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July 14th

We can believe what we choose.  We are answerable for what we choose to believe. – Cardinal Newman


195th day of the year (196th in leap years) with 170 days to follow.

Holidays for Today:
~ Bastille Day (France)
~ National Grand Marnier Day
~ National Mac and Cheese Day
~ National Nude Day
~ National Tape Measure Day
~ Pandemonium Day


  • 1857 Frederick L. Maytag, Elgin, Illinois, founded Maytag washing machine company
  • 1903 Irving Stone, San Francisco, California, author (Love is Eternal, Lust for Life)
  • 1906 Tom Carvel, Greek-born American businessman and inventor (invented soft ice cream; founder of Carvel brand and franchise; considered father of modern franchising in the U.S.)
  • 1910 William Hanna, Melrose, New Mexico, animator (Hanna-Barbera)
  • 1912 “Woodie” Guthrie, Okemah, Oklahoma, folk singer (This Land Is Your Land)
  • 1913 Gerald R Ford, Omaha, Nebraska, 41st VP (1973-74), 38th president (1974-77)
  • 1918 Jay Wright Forrester, Anselmo, Nebraska, computer pioneer (invented random-access magnetic core memory)
  • 1921 Geoffrey Wilkinson, English chemist (Nobel; pioneered inorganic chemistry and homogeneous transition metal catalysis)
  • 1930 Polly Bergen, Knoxville, Tennessee, actress / singer / entrepreneur (Cape Fear, Kisses for My President, The Winds of War, War and Remembrance, Commander-in-Chief; Polly Bergen cosmetics)
  • 1932 Roosevelt “Rosie” Grier, Cuthbert, Georgia, football player and actor (considered one of 100 most influential student athletes; Pro/ member of Fearsome Foursome of the Los Angeles Rams, Pro Bowl twice; Bodyguard for Ethel Kennedy during 1968 presidential campaign. Though unable to prevent Robert F. Kennedy assassination, took control of the gun and subdued the shooter, Sirhan Sirhan)
  • 1936 Robert F. Overmyer, Lorain, Ohio, U.S. colonel, pilot, and astronaut (STS-5, STS-51-B)
  • 1939 Sid Haig, Fresno, California, actor (THX 1138, Jason of Star Command, Warlords, Boris and Natasha, Jackie Brown, House of 1000 Corpses, Kill Bill: Vol. 2, The Devils Rejects, Dark Moon Rising, Bone Tomahawk)
  • 1943 Christopher Priest, English author (Fugue for a Darkening Island, The Inverted World, The Glamour, Short Circuit, The Prestige, The Adjacent, The Gradual)
  • 1952 Franklin Graham, Asheville, North Carolina, evangelist (president/CEO Billy Graham Evangelistic Association (BGEA) & Samaritan’s Purse)
  • 1952 Joel Silver, South Orange, NJ, actor and producer (co-founded Dark Castle Entertainment)
  • 1960 Jane Lynch, Dolton, Illinois, actress, comedian and singer (Glee, Rio, Wreck-It Ralph, Escape from Planet Earth, Hollywood Game Night. Angel from Hell)
  • 1961 Jackie Earle Haley, Northridge, California, actor (Valley of the Dinosaurs, The Bad News Bears, Little Children, Watchmen, A Nightmare on Elm Street, Dark Shadows, Lincoln, RoboCop, London Has Fallen, Preacher)
  • 1966 Juliet Cesario, actress (You’re Under Arrest, Oh! My Goddess, One Tree Hill)
  • 1966 Brian Selznick, East Brunswick, New Jersey, author and illustrator for children’s books (The Invention of Hugo Cabret, The Dinosaurs of Waterhouse Hawkins)
  • 1966 Matthew Fox, Crowheart, Wyoming, actor (Party of Five, Lost, Extinction, Bone Tomahawk)
  • 1970 Nina Siemaszko, Chicago, Illinois, actress (The American President, Suicide Kings, Mystery Woman, The West Wing, The Artist)
  • 1979 Scott Porter, Omaha, Nebraska, actor and singer (Speed Racer, Friday Night Lights, Caprica, The Good Wife, Marvel Anime: X-men, Hart of Dixie, Ultimate SpiderMan)
  • 1989 Sean Flynn, Los Angeles, California, actor (Zoey 101, Wuthering High School)

Never be afraid to laugh at yourself. After all, you could be missing out on the joke of the century. -Dame Edna Everage


