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July 20th

I don’t need a friend who changes when I change and who nods when I nod; my shadow does that much better. – Plutarch


TODAY – JULY 20th

201st day of the year (202nd in leap years) with 164 days to follow.

Holidays for Today:
~ International Chess Day
~ National Lollipop Day
~ National Moon Day (First Man on the Moon Day: commemorates the day man first walked on the moon)
~ National Pennsylvania Day (recognizes the second state to join the Union)
~ Ugly Truck Day
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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 356 BC Alexander the Great, Greek king of Macedonia and conqueror of Persia
  • 1804 Sir Richard Owen, London, England, biologist (coined the word Dinosauria, meaning Terrible Reptile)
  • 1822 Gregor Mendel, Austrian scientist (founded science of genetics)
  • 1919 Sir Edmund Hillary, New Zealand mountain climber (one of 1st two men to scale MT Everest)
  • 1924 Thomas Berger, Cincinnati, Ohio, author (Little Big Man, Neighbors, Meeting Evil)
  • 1933 Cormac McCarthy, Providence, Rhode Island, Southern Gothic, western & post-apocalyptic author (Blood Meridian, Border Trilogy, No Country for Old Men)
  • 1938 Diana Rigg, England, actress (Emma Peel in Avengers, On Her Majesty’s Secret Service, Evil Under the Sun, Snow White, Parting Shots, The Painted Veil, Game of Thrones)
  • 1938 Natalie Wood [Natasha Gurdin], San Francisco, California, actress (Gypsy, Rebel Without a Cause)
  • 1947 Carlos Santana, Mexico, musician (Santana-Black Magic Woman)
  • 1947 Gerd Binnig, Frankfurt, Germany, physicist (tunneling microscope-Nobel 1986)
  • 1964 Dean Winters, New York City, New York, actor (Oz, John Wick, Law & Order: SVU, Battle Creek, “Mayhem” in Allstate Insurance commercials)
  • 1964 Terri Irwin, Eugene, Oregon, naturalist (widow of Steve Irwin, Animal Planet television personality)
  • 1975 Judy Greer, Detroit, Michigan, actress (Arrested Development, Two and a Half Men, Archer, Mad Love, Married, Ant-Man)
  • 1978 Charlie Korsmo, Fargo, North Dakota, actor and lawyer (Dick Tracy, What About Bob, Hook)
  • 1978 Elliott Yamin, Los Angeles, California, singer (placed 3rd on 5th season of American Idol)
  • 1985 John Francis Daley, Wheeling, Illinois, actor (Freaks and Geeks, The Geena Davis Show, Kitchen Confidential, Bones)
  • 1988 Julianne Hough, Provo Utah, ballroom dancer (won 4th season of Dancing With the Stars/partner speed skater Apolo Anton Ohno AND 5th season of DWTS with three-time Indianapolis 500 champion Hélio Castroneves as partner) / country singer / actress (Footloose, Rock of Ages, Dirty Grandpa)

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True friendship is like sound health; the value of it is seldom known until it be lost. – Charles Caleb Colton
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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1807 Nicéphore Niépce is awarded a patent by Napoleon Bonaparte for the Pyréolophore, the world’s first internal combustion engine, after it successfully powered a boat upstream on the river Saône in France.
  • 1871 British Columbia becomes 6th Canadian province.
  • 1872 Mahlon Loomis receives patent for wireless … the radio is born.
  • 1903 Ford Motor Company shipped its first car.
  • 1940 Billboard magazine publishes its first “Music Popularity Chart”; the first number one song is Frank Sinatra’s “I’ll Never Smile Again”.
  • 1948 First peacetime military draft started by President Harry S. Truman in the US amid increasing tensions with the Soviet Union.
  • 1960 Polaris missile successfully launched from submarine, the USS George Washington, for the first time.
  • 1969 1st men on Moon, Neil Armstrong & Edwin Aldrin, Apollo 11 lands on the moon.
  • 1976 US Viking 1 lands on Mars at Chryse Planitia, 1st Martian landing.
  • 1977 Flash flood hits Johnstown, Pennsylvania, kills 80 & causing $350 million damage.
  • 1995 Inventure Place, home of the National Inventors Hall of Fame, was dedicated in Akron, Ohio.
  • 1997 The fully restored USS Constitution (a.k.a. Old Ironsides) celebrates its 200th birthday by setting sail for the first time in 116 years.
  • 1999 Falun Gong is banned in the People’s Republic of China, and a large scale crackdown of the practice is launched.
  • 2003 Rookie Ben Curtis, ranked 396th in the world, wins British Open, the first golfer to win a major golf tournament on his first try in more than ninety years.
  • 2012 A gunman opens fire at a movie theater in Aurora, Colorado, as it is showing The Dark Knight Rises, killing 12 and injuring 70 others.
  • 2015 United States and Cuba resume full diplomatic relations after five decades.
  • 2017 O. J. Simpson is granted parole to be released from prison after serving nine years of a 33-year sentence after being convicted of armed robbery in Las Vegas.

