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July 15th

You can plan to be brave – it’s even better if you just try to be brave. – Clive Cussler


TODAY – JULY 15th

196th day of the year (197th in leap years) with 169 days to follow.

Holidays for Today:
~ National Give Something Away Day
~ National Gummy Worm Day
~ National I Love Horses Day
~ National Pet Fire Safety Day
~ National Respect Canada Day
~ National Tapioca Pudding Day
~ Social Media Giving Day
~ St. Swithin’s Day
~ National Be a Dork Day (Urban Dictionary definition of DORK: Someone who has odd interests, and is often silly at times. A dork is also someone who can be themselves and not care what anyone thinks.)
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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1606 Rembrandt van Rijn, Netherlands, painter (considered one of the greatest visual artists in the history of art)
  • 1779 Clement Clarke Moore, New York City, New York, professor / author (‘Twas the Night Before Xmas)
  • 1929 Charles Anthony Caruso, New Orleans, Louisiana, tenor (Has distinction of appearing in more performances at the metropolitan Opera than any other performer, working there for 50 years & retiring Jan. 28, 2010)
  • 1931 Clive Cussler, Aurora, Illinois, marine archaeologist, founder of National Underwater and Marine Agency (NUMA), and author (Dirk Pitt, NUMA Files & Oregon Files adventure novels; Isaac Bell tales, Fargo Adventures)
  • 1939 Patrick Wayne, Los Angeles, California, actor (Rio Grande, Green Berets, Rounder, Shirley, Beyond Atlantis)
  • 1943 Jocelyn Bell Burnell, Northern Ireland, astrophysicist (discovered first radio pulsars w/ supervisor Antony Hewish)
  • 1944 Jan-Michael Vincent, Denver, Colorado, actor (Hooper, Big Wednesday, Stringfellow Hawke in Airwolf, The Winds of War, Escape to Grizzley Mountain)
  • 1946 Linda Ronstadt, Tucson, Arizona, singer (Different Drum, Blue Bayou)/actress (Pirates of Penzance)
  • 1951 Jesse “The Body” Ventura, Minneapolis, Minnesota, wrestler/actor (Predator, Running Man), 38th governor of Minnesota
  • 1952 Terrance O’Quinn, Sault Sainte Marie, Michigan, actor (John Locke on Lost, The Rocketeer, The Stepfather, Hawaii Five-O, 666 Park Avenue, Gang Related, Full Circle)
  • 1960 Kim Alexis, Lockport, New York, model (Sports Illustrated swimsuit cover), tv host and actor
  • 1961 Forest Whitaker, Longview, Texas, actor (Bird, Ghost Dog: The Way of the Samurai, Panic Room, The Twilight Zone, The Last King of Scotland, The Shield, The Butler, Taken 3, Roots)
  • 1967 Adam Savage, New York City, New York, industrial design and special effects designer/fabricator, actor, educator (former co-host of Mythbusters)
  • 1962 Brigitte Nielsen, Denmark, actress (Red Sonja, Rocky IV, Cobra, Beverly Hills Cop II, Exodus, Mercenary)
  • 1973 Brian Austin Green, Van Nuys, California, actor (Beverly Hills 90210, Knots Landing, Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles, Anger Management, Don’t Blink)
  • 1976 Diane Kruger, German actress and former model (Helen in Troy, National Treasure, Mr. Nobody,The Bridge, Disorder, The Infiltrator)
  • 1976 Gabriel Iglesias, San Diego, California, stand-up comedian (I’m Not Fat… I’m Fluffy)
  • 1981 Taylor Kinney, Lancaster, Pennsylvania, model and actor (Trauma, The Vampire Diaries, Zero Dark Thirty, Chicago Fire, Chicago P.D., The Forest)

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Friends are like walls. Sometimes you lean on them, and sometimes it’s good just knowing they are there. – Author Unknown
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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1799 The Rosetta Stone is found in the Egyptian village of Rosetta by French Captain Pierre-François Bouchard during Napoleon’s Egyptian Campaign.
  • 1869 Margarine is patented in Paris, for use by French Navy.
  • 1870 Georgia becomes the last of the former Confederate states to be readmitted to the Union.
  • 1893 Commodore Perry arrives in Japan.
  • 1910 In his book Clinical Psychiatry, Emil Kraepelin gives a name to Alzheimer’s disease, naming it after his colleague Alois Alzheimer.
  • 1916 The Boeing Co., originally known as Pacific Aero Products, was founded in Seattle by William Boeing.
  • 1922 1st duck-billed platypus publicly exhibited in US, at NY zoo.
  • 1941 Florey & Heatley present freeze dried mold cultures (Penicillin).
  • 1954 1st commercial jet transport plane built in US tested (Boeing 707).
  • 1959 For the first time in United States history, there is a significant importation of foreign steel due to a steel strike in the U.S..
  • 1975 There was a dual launch of an Apollo spacecraft and a Soyuz spacecraft for the first joint Soviet-United States human-crewed flight. It was also the last launch of both an Apollo spacecraft, and the Saturn family of rockets.
  • 1983 The Nintendo Entertainment System, the best-selling game console of its time, is released in Japan.
  • 2003 AOL Time Warner disbands Netscape. The Mozilla Foundation is established on the same day.
  • 2006 Twitter is launched, becoming one of the largest social media platforms in the world.

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I was walking down an alley last night, when I heard, “Help! Help!” coming from behind a dumpster. Two thugs were trying to steal an old lady’s handbag, but she was putting up a heck of a fight and wouldn’t let go. I wondered if I should get involved, or keep walking and pretend I didn’t see anything…

I finally decided that I should help. It didn’t take the three of us very long to get her handbag.
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Three tourists climbed up the tower with London’s Big Ben and decided to throw their watches off the top, run down the stairs and try to catch them before they hit the ground.

