A person who never made a mistake never tried anything new. – Albert Einstein
TODAY – JUNE 23rd
174th day of the year (175th in leap years) with 191 days to follow.
Holidays for Today:
~ National Hydration Day
~ National Pecan Sandies Day
~ National Pink Day
~ Typewriter Day
~ United Nations Public Service Day
TODAY IN BIRTHDAYS:
- 1894 Duke of Windsor, [King Edward VIII of England]
- 1894 Alfred Kinsey, Hoboken NJ, entomologist and sexologist (Kinsey Inst. for Research in Sex)
- 1902 Dr Howard T Engstrom, Boston, a designer of Univac computer
- 1912 Alan Turing, British mathematician pioneer in computer theory (Turing Machine)
- 1929 June Carter Cash, Scott Co. Va, country singer (Johnny Cash Show)
- 1930 Donn F Eisele, Columbus Ohio, Col USAF/astronaut (Apollo 7)
- 1943 Vinton Gray Cerf, New Haven CT, computer scientist (“father of the internet”)
- 1946 Ted Shackelford, OK City, actor (Dallas, Knots Landing)
- 1957 Frances McDormand, Chicago IL, actress (police chief/Fargo, North Country, Raising Arizona, Mississippi Burning, Wonder Boys)
- 1964 Joss Whedon, NYC, producer, director, and screenwriter (Firefly, Buffy the Vampire Slayer)
- 1969 Martin Klebba, Troy MI, actor/ stuntman (Pirates of the Caribbean, Scrubs, The Cape)
- 1972 Selma Blair, Southfield MI, actress (Cruel Intentions, Sweetest Thing, Liz/ Hellboy)
- 1974 Joel Edgerton, Australian actor (Star Wars, King Arthur, Ned Kelly)
- 1980 Becky Cloonan, Italy/American comic book artist (Zero, Channel Zero: Jennie One, East Coast Rising)
- 1984 James Thomas, Jr., Mobile AL, winner of Survivor: Tocantins
“Cheerfulness and contentment are great beautifiers and are famous preservers of youthful looks. – Charles Dickens
HAPPENED THIS DAY IN HISTORY:
- 1611 Mutinous crew of Henry Hudson’s 4th voyage sets Henry, his son and seven loyal crew members adrift in an open boat in what is now Hudson Bay; they were never heard from again.
- 1683 William Penn signs friendship treaty with Lenni Lenape Indians in Pennsylvania; only treaty “not sworn to, nor broken”.
- 1810 John Jacob Astor organizes Pacific Fur Co (Astoria, Oregon).
- 1812 Great Britain revokes the restrictions on American commerce, thus eliminating one of the chief reasons for War of 1812.
- 1860 Congress establishes the Government Printing Office.
- 1868 Christopher Latham Sholes receives a patent for the Typewriter.
- 1926 The College Board administers the first SAT exam.
- 1938 Civil Aeronautics Authority (US) established
- 1961 Antarctic Treaty, which sets aside Antarctica as a scientific preserve and bans military activity on the continent, comes into force after the opening date for signature set for the December 1, 1959.
1989 The movie “Batman” premiers.
- 1991 Moldova declares its independence.
- 2013 Nik Wallenda becomes the first man to successfully walk across the Grand Canyon on a tight rope.
A man asked his doctor if he thought he’d live to be a hundred. The doctor asked the man, “Do you smoke or drink?”
“No,” he replied, “I’ve never done either.”
“Do you gamble, drive fast cars, and fool around with women?” inquired the doctor.
“No, I’ve never done any of those things either.”
“Well then,” said the doctor, “what do you want to live to be a hundred for?”
The first time my son was on a bike with training wheels, I shouted, “Push back on the pedals and the bike will brake!”
He nodded but still rode straight into a bush.
“Why didn’t you push back on the pedals?” I asked as I helped him up.
“You said if I did, the bike would break.”
ONE-LINERS: Random Thoughts . . .
~ So, what is the speed of dark?
~ Don’t try to make children grow up to be like you. They may do it.
~ An economist is a person who states the obvious in terms of the incomprehensible.
~ An atheist is a person with no invisible means of support.
~ You can’t have everything in life. Where would you put it?
~ The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds. The pessimist fears this is true.
~ Why do people say “needless to say”?
~ If “con” is the opposite of “pro”, then Congress is the opposite of progress.
~ What was sliced bread the greatest thing since?
~ I’m sorry, that’s not vague enough for me. Could you be a little less specific?
A woman was at work when she received a phone call that her small daughter was very sick with a fever. She left work and stopped by the pharmacy to get some medication. She got back to her car and found that she had locked her keys in the car. She didn’t know what to do, so she called home and told the baby sitter what had happened.
The baby sitter told her that the fever was getting worse. She said, “You might find a coat hanger and use that to open the door.”
The woman looked around and found an old rusty coat hanger that had been left on the ground, but said to herself, “I don’t know how to use this.”
She bowed her head and asked God to send her help. Within five minutes an old, beat-up motor motorcycle pulled up with a bearded man who was wearing an old biker skull rag on his head.
The woman thought, “This is what You sent to help me?” But she was desperate, so she was also very thankful. The man got off of his bike and asked if he could help.
She said, “Yes, my daughter is very sick. I stopped to get her some medication and I locked my keys in my car. I must get home to her, please, can you use this hanger to unlock my car?”
He said, “Sure.” He walked over to the car, and in less than a minute the car was opened.
She hugged the man and through her tears she said, “Thank you SO much! You are a very nice man.”
The man replied, “Lady, I am not a nice man. I just got out of prison yesterday – for car theft.”
