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July 4th

“The duty of a patriot is to protect his country from its government.” ― Thomas Paine

TODAY – JULY 4th

185th day of the year (186th in leap years) with 180 days follow.

Holidays for Today:
~ Independence Day (U.S.)
~ National Caesar Salad Day
~ National Barbecued Spareribs Day
~ National Country Music Day
~ Sidewalk Egg Frying Day
~ National Hot Dog Month
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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1804 Nathaniel Hawthorne, Salem, Massachusetts, author (The House of the Seven Gables, Twice-Told Tales, Tanglewood Tales)
  • 1826 Stephen Foster, Lawrenceville, Pennsylvania, songwriter (Father of American Music – Oh! Susanna, Camptown Races, My Old Kentucky Home, Beautiful Dreamer)
  • 1847 James Bailey, Detroit, Michigan, circus ringmaster (Barnum & Bailey)
  • 1868 Henrietta Swan Leavitt, Lancaster, Massachusetts, astronomer (discovered period-luminosity relation of Cepheid variables which radically changed the theory of modern astronomy)
  • 1872 Calvin Coolidge, Plymouth, Vermont, 30 President of the United States (August 2, 1923 – March 4, 1929)
  • 1883 Rube Goldberg, San Francisco, California, cartoonist ( best known for a series of popular cartoons depicting complex gadgets that perform simple tasks in indirect, convoluted ways )
  • 1884 Louis B. Mayer, Dymer, Ukraine, American immigrant, film producer (founded Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer (MGM) & believed in wholesome entertainment)
  • 1906 Vincent Joseph Schaefer, American chemist and meteorologist who developed cloud seeding
  • 1910 Gloria Stuart, Santa Monica, California, actress (The Invisible Man, 100-year-old Rose of Titanic)
  • 1918 Ann Landers (Esther Pauline “Eppie” Lederer), Sioux City, Iowa, advice columnist
  • 1918 Dear Abby (Pauline Phillips), Sioux City, Iowa, advice columnist
  • 1940 Karolyn Grimes, Hollywood, California, actress (It’s a Wonderful Life, The Bishop’s Wife)
  • 1971 Koko, San Francisco Zoo, California, gorilla who learned approximately 1,000 signs (American Sign Language) and 2,000 spoken words
  • 1978 Becki Newton, New Haven, Connecticut, actress (Ugly Betty, Weird Loners, Divorce )

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“I am an American; free born and free bred, where I acknowledge no man as my superior, except for his own worth, or as my inferior, except for his own demerit.” ― Theodore Roosevelt
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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1776 American Revolution: The United States Declaration of Independence is adopted by the Second Continental Congress.
  • 1802 At West Point, New York the United States Military Academy opens.
  • 1826 Thomas Jefferson, third president of the United States, dies the same day as John Adams, second president of the United States, on the fiftieth anniversary of the adoption of the United States Declaration of Independence.
  • 1865 Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland is published.
  • 1946 After 381 years of near-continuous colonial rule by various powers, the Philippines attains full independence from the United States.
  • 1959 With the admission of Alaska as the 49th U.S. state earlier in the year, the 49-star flag of the United States debuts in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania.
  • 1960 Due to the post-Independence Day admission of Hawaii as the 50th U.S. state on August 21, 1959, the 50-star flag of the United States debuts in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania almost ten and a half months later (see Flag Act).
  • 1997 NASA’s Pathfinder space probe lands on the surface of Mars.
  • 2004 The cornerstone of the Freedom Tower is laid on the site of the World Trade Center in New York City.
  • 2009 The Statue of Liberty’s crown reopens to the public after 8 years, due to security reasons following the World Trade Center attacks.

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Independence Day Jokes

What did one flag say to the other flag?
Nothing. It just waved!

Do they have a 4th of July in England?
Yes. That’s how they get from the 3rd to the 5th.

Why did Paul Revere ride his horse from Boston to Lexington?
Because the horse was too heavy to carry!

What dance was very popular in 1776?
Indepen-dance!

What would you get if you crossed George Washington with cattle feed?
The Fodder of Our Country!

How is a healthy person like the United States?
They both have good constitutions!

What’s red, white, blue, and green?
A patriotic turtle!

Teacher: “Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?”
Student: “On the bottom!”

