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June 13th

Think like a man of action, and act like a man of thought. – Henri L. Bergson

TODAY – JUNE 13th

164th day of the year (165th in leap years) with 201 days to follow.

Holidays for Today:
~ Cupcake Lover’s Day
~ Kitchen Klutzes of America Day
~ National Weed Your Garden Day
~ Sewing Machine Day
~ National Candy Month
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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1865 William Butler Yeats, Ireland, poet (Nobel 1923 /Wild Swans at Coole)
  • 1892 Basil Rathbone, South Africa, British actor (Sherlock Holmes)
  • 1893 Dorothy Sayers, English author (Lord Peter Wimsey mysteries)
  • 1918 Ben Johnson, Foraker, Oklahoma on Osage Indian Reservation (Cherokee & Irish ancestry), actor (Mighty Joe Young, Rio Grande, Shane, Cheyenne Autumn, Red Dawn, Breakheart Pass, The Monroes, Chisum, The Last Picture Show, The Sacketts)
  • 1926 Paul Lynde, Mt. Vernon, Ohio, comedian (Uncle Arthur-Bewitched, Hollywood Squares)
  • 1928 John Forbes Nash, Bluefield, West Virginia, mathematician (his theories are used in market economics, computing, evolutionary biology, artificial intelligence, accounting, politics and military theory, Nash is the subject of the Hollywood movie A Beautiful Mind)
  • 1943 Malcolm McDowell, English actor (Dr.Soran/Star Trek Generations, Heros, Hildago, Mozart in the Jungle)
  • 1951 Richard Thomas, New York City, New York, actor (The Waltons, Last Summer, Johnny Belinda, The Americans)
  • 1953 Tim Allen, Denver, Colorado, comedian/actor (Home Improvement, Toy Story, Wild Hogs, Last Man Standing)
  • 1962 Ally Sheedy, New York City, New York, actress (The Breakfast Club, St Elmo’s, Short Circuit, Maid to Order, Kyly XY, Citizen Jane, X-Men: Apocalypse)
  • 1981 Chris Evans, Sudbury, Massachusetts, actor (Not Another Teen Movie, Fantastic Four , Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer, Captain America series, Avengers: Age of Ultron)

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Appreciation can make a day, even change a life. Your willingness to put it into words is all that is necessary. – Margaret Cousins
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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1920 United States Postal Service rules that children may not be sent via parcel post. (one wonders how
  • 1927 Aviator Charles Lindbergh receives a ticker-tape parade down 5th Avenue in New York City.
  • 1942 The United States opens its Office of War Information.
  • 1942 The United States establish the Office of Strategic Services.
  • 1966 The United States Supreme Court rules in Miranda v. Arizona that the police must inform suspects of their rights before questioning them.
  • 1967 U.S. President Lyndon B. Johnson nominates Solicitor-General Thurgood Marshall to become the first black justice on the U.S. Supreme Court.
  • 1970 “The Long and Winding Road” becomes the Beatles’ last Number 1 song.
  • 1983 Pioneer 10 becomes 1st man-made object to leave Solar System.
  • 1997 A jury sentences Timothy McVeigh to the death penalty for his part in the 1995 Oklahoma City bombing.
  • 2002 The United States of America withdraws from the Anti-Ballistic Missile Treaty.

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The teacher asks: Now, Susan, how may fingers have you?
Susan: Ten.

Teacher: Right. Now if you lost four of them, what would you have?
Susan: No more piano lessons.
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Schooltime Golden Oldies…

TEACHER: Why are you late?
STUDENT: Class started before I got here.
____________________________________

TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America.
MARIA: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America ?
CLASS: Maria.
____________________________________

TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
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ONE-LINERS: Questions of Logic . . .
~ Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?
~ Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?
~ If horrific means to make horrible, does terrific mean to make terrible?
~ “I am.” is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. How is it, then, that “I do,” is the longest sentence?
~ If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn’t it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked and drycleaners depressed?
~ Why is it that if someone tells you that there are one billion stars in the universe, you’ll believe it, but if you’re told a wall has wet paint, you’ll have to touch it to be sure?
~ If people from Poland are called “Poles,” why aren’t people from Holland called “Holes”?
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A man was on holiday in the depths of Louisiana, where he tried to buy some Alligator shoes. However he was not prepared to pay the high prices, and after having failed to haggle the vendor down to a reasonable price level, ended up shouting “I don’t give two hoots for your shoes man, I’ll go and kill my own “croc!,” to which the shopkeeper replied, “by all means, just watch out for those two “ole boys” who are doing the same!”.