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A woman goes to the post office to buy stamps for her Hanukkah cards.

She says to the clerk, “May I have 50 Hanukkah stamps?”

The clerk says, “What denomination?”

The woman says, “Oh my word. Has it come to this? Give me 6 Orthodox, 12 Conservative, and 32 Reform.”

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Two guys get off a ship and head for the nearest bar. Each one orders two whiskeys and immediately downs them. They then order two more whiskeys and once again quickly throw them back. They then order another two whiskeys apiece.

One of them picks up one of his drinks and turning to the other man says, “Cheers!”

The other man turns to the first man and asks, “Hey, did you come here to B.S. or did you come here to drink?”

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ONE-LINERS: The Top 11 Changes at Microsoft as a Result of Antitrust Charges

11. Microsoft offices no longer providing toilet paper bearing Netscape logo.

10. Follow-up release to ‘IE4’ now being referred to internally as ‘IE,5-10, with time off for good behavior.’

9. Before devouring competitors, must now say: ‘pretty please with jam on top’

8. Cancellation of planned ad campaign: ‘You’ll think what we TELL you to think!’

7. Company United Way contributions redirected towards the ‘Let’s Buy The US Government’ fund.

6. Plans quietly tabled to begin marketing: MSFood, MSClothing and MSShelter.

5. 10:00 AM: Barksdale visits Gates’s office to sign landmark settlement agreement. 10:05 AM: Piranhas beneath trap door get some lunch.

4. Bumper stickers removed from corporate limousines which read. ‘I don’t break for software companies’

3. Kick back for a while, let loser companies catch up.

2. Now relegated to making large piles of cash, down from huge wads of cash.

1. Using honesty, humility and cooperation, allow one small competitor to show a modest profit for three straight quarters. Then when they’re lulled, club ’em to death like a baby seal.

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My husband and I had just finished tucking our five young ones into bed one evening when we heard sobbing coming from three-year-old Billy’s room. Rushing to his side, we found him crying hysterically. He had accidentally swallowed a penny and was sure he was going to die. No amount of talking could change his mind.

Desperate to calm him, my husband palmed a penny that he happened to have in his pocket and pretended to pull it from Billy’s ear. Billy was delighted. In a flash, he snatched it from my husband’s hand, swallowed it and demanded cheerfully, “Do it again, Dad!”
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Shampoo alert!

As I was washing my hair in the shower this morning, I read the label on the shampoo bottle and I’m still in shock! The shampoo I use while showering, that runs down my entire body says “for extra volume and body”!

Seriously, why haven’t I noticed this before? Now I understand why I have gained so much weight…!

Tomorrow I am going to start using “Dawn” dishwashing soap. It says on the label “dissolves fat that is otherwise difficult to remove.”

I’ll tell you one thing, “It pays to read the warning labels, my friend!”

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pic of the day: Tiger Lily


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Mary was having a tough day and had stretched herself out on the couch to do a bit of what she thought to be well-deserved complaining and self- pitying.

She moaned to her mom and brother, “Nobody loves me … the whole world hates me!”

