIP OF THE DAY: No one gossips about other people’s secret virtues. – Bertrand Russell

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . . We should every night call ourselves to an account; What infirmity have I mastered today? What passions opposed? What temptation resisted? What virtue acquired? Our vices will abort of themselves if they be brought every day to the shrift. – Seneca

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