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July 16th

All that we behold is full of blessings. – William Wordsworth


197th day of the year (198th in leap years) with days 168 to follow.

Holidays for Today:
~ National Corn Fritters Day
~ National Personal Chef Day


  • 1872 Roald Amundsen, Norwegian explorer (led Antarctic expedition to discover South Pole)
  • 1907 Barbara Stanwyck, Brooklyn, New York, actress (Night Nurse, Union Pacific, The Lady Eve, The Big Valley, The Thorn Birds)
  • 1907 Orville Redenbacher, Brazil, Indiana, businessman (popcorn!)
  • 1911 Ginger Rogers, Independence, Missouri, actress, dancer (Fred Astaire’s dancing partner in 10 films, Kitty Foyle, Lady in the Dark, Storm Warning)
  • 1946 Richard LeParmentier, Pennsylvania, British actor (Admiral Motti in Star Wars IV: A New Hope; Lt. Santino in Who Framed Roger Rabbit; Superman II, Octopussy, Capital City)
  • 1958 Michael Flatley, Irish-American dancer, choreographer, and actor (Riverdance, Lord of the Dance, Celtic Tiger)
  • 1967 Will Ferrell, Irvine, California, comedian (Elf, Anchorman, Talledega Nights, Blades of Glory, Megamind)
  • 1968 Larry Sanger, Bellevue, Washington, philosopher, co-founder of Wikipedia, founder of Citizendium
  • 1969 Daryl Mitchell, The Bronx, New York, actor (The John Larroquette Show, Veronica’s Closet, Ed, NCIS: New Orleans)
  • 1971 Corey Feldman, Los Angeles, California, actor (Friday the 13th, The Goonies, The Lost Bogs, Gremlins, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)
  • 1979 Jayma Mays, Bristol, Tennessee, actress (Glee, Ugly Betty, Heroes, Paul Blart: Mall Cop, The Smurfs, The Adventures of Puss in Boots, Trial & Error)
  • 1994 Mark Indelicato, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, singer and actor (Ugly Betty, White Bird in a Blizzard, Dead of Summer)

“To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all.” ― Oscar Wilde


  • 1790 District of Columbia established as the capital of the United States after signature of the Residence Act.
  • 1861 By order of President Abraham Lincoln, Union troops begin a 25 mile march into Virginia during the Civil War for what became The First Battle of Bull Run, the first major land battle of the war.
  • 1862 David Farragut is promoted to rear admiral during The Civil War, becoming the first officer in United States Navy to hold an admiral rank.
  • 1935 The world’s first parking meter is installed in Oklahoma City, Oklahoma.
  • 1941 Joe DiMaggio hits safely for the 56th consecutive game, a streak that still stands as a MLB record.
  • 1957 United States Marine major John Glenn flies a F8U Crusader supersonic jet from California to New York in 3 hours, 23 minutes and 8 seconds, setting a new transcontinental speed record.
  • 1969 Apollo 11, the first manned space mission to land on the Moon, is launched from the Kennedy Space Center at Cape Canaveral, Florida.
  • 1973 Watergate Scandal: former White House aide Alexander P. Butterfield informs the United States Senate that President Richard Nixon had secretly recorded potentially incriminating conversations.
  • 1999 John F. Kennedy, Jr., piloting a Piper Saratoga aircraft, dies when his plane crashes into the Atlantic Ocean off the coast of Martha’s Vineyard. His wife Carolyn Bessette Kennedy and sister-in-law Lauren Bessette are also killed.
  • 2004 Millennium Park, considered Chicago’s first and most ambitious early 21st century architectural project, is opened to the public by Mayor Richard M. Daley.


I was signing the receipt for my credit card purchase when the clerk noticed I had never signed my name on the back of the credit card. She informed me that she could not complete the transaction unless the card was signed.

When I asked why, she explained that it was necessary to compare the signature I had just signed on the receipt. So I signed the credit card in front of her. She carefully compared the signature to the one I had just signed on the receipt.

As luck would have it, they matched. (A little sarcasm perhaps?)

A judge in a small city was hearing a drunk-driving case and the defendant, who had both a record and a reputation for driving under the influence, demanded a jury trial.

It was nearly 4:00 p.m. and getting a jury would take time, so the judge called a recess and went out in the hall looking to impanel anyone available for jury duty. He found a dozen lawyers in the main lobby and told them that they were a jury. The lawyers thought this would be a novel experience and so followed the judge back to the courtroom.

The trial was over in about 10 minutes and it was very clear that the defendant was guilty. The jury went into the jury room, the judge started getting ready to go home, and everyone waited. After nearly three hours, the judge was totally out of patience and sent the bailiff into the jury room to see what was holding up the verdict.

When the bailiff returned, the judge said, “Well have they got a verdict yet?”

The bailiff shook his head and said, “Verdict? They’re still doing nominating speeches for the foreman’s position!”


~ What you do today you’ve got to sleep with tonight.
~ I am becoming increasingly worried and concerned that there isn’t enough anxiety in my life.
~ As you climb the ladder of success, check occasionally to make sure it is leaning against the right wall.

~ You cannot achieve the impossible without attempting the absurd.
~ Take care to get what you like or you will be forced to like what you get.
~ It’s not about then. It’s about now, now, now, now, and now. The more “nows” you have, the more “thens” you can look back on.

~ Enthusiasm is contagious, but hype is a disease.
~ Two things are hard on the heart: Running upstairs and running down people.
~ A lot of people have heard opportunity knocking at the door, but by the time they unlocked the chain, pushed back the bolt, turned two locks, and shut off the burglar alarm, it was gone.

