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July 2nd

Flattery is like cologne water, to be smelt of, not swallowed. – Josh Billings


183rd day of the year (184th in leap years) with 182 days to follow.

Holidays for Today:
~ National Anisette Day
~ National I Forgot Day
~ World UFO Day
~ National Anti-Boredom Month
~ National Blueberry Month


  • 1908 Thurgood Marshall, Baltimore, Maryland, 96th justice of U.S. Supreme Court (argued more cases before Supreme Court than anyone else in history)
  • 1917 Murry Wilson, Hutchinson, Kansas,  songwriter and record producer (The Beach Boys)
  • 1932 Dave Thomas, Atlantic City, New Jersey, fast-food tycoon (founder of Wendy’s)
  • 1937 Polly Holliday, Jasper, Alabama, actress (waitress Flo on Alice, Flo – “Kiss My Grits!”; Gremlins, The Parent Trap, The Heartbreak Kid)
  • 1937 Richard Petty, Level Cross, North Carolina, former NASCAR driver (“The King” / won NASCAR championship 7 times)
  • 1946 Richard Axel, Brooklyn, New York City, neuroscientist (Nobel /olfactory system)
  • 1946 Ron Silver, NYC, New York, actor (Tunnel Vision, Rhoda, Blue Steel, Enemies: A Love Story, Best Friends, Timecop, The Arrival, Veronica’s Closet, The West Wing)
  • 1948 Saul Rubinek, Canadian actor (Ink, Frasier, Nero Wolfe Mystery, Blind Justice, Jesse Stone, Warehouse 13, The Last Tycoon)
  • 1970 Yancy Butler, Greenwich Village, New York, actress (Hard Target, Brooklyn South, Witchblade, Lake Placid 3, Lack Placid vs. Anaconda, The Assassin’s Code)
  • 1984 Vanessa Lee Chester, Hollywood, California, actress (A Little Princess, Jurassic Park The Lost World, Welcome to Sanditon, Happily Never After )
  • 1986 Lindsay Lohan, New York City, actress (The Parent Trap, Freaky Friday, Mean Girls, I Know Who Killed Me, Sick Note )

Wish not so much to live long as to live well. – Benjamin Franklin, Poor Richard’s Almanack, 173


  • 1698 Thomas Savery patents the first steam engine.
  • 1776 Continental Congress adopts a resolution severing ties with the Kingdom of Great Britain although the wording of the formal Declaration of Independence is not approved until July 4.
  • 1777 Vermont becomes the first American territory to abolish slavery.
  • 1881 Charles J. Guiteau shoots and fatally wounds U.S. President James Garfield, who eventually dies from an infection on September 19.
  • 1890 The U.S. Congress passes the Sherman Anti-Trust Act.
  • 1897 Italian scientist Guglielmo Marconi obtains a patent for radio in London.
  • 1900 The first Zeppelin flight takes place on Lake Constance near Friedrichshafen, Germany.
  • 1937 Amelia Earhart and navigator Fred Noonan are last heard from over the Pacific Ocean while attempting to make the first equatorial round-the-world flight.
  • 1962 First Wal-Mart store opens for business in Rogers, Arkansas.
  • 1964 President Lyndon B. Johnson signs the Civil Rights Act of 1964 meant to prohibit segregation in public places.
  • 2001 The AbioCor self contained artificial heart is first implanted.
  • 2002 Steve Fossett becomes the first person to fly solo around the world nonstop in a balloon.


A customer wanted to ask his attractive waitress for a date, but couldn’t get her attention. When he was able to catch her eye, she quickly looked away.
Finally he followed her into the kitchen and blurted out his invitation. To his amazement, she readily consented.

He said, “Why have you been avoiding me all this time? You wouldn’t even make eye contact.”
“Oh,” said the waitress, “I thought you wanted more coffee.”

** Naughty Things To Do in the Supermarket **

1. Hide in a clothing rack . . . and when people browse through, say: “PICK ME!!! PICK ME!!!”
2. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5 minute intervals
3. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, hit the floor and assume the foetal position and scream “NO! …….It’s those voices again!!!”

4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone: Code 3 in Housewares… and see what happens.
5. Go to the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M’s on credit.
6. Move a ‘CAUTION -WET FLOOR’ sign to a carpeted area.
7. Set-up a tent in the Camping Department and tell other shoppers you are sleeping over and invite them in if they bring pillows from the Bedding Department.

8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask: “Why can’t you people just leave me alone?”
9. Go into a fitting room, shut the door and wait a while.. then yell loudly: “There’s no toilet paper in here.”
10. While handling large knives in the Kitchen Dept, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are located.

