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July 28th

You must be the change you wish to see in the world. – Gandhi


TODAY – JULY 28th

209th day of the year (210th in leap years) with 156 days to follow.

Holidays for Today:
~ Buffalo Soldiers Day
~ National Milk Chocolate Day
~ National Waterpark Day
~ Day of Commemoration of the Great Upheaval (Canada)
~ World Hepatitis Day
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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1746 Thomas Heyward, Jr., St. Luke’s Parish, South Carolina, American patriot ( a signer of the U.S. Declaration of Independence and Articles of Confederation South Carolina representative)
  • 1857 Ballington Booth, co-founder of Volunteers of America
  • 1866 Beatrix Potter, England, children’s author (Tale of Peter Rabbit)
  • 1867 Charles Dillon Perrine, American-born Argentine astronomer (discovered two moons of Jupiter, today known as Himalia (in 1904) and Elara (in 1905))
  • 1887 Marcel Duchamp, French painter (work/ideas influenced development of post-WWII Western art)
  • 1879 Lucy Burns, Brooklyn, New York, activist (co-founded the National Woman’s Party with Alice Paul)
  • 1887 Willard Price, Canadian-American journalist and author (The “Adventure” series, The Amazing Amazon, Incredible Africa, America’s Paradise Lost)
  • 1901 Rudy Vallee, Island Pond, Vermont, singer (Vagabond Dreams, My Time Is Your Time)
  • 1904 Pavel Alekseyevich Cherenkov, Russian physicist, (Nobel/ Cherenkov effect, Cherenkov detector – standard piece of equipment in atomic research for observing the existence and velocity of high-speed particles)
  • 1907 Earl S Tupper, Berlin, New Hampshire, inventor and businessman (Tupperware)
  • 1915 Charles Townes, Greenville, South Carolina, physicist (Nobel/ maser)
  • 1922 Jacques Piccard, Brussels, Belgium, oceanographer and engineer (Bathyscaphe)
  • 1925 Baruch S. Blumberg, New York City, New York, scientist (identified the hepatitis B virus and later developed its diagnostic test and vaccine)
  • 1929 Jacqueline Lee Bouvier Kennedy Onassis, 1st lady (1961-63) of the United States
  • 1932 Natalie Babbitt, Dayton, Ohio, author and illustrator (Knee-Knock Rise, Tuck Everlasting, The Eyes of the Amaryllis, Herbert Rowbarge, The Moon Over High Street)
  • 1945 Jim Davis, Marion, Indiana, cartoonist (Garfield)
  • 1948 Sally Struthers, Portland, Oregon, actress (Gloria – All in the Family, Five Easy Pieces, The Getaway, Nine to Five, Gilmore Girls, Still Standing)
  • 1958 Terry Fox, Canada, ran “Marathon of Hope” across Canada
  • 1964 Lori Loughlin, Queens, New York City, actress (Full House, 90210, Summerland, When Calls the Heart)
  • 1972 Elizabeth Berkley, Farmington Hills, Michigan, actress (Saved by the Bell, Showgirls, Any Given Sunday, Roger Dodger, Dancing with the Stars 2013)

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It takes a long time to grow an old friend. – John Leonard
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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1540 Thomas Cromwell is executed.
  • 1821 José de San Martín declares the independence of Peru from Spain.
  • 1854 USS Constellation commissioned, the last all-sail warship built by the United States Navy.
  • 1866 Vinnie Ream becomes the first and youngest (age 18) female artist to receive a commission from the United States government for a statue (of Abraham Lincoln).
  • 1868 The 14th Amendment to the Constitution of the United States is passed, establishing African American citizenship and guaranteeing due process of law.
  • 1896 The city of Miami, Florida is incorporated.
  • 1932 President Herbert Hoover orders the U.S. Army to forcibly evict the “Bonus Army” of World War I veterans gathered in Washington, D.C.
  • 1935 First flight of the Boeing B-17 Flying Fortress.
  • 1984 Summer Olympics, officially known as the Games of the XXIII Olympiad, were opened in Los Angeles, California.
  • 1996 Remains of a prehistoric man are discovered near Kennewick, Washington and became known as the Kennewick Man.
  • 2001 Australian Ian Thorpe becomes the first swimmer to win six gold medals at a single World Championships.
  • 2002 Nine coal miners trapped in the flooded Quecreek Mine in Somerset County, Pennsylvania, were rescued after 77 hours underground.
  • 2005 The Provisional Irish Republican Army calls an end to its thirty year long armed campaign in Northern Ireland.