The first tourist threw his watch but heard it crash before the had taken three steps. The second threw his watch and made only two steps before hearing his watch shatter.

The third tourist threw his watch off the tower, went down the stairs, bought a snack at a shop up the street and walked slowly back to Big Ben in time to catch the watch.

“How did you do that?” asked one of his friends.

“My watch is 30 minutes slow.”
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ONE-LINERS:

~A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station…GO FIGURE!

~If Fed Ex & UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?

~If quitters never win & winners never quit, what fool came up w/”Quit while you’re ahead”?

~Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?

~What hair color do they put on the driver’s licenses of bald men?

~I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans.
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After many years of marriage, a husband has turned into a couch potato, became completely inattentive to his wife and sat guzzling beer and watching TV all day. The wife was dismayed because no matter what she did to attract the husband’s attention, he’d just shrug her off with some bored comment.

This went on for many months and the wife was going crazy with boredom. Then one day at a pet store, the wife saw this big, ugly, snorting bird with a hairy chest, powerful hairy forearms, beady eyes and dribble running down the side of its mouth.

The shopkeeper, observing her fascination with the bird, told her it was a special imported “Goony bird” and it had a very peculiar trait. To demonstrate, he exclaimed, “Goony bird! The table!”

Immediately, the Goony bird flew off its perch and with single-minded fury attacked the table and smashed it into a hundred little pieces with its powerful forearms and claws! To demonstrate some more, the shopkeeper said, “Goony bird! The shelf!”

Again the Goony bird turned to the shelf and demolished it in seconds.

“Wow!” said the wife, “If this doesn’t attract my husband’s attention, nothing will!” So she bought the bird and took it home.

When she entered the house, the husband was, as usual, sprawled on the sofa guzzling beer and watching the game. “Honey!” she exclaimed, “I’ve got a surprise for you! A Goony bird!”

The husband, in his usual bored tone replied, “Goony Bird, my foot!”
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pic of the day: Puppy Pranks. . .


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The minister was preoccupied with thoughts of how he was going to ask the congregation to come up with more money than they were expecting for repairs to the church building.

Therefore, he was annoyed to find that the regular organist was sick and a substitute had been brought in at the last minute. The substitute wanted to know what to play.

“Here’s a copy of the service,” the pastor said impatiently. “But, you’ll have to think of something to play after I make the announcement about the finances.”

During the service, the minister paused and said, “Brothers and sisters, we are in great difficulty; the roof repairs cost twice as much as we expected and we need $4,000 more. Any of you who can pledge $100 or more, please stand up.”

At that moment, the substitute organist played “The Star Spangled Banner.”
And that is how the substitute became the regular organist.
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After the accident, I told the police officer I thought the driver of the other vehicle was drunk.
He told me the other vehicle was a cow.
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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!
~ I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.
~ Pasteurize: Too far to see.
~ Propaganda: A gentlemanly goose.
~ Toboggan: Why we go to an auction.
~ Marriage is the mourning after the knot before.
~ A book just fell on my head. I’ve only got myshelf to blame.
~ It’s hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally.
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A young woman sat next to the President, who had become quite well known for his “frugality with words,” and said to him, “I have a bet with a friend that I can get at least three words of conversation from you.”

Coolidge turned to the young woman and said, “You lose.”
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Last New Year’s Eve, one woman stood up at the local tavern and said that it was time to get ready. At the stroke of midnight, she wanted every husband to be standing next to the one person who made his life worth living.

It was embarrassing – The bartender was almost crushed to death.
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If I like it, it’s mine.
If I can take it away from you, it’s mine.
If I had it a while ago, it’s mine.
If I say it is mine, it’s mine.
If I saw it first, it’s mine.
If you’re having fun with it, it’s definitely mine.
If you lay it down, it’s mine.
If it’s broken, it’s yours.
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More and more computer science majors at U.S. colleges are opting not to take programming jobs after they graduate.

Not because they don’t want to work in the computer industry, it’s just that they want to spend a few more years in America before having to move to India.
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Inventions Bound to Fail

*The water-proof towel

*Glow in the dark sunglasses

*Submarine screen doors

*A book on how to read

*Inflatable dart boards

*A dictionary index

*Dehydrated water – Just add water

*Waterproof tea bags

*The helicopter ejector seat

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TODAY IN TRIVIA: Why does St. Swithin have a day? (alternate spelling: Swithun) During the 900s, a man named Swithin (spelling also recorded as “Swithun”) was the Bishop of Winchester in England. Some years after his death, and for reasons not documented, Bishop Swithin’s remains were transferred to Winchester Cathedral on July 15, 971. That same day, there was a tremendous rainstorm. Legend has it that Bishop Swithin was so angry about the move from his final resting place that he caused the storm. According to old English folklore, if it should now rain on July 15th, St. Swithin will make it rain for 40 days thereafter.

~ Why couldn’t you fly close to a neutron star?
A neutron star is the strongest magnet in the universe. The magnetic field of a neutron star is a million million times stronger than Earth’s magnetism.

~ How many threes of human body parts?
There are ten human body parts that are only three letters long: eye, hip, arm, leg, ear, toe, jaw, rib, lip, gum.

~ Why should you stay up late to watch meteors?
Five times as many meteors can be seen after midnight as can seen before.
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QUIP OF THE DAY: If a man speaks in the forest and his wife isn’t there to hear him, is he still wrong?

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . . “Nobody believes the official spokesman … but everybody trusts an unidentified source.” – Ron Nessen

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