So the man went out into the Bayou, and after a while saw two men with spears, standing still in the water. ‘They must be the ‘ole boys’ he thought. Just at that point he noticed an alligator moving in the water towards one of them. The guy stood completely passive, even as the gator came ever closer.

Just as the beast was about to swallow him, he struck home with his spear and wrestled the gator up onto the beach, where several were already lying. Together the two guys threw the gator onto its back, whereupon one exclaimed “Darn! This one doesn’t have any shoes either!”
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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

One day my young daughter and I were listening to an old tune by Simon and Garfunkel. When the song finished, she asked me, “Well, did he?”

“Did he what?”

Her reply: “Did Parsley save Rosemary in time?”
—-

Texas makes me think of the old slogan ‘Remember the Alamo.’ It seems that during that battle, the guy in charge of the whole thing put his wife, of all people, on the battle line. She was shot by the enemy, shattered her patella, and had to be removed from the front line. After the fighting was over, she divorced her husband, and … sued for Alamo knee.
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Coach Jones called the young lad in from center field during a Little League game for a conference.
“See here Larry,” said the coach, “you know the principles of good sportsmanship that the Little League practices. You also know we don’t tolerate temper tantrums, shouting at the umpire, or abusive language. Do I make myself clear?”

“Yes, sir,” replied Larry.
“Well, then Larry,” sighed Coach Jones, “would you please try to explain it to your mother?”
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Messed Up Ads

~ Hummers: Largest selection ever. If its in stock, we have it!
~ Illiterate? Write today for free help.
~ Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.

~ Nice parachute. Never opened. Used once.
~ Nordic Track $300. Hardly used. Call Chubby.
~ Mt. Kilimanjaro, the breathtaking backdrop for the Serena Lodge. Swim in the lovely pool while you drink it all in.

~ Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too.
~ Open house: Body shapers toning salon. Free coffee and doughnuts.
~ Our experienced Mom will care for your child. Fenced yard, meals, and smacks included.
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The eighty-year-old golfer joined the country club and asked to play a match with the pro. The pro said he would play with him and asked how many strokes he wanted for a bet. The old man answered, “I really don’t need any strokes because I’m an experienced player. The only real problem I have is getting out of sand traps.”

Even though it was his first time on the course, the octogenarian shot a steady par. Coming to the par-four eighteenth, the old guy and the pro were all even. The pro made a nice drive and was able to get on the green and two-putt for par. The old gentleman made a nice drive, too, but his approach shot landed in a sand trap next to the green.

Playing from the bunker, he hit a high ball that landed on the green and rolled into the hole! Birdie, match, and all the money.

The pro walked over to the sand trap where his opponent was still standing. “Nice shot,” complimented the pro, “but I thought you said you have a problem getting out of sand traps.”

“I do. Please give me a hand.”
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TODAY IN TRIVIA: Who was the first child to be mailed? A few weeks after Parcel Post began on January 1, 1913, an Ohio couple named Jesse and Mathilda Beagle “mailed” their 8-month-old son James to his grandmother, who lived just a few miles away. Baby James was just shy of the 11-pound weight limit for packages sent via Parcel Post, and his “delivery” cost his parents only 15 cents in postage (although they did insure him for $50).

~ What is the probably reason people mailed their kids? Postage was cheaper than a train ticket
and mail carriers were trusted to care for the children. (You can read more at Smithsonian.com)

~ What did Roentgen call his rays? In 1901, Wilhelm Conrad Roentgen won the first Nobel Prize for physics. He noticed that certain rays caused paper coated with barium platinocyanide to glow, even when the paper was in the next room. Baffled by the mystery, he called them “X rays.”

~What makes up a cockroach’s heart? A cockroach heart is nothing but a simple tube with valves. The tube can pump blood backwards and forwards in the insect. The heart can even stop moving without harming the roach.
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QUIP OF THE DAY: Television has proved that people will look at anything rather than each other. – Ann Landers

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . . The biggest adventure you can ever take is to live the life of your dreams. – Oprah Winfrey

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