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July 29th

After fighting, everything else in your life got the volume turned down. – Edward Norton from Fight Club


TODAY – JULY 29th

210th day of the year (211th in leap years) with 155 days to follow.

Holidays for Today:
~ International Tiger Day
~ National Chicken Wing Day
~ National Lasagna Day
~ National Lipstick Day
~ National Cheese Sacrifice Purchase Day
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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1885 Theda Bara, Cincinnati, Ohio, popular actress of silent era (nickname “The Vamp”, made over 40 films)
  • 1891 Bernhard Zondek, German-born Israeli gynecologist (developed first reliable pregnancy test)
  • 1905 Dag Hammarskjöld, Swedish 2nd UN Secretary-General
  • 1923 Edgar Cortright, Hastings, Pennsylvania, scientist and engineer (former NASA official, Chairman of Apollo 13 review board)
  • 1933 Robert Fuller, Troy, New York, actor (Laramie, Wagon Train)
  • 1938 Peter Jennings, Toronto, Canada, journalist (former news anchor ABC Evening News) and author (The Century, In Search of America)
  • 1945 Sharon Creech, South Euclid, Ohio, author (Walk Two Moons, Bloomability, The Wanderer, Love That Dog)
  • 1963 Alexandra Paul, New York, New York, actress (Baywatch, Paper Dolls, Christine, American Flyers, Death Train, Nightwatch, Firequake, Dirty)
  • 1966 Martina McBride, Sharon, Kansas, country singer
  • 1972 Wil Wheaton, Burbank, California, actor (Wesley on Star Trek Next Generation; Stand By Me, Toy Soldiers, Big Bang Theory, Powers, Fantasy Hospital)
  • 1974 Josh Radnor, Bexley, Ohio, actor (How I Met Your Mother, Mercy Street)
  • 1980 Rachel Miner, New York City, New York, actress (The Guiding Light, NY-LON, Californication, Supernatural, Bully)
  • 1984 Todd Bosley, Overland Park, Kansas, actor (Little Giants, Jack, Treehouse Hostage, Lloyd, Scrubs)

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Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened! – Dr. Seuss
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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1836 Inauguration of the Arc de Triomphe in Paris.
  • 1858 United States and Japan sign the Harris Treaty.
  • 1864 Confederate spy Belle Boyd is arrested by Union troops and detained at the Old Capitol Prison in Washington, D.C.
  • 1899 The First Hague Convention is signed.
  • 1907 Sir Robert Baden-Powell sets up the Brownsea Island Scout camp in Poole Harbour on the south coast of England, August 1 to August 9; regarded as the foundation of the Scouting movement.
  • 1957 The International Atomic Energy Agency is established.
  • 1958 U.S. President Dwight D. Eisenhower signs into law the National Aeronautics and Space Act, which creates the National Aeronautics and Space Administration (NASA).
  • 1959 First United States Congress elections in Hawaii as a state of the Union.
  • 1981 1981 More than 700 million people worldwide watch the wedding of Charles, Prince of Wales to Lady Diana Spencer.
  • 2005 Astronomers announce their discovery of Eris (largest known dwarf planet in the Solar System and the ninth-largest body known to orbit the Sun directly).

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A college student with a young child was pleased when her daughter became eligible to attend the day care center at the University. The director of the day care gave the mother a tour of the facilities. To assure herself of the center’s high standards, the young mother asked about the curriculum.

“Well,” said the director, eyes twinkling, “today we are studying the children’s favorite philosopher: Play-Doh.”
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A young and foolish pilot wanted to sound cool on the aviation frequencies.

This was his first time approaching a field during the nighttime, and instead of making any official requests to the tower, he said, “Guess who?”
The controller switched the field lights off and replied, “Guess where!”
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ONE-LINERS:

~ There’s something wrong if you’re always right.
~ These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says, “For fast relief.”
~ They have a Dial-a-Prayer for atheists now. You can call up and it rings and rings but nobody answers.

~ This is probably as bad as it can get, but don’t count on it.
~ Things are more like they are today than they ever have been before.
~ There’s no limit to what you can achieve if you don’t mind who gets the credit.

~ Those who can’t write, write help files.
~ Time is what keeps everything from happening at once.
~ Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don’t.

~ Times are tough. The National Levitation Society went out of business because they couldn’t raise money.
~ This year I’m using big words to sound smart…Sorry, I meant utilizing gargantuan idioms to simulate intelligence.
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A father is asked by his friend, “Has your son decided what he wants to be when he grows up?”
“Yes, he wants to be a garbage collector,” he replies.