ONE-LINERS:  Graduate Degrees in Action

What does a graduate student with a science degree ask?
“Why does it work?”

What does a grad student with an engineering degree ask?
“How does it work?”

What does a grad student with an accounting degree ask?
“How much will it cost?”

What does a grad student with a liberal arts degree ask?
“Do you want fries with that?”


The Fourth of July was coming up, and the nursery school teacher took the opportunity to tell her class about patriotism. “We live in a great country,” she said. “One of the things we should be happy is that, in this country, we are all free.”

One little boy came walking up to her from the back of the room. He stood with his hands on his hips and said, “I’m not free. I’m four.”

Old Mr. Smith, the school’s principal, made it a practice to visit the classrooms one day a week.

He walked into the 4th grade class, where the children were studying the states, and asked them how many states they could name. They came up with about 40 names. Mr. Smith jokingly told them that in his day students knew the names of all the states.

Little Johnny raised his hand and said, “Yes sir, but in those days there were only 13 states.”

Pic of the Day: 3 Guineas


A man phones a lawyer and asks, “How much would you charge for just answering three simple questions?”

The lawyer replies, “A thousand dollars.”

“A thousand dollars!” exclaims the man. “That’s very expensive, isn’t it?”

“It certainly is,” says the lawyer. “Now, what’s your third question?”

I was in the McDonald’s drive-through this morning and the young lady behind me leaned on her horn, because I was taking too long to place my order.

“Take the high road,” I thought to myself. So when I got to the first window, I paid for her order along with my own.

The cashier must have told her what I’d done, because as we moved up she leaned out her window and waved to me and mouthed “Thank you,” obviously embarrassed that I had repaid her rudeness with a kindness.

When I got to the second window I showed them both receipts and took her food, too.

Lesson: Don’t honk your horn at old people.


~ Why were the early days of history called the dark ages?
Because there were so many knights.

~ What kind of lighting did Noah use for the ark?
Floodlights and Ark lights

~ There was this guy who always seemed to lean slightly to the left all the time. His friend suggested he see a doctor to have his legs checked out.

The guy refused. . . said his friend was crazy.

But he finally went and, sure enough, the doctor discovered his left leg was shorter than his right!

A quick bit of orthopedic surgery later he was cured; both legs were exactly the same length and he didn’t lean left anymore.

His friend said, “You didn’t believe me when I told you a doctor could fix your leg.”

The guy said: “I stand corrected.”

“I’m sorry,” said the clerk in flower shop, “we don’t have potted geraniums. Could you use African violets instead?”

Replied the customer sadly, “No, it was geraniums my wife told me to water while she was gone.”

A tour guide was showing a tourist around Washington, D. C. The guide pointed out the place where George Washington supposedly threw a dollar across the Potomac River.
“That’s impossible,” said the tourist. “No one could throw a coin that far!”
“You have to remember,” answered the guide. “A dollar went a lot farther in those days.”

A drill sergeant had just chewed out one of his cadets, and as he was walking away, he turned to the cadet and said, “I guess when I die you’ll come and dance on my grave.”

The cadet replied, “Not me, Sarge…no sir! I promised myself that when I got out of the Army I’d never stand in another line!”

My wife recently retired from teaching. Several years ago, when she was teaching preschool, a little guy was enrolled who was just barely old enough to qualify. The parents and my wife were concerned that he might not be ready for school.
The first day during recess, the little guy came up to my wife and said, “Teacher, this school is hard!”

My wife knelt down to hear his concerns and asked, “Why do you think school is hard?”
He looked at her and rubbed his forehead, “Because when you bump into it, it hurts!”

TODAY IN TRIVIA: Facts About Anisette
~ Anisette is a sweet but potent liqueur made from aniseseed.
~ Anisette (also anis) is mainly consumed in France, Italy, Portugal, Mexico, and Spain.

~ It was first created to replace absinthe.
~ It is sweeter than most anise-flavored liqueurs (such as pastis), and also has a lower alcohol content (typically 25% by volume, versus 40%).

~ Marie Brizard is a well-known brand of French-style anisette.
~ The Italian version of anisette is sambuca (sahm-BOO-cah), and is made with essential oils from anise, star anise, licorice and other spices. It also contains elderflowers, which is where the name sambuca comes from—sambucus is the Latin word for elderberry.

QUIP OF THE DAY: “The one function TV news performs very well is that when there is no news we give it to you with the same emphasis as if there were.” – David Brinkley


Thought for the day. . .

“Winners are people who aren’t afraid to take a chance now and then.  Losers sit around and wait for the odds to improve.  Every man who knows how to read has it in his power to magnify himself, to multiply the ways in which he exists, to make his life full, significant, and interesting.”  – Aldous Huxley

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