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June 18th

Experience is how life catches up with us and teaches us to love and forgive each other. – Judy Collins


TODAY – JUNE 18th

169th day of the year (170th in leap years) with 196 days to follow.

Holidays for Today:
~ Autistic Pride Day
~ International Panic Day
~ International Picnic Day
~ National Go Fishing Day
~ National Splurge Day
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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1914 E.G. Marshall, Owatonna, Minnesota, actor (The Defenders, The Bold Ones: The New Doctors, 12 Angry Men, Superman II, War and Remembrance)
  • 1915 Red Adair, Houston, Texas, oil well firefighter (Hellfighters movie based on Adair, History Channel’s Modern Marvels episode on “Oil Well Firefighting”)
  • 1917 Richard Boone, Los Angeles, California, actor (Have Gun – Will Travel, Medic, The Alamo, Big Jake, The Hobbit (1977) voice of Smaug)
  • 1928 David T. Lykken, Minneapolis, Minnesota, scientist (best known for his work on twin studies and lie detection)
  • 1932 Dudley R. Herschbach, San Jose, California, chemist (Nobel / dynamics of chemical elementary processes)
  • 1937 Jay Rockefeller, NYC, New York, lawyer and politician (29th Governor of West Virginia 1977-1985)
  • 1942 Paul McCartney, Liverpool, England, singer, songwriter and musician (The Beatles, Wings)
  • 1949 Chris Van Allsburg, East Grand Rapids, Michigan, author (The Garden of Abdul Gasazi) and illustrator (Jumanji, The Polar Express)
  • 1957 Richard Powers, Evanston, Illinois, author (The Echo Maker, Orfeo, The Overstory)
  • 1961 Angela Johnson, Tuskegee, Alabama, poet and author (Tell Me a Story Mama, The Other Side, The First Part Last, Certain October)
  • 1976 Blake Shelton, Ada, Oklahoma, country singer
  • 1991 Willa Holland, Los Angeles, California, actress (Gossip Girl, Kingdom Hearts. Arrow)

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A life lived in love will never be dull. – Leo Buscaglia
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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1812 The U.S. Congress declares war on the United Kingdom (War of 1812).
  • 1858 Charles Darwin receives a paper from Alfred Russel Wallace that includes nearly identical conclusions about evolution as Darwin’s own, prompting Darwin to publish his theory.
  • 1873 Susan B. Anthony is fined $100 for attempting to vote in the 1872 presidential election.
  • 1923 Checker Taxi puts its first taxi on the streets.
  • 1940 “Finest Hour” speech by Winston Churchill.
  • 1945 William Joyce (Lord Haw-Haw) is charged with treason for his pro-German propaganda broadcasting during World War II.
  • 1953 A United States Air Force C-124 crashes and burns near Tokyo, Japan killing 129.
  • 1979 SALT II is signed by the United States and the Soviet Union.
  • 1983  Astronaut Sally Ride becomes the first American woman in space on STS-7, part of the Space Shuttle program.
  • 1994 The Troubles: the Ulster Volunteer Force (UVF) open fire inside a pub in Loughinisland, Northern Ireland, United Kingdom, killing six civilians and wounding five.
  • 1996 Ted Kaczynski, suspected of being the Unabomber, is indicted on ten criminal counts.
  • 2009 The Lunar Reconnaissance Orbiter (LRO), a NASA robotic spacecraft is launched.

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A man goes on a 2-month business trip to Europe and leaves his cat with his brother. Three days before his return he calls his brother.

Brother 1: So how is my cat doing?

Brother 2: He’s Dead

Brother 1: He’s Dead! What do you mean He’s Dead! I loved that cat. Couldn’t you think of a nicer way to tell me! I’m leaving in 3 days. You could of broke the news to me easier. You could of told me today that she got out of the house or something. Then when I called before I left you could of told me, “Well, we found her but she is up on the roof and we’re having trouble getting her down.” Then when I call you from the airport you could of told me, “The Fire Department was there and scared her off the roof and the cat died when it hit the ground.”

Brother 2: I’m sorry…you’re right…that was insensitive.  I won’t let it happen again.

Brother 1: Alright, alright, forget about it. Anyway, how is Mom doing?

Brother 2: She’s up on the roof and we’re having trouble getting her down.
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A customer calls the round-the-clock tech support hotline to ask what hours the call center is open.

“The number you dialed is open 24 hours a day, seven days a week,” says the technician who answers the call.

Customer asks, “Is that Eastern or Pacific time?”
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ONE-LINERS: FOUR ALL WHO REED AND RIGHT

We’ll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes;
but the plural of ox became oxen not oxes.

One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,
yet the plural of moose should never be meese.

You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice;
yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.

If the plural of man is always called men,
why shouldn’t the plural of pan be called pen?

If I spoke of my foot and show you my feet,
and I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?

If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,
why shouldn’t the plural of booth be called beeth?

Then one may be that,
And three would be those,
yet hat in the plural would never be hose,
and the plural of cat is cats, not cose.

We speak of a brother and also of brethren,
but though we say mother, we never say methren.

Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him,
but imagine the feminine, she, shis and shim.
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“The method preferred by most balding men for making themselves look silly is called the ‘comb-over,’ which is when the man grows the hair on one side of his head very long and combs it across the bald area, creating an effect that looks…from the top…like an egg in the grasp of a large tropical spider.” –Dave Barry
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Source for Accurate Weather
To tell the weather, go to your back door and look for the dog.

~ If the dog is at the door and he is wet, it’s probably raining.
~ But if the dog is standing there really soaking wet, it is probably raining really hard.
~ If the dog’s fur looks like it’s been rubbed the wrong way, it’s probably windy.

