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July 12th

The greater part of our happiness or misery depends on our dispositions and not on our circumstances. – Martha Washington


TODAY – JULY 12th

193rd day of the year (194th in leap years) with 172 days to follow.

Holidays for Today:
~ Collector Car Appreciation Day
~ Eat Your Jello Day
~ National Different Colored Eyes Day
~ National Pecan Pie Day
~ National Simplicity Day
~ Paper Bag Day
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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1817 Henry David Thoreau, Concord, Massachusetts, writer and philosopher (Walden, or Life in the Woods)
  • 1854 George Eastman, Waterville, New York, inventor and philanthropist (invented Kodak camera; founded Eastman Kodak Company)
  • 1864 George Washington Carver, Diamond, Missouri, botanist (studied the peanut)
  • 1895 Oscar Hammerstein II, NYC, New York, lyricist who worked with Richard Rodgers
  • 1895 R Buckminster Fuller, Milton, Maine, architect (invented geodesic dome)
  • 1908 Milton Berle, Manhattan, New York, comedian and actor (first major star of US television; NBC’s Texaco Star Theater)
  • 1917 Andrew Wyeth, Chadds Ford, Pennsylvania, artist (American realist painter, one of the best-known of the 20th century and sometimes referred to as the “Painter of the People” due to his popularity with the American public)
  • 1934 Harvey Lavan “Van” Cliburn Jr, Shreveport, Louisiana, pianist (won International Tchaikovsky Piano Competition at age of 23)
  • 1948 Richard Simmons, New Orleans, Louisiana, exercise guru (Deal-a-Meal)
  • 1951 Cheryl Ladd, Huron, South Dakota, actress (Charlie’s Angels, Purple Hearts, The People v. O.J. Simpson: American Crime Story)
  • 1956 Sandi Patty, Oklahoma City, Oklahoma, contemporary Christian music artist (The Voice)
  • 1957 Rick Husband, Amarillo, Texas, U.S. Air Force Colonel, Astronaut (STS-96, STS-107 / commander of Columbia)
  • 1971 Kristi Yamaguchi, Hayward, California, figure skater (1992 Olympic Champion & U.S. Champion, won 2 World Figure Skating Championships / celebrity winner on 6th season of Dancing w/the Stars)
  • 1978 Michelle Rodriguez, San Antonio, Texas, actress (The Fast and the Furious , Blue Crush, Resident Evil , S.W.A.T., Fast & Furious, Avatar, Furious 7)
  • 1978 Topher Grace, NYC, New York, actor (That ’70s Show, Spider-Man 3, Predators, Opening Night)

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Rather fail with honor than succeed by fraud. – Sophocles
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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1804 Former United States Secretary of the Treasury Alexander Hamilton dies a day after being shot in a duel.
  • 1862 The Medal of Honor is authorized by the United States Congress.
  • 1909 16th Amendment passed in Congress (power to tax incomes).
  • 1917 The Bisbee Deportation occurs as vigilantes kidnap and deport nearly 1,300 striking miners and others from Bisbee, Arizona.
  • 1960 Etch-A-Sketch, the drawing toy, first manufactured.
  • 1962 Rolling Stones perform their first ever concert, at the Marquee Club in London, England, United Kingdom.
  • 1973 A fire destroys the entire 6th floor of the National Personnel Records Center of the United States.
  • 2011 Neptune completes its first orbit since its discovery on September 23, 1846.

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A workman who was extremely fond of garlic boarded a bus in a Southern city, and sat himself down next to a haughty, sour-faced woman. She immediately became aware of the garlic fragrance, and observed icily, “It’s a wonder they don’t run a special bus for persons who insist on eating garlic.”
The workman cheerfully answered, “They do lady, you’re on the wrong bus.”
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The aircraft was flying into Honolulu when the man in the window seat spoke to his fellow passenger for the first time.
“How do you pronounce it, Hawaii or Havaii?”

“Havaii,” said the passenger.
“Thanks.”
“You’re velcome.”
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ONE-LINERS:New sayings for the Internet

~ Home is where you hang your @.
~ The e-mail of the species is more deadly than the mail.
~ A journey of a thousand sites begins with a single click.

~ You can’t teach a new mouse old clicks.
~ Great groups from little icons grow.
~ Speak softly and carry a cellular phone.

~ C: is the root of all directories.
~ Don’t put all your hypes in one home page.
~ Pentium wise; pen and paper foolish.

~ The modem is the message.
~ Too many clicks spoil the browse.
~ The geek shall inherit the earth.

~ A chat has nine lives.
~ Don’t byte off more than you can view.
~ Fax is stranger than fiction.

~ What boots up must come down.
~ Windows will never cease.
~ Virtual reality is its own reward.

~ Modulation in all things.
~ A user and his leisure time are soon parted.
~ There’s no place like home.com.

~ Know what to expect before you connect.
~ Oh, what a tangled website we weave when first we practice.
~ Speed thrills.
~ Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day; teach him to use the Net and he won’t bother you for weeks.
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Golden Oldie… An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%.
The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, “Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again.”
The gentleman replied, “Oh, I haven’t told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I’ve changed my will three times!”
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The company personnel department had carefully interviewed thirty-eight people for the job of assistant to the financial director.

The chief executive thought that one candidate – Charles – seemed ideal. Charles had been to a major public school. Not only was he a qualified accountant, but Charles also had a masters degree in business administration. He seemed fully aware of the latest creative accountancy techniques.