Her brother, busily occupied playing a game, hardly looked up at her and passed on this encouraging word: “That’s not true, Mary. Some people don’t even know you.”
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Microsoft is trying to add some humor to its error messages in Windows. Here are a couple of examples:

* Printer not responding; Got a pen and paper handy?

* 3 things are certain in life: Taxes, death, and data loss. Guess which has occured?
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My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the person behind the counter for “minimal lettuce.” He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg.
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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

Six year old Angie, and her four-year old brother, Joel, were sitting together in church. Joel giggled, sang and talked out loud. Finally, his big sister had had enough. “You’re not suppose to talk out loud in church.”
“Why? Who’s going to stop me?” Joel asked.
Angie pointed to the back of the church and said, “See those two men standing by the door? They’re hushers.”

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A big city lawyer was called in on a case between a farmer and a large railroad company. The farmer noticed that his prize cow was missing from the field through which the railroad passed. He filed suit against the railroad
company for the value of the cow. The case was to be tried before the Justice of the Peace in the back room of the General Store.

The attorney immediately cornered the farmer and tried to get him to settle out of court. The lawyer did his best selling job, and the farmer finally agreed to take half of what he was claiming to settle the case. After the farmer signed the release and took the check, the young lawyer couldn’t help but gloat a little over his success.

He said to the farmer, “You know, I hate to tell you this but I put one over on you in there. I couldn’t have won the case. The engineer was asleep and the fireman was in the caboose when the train went through your farm that
morning. I didn’t have one witness to put on the stand.”

The old farmer replied, “Well, I’ll tell you, young feller, I was a little worried about winning that case myself because that durned cow came home this morning!”

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What we said differently to Mom and Dad growing up:

To Mom:
I’m hungry…
I’m cold…
I’m hot…
Can I have…
I want to watch…
Where are you?
Can you ask Dad?
Can you help me…
He punched me…
She scratched me…
I want to go there…
When are we…?
Why are we…?
Why can’t we…?

To Dad:
Where’s mom?
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A concerned husband goes to see the family doctor and says, “I think my wife is deaf because she never hears me the first time I say something, in fact, I often have to repeat things over and over again.”

“Well,” the doctor replies, “go home and tonight and stand about 15 feet from her and say something. If she doesn’t reply, move about five feet closer and say it again. Keep doing this so we can get an idea about the severity of her deafness.”

Sure enough, the husband goes home and does exactly as instructed. He starts off about 15 feet from his wife in the kitchen and as she is chopping some vegetables, he says, “Honey, what’s for dinner?”

He gets no response. He moves about five feet closer and asks again. No reply. He moves five feet closer. Still no reply. He gets fed up and moves right behind her, about an inch away, and asks again, “Honey, what’s for dinner?”

She replies, “For the fourth time, vegetable stew!”
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A man has to take on up a sport at the advice of his doctor, so he decides to play tennis.

fter a couple of weeks his buddy asks him how he’s doing. “It’s going fine”, the manager says, “When I’m on the court and I see the ball speeding towards me my brain immediately says: To the corner! Back hand! To the net! Smash! Go back!”

“Really? What happens then?” his friend asks enthusiastically.

“Then my body says: Who? Me? Don’t talk nonsense!”

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TODAY IN TRIVIA: What did Jacques clearly invent? It was Swiss chemist Jacques Edwin Brandenberger who invented cellophane, back in 1908.

~ What did the Greeks think of parsley?
Parsley is a common herb of the Mediterranean area and was well known to the ancient Greeks. They considered it too sacred to eat. Romans did serve it as a garnish and to improve the taste of food. They believed it had special powers and would keep them sober.

~ How quick was that brown fox with its liquor jugs?
“The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog” is commonly believed to be the only English sentence devised to include all the letters of the alphabet. However, typesetters and designers have alternatively employed “Pack my box with five dozen liquor jugs.”

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QUIP OF THE DAY: Sorry, Boss, I can’t do that. My powers can only be used for good.

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . . Three Rules of Work:
1. Out of clutter, find simplicity.
2.  From discord, find harmony.
3. In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity. – Albert Einstein

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