If opportunity doesn’t knock, build a door. – Milton Berle
TODAY – JANUARY 8th
8th day of the year with 357 days to follow (358 in leap years).
Holidays for Today:
~ Argyle Day
~ Earth’s Rotation Day
~ Male Watcher’s Day
~ National Bubble Bath Day
~ National English Toffee Day
~ National Joygerm Day
~ Show and Tell Day at Work
~ War on Poverty Day (legislation introduced by President Lyndon B. Johnson during his State of the Union address on January 8, 1964)
BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:
- 1792 Lowell Mason, Medfield, Massachusetts, composer (over 1600 hymns: Joy to the World, Nearer My God To Thee)
- 1862 Frank Nelson Doubleday, American publisher (founder of Doubleday & McClure Company)
- 1867 Emily Greene Balch, Boston, Massachusetts, author and pacifist (Nobel / Women’s International League for Peace & Freedom)
- 1908 William Hartnell, British actor (first Dr. Who)
- 1909 Evelyn Wood, Logan, Utah, educator (speed reading)
- 1923 Joseph Weizenbaum, Berlin, Germany, German-American computer scientist (devised computer program Eliza, which could mimic written human conversation, giving responses resembling an empathetic psychologist)
and author (Computer Power and Human Reason)
- 1933 Charles Osgood, New York City, NY, journalist and commentator (The Osgood File, CBS News Sunday Morning, narrator of Horton Hears a Who!)
- 1935 Elvis Presley, Tupelo, Mississippi, singer (called the “King of Rock and Roll” or simply “the King”)
- 1938 Bob Eubanks, Flint, Michigan, game show host (The Newlywed Game)
- 1942 Stephen Hawking, English physicist and author (gravitational singularities theorems, Hawking radiation)
- 1942 Yvette Mimieux, Los Angeles, California, actress (Where the Boys Are, Weena in The Time Machine, Toys in the Attic, The Black Hole)
- 1944 Terry Brooks, Sterling, Illinois, author (series: Shanarra; Word & Void; Magic Kingdom of Landover)
- 1947 David Bowie, English musician (Ziggy Stardust) and actor (Labyrinth, Gunslinger’s Revenge, Zoolander)
- 1965 Michelle Forbes, Austin, Texas, actress (Escape from L.A., ST: The Next Generation, Homicide: Life on the Street, 24, True Blood, The Killing, The Returned, The Hunger Games: Mockingjay Part 2, Berlin Station)
- 1976 Josh Meyers, Bedford, New Hampshire, actor (MADtv, That ’70s Show, The Awesomes, Red Oaks)
- 1982 Gaby Hoffmann, New York City, New York, actress (Field of Dreams, Uncle Buck, Sleepless in Seattle, The Surrogate Mary, Freaky Friday, Girls, Transparent)
All our dreams can come true – if we have the courage to pursue them. – Walt Disney
- 1790 George Washington delivers the first State of the Union address in New York, New York.
- 1838 First telegraph message with letters represented by dots and dashes was transmitted sent in the U.S. The message was: A patient waiter is no loser.
- 1877 Crazy Horse and his warriors fight their last battle against the United States Cavalry at Wolf Mountain, Montana Territory.
- 1918 President Woodrow Wilson announces his “Fourteen Points” for the aftermath of World War I.
- 1958 Bobby Fischer won the United States Chess Championship at age 14.
- 1963 Leonardo da Vinci’s Mona Lisa is exhibited in the United States for the first time, at the National Gallery of Art in Washington, D.C.
- 1964 President Lyndon B. Johnson declares a “War on Poverty” in the United States.
- 1982 Breakup of the monopoly of the Bell System: AT&T agrees to divest itself of twenty-two subdivisions.
- 2002 President George W. Bush signs into law the No Child Left Behind Act.
- 2004 The RMS Queen Mary 2, the largest passenger ship ever built, is christened by her namesake’s granddaughter, Queen Elizabeth II.
- 2005 Nuclear sub USS San Francisco collides at full speed with an undersea mountain south of Guam. One man is killed, but the sub surfaces and is repaired.
- 2011 Attempted assassination of Arizona Representative Gabrielle Giffords and subsequent shootings in Casas Adobes, Arizona.
A little boy was attending his first wedding. After the service, his cousin asked him, “How many women can a man marry?”
“Sixteen,” the boy responded.
His cousin was amazed that he had an answer so quickly. “How do you know that?”
“Easy,” the little boy said. “All you have to do is add it up, like the Bishop said: 4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer.”
A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says,’ I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir.’
The driver says, ‘Gee, officer, I had it on cruise control at 60; perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating. ‘
Not looking up from her knitting the wife says: ‘Now don’t be silly, dear — you know that this car doesn’t have cruise control.’
As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls, ‘Can’t you please keep your mouth shut for once !! ?’
The wife smiles demurely and says, ‘Well dear you should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did or your speed would have been higher.’
As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar detector unit, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth, ‘Woman, can’t you keep your mouth shut?’
The officer frowns and says, ‘And I notice that you’re not wearing your seat belt, sir. That’s an automatic $75 fine.’
The driver says, ‘Yeah, well, you see, officer, I had it on, but I took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket.’
The wife says, ‘Now, dear, you know very well that you didn’t have your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you’re driving.’
And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket, the driver turns to his wife and barks, ‘WHY DON’T YOU PLEASE SHUT UP??’
The officer looks over at the woman and asks, ‘Does your husband always talk to you this way, Ma’am?’
“Only when he’s been drinking.!”
ONE-LINERS: A Man’s World – You know you’re in a man’s ideal world when:
— Any fake phone number a girl gave you would automatically forward your call to her real number.
— Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed an acceptable response To “I love you.”