~ If the dog has snow on his back, it’s probably snowing.
~ Of course, to be able to tell the weather like this, you have to leave the dog outside all the time, especially if you expect bad weather.

Sincerely, The CAT
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PIC OF THE DAY: Farm Collie

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Three cowboys were hanging out in the bunkhouse. “I know that smart aleck Tex,” said the first. “He’s going to start bragging about that new foreign car he bought as soon as he gets back.”

“Not Tex,” the second cowboy replied. “He’ll always be just a good ol’ boy. When he walks in, I’m sure all he’ll say is hello.”

“I know Tex better than either of you,” said the third. “He’s so smart, he’ll figure out a way to do both. Here he comes now.” Tex swung open the bunkhouse door and shouted, “Audi, partners!”
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The flight attendant on the trip was handing out plastic pilot wings to some kids. As the young man stepped forward, she playfully offered some to him.

He passed, pointing to the Airborne wings on his Army uniform. He explained, “The last time someone gave me wings, I had to jump out of the airplane.”
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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!
~ The animals at the zoo started rioting. A porcupine was brought in to quill the uprising.
~ I was only on the military base from dusk to dawn, but it seemed like a fort night.
~ Ice cold coffee? Cool beans!
~ Liposuction: Letting the fat out of the bag
~ Pick-up Line: “Are you Jewish? Cause you ISRAELI HOT.”
~ You can never “run” through a campground. You can only “ran” because it’s always past tents.
~ If all the economists in the world were laid end to end, they would not reach a conclusion.
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Rev. W.O. Taylor, 91, was the oldest man attending the Southern Baptist Convention a few years ago. At the annual free breakfast for retirees, Brother Taylor rose and recited his own version of the parable of the prodigal son, which he entitled “The Final Fixing of the Foolish Fugitive:”

“Feeling footloose, fancy-free and frisky, this feather-brained fellow finagled his fond father into forking over his fortune. Forthwith, he fled for foreign fields and frittered his farthings feasting fabulously with fair-weather friends. Finally, facing famine, and fleeced by his fellows in folly, he found himself a feed flinger in a filthy farm lot. He fain would have filled his frame with foraged food from the fodder fragments.

“‘Fooey! My father’s flunkies fare far fancier,’ the frazzled fugitive fumed feverishly, frankly facing fact.
“Frustrated from failure and filled with forebodings, he fled for his family.
“Falling at his father’s feet, he floundered forlornly. ‘Father, I have flunked and fruitlessly forfeited further family favors.’

“But the faithful father, forestalling further flinching, frantically flagged his flunkies to fetch forth the finest fatling and fix a feast.
“But the fugitive’s fault-finding frater, faithfully farming his father’s fields for free, frowned at this fickle forgiveness of former falderal. His fury flashed, but fussing was futile.

“His foresighted father figured, ‘Such filial fidelity is fine, but what forbids fervent festivities? The fugitive is found! Unfurl the flags! With fanfare flaring, let fun, frolic and frivolity flow freely, former failures forgotten and folly forsaken. Forgiveness forms a firm foundation for future fortitude.'”
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Sometimes when I’m driving, I know I want to change lanes.
I’m just not sure which lane I want. So I turn on my hazard lights.

I may be going left, I may be going right … either way, you have been warned.
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An airhead reported for her university final examination that consists of “yes/no” type questions. She takes her seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes her purse out, removes a coin and starts tossing the coin and marking the answer sheet “Yes” for Heads and “No” for Tails.

Within half an hour she is all done, whereas the rest of the class is sweating it out During the last few minutes, she is seen desperately throwing the coin, muttering and sweating. The moderator, alarmed, approaches her and asks what is going on.

“I finished the exam in half an hour, but I’m rechecking my answers.”
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Classic English Jokes
~ Britain has invented a new missile. It’s called the civil servant – it doesn’t work and it can’t be fired.
~ What do you call an Englishman with an IQ of 50? Colonel, sir.

~ They say an Englishman laughs three times at a joke. The first time when everybody gets it, the second a week later when he thinks he gets it, the third time a month later when somebody explains it to him.

~ An Englishman went into a hardware store and asked to buy a sink.
‘Would you like one with a plug?’ asked the assistant.
‘Don’t tell me they’ve gone electric,’ said the Englishman.
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TODAY IN TRIVIA: Can you smoke a banana peel?
An urban legend states that the dried skin of the banana fruit contains the fictitious substance “bananadine”, and is hallucinogenic when smoked. It dates back to an article an underground newspaper 1967, and became widespread after it was included in The Anarchist Cookbook in 1970. This legend is not entirely without merit: bananas contain tryptophan which, when ingested, increases levels of serotonin in the body (the same effect as Prozac). However, it’s debatable whether smoking tryptophan would be successful as a method of administration.

~ How is a bluefin like a jet?
The bluefin tuna swims with its mouth partly open, relying on ramjet ventilation, unlike slower fish, which force water through their gills to remove oxygen and release carbon dioxide. Since seawater contains only about 2.5 percent as much oxygen it needs from the volume of water flowing through its mouth, the bluefin has proportionately one of the largest gill areas of any fish.

~ What was the first British group to have a number one hit in America?
UK group The Tornadoes’ hit single “Telstar” was the first UK single to reach Number 1 in the USA on December 22, 1962. This was more than a year before the Fab Four made it to Number 1 in the USA with “I Want to Hold Your Hand” on February 1, 1964.
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QUIP OF THE DAY: My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way. (Henny Youngman)

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . .

What would life be if we had no courage to attempt anything? – Vincent van Gogh

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