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July 7th

Never give in. Never. Never. Never. Never. – Winston Churchill


TODAY – JULY 7th

188th day of the year (189th in leap years) with 177 days to follow.

Holidays for Today:
~ National Dive Bar Day
~ National Father Daughter Take a Walk Day
~ National Macaroni Day
~ National Strawberry Sundae Day
~ World Chocolate Day
~ National Cell Phone Courtesy Month
~ National Picnic Month
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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1861 Nettie Maria Stevens, Cavendish, Vermont, cell biologist and geneticist (one of 1st scientists to find sex is determined by presence or absence of X chromosome)
  • 1906 Satchel Paige, Mobile, Alabama, right-handed pitcher & oldest rookie to play major league baseball (Baseball Hall of Fame 1971)
  • 1907 Robert A Heinlein, Butler, Missouri, sci-fi author (The Moon is a Harsh Mistress, Red Planet, Stranger in a Strange Land, Starship Troopers)
  • 1919 Jon Pertwee, British actor (3rd incarnation of Dr. Who)
  • 1931 David Eddings, Spokane, Washington, author (The Belgariad, The Elenium, The Dreamers)
  • 1940 Ringo Starr, Beatles’ drummer/actor (The Magic Christian, Blindman, Son of Dracula, Caveman)
  • 1941 Nancy Farmer, Phoenix, Arizona, author (The Sea of Trolls trilogy, A Girl Named Disaster, The Land of Silver Apples)
  • 1946 Joe Spano, San Francisco, California, actor (Hill Street Blues, FBI Special Agent Tobias Fornell on NCIS)
  • 1949 Shelley Duvall, Houston, Texas, actress (Popeye, Rocketman, The Shining, Casper Meets Wendy)
  • 1960 Kevin A. Ford, Portland, Indiana,  colonel and astronaut [STS-128, Soyuz TMA-06M (Expedition 33/34)]
  • 1961 Eric Jerome Dickey, Memphis, Tennessee, author (Gideon series, Liars Game, Thieves’ Paradise, Decadence)
  • 1968 Jeff VanderMeer, Bellefonte, Pennsylvania, author (City of Saints and Madmen, Shriek: An Afterword, Predator: South China Seas, Southern Reach Trilogy)
  • 1968 Jorja Fox, NYC, actress (ER, CSI, Unity)
  • 1971 Christian Camargo, New York City, NY, actor (Dexter, The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn, Haven, House of Cards, Penny Dreadful)
  • 1972 Kirsten Vangsness, Pasadena, California, actress (Criminal Minds, Kill Me Deadly, Vampire Mob)
  • 1980 Michelle Kwan, Torrance, California, figure skater (Championships: 5 World, 9 U.S.; Olympics: 1998 silver, 2002 Bronze)

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Every problem has in it the seeds of its own solution. If you don’t have any problems, you don’t get any seeds. – Norman Vincent Peale
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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1846 US begins annexation of California.
  • 1863 1st military draft by US (exemptions cost $100).
  • 1898 US annexes Hawaii.
  • 1930 Construction begins on Boulder (Hoover) Dam.
  • 1946 Mother Frances Xavier Cabrini canonized as 1st American saint.
  • 1947 Downed UFO believed to be found in the Roswell UFO incident.
  • 1958 President Eisenhower signs Alaska statehood bill.
  • 1981 President Ronald Reagan appoints Sandra Day O’Connor to become the first female member of the Supreme Court of the United States.
  • 1985 Boris Becker becomes the youngest player ever to win Wimbledon at age 17.
  • 2003 NASA Opportunity rover, MER-B or Mars Exploration Rover – B, was launched into space aboard a Delta II rocket.
  • 2007 First Live Earth benefit concert (Concerts for a Climate in Crisis) was held in 11 locations around the world.

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The classified ad said, “Wanted: a very experienced lumberjack”. A man answered the ad and was asked to describe his experience.

“I’ve worked at the Sahara Forest.”

“You mean the Sahara Desert,” said the interviewer.

The man laughed and answered, “Oh sure, that’s what they call it now!”

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A man and his wife were lying in bed the other night when he noticed she had bought a new book entitled, “What 20 Million American Women Want.”

He grabbed the book out of her hands and started thumbing through the pages.

His wife was a little annoyed. “Hey, what do you think you’re doing?”

He calmly replied, “I just wanted to see if they spelled my name right.”
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ONE-LINERS:

~I might be in the basement. I’ll go upstairs and check.

~The secret to success is knowing who to blame for your failures.

~There are no personal problems which cannot be solved through suitable application of high explosives.

~Just because you’re smart does not mean that the other guy is stupid.

~You may be recognized soon. Hide.

~You don’t need to wear spurs on both boots…If one side of a horse starts to run, so will the other.