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Mary Clancy goes up to Father O’Grady after his Sunday morning service, and she’s in tears. He says, “So what’s bothering you, dear?”

She says, “Oh, Father, I’ve got terrible news. My husband passed away last night.”

The priest says, “Oh, Mary, that’s terrible. Tell me, Mary, did he have any last requests?”

She says, “Aye, that he did, Father…

The priest says, “What did he ask, Mary?”

She says, “He said, ‘Please, Mary, put down that dang gun…'”

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During a recent outing, Jane sneaked off to visit a fortune teller of some local repute. In a dark and hazy room, peering into a crystal ball, the mystic delivered grave news.

‘There’s no easy way to say this, so I’ll just be blunt: Prepare yourself to be a widow. Your husband will die a violent and horrible death this year.’

Visibly shaken, Jane stared at the woman’s lined face, then at the single flickering candle, then down at her hands. She took a few deep breaths to compose herself. She simply had to know.

She met the fortune teller’s gaze, steadied her voice, and asked her question: ‘Will I be acquitted?’

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A list of actual English subtitles used in films made in Hong Kong:

~ Gun wounds again?
~ Same old rules: no eyes, no groin.
~ Fatty, you with your thick face have hurt my instep.

~ How can you use my intestines as a gift?
~ Who gave you the nerve to get killed here?
~ A normal person wouldn’t steal pituitaries.

~ Quiet or I’ll blow your throat up.
~ I’ll fire aimlessly if you don’t come out!
~ You always use violence. I should’ve ordered glutinous rice chicken.

~ You daring lousy guy.
~ Beat him out of recognizable shape!
~ I got knife scars more than the number of your leg’s hair!

~ Beware! Your bones are going to be disconnected.
~ The bullets inside are very hot. Why do I feel so cold?

And finally…
~ Take my advice, or I’ll spank you without pants.
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“Mr. Clark, I’m afraid I have bad news,” the doctor told his anxious patient. “You only have six months to live. ”

The man sat in stunned silence for the next several minutes. Regaining his composure, he apologetically told his physician that he had no medical insurance. “I can’t possibly pay you in that time. ”

“Okay,” the doctor said, “let’s make it nine months.”

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~ What do you call an apology written in dots and dashes?
Re-Morse code.

~ Once my dog ate all the Scrabble tiles.
He kept leaving little messages around the house.

~ I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high.
She looked at me surprised.
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pic of the day:

goat buck
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A friend and I were standing in line at a fast-food restaurant, waiting to place our order.

There was a big sign posted. “No bills larger than $20 will be accepted.”

The woman in front of us, pointing to the sign, remarked, “Believe me, if I HAD a bill larger than $20, I wouldn’t be eating here.”
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Several scientists were all posed the following question: “What is pi ?”

The engineer said: “It is approximately 3 and 1/7”
The physicist said: “It is 3.14159”

The mathematician thought a bit, and replied “It is equal to pi”.
A nutritionist: “Pie is a healthy and delicious dessert!”
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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

The maharajah of an Indian Province issued a royal decree. He ordered that no one was to kill any wild animals while he was the country’s leader.
The decree was honored until there were so many Bengal Tigers running loose that the people revolted and threw the maharajah from power.
This is the first known instance of the reign being called on account of the game.

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Differences Between Men and Women

NICKNAMES: If Gloria, Suzanne, Debra and Michelle go out for lunch, they will call each other Gloria, Suzanne, Debra and Michelle. But if Mike, Phil, Rob and Jack go out for a brewsky, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Useless.

EATING OUT: And when the check comes, Mike, Phil, Rob and Jack will each throw in $20 bills, even though it’s only for $22.50. None of them will have anything smaller, and none will actually admit they want change back. When the girls get their check, out come the pocket calculators.

BATHROOMS: A man has six items in his bathroom-a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of Dial soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn. The average number of items in the typical woman’s bathroom is 437. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.

