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June 11th

To love is to receive a glimpse of heaven. – Karen Sunde

TODAY – JUNE 11th

162nd day of the year (163rd in leap years) with 203 days to follow.
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Holidays for Today:
~ Corn on the Cob Day
~ Kamehameha Day (Hawaii)
~ National German Chocolate Cake Day
~ National Making Life Beautiful Day
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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1880 – Jeannette Rankin, Missoula County, Montana, social worker and politician (first woman to hold federal office in the United States)
  • 1910 – Jacques Cousteau, French biologist, author, and inventor (co-developed the aqua-lung)
  • 1913 – Vince Lombardi, Brooklyn, New York, football player, coach (Green Bay Packers (1959–1967), Washington Redskins (1969))
  • 1925 – William Styron, Newport News, Virginia, author (Lie Down in Darkness, Sophie’s Choice)
  • 1933 – Gene Wilder, Milwaukee, Wisconsin, actor, director, and screenwriter (Willie Wonka & the Chocolate Factory, Young Frankenstein, Blazing Saddles, Silver Streak)
  • 1937 – Chad Everett, South Bend, Indiana, actor and director (Medical Center, Airplane II, The Rousters, Psycho)
  • 1945 – Adrienne Barbeau, Sacramento, California, actress (The Fog, Escape from New York, Carnivale, General Hospital, Argo)
  • 1956 – Joe Montana (Joe Cook, The Comeback Kid), New Eagle, Pennsylvania, football player (quarterback San Francisco 49ers (1979–1992); Kansas City Chiefs (1993–1994)) and sportscaster
  • 1960 – Mehmet Oz, Cleveland, Ohio, surgeon, author, and television host (The Oprah Winfrey Show, Larry King Live, The Dr. Oz Show)
  • 1969 – Peter Dinklage, Morristown, New Jersey, actor and producer (The Station Agent, X-Men Days of Future Past, Pixels, Game of Thrones)
  • 1978 – Joshua Jackson, Canadian-American actor (D2 The Mighty Ducks, Dawson’s Creek, Fringe)
  • 1986 – Shia LaBeouf, Los Angeles, California, actor (Transformers, Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, Lawless, Fury, American Honey)

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To handle yourself, use your head. To handle others, use your heart.
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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1775 – The American Revolutionary War’s first naval engagement, the Battle of Machias, results in the capture of a small British naval vessel.
  • 1776 – The Continental Congress appoints Thomas Jefferson, John Adams, Benjamin Franklin, Roger Sherman, and Robert R. Livingston to the Committee of Five to draft a declaration of independence.
  • 1919 – Sir Barton wins the Belmont Stakes, becoming the first horse to win the U.S. Triple Crown.
  • 1935 – Inventor Edwin Armstrong gives the first public demonstration of FM broadcasting in the United States at Alpine, New Jersey.
  • 1962 – Frank Morris, John Anglin and Clarence Anglin allegedly become the only prisoners to escape from the prison on Alcatraz Island.
  • 1963 – John F. Kennedy addresses Americans from the Oval Office proposing the Civil Rights Act of 1964, which would revolutionize American society by guaranteeing equal access to public facilities, ending segregation in education, and guaranteeing federal protection for voting rights.
  • 1970 – After being appointed on May 15, Anna Mae Hays and Elizabeth P. Hoisington officially receive their ranks as U.S. Army Generals, becoming the first females to do so.
  • 1971 – The U.S. Government forcibly removes the last holdouts to the Native American Occupation of Alcatraz, ending 19 months of control.
  • 2001 – Timothy McVeigh is executed for his role in the Oklahoma City bombing.
  • 2002 – Antonio Meucci is acknowledged as the first inventor of the telephone by the United States Congress.
  • 2004 – Cassini–Huygens makes its closest flyby of the Saturn moon Phoebe.
  • 2008 – The Fermi Gamma-ray Space Telescope is launched into orbit.