The woman hugged the man again and with sobbing tears cried out loud, “Oh, thank you God! You even sent me a professional!”
pic of the day: Mirrored Violets
Children’s Essays on the Bible
~ Pretty soon all of the early people died off, except for Methuselah, who lived to be like a million or something.
~ One of the next important people was Noah, who was a good guy, but one of his kids was kind of a Ham. Noah built a large boat and put his family and some animals on it. He asked some other people to join him, but they said they would have to take a rain check.
~ After Noah came Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. Jacob was more famous than his brother, Esau, because Esau sold Jacob his birthmark in exchange for some pot roast. Jacob had a son named Joseph who wore a really loud sports coat.
~ Another important Bible guy is Moses, whose real name was Charlton Heston. Moses led the Israel Lights out of Egypt and away from the evil Pharaoh after God sent ten plagues on Pharaoh’s people. These plagues included
frogs, mice, lice, bowels, and no cable.
~ God fed the Israel Lights every day with manicotti. Then he gave them His Top Ten Commandments. These include: don’t lie, cheat, smoke, dance, or covet your neighbor’s stuff. Oh, yeah, I just thought of one more: Humor
thy father and thy mother.
WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!
Excited about his new project concept, a movie producer had called together several big name draws to kick some ideas around.
The project, an action docu-drama about famous composers featured Stallone, Van Damme, and Schwartzenegger in leading roles.
The producers really wanted the box office ‘oomph’ of these three, and they were prepared to allow them to select what famous composers they would portray.
“Well,” started Stallone, “I’ve always admired Mozart. I would love to play him.”
“Chopin has always been my favorite,” said Van Damme, I’ll play him.”
Things were going well; the producers were pleased.
“Sounds splendid. And who do you want to be, Arnold?”
“I’ll be Bach.”
…why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
…why women can’t put on mascara with their mouth closed?
…why you don’t ever see the headline “Psychic Wins Lottery”?
…why “abbreviated” is such a long word?
…why doctors call what they do “practice”?
…why you have to click on “Start” to stop Windows 98?
…why there isn’t mouse-flavored cat food?
…why the man who invests all your money is called a broker?
…why lemon juice is made with artificial flavor, while dishwashing liquid is made with real lemons?
…why Noah didn’t swat those two mosquitoes?
…why they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
…who tastes dog food when it has a “new &improved” flavor?
…why sheep don’t shrink when it rains?
…why they call the airport “the terminal” if flying is so safe?
…why they are called apartments when they are all stuck together?
…if con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
…why they don’t make the whole plane out of the material used for the indestructible black box ?
A couple goes out to dinner to celebrate their 20th wedding anniversary. On the way home, she notices a tear in his eye and asks if he’s getting sentimental because they’re celebrating 20 wonderful years together.
He replies, “No, I was thinking about the time before we got married. Your father threatened me with a shotgun and said he’d have me thrown in jail for 20 years if I didn’t marry you. Tomorrow I would’ve been a free man!”
SIGNS YOUR COMMUNITY HAS TOO MANY CHICKENS
~ Lately you’ve found yourself walking on eggshells. Literally.
~ The “Which Came First” debate has paralyzed your city council for months.
~ *Everything* tastes like chicken.
~ At least once a week your local newspaper declares the sky is falling.
~ The crosswalk signs now say “Walk,” “Wait,” and “Why?”.
~ The local Weight Watchers group has a membership that is 90% coyotes.
It was so hot out Friday afternoon, I didn’t want to leave Shadow, my 120-pound Giant Schnauzer in the car while I went into the bank to get a cashier’s check, so I decided to take him in with me.
As I entered the bank lobby with the dog on a leash, I noted the bank guard’s startled reaction to my large wooly friend and asked him if it was okay to bring Shadow into the bank.
He responded, eyeing the animal apprehensively, “Yes, I suppose so, just as long as he doesn’t make any deposits.”
TODAY’S TRIVIA:Did Batman lead to Taxman?
According to Beatles producer George Martin, Neal Hefti’s catchy composition of the 1960s “Batman” Emmy-winning theme song inspired George Harrison to write the hit song “Taxman.”
~ How often do wolves attack people?
Despite man’s fear and hatred of the wolf, it has not ever been proved that a non-rabid wolf ever attacked a human.
~ Is lemongrass related to lemon?
No, although some of this tough Southeast Asian herb’s exotic citrus character comes from citral, an essential oil also found in lemon rind. Very thin strips can be sliced in salads and added to Thai curries and stir-fries; a whole bulb, bruised, adds perfume to soups or stews.
~ Which Great White was the largest ever caught?
The largest Great White Shark ever caught measured 37 feet and weighed 24,000 pounds. It was found in a herring weir in New Brunswick in 1930. The harmless Whale Shark, holds the title of largest fish, with the record being a 59-footer captured in Thailand in 1919.
~ What is Hurling?
No, we’re not talking about someone with an upset stomach. Hurling is an outdoor team game of ancient Gaelic Irish origin. One of Ireland’s native Gaelic games, it shares a number of features with Gaelic football, such as the field and goals, the number of players, and much terminology. There is a similar game for women called camogie.
~ What’s another name for a hurling ball?
The ball used in hurling is also known as a sliotar or sliothar. The ball usually has a cork center and is covered with horsehide.
QUIP OF THE DAY: “There is always a well-known solution to every human problem — neat, plausible, and wrong.” – H. L. Mencken
THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!
Thought for the day. . .
If you look at what you have in life, you’ll always have more. If you look at what you don’t have in life, you’ll never have enough. – Oprah Winfrey