  • 1769 An expedition led by Gaspar de Portolà establishes a base in California and sets out to find the Port of Monterey (now Monterey, California).
  • 1789 Bastille Day: citizens of Paris storm Bastille prison.
  • 1850 First public demonstration of ice made by refrigeration.
  • 1867 Alfred Nobel demonstrated dynamite for the first time at a quarry in Redhill, Surrey.
  • 1868 Tape measure enclosed in a circular case patented in US by AJ Fellows of New Haven, Connecticut.
  • 1914 First patent for liquid-fueled rocket design granted to Dr. Robert H. Goddard. (His first rocket reached a height of 12.5 metres.)
  • 1943 In Joplin, Missouri, the George Washington Carver National Monument becomes the first United States National Monument in honor of an African American.
  • 1965 The Mariner 4 flyby of Mars takes the first close-up photos of another planet.
  • 1969 The United States $500, $1,000, $5,000 and $10,000 bills are officially withdrawn from circulation.
  • 1992 386BSD is released by Lynne Jolitz and William Jolitz beginning the Open Source Operating System Revolution. Linus Torvalds release his Linux soon afterwards.
  • 2000 A powerful solar flare, later named the Bastille Day event, causes a geomagnetic storm on Earth.
  • 2002 French President Jacques Chirac escapes an assassination attempt unscathed during Bastille Day celebrations.
  • 2015 NASA’s New Horizons probe performs the first flyby of Pluto, and thus completes the initial survey of the Solar System.


This guy was sitting in his attorney’s office. “Do you want the bad news first or the terrible news?” the lawyer said.

“Give me the bad news first.”

“Your wife found a picture worth a half-million dollars.”

“That’s the bad news?” asked the man incredulously. “I can’t wait to hear the terrible news.”

“The terrible news is that it’s of you and your secretary.”


A guy was driving when a policeman pulled him over. He rolled down his window and said to the officer, “Is there a problem, Officer?”

“No problem at all. I just observed your safe driving and am pleased to award you a $5,000 Safe Driver Award. Congratulations. What do you think you’re going to do with the money?”

He thought for a minute and said, “Well, I guess I’ll go get that drivers’ license.”

The lady sitting in the passenger seat said to the policeman, “Oh, don’t pay attention to him – he’s a smart-aleck when he’s drunk and stoned.”

The guy from the back seat said, “I TOLD you guys we wouldn’t get far in a stolen car!”

At that moment, there was a knock from the trunk and a muffled voice said, “Are we over the border yet?”


ONE-LINERS: What Those Computer Acronyms Really Mean

* ISDN = It Still Does Nothing
* IBM = I Blame Microsoft
* APPLE = Arrogance Produces Profit-Losing Entity

* DEC = Do Expect Cuts
* CA = Constant Acquisitions
* CD-ROM = Consumer Device, Rendered Obsolete in Months

* OS/2 = Obsolete Soon, Too.
* SCSI = System Can’t See It
* DOS = Defunct Operating System

* WWW = World Wide Wait
* BASIC = Bill’s Attempt to Seize Industry Control
* MACINTOSH = Most Applications Crash; If Not, The OS Hangs

Pappy sees Elmer walking with a lantern and asks, “Where ya a-going boy ?”
The son smiled and replied, “I’m a-going courting sweet lil’ Miss Peggy-Sue.”

The Father said, “When I went a-courtin’, I didn’t need me no dang lantern.”
“Sure Pa, I know.” the boy said. “And look what you got!”

~ How do you drown a hipster?
Throw him in the mainstream.

~ What sits at the bottom of the sea and twitches?
A nervous wreck.

~ How does Moses make tea?

~ Why can’t you explain puns to kleptomaniacs?
They always take things literally.

~ How do you keep a bagel from getting away?
Put lox on it.

pic of the day: Eastern Swallowtail Butterfly

black butterfly
Feeding on Joe Pye Weed

The owner of a small deli was being questioned by an IRS agent about his tax return. He had reported a net profit of $80,000 for the year.

“Why don’t you people leave me alone?” the deli owner said. “I work like a dog, everyone in my family helps out, the place is only closed three days a year. And you want to know how I made $80,000?”

“It’s not your income that bothers us,” the agent said. “It’s these deductions. You listed six trips to Bermuda for you and your wife.”

“Oh, that,” the owner said smiling. “I forgot to tell you – we also deliver.”

A neutron walks into a bar, sits down and asks for a drink. Finishing, the neutron asks “How much?”

The bartender says, “For you, no charge.”

Joe the lawyer died suddenly, at the age of 45. He got to the gates of Heaven, and the angel standing there said, “We’ve been waiting a long time for you.”

“What do you mean?” he replied. “I’m only 45, in the prime of my life. Why did I have to die now?”

“45? You’re not 45, you’re 82,” replied the angel.

“Wait a minute. If you think I’m 82, then you have the wrong guy. I’m only 45. I can show you my birth certificate.”