The Sunday school teacher was explaining the story of the Prophet Elijah and the false prophets of Baal. She explained how Elijah built the altar, put wood upon it, cut the steer in pieces and laid it upon the altar. “And then Elijah commanded the people of God to fill four barrels of water and pour it over the altar. He had them do this four times.”

“Now,” said the teacher, “can anyone in the class tell me why the Lord would have Elijah pour water over the steer on the altar?”

A girl in the back of the room raised her hand with great enthusiasm. “To make the gravy!”

Lawyer Jokes

Q: What do you get for a friend who is graduating from Law School?
A: A Lobotomy.

Q: How do you stop a lawyer from drowning?
A: Shoot him before he hits the water.

Q: How else do you keep a lawyer from drowning?
A: Take your foot off of his head.

Q: How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?
A: Cut the rope.

PIC OF THE DAY: Luna Moths


A dog was so clever that his owner sent him to college. Home for vacation, the dog admitted he had learned neither history nor science, but added proudly, “I did make a good start in foreign languages.”

“Okay,” replied the owner, “say something in a foreign language.”

The dog said, “Meow!”

A local laboratory employed a licensed boat captain to man its research vessel. Reportedly, the captain couldn’t swim. A newcomer, learning of this, approached him about it.

“Is it true?” the newcomer asked incredulously. “You, a boat captain, can’t swim?”

“No I can’t,” the captain replied. “Can pilots fly?”

At the airport check-in counter I overheard a woman ask for window seats for both she and her husband.

The clerk pointed out that this would prevent them for sitting together.

“Sweetie,” the woman replied, “I’ve just spent 10 days of quality time in a compact rental car with this man. I KNOW what I’m requesting!”

PUN ZONE! Van Gogh’s Family Tree . . .

– His dizzy aunt – Verti Gogh
– The brother who ate prunes – Gotta Gogh
– The brother who worked at a convenience store – Stop an Gogh

– His Mexican cousin – A mee Gogh
– The cousin from Illinois – Chica Gogh
– The grandfather from Yugoslavia – U Gogh

– His magician uncle – Where-diddy Gogh
– The nephew who drove a stage coach – Wells-far Gogh
– The Mexican cousin’s American half-brother – Ring Gogh

– The constipated uncle – Cant Gogh
– The bird lover uncle – Flaming Gogh
– The ballroom dancing aunt – Tang Gogh

– His nephew psychoanalyst – E Gogh
– The fruit loving cousin – Man Gogh
– An aunt who taught positive thinking – Way-to Gogh

– A sister who loved disco – Go Gogh
– The little bouncy nephew – Poe Gogh
– And his niece who traveled the country in a van – Winnie Bay Gogh

NEWS FLASH #1: Friday evening. A notorious murderer has just escaped from Texas State Prison. Police advise members of the public that they should not approach him at any costs, but report any sightings to their nearest police station.

NEWS FLASH #2: Saturday afternoon. The convict who escaped from Texas State Prison late Friday evening is safely back in custody after surrendering himself to police early this morning.

When asked why he gave himself up after his first taste of freedom for twelve years, the con replied, “When I finally got home, the first thing my wife asked me was, ‘Where have you been? You escaped eight hours ago’.”

How To Ask A Man To Do Something . . . Always remember these six important rules when asking a man to do something:

1. Make sure the man is conscious.
2. Crash the hard drive on his computer and line the bird cage with the sports section.

3. Be brief! Limit your nagging harangue to two, three hours, max.
4. Reward him for cooperative behavior. Offer to cook him something that doesn’t have a peel-back cover.

5. Punish him when he refuses to cooperate. Microwave his remote on high power for 55 minutes. Rotate 1/4 turn, and microwave again for another 35 minutes.
6. Use “would you” or “will you” instead of “you’d better” or “do as I say and no one will get hurt.”

The soldier serving overseas was annoyed and upset when his girl sent him a “Dear John” letter, breaking off their engagement and asking for her photograph back.

The serviceman went out and collected from his friends all the unwanted photographs of women that he could find. Then he bundled them all together and sent them back to the girl with a note saying: “Regret cannot remember which one is you – please keep your photo and return the others.”

When I went to get my driver’s license renewed, our local motor-vehicle bureau was packed.

The line inched along for almost an hour until the man ahead of me finally got his license.

He inspected his photo for a moment and commented to the clerk, “I was standing in line so long, I ended up looking pretty grouchy in this picture.”

The clerk looked at his picture closely. “It’s okay,” he reassured the man, “That’s how you’re going to look when the cops pull you over anyway.”

TODAY IN TRIVIA: Did a German invent the paper clip?
Actually, the paper clip was patented by Norwegian inventor Johan Vaaler in 1899. However, Norway had no patent law at the time, so he had to travel to Germany where he received his patent in 1900. His U.S. patent was granted in 1901.

~ Is any continent entirely snake-free?
Antarctica is the only continent without reptiles or snakes.

~ How big are the Chips Ahoy’s ovens?
Chips Ahoy! cookies are baked in ovens which are as long as a football field. Over 4,000 cookies exit the oven each minute.

~ How long does a Luna Moth live?
Adult Luna moths live for only about 7 days, long enough to breed and lay eggs. Life stages are approximately two weeks as eggs, 6–7 weeks as larvae, nine months as pupae, finishing with one week as winged adults.

~ What kind of food do Luna moths eat?
The adult Luna moth does not eat. The catepillars munch on a variety of trees including white birch (Betula papyrifera), persimmon (Diospyros virginiana), sweet gum (Liquidambar styraciflua), hickories (Carya), walnuts (Juglans), and sumacs (Rhus).

QUIP OF THE DAY: By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll become happy; if you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher. – Socrates


Thought for the day. . . Courtesies of a small and trivial character are the ones which strike deepest in the grateful and appreciating heart. – Henry Clay

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