‘Charles,’ said the chief executive, we’ve decided to offer you the job. And as you’re so well qualified we’ve decided to start you off on a slightly higher salary than the one advertised. We’ll pay you 36,000 pounds a year.

‘Thank you,’ replied Charles. ‘But how much is that per month?’
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PIC OF THE DAY: Shetland Sheep ewes resting…

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Two women were walking through the woods when a frog called out to them and said: “Help me, ladies! I am a stockbroker who, through an evil witch’s curse, has been transformed into a frog. If one of you will kiss me, I’ll be returned to my former state!”

One woman took out her purse, grabbed the frog, and stuffed it inside her handbag. The other woman, aghast, screamed, “Didn’t you hear him? If you kiss him, he’ll turn into a stockbroker!”

The second woman replied, “Sure, but these days a talking frog is worth more than a stockbroker!”
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A lawyer named Strange died, and his friend asked the tombstone maker to inscribe on his tombstone, “Here lies Strange, an honest man, and a lawyer.”

The inscriber insisted that such an inscription would be confusing, for passersby would tend to think that three men were buried under the stone.

However he suggested an alternative: He would inscribe, “Here lies a man who was both honest and a lawyer.”

That way, whenever anyone walked by the tombstone and read it, they would be certain to remark:

“That’s Strange!”
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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

~ You can tune a guitar, but you can’t tuna fish. Unless of course, you play bass. – Douglas Adams
~ Where do you find giant snails? On the ends of giants’ fingers.
~ A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

~ The best way to communicate with a fish is to drop them a line.
~ A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, ‘No change yet.’
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I was nearing the final stages of my college preparation to become an elementary school teacher. During my Junior Year we were required to visit several classrooms of varying grades to get a feel for what we were getting ourselves into.
Males in elementary education are a rarity and I soon learned that the children thought it was really neat to see a male at school that was not the principal. I will never forget my first visit to a kindergarten class room. These little tots were dying to ask me questions and tell me things about themselves.

One little boy raised his hand and I went over to him. He VERY seriously said, “My granddaddy is going to kill himself.”
Caught COMPLETELY off guard, I struggled for what to say to him. I finally managed, “I’m sure he’s not gonna kill himself.”
He replied, “Oh yes he is… Momma said if he doesn’t quit lifting things that are too heavy, he’s gonna kill himself.”
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Two Alabama State Trooper Patrol cars were in hot pursuit of a Camaro heading east towards Georgia on I-90.
When the suspect crossed the Georgia line, the first trooper pulled over immediately. The rookie Trooper pulled over right behind him and asked, “Sarge, why’d you stop?”
“You dumb rookie,” replied the Sarge. “He’s in Georgia now. They’re an hour ahead of us, so we’ll never catch him.”
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By the time the sailor pulled into a little town, every hotel room was taken. “You’ve got to have a room somewhere,” he pleaded. “Or just a bed, I don’t care where.”

“Well, I do have a double room with one occupant – an Air Force guy,” admitted the manager, “and he might be glad to split the cost. But to tell you the truth, he snores so loudly that people in adjoining rooms have complained in the past. I’m not sure it’d be worth it to you.”

“No problem,” the tired Navy man assured him. “I’ll take it.”

The next morning, the sailor came down to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy tailed. “How’d you sleep?” asked the manager.

“Never better!”

The manager was impressed. “No problem with the other guy snoring?”

“Nope. I shut him up in no time,” said the Navy guy.

“How’d you manage that?” asked the manager.

“He was already in bed, snoring away, when I came in the room,” the sailor explained. “I went over, gave him a kiss on the cheek, and said, ‘Good night, beautiful,’ and he sat up all night watching me.”

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MY UNCLE, an Army major, had just arrived at his duty assignment in Germany and was passing through the cafeteria line in the officers’ mess. Confronted by a wide array of choices, he asked an enlisted man behind the counter, “What’s good here, soldier?”
Back came the snappy reply, “The discipline, sir!”
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Misappropriated Churchill Quote . . .

A man walks out of a bar totally hammered, only to be greeted by a snobby woman.
She takes one look at him.

“You, sir, are drunk!”
“And you ma’am, are ugly. But when I wake up, I will be sober!”
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TODAY IN TRIVIA: What makes thunder?
Essentially, lightning causes thunder. The air around a lightning bolt is superheated to about five times the temperature of the sun. This sudden heating causes the air to expand faster than the speed of sound, which compresses the air and forms a shock wave; we hear it as thunder.

~ What is National Simplicity Day about?
It honors transcendentalist Henry David Thoreau. The day advocates a life of simplicity and recognizes the life of Thoreau.

~ What is nirvana?
Nirvana is a state of bliss to which Buddhists aspire. In Sanskrit, it literally means “going out,” like the going out of a light. Buddhists often describe it as a state of being devoid of desire and want.

~ What is a ‘three dog night?’
The expression “three dog night” originated with the Eskimos and means a very cold night – so cold that you have to bed down with three dogs to keep warm.

~ Which animal has the biggest brain?
The squirrel monkey’s brain accounts for roughly 5 percent of its body weight – the largest percentage of any other animal. The human brain, by comparison, makes up about 2.3 percent of body weight.
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QUIP OF THE DAY: Good judgment comes from experience; and experience, well, that comes from bad judgment.

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . . Do not act as if you had a thousand years to live. – Marcus Aurelius

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