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After receiving his medication from the pharmacist, the customer asks, “Are these time release pills?”
The pharmacist replies, “Yes. They begin to work after your check clears.”

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An aged farmer and his wife were leaning against the edge of their pig-pen when the old woman wistfully recalled that the next week would mark their golden wedding anniversary.

“Let’s have a party, Homer,” she suggested. “Let’s kill a pig.”

The farmer scratched his grizzled head. “Gee, Ethel,” he finally answered, “I don’t see why the pig should take the blame for something that happened fifty years ago.”
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ONE-LINERS: Things Mom Would Never Say …

1. “How on earth can you see the TV sitting so far back?”

2. “Yeah, I used to skip school a lot, too”

3. “Just leave all the lights on … it makes the house look more cheery”

4. “Let me smell that shirt — Yeah, it’s good for another week”

5. “Go ahead and keep that stray dog, honey. I’ll be glad to feed and walk him every day”

6. “Well, if Timmy’s mom says it’s OK, that’s good enough for me.”

7. “The curfew is just a general time to shoot for. It’s not like I’m running a prison around here.”

8. “I don’t have a tissue with me … just use your sleeve”

9. “Don’t bother wearing a jacket – the wind-chill is bound to improve”

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An unscrupulous businessman was feeling very ill and went to the doctor. The doctor examined him and backed away, saying, “I’m sorry to tell you this, but you have an advanced case of highly infectious rabies. You must have had it for some time. It will almost certainly be fatal.”

“Could you give me a pen and paper?” said the businessman.

“Do you want to write your will?”

“No, I want to make a list of all the people I want to bite.”

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pic of the day: Water Tower on Alcatraz

water tower at Alcatraz
Native American Occupation of Alcatraz
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WARNING! ENTERING CRITTER PUN ZONE!
What do you get if you all sit under a cow?
A pat on the head!

What’s the best way to make a bull sweat?
Put him in a tight jumper!

What do you call a pig that took a plane?
Swine flu!

What kind of doctor treats ducks?
A quack!

What did the well mannered sheep say to his friend at the field gate?
Afer ewe!

Why did the ram fall over the cliff?
He didn’t see the ewe turn!

What do cows like to dance to?
Any kind of moosic you like!

Where do sheep get shorn?
At the baa baas!

What do you get if you cross a steer with a tadpole?
A bullfrog!
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Two paramedics were dispatched to check on an elderly man who had become disoriented. They decided to take him to the hospital for evaluation.

En route, with siren going, they questioned the man to determine his level of awareness. Leaning close, one asked, “Sir, do you know what we’re doing right now?”

The old man slowly looked up at him, then gazed out the ambulance window.

“Oh,” he replied, “I’d say about 50, maybe 55.”
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Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms.Smith stopped to gently reprove the child. Smiling sweetly, the Sunday School teacher said, “Johnny, when I was a child, I was told if that I made ugly faces, it would freeze and I would stay like that.”

Johnny looked up and replied, “Well, Ms Smith, you can’t say you weren’t warned.”
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Kurt: I spent eight hours over my new spelling book last night.

Teacher: It’s wonderful that you spent so much time studying!

Kurt: Who said anything about studying? My spelling book was under my bed when I went to sleep!

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TODAY IN TRIVIA: How much wood will termites eat? 
A mature, well-established termite colony with as many as 60,000 members will eat only about one-fifth of an ounce of wood a day.

~ What color is octopus blood? The color of the blood of an octopus is bluish-green.

~ What makes the penny unique? The Penny is the only coin currently minted in the United States with a profile that faces to the right. All other coins – the silver dollar, half dollar, quarter, dime, and nickel — all feature profiles that face to the left.

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QUIP OF THE DAY: I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry. – Rita Rudner

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . . The hardest-learned lesson: that people have only their kind of love to give, not our kind. – Mignon McLaughlin, journalist and author

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