— When your girlfriend really needed to talk to you during the game, she’d appear in a little box in the corner of the screen during a time-out.
— Each year, your raise would be pegged to the fortunes of the football team of your choice.
— At the end of the workday, a whistle would blow and you’d jump out your window and slide down the tail of a brontosaurus and right into your car like Fred Flintstone.
— Instead of an expensive engagement ring, you could present your wife-to-be with a giant foam hand that said, “You’re #1!”
— It would be perfectly legal to steal a sports car, as long as you returned it the following day with a full tank of gas.
An 80-year-old man goes for a physical… All of his tests come back with normal results. The doctor says, ‘George, everything looks great. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with God?’
George replies, ‘God and I are tight.. He knows I have poor eyesight, so he’s fixed it so when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, poof! The light goes on. When I’m done, poof! the light goes off.’
‘Wow, that’s incredible,’ the doctor says. A little later in the day, the doctor calls George’s wife. ‘Ethel,’ George is doing fine! But I had to call you because I’m in awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the night and poof! the light goes on in the bathroom, and when he’s done, poof! the light goes off?’
‘Oh, no!’ Ethel exclaims, ‘He’s using the fridge for a bathroom again!’
pic of the day: Tufted Titmouse (Baeolophus bicolor)
WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!
The FBI and the DEA are joining efforts and will be assigning some of their agents to a quasi-FBI/DEA enforcement team specifically targeting the illegal allergy pills sales that occur on the black market.
The agents will be called “Pseudo Feds.”
A woman called her insurance company to see if her policy covered psychiatric treatment.
After reviewing her policy, the agent told her, “Yes, Virginia, there is an insanity clause!”
On New Year’s day at about 3.30 in the afternoon, having enjoyed an excellent lunch with his wife, children and grand children, Patrick knew it was time to take Roxy, his well-loved mongrel dog for his afternoon’s constitutional.
Unable to find his usually clutch of plastic bags for collecting the Roxy’s “doings” he called to his wife that he would take, instead, the fancy gift bag in which he had recently received a small present from his grand-daughter.
He strode purposefully down Leith Avenue and into Hill Road, Roxy on his lead and the pretty gift bag swinging freely in his hand. The dog stopped on two occasions and Roxy’s “doings” were transferred into the gift bag for later disposal.
Hill Road narrows as it approaches Portchester railway station and joins with Station Road. A narrow path is the only pedestrian way under the railway bridge and it is very close to the road.
Patrick carefully maneuvered himself and the dog along the narrow path. At this moment, two youths aged approximately 13 or 14 years old came cycling, at considerable speed up the road.
Shouting and laughing at Patrick, the youths grabbed and stole the colorful gift bag and sped off into the distance.
Patrick often wondered what happened next. . .
Smoky, our family cat, had gotten injured and needed to stay at the vet clinic for several days. Our three children were so concerned that several times a day, my wife and I had to reassure them that Smoky was safe and being cared for by the “animal doctor.”
Finally, we got the call that Smoky was ready to come home. Driving to the vet, it became clear that our four-year-old son, Ryan, had been doing a lot of thinking about Smoky’s absence when he asked, “Mom, what kind of animal is the doctor?”
A Woman’s Random Thoughts
~ Reason to smile: Every 7 minutes of every day, someone in an aerobics class pulls a hamstring.
~ One of life’s mysteries is how a 2 pound box of candy can make a woman gain 5 lbs.
~ Skinny people irritate me! Especially when they say things like, “You know, sometimes I just forget to eat.” Now I’ve forgotten my address, my mother’s maiden name, and my keys. But I’ve never forgotten to eat. You have to be a special kind of stupid to forget to eat.
~ A friend of mine confused her valium with her birth control pills. She had 14 kids, but she doesn’t really care.
~ They keep telling us to get in touch with our bodies. Mine isn’t all that communicative but I heard from it the other day after I said, “Body, how’d you like to go to the six o’clock class in vigorous toning?” Clear as a bell my body said, “Listen witch… do it and die.”
~ The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing and then they marry him.
~ I read this article that said the typical symptoms of stress are: eating too much, impulse buying, and driving too fast. Are they kidding? That’s my idea of a perfect day.
~ If men can run the world, why can’t they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a noose around your neck?
While working at a pizza parlor I observed a man ordering a small pizza to go.
He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if he would like it cut into 4 pieces or 6.
He thought about it for some time before responding.
“Just cut it into 4 pieces; I don’t think I’m hungry enough to eat 6 pieces.”
TODAY IN TRIVIA: What is Earth’s Rotation Day? This is a day to commemorate when in 1851 French Physicist, Leon Foucault, demonstrated the Earth rotates on its axis. He proved his theory by suspending a lead-filled brass sphere, now called the Foucault Pendulum, from the top of the Pantheon in Paris.
The plane of the swing of the pendulum rotated relative to the Earth’s rotation. There are now Foucault Pendulums demonstrating the rotation of the Earth in science museums around the world.
~ What is National Joygerm Day? No, it doesn’t have anything to do with happy bacteria! It’s a day to remind people across the country that by being positive and treating people with kindness, they can influence those around them and pass that positive attitude on to others. Yes, it would seem Happiness is Contagious!
~ What is War on Poverty Day? This day commemorates the legislation first introduced by United States President Lyndon B. Johnson during his State of the Union address on Wednesday, January 8, 1964. This legislation was proposed by Johnson in response to a national poverty rate of around nineteen percent.
Based on the U.S. Census Bureau’s 2015 estimates, that year, an estimated 43.1 million Americans lived in poverty making the official poverty rate 13.5 percent.
QUIP OF THE DAY: I hate it when people use big words just to make themselves sound perspicacious.
THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!
Thought for the day. . . Hospitality is making your guests feel at home, even if you wish they were.