~If people around you are starting to sound reasonable, it may be time to increase your medication.
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AFTER TWO WEEKS of Air Force basic training, I called home. “You wouldn’t believe how strict they are,” I complained. “They even give demerits for things like not hanging your towel straight or not tightening the cap of your toothpaste properly.”

“Well, dear,” my mom responded, “don’t think of it as basic training. Think of it as Mother’s revenge.” –Contributed to “Humor In Uniform” by Sgt. Brett R. Mathews

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One lazy Saturday morning the wife and I were quiet and thoughtful, sitting around the breakfast table when I said to her unexpectedly, “When I die, I want you to sell all my stuff, immediately.”

“Now why would you want me to do something like that?” she asked.

“I figure a woman as fine as yourself would eventually remarry and I don’t want some other jerk using my stuff.”

She looked at me intently and said: “What makes you think I’d marry another jerk?”

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pic of the day: Patriotic Fencing


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A man visits his aunt in the nursing home. It turns out that she is taking a nap, so he just sits down in a chair in her room, flips through a few magazines, and munches on some peanuts sitting in a bowl on the table.

Eventually, the aunt wakes up, and her nephew realizes he’s absentmindedly finished the entire bowl. “I’m so sorry, auntie, I’ve eaten all of your peanuts!”

“That’s okay, dearie,” the aunt replied. “After I’ve sucked the chocolate off, I don’t care for them anyway.”
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John was furious when his steak arrived too rare.

“Waiter,” he shouted, “Didn’t you hear me say ‘well done’?”

“I can’t thank you enough, sir,” replied the waiter. “I hardly ever get a compliment.”
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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

Child: “Daddy, how was I born?”

Dad answered: “Ah, my son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway! Well, you see your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on MSN. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a blessed little Popup appeared and said —–

You’ve Got Male!

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A Sunday school teacher asked her class of 5 and 6 year old students the following questions: “lf I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the church, would l get in to heaven? ”

All the children answered, “NO!”

“If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the yard and kept everything neat and tidy, would I get in to heaven?”

Again their response was ”NO!”

She then continued, then how can l get to heaven?”

A five-year-old boy shouted, “I know, I know. You gotta be dead!”

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A boy is about to go on his first date, and is nervous about what to talk about. He asks his father for advice. The father replies: “My son, there are three subjects that always work. These are food, family, and philosophy.”

The boy picks up his date and they go to a soda fountain. Ice cream sodas in front of them, they stare at each other for a long time, as the boy’s nervousness builds. He remembers his father’s advice, and chooses the first topic. He asks the girl: “Do you like potato pancakes?” She says “No,” and the silence returns.

After a few more uncomfortable minutes, the boy thinks of his father’s suggestion and turns to the second item on the list. He asks, “Do you have a brother?” Again, the girl says “No” and there is silence once again.

The boy then plays his last card. He thinks of his father’s advice and asks the girl the following question: “If you had a brother, would he like potato pancakes?”
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“I’m worried about you always being at the bottom of your class,” said the father to his son.

“Don’t worry Dad,” he replied. “They still teach the same thing at both ends.”
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Interviewer: “If you could have a conversation with someone, living or dead, who would it be?”
Airhead applicant: “The living one.”

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One day at a trial, an eminent psychologist was called to testify. A severe no nonsense professional, she sat down in the witness chair unaware that it’s rear legs were set precariously on the back of the raised platform.

“Will you state your name?” asked the district attorney.

Tilting back in her chair, she opened her mouth to answer, but instead catapulted head-over-heels backward and landed in a stack of exhibits and recording equipment.

Everyone watched in stunned silence as she extricated herself, rearranged her disheveled dress and hair and was reseated on the witness stand. The glare she directed at onlookers dared anyone to so much as smirk.

“Well, doctor,” continued the district attorney without changing expression, “we could start with an easier question.”

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TODAY IN TRIVIA: Do geese make good parents? A rarity in birds, geese are among the very few in which the family stays together at the end of the breeding season. Parents and the young raised during the summer establish strong family bonds and do not break up for about a year. In the fall, geese migrate in flocks that contain other family units, and each family stays together on the wintering grounds.

~ When is the best time for meteor watching?
Five times as many meteors can be seen after midnight as can seen before.

~ What was the significance of the Shakespeare stamp?
The first person other than royalty to be portrayed on a British stamp was William Shakespeare in 1964.

~ Why do firehouses have circular stairways?
Firehouses have circular stairways because, in the olden days, the engines were pulled by horses. The animals were kept in stables on the ground floor, and they learned how to walk up straight staircases.
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QUIP OF THE DAY: Start every day off with a smile and get it over with. – W. C. Fields

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . . Write in your heart that every day Is the best day of the year. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

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