GROCERIES: A woman makes a list of things she needs and then goes out to the store and buys these things. A man waits till the only items left in his fridge are half a lime and a soda. Then he goes grocery shopping. He buys everything that looks good. By the time a man reaches the checkout counter, his cart is packed tighter than the Clampett’s car on Beverly Hillbillies. Of course, this will not stop him from going to the 10-items-or-less lane.

SHOES: When preparing for work, a woman will put on a Mondi wool suit, then slip on Reebok sneakers. She will carry her dress shoes in a plastic bag from Saks. When a woman gets to work, she will put on her dress shoes. Five minutes later, she will kick them off because her feet are under the desk. A man will wear the same pair of shoes all day.

CATS: Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but when women aren’t looking, men kick cats.

DRESSING UP: A woman will dress up to: go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, get the mail. A man will dress up for: weddings, funerals.

LAUNDRY: Women do laundry every couple of days. A man will wear every article of clothing he owns, including his surgical pants that were hip about eight years ago, before he will do his laundry. When he is finally out of clothes, he will wear a dirty sweatshirt inside out, rent a U-Haul and take his mountain of clothes to the Laundromat. Men always expect to meet beautiful women at the Laundromat. This is a myth perpetuated by re-runs of old episodes of “Love, American Style.”

OFFSPRING: Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and soccer games and romances and best friends and favorite foods and secret fears and hopes and dreams. A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

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I was in the express lane at the store quietly fuming.

Completely ignoring the sign, the woman ahead of me had slipped into the check-out line pushing a cart piled high with groceries.

Imagine my delight when the cashier beckoned the woman to come forward, looked into the cart and asked sweetly, “So which ten items would you like to buy?”
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The clerk asked me, “Cash, check or charge?” after ringing up my purchase.

As I fumbled through my wallet, she noticed a remote control for a television set in my purse.

“Do you always carry your TV remote?” she asked.

“No,” I replied. “But my husband refused to come shopping with me, so I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him!”
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The passenger tapped the Uber driver on the shoulder to ask him something. The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the sidewalk, and stopped inches from a shop window.

For a second everything went quiet in the car, then the driver said, “Look mister, don’t ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!”

The passenger apologized and said he didn’t realize that a little tap could scare him so much.

The driver replied, “You’re right. I’m sorry, it’s not really your fault. Today is my first day as an Uber driver. I’ve been driving a hearse for the last 15 years.”

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TODAY IN TRIVIAWhat insect will eat a bird?
The praying mantis eats nothing but live food, predominantly insects. Its prey is taken only from flowers, leaves, bark, or the ground – never while the potential victim is in flight. Surprisingly, if quick and lucky, it will also consume and eat a hummingbird.

~ What is Buffalo Soldiers Day about?
Congress established the first peacetime all-black regiments in the regular U.S. Army after the end of the Civil War. The Buffalo Soldiers (one of many African-American regiments raised during the Civil War) were the first instituted. This day commemorates the formation of the first regular Army regiments comprising African American soldiers in 1866.

~ What did the Buffalo Soldiers regiment do?
Since they were frontier regiments, Buffalo Soldiers of the 9th and 10th Cavalries protected unsettled lands as pioneers moved westward. They were also noted for their dedication and commitment during the Spanish-American War and other engagements during the late 1800s.

~ What state is known for moon pies?
Tennessee. Originally developed as a snack sold to Appalachian coal miners, moon pies were first made in Chattanooga Bakery in Tennessee. The cookies are made with a marshmallow sandwiched between two graham crackers, dipped in chocolate.

~ Does Oklahoma move with the tides?
Bore-hole seismometry indicates that the land in Oklahoma moves up and down 25 cm throughout the day, corresponding with the tides. Earth tides are generally about one-third the size of ocean tides.

~ Where was the first recorded effort to cultivate rice in the United States?
Charleston, South Carolina, in 1685. Because of this historical connection to the grain, the state is sometimes called “The Rice State.”
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QUIP OF THE DAY: Some days you’re the dog, some days the hydrant.

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . .
Watch your thoughts; they become words.
Watch your words; they become actions.
Watch your actions; they become habits.
Watch your habits; they become character.
Watch your character; it becomes your destiny. – Lao-Tze

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