What did King George think of the American colonists?
He thought they were revolting!

Did you hear the one about the Liberty Bell?
Yeah, it cracked me up!
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pic of the day: Happy Independence Day!

fireworks
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WARNING! PATRIOTIC PUN ZONE!

What protest by a group of dogs occurred in 1773?
The Boston Flea Party!

What happened as a result of the Stamp Act?
The Americans licked the British!

What would you get if you crossed a patriot with a small curly-haired dog?
Yankee Poodle!

What would you get if you crossed George Washington with cattle feed?
The Fodder of Our Country!

Which colonists told the most jokes?
Punsylvanians!

“How was the food at the Fourth of July picnic?
“The hot dogs were bad and the brats were wurst!”

How is a healthy person like the United States?
They both have good constitutions!
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A MESSAGE FROM THE QUEEN OF ENGLAND

To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II . . .

In light of your failure in recent years to nominate competent candidates for President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately. (You should look up ‘revocation’ in the Oxford English Dictionary.)

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except Kansas, which she does not fancy).

We will appoint a Governor for America without the need for further elections. It will of course be someone of proper English lineage, such as Dame Judi Dench or Michael Caine, but most certainly not Simon Cowell.

Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

1. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.
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2. The letter ‘U’ will be reinstated in words such as ‘colour,’ ‘favour,’ ‘labour’ and ‘neighbour.’ Likewise, you will learn to spell ‘doughnut’ without skipping half the letters, and the suffix ‘-ize’ will be replaced by the suffix ‘-ise.’ Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up ‘vocabulary’).
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3. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as ”like’ and ‘you know’ is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. There is no such thing as U.S. English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take into account the reinstated letter ‘u” and the elimination of ‘-ize.’
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4. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you’re not quite ready to be independent. Guns should only be used for shooting grouse. If you can’t sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist, then you’re not ready to shoot grouse.
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5. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. Although a permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.
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6. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left side with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.
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7. The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline) of roughly $10/US gallon. Get used to it.
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8. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.
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9. The cold, tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. South African beer is also acceptable, as they are pound for pound the greatest sporting nation on earth and it can only be due to the beer.

They are also part of the British Commonwealth – see what it did for them. American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat’s Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.
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10. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English dialect in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one’s ears removed with a cheese grater.
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11. You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies).
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12. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You will learn cricket, and we will let you face the South Africans first to take the sting out of their deliveries.
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13. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty’s Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776).
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14. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 p.m. with proper cups, with saucers, and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; plus strawberries (with cream) when in season.

God Save The Queen
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TODAY IN TRIVIA: Hot Dogs!

~The North American hot dog comes from a widespread common European sausage brought here by butchers of several nationalities. It’s not certain who first served it with a roll. One report says a German immigrant sold them, along with milk rolls and sauerkraut, from a push cart in New York City’s Bowery during the 1860’s. In 1871, Charles Feltman, a German butcher opened up the first Coney Island hot dog stand selling 3,684 dachshund sausages in a milk roll during his first year in business.

~ In 1893, sausages became the standard fare at baseball parks. This tradition is believed to have been started by a St. Louis bar owner, Chris Von de Ahe, a German immigrant who also owned the St. Louis Browns major league baseball team.

~ Kosher hot dogs do not contain pork and are made from beef or poultry that has been slaughtered according to Jewish law.

~ Hot Dog Etiquette: Don’t put hot dog toppings between the hot dog and the bun. Always “dress the dog,” not the bun. Condiments should be applied in the following order: wet condiments like mustard and chili are applied first, followed by chunky condiments like relish, onions and sauerkraut, followed by shredded cheese, followed by spices, like celery salt or pepper.

~ Do you know which famous movie character uttered the phrase, “Nobody, I mean nobody, puts ketchup on a hot dog?” It was Clint Eastwood’s Dirty Harry in “Sudden Impact.”
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Independence is declared; it must be maintained. –Sam Houston, American politician (1793–1863)

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . .

“Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official, save exactly to the degree in which he himself stands by the country. It is patriotic to support him insofar as he efficiently serves the country. It is unpatriotic not to oppose him to the exact extent that by inefficiency or otherwise he fails in his duty to stand by the country. In either event, it is unpatriotic not to tell the truth, whether about the president or anyone else.” ― Theodore Roosevelt

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