“Hold on. Let me go check,” said the angel, and disappeared inside. After a few minutes the angel returned. “Sorry, but by our records you are 82. I checked all the hours you have billed your clients, and you have to be 82…”


~ The one who invented the door knocker got a No-bell prize.
~ My friend’s bakery burned down last night. Now his business is toast.

~ There was once a cross-eyed teacher who couldn’t control his pupils.
~ Police were called to a daycare where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

~ The roundest knight at king Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference.
~ I did a theatrical performance about puns. Really it was just a play on words.

~ What’s the difference between Joan of Arc and a canoe?
One is Maid of Orleans and the other is made of wood.

Sid and Barney head out for a quick round of golf. Since they are short on time, they decide to play only 9 holes. Sid says to Barney, ”Let’s say we make the time worth the while, at least for one of us, and spot $5 on the lowest score for the day.” Barney agrees and they enjoy a great game.

After the 8th hole, Barney is ahead by 1 stroke, but cuts his ball into the rough on the 9th. ”Help me find my ball; you look over there,” he says to Sid. After 5 minutes, neither has had any luck, and since a lost ball carries a four-point penalty, Barney pulls a ball from his pocket and tosses it to the ground. ”I’ve found my ball!” he announces triumphantly.

Sid looks at him forlornly, ”After all the years we’ve been friends, you’d cheat me on golf for a measly five bucks?”

”What do you mean cheat? I found my ball sitting right here!”

”And a liar, too!” Sid says with amazement. ”I’ll have you know I’ve been standing on your ball for the last five minutes!”


Little Johnny was being questioned by the teacher during an arithmetic lesson. ‘If you had ten dollars,’ said the teacher, ‘and I asked you for a loan of eight dollars, how much would you have left?’

‘Ten,’ said Little Johnny firmly.

‘Ten?’ the teacher said ‘How do you make it ten?’

‘Well,’ replied Little Johnny ‘You may ask for a loan of eight dollars, but that doesn’t mean you’ll get it!’

~ A man tells his doctor, “Doc, help me. I’m addicted to Twitter!”
The doctor replies, “Sorry, I don’t follow you…”

~ What kind of exercise do lazy people do?

~ What do you call a parade of rabbits hopping backwards?
A receding hare-line.

~ What does Charles Dickens keep in his spice rack?
The best of thymes, the worst of thymes.

~ What’s the different between a cat and a comma?
A cat has claws at the end of paws; A comma is a pause at the end of a clause.

A Woman’s Random Thoughts . . .
If you love something, set it free.
If it comes back, it will always be yours.
If it doesn’t come back, it was never yours to begin with.
But, if it just sits in your living room, messes up your stuff, eats your food, uses your telephone, takes your money, and doesn’t appear to realize that you had set it free… You either married it or gave birth to it.

TODAY IN TRIVIA: Where in the world has myopia reached epidemic proportions?
In east Asia. In places like Taiwan, Singapore, Hong Kong, and Japan, as many as ninety percent of the young population is now myopic, compared to just fifteen to thirty percent in Europe and the United States.

~ Who invented the cheeseburger?
Drive-in owner Louis E. Ballast of Colorado trademarked the “cheeseburger” on March 5, 1935. He never formally enforced his trademark, and the Humpty Dumpty Barrel restaurant, where the cheeseburger was created, no longer stands, but you can find a stone carving on the side of the road that designates the site of its birth.

~ What famous English romantic poet was also a doctor?
John Keats. Proves that men and women of science can be romantic too. Unfortunately, Keats couldn’t heal himself (he actually never practiced after obtaining his apothecary license): he died at the age of 25 from tuberculosis.

~ Who named the U.S. moon landing program?
Abe Silverstein, who headed NASA’s Space Flight Development Program, proposed the name Apollo for the space exploration programs in the 1960’s. He chose that legendary Greek name because the virile Apollo was a god who rode through the skies in a magnificent golden chariot. The precedent of naming manned spacecraft for mythological gods had been set earlier with Project Mercury, also named by Silverstein.

~ How long have we been drinking tea?
Tea was discovered in China more than 5,000 years ago. Tea is the most popular drink beverage in the world – next to water. The tea that graces tables in virtually every country around the globe comes from the same plant: Camellia sinensis, a member of the evergreen family. From the leaves of this one plant spring three basic types of tea: black, green, and oolong, and more than 3,000 varieties.

QUIP OF THE DAY: A recent survey done by marriage experts shows that the most common form of marriage proposal these days consists of the words: “You’re what?!?”


Thought for the day. . . There are many things in life that will catch your eye. But only a few will catch your heart. – Ben Crenshaw

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