To this his friend responds, “Strange ambition to have for a career.”
The boy’s father replied, “Well, he thinks that garbage collectors only work on Tuesdays!”
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Sam: Do you know the difference between a guest towel and toilet paper?
Bob: No…
Sam: In that case, don’t use our bathroom.
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pic of the day: Entrance to Japanese Tea Garden
Golden Gate Park, San Francisco, California

entrance to Japanese Tea Garden
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IF DOGS WROTE LETTERS TO GOD…

~ Dear God: Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell one another?
~ Dear God: When we get to heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it still the same old story?
~ Dear God: If a dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him, is he still a bad dog?

~ Dear God: How come there’s so much spaghetti and so few meatballs?
~ Dear God: Are there mailmen in Heaven? If so, will I have to apologize?
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One day I was driving with my five year old daughter and I honked my car horn by mistake.
Alice turned and looked at me for an explanation.

I said, “I did that by accident.”
Alice replied, “I know that, Daddy.”

I replied, “How did you know?”
She said, “Because you didn’t say ‘IDIOT’ afterwards”
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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

A noted biologist, who had been studying little green frogs in a swamp, was stumped. The frog population, despite efforts at predator control, was declining at an alarming rate. A chemist at a nearby college came up with a solution: The frogs, due to a chemical change in the swamp water, simply couldn’t stay coupled long enough to reproduce successfully. The chemist then brewed up a new adhesive to assist the frogs’ togetherness, which included one part sodium.

It seems the little green frogs needed some monosodium glue to mate.
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I SPENT SEVERAL YEARS as a submariner, and while at sea we would have a celebration halfway through a patrol. On one such night, the captain, who was serving dinner to the crew, tried to put some vegetables on a recruit’s plate.

The young seaman wouldn’t take them. “With all due respect, sir,” the recruit said, “I don’t eat them for my mother, and she outranks you.” – Contributed to “Humor In Uniform” by Mark Widman

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My wife asked me to buy ORGANIC vegetables from the market. I went and looked around and couldn’t find any.

So I grabbed an old, tired looking employee and said, “These vegetables are for my wife. Have they been sprayed with any poisonous chemicals?”

The produce guy looked at me and said, “No. You’ll have to do that yourself.”
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Golden Oldie… Did you hear about the lawyer on vacation whose sailboat capsized in dangerous, shark-infested waters? He surprised his traveling companions by volunteering to swim to the far-off shore for help. As he swam, his companions were startled by the appearance of two dorsal fins — great white sharks, heading straight toward the lawyer. To their surprise, the sharks allowed the lawyer to take hold of their fins, and escorted him safely to shore.

When the lawyer returned with help, his companions asked him how he had managed such an incredible feat. The lawyer answered, “Professional courtesy.”
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An idiot decides to start up a chicken farm, so he buys a hundred chickens to get up and running.
A month later he returns to the dealer to get another hundred chickens because the first lot had died.

Another month passes and he’s back at the dealers for another hundred chickens, “I think I know where I’m going wrong” he tells the dealer, “I think I’m planting them too deep.”
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TODAY IN TRIVIA:

~ Where can you see the oldest public Japanese garden in the United States?
It is located inside the Golden Gate Park in San Francisco, California. (see picture above)

~ What is National Cheese Sacrifice Day about?
It’s a day to buy cheese and sacrifice some to bait mouse traps; or the more modern practice is to “sacrifice” a little of your budget and buy an expensive cheese you love, but don’t normally indulge in because of its price. This little rhyme goes with the holiday:
“If you wish to catch some mice, first some cheese you must sacrifice…So purchase the cheese upon this day, and a mouse-free house is here to stay!”

~ Which is the smartest city in the world?
Singapore was ranked the top global smart city by Juniper Research. Cities were ranked by the Global Smart City Performance Index, with four sectors considered as to the degree to which quality of life was improved and time was saved by technology: health, safety, mobility, and productivity.
Singapore was highest of all cities in all four sectors, employing smart connected traffic solutions, digital healthcare service platforms, smart video surveillance to monitor criminal activity, and citizen access to “large open data sources.”
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QUIP OF THE DAY: “Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.” – Oscar Wilde

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . . If you have nothing else to do, look about you and see if there isn’t something close at hand that you can improve! It may make you wealthy, though it is more likely that it will make you happy. – George Matthew Adams

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