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June 24th

The test we must set for ourselves is not to march alone but to march in such a way that others wish to join us. – Hubert Humphrey

TODAY – JUNE 24th

175th day of the year (176th in leap years) with 190 days to follow.

Holidays for Today:
~ Swim A Lap Day
~ National Pralines Day
~ Celebration of the Senses Day (a day to remind yourself of your body’s amazing sensory abilities)
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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1803 George J. Webb, English church organist (compiled collections of sacred music; composed melody to hymn, ‘Stand Up, Stand Up for Jesus.’)
  • 1813 Henry Ward Beecher, Litchfield, Connecticut, clergyman/orator (known for his support of the abolition of slavery)
  • 1842 Ambrose Bierce, Meigs County, Ohio, satirist (Devil’s Dictionary)
  • 1915 Fred Hoyle, British astronomer (stellar nucleosynthesis) / sci-fi author (A is for Andromeda, Into Deepest Space, Element 79)
  • 1919 Al Molinaro, Kenosha, Wisconsin, actor (Murray-Odd Couple, Al-Happy Days)
  • 1938 Lawrence Block, Buffalo, New York, crime author (2 series: P.I. Matthew Scudder; gentleman burglar Bernie Rhodenbarr)
  • 1946 Ellison Onizuka, Kealakekua, Hawaii, astronaut (died on Space Shuttle Challenger / STS-51-C, STS-51-L)
  • 1947 Peter Weller, Stevens Point, Wisconsin, actor (Robocop, Of Unknown Origin, Odyssey 5, 24, Dexter, Sons of Anarchy, Star Trek Into Darkness, Longmire)
  • 1950 Mercedes R Lackey, NYC, New York, author (Series: Valdemar, Bedlam’s Bard, SERRAted Edge, Diana Tregarde)
  • 1950 Nancy Allen, NYC, New York, actress (Carrie, 1941, Robocop, Dress to Kill)
  • 1958 Tom Lister, Jr., American wrestler and actor (Friday, The Fifth Element, Jackie Brown, 2016, Hauntsville)
  • 1967 Scott Oden, Columbus, Indiana, historical novelist (Men of Bronze, Memnon, Lion of Cairo)
  • 1967 Sherry Stringfield, Colorado Springs, Colorado, actress (NYPD Blue, ER, Under the Dome, The Dog Lover)
  • 1979 Mindy Kaling, Cambridge, Massachusetts, actress and producer (The Mindy Project, The Office, Wreck-It Ralph, Inside Out)
  • 1980 Minka Kelly, Los Angeles, California, actress (Friday Night Lights, Parenthood, Charlie’s Angels, The Roommate, The Butler, Almost Human, The Path)
  • 1985 Kyle Searles, Houston, Texas, actor (7th Heaven, Pandemic, South of Nowhere)
  • 1988 Candice Patton, Jackson, Mississippi, actress (The Craigslist Killer, The Guest, The Game, The Flash)

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A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart, and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words.
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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1846 The saxophone is patented by Adolphe Sax in Paris, France.
  • 1880O Canada” first performed, later became the national anthem of Canada.
  • 1901 Pablo Picasso’s artwork was given its first exhibition, in Paris.
  • 1916 Mary Pickford becomes the first female film star to sign a million dollar contract.
  • 1938 Pieces of a meteor, estimated to have weighed 450 metric tons when it hit the Earth’s atmosphere and exploded, land near Chicora, Pennsylvania.
  • 1947 Flying saucers sighted over Mount Rainier by pilot Ken Arnold.
  • 1949 “Hopalong Cassidy” becomes first network western (NBC), starring William Boyd.
  • 1983 Space Shuttle program: STS-7 Mission Sally Ride, first female American astronaut, returns to earth.
  • 1985 STS-51-G Space Shuttle Discovery completes its mission, best remembered for having Sultan bin Salman bin Abdulaziz Al Saud as a Payload Specialist, the first Arab and first Muslim in space.
  • 1992 Supreme Court ruled health warnings on cigarette packs don’t necessarily exempt tobacco companies from false advertising lawsuits if they continue to tell consumers that smoking is safe.
  • 2010 John Isner of the United States defeats Nicolas Mahut of France at Wimbledon, in the longest match in professional tennis history.
  • 2012 Last known Chelonoidis nigra abingdonii tortoise died (subspecies of the Galápagos tortoise).

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Two idiots go duck hunting. After several hours they still haven’t got any ducks. One of the hunters looks at the other and says, “I don’t get it. Why aren’t we getting any ducks?”

His friend says, “I keep telling you, I just don’t think we’re throwing the dog high enough.”

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Two children ordered their mother to stay in bed one Mother’s Day morning. As she lay there looking forward to breakfast in bed, the smell of bacon floated up from the kitchen.

But after a good long wait she finally went downstairs to investigate. She found them both sitting at the table eating bacon and eggs.

“It’s a surprise for Mother’s Day,” one explained, “we decided to cook our own breakfast.”

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ONE-LINERS:

~If I want your opinion, I’ll give it to you.

~Right now I’m having amnesia and deja vu at the same time – I think I’ve forgotten this before.

~If practice makes perfect, and nobody’s perfect, why practice?

~The best way to a man’s heart is to saw his breast plate open.

~It was an accident officer. I was cleaning my fingernails. With a hunting knife. And he ran into me. Backwards. 17 times.

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Collective Nouns For Doctors
~ A Supporting Cast of Orthopedists
~ A Hive of Allergists
~ A Press of Dental Hygienists
~ A Carvery of Surgeons
~ A Golf-cart of Private-physicians
~ A Growth of Oncologists
~ A Vision of Optometrists
~ An Insanity of Psychologists

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Parent #1: “My kid’s a senior; in May, he’ll be an engineer. What’s your kid going to be when he gets out of college?”
Parent #2: “At the rate he’s going? About thirty.”
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pic of the day: Galápagos tortoise, Lonesome George


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I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.
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A snail hitched a ride with a friendly turtle. As they reached an intersection another turtle came along and rammed into them!

A cop came and questioned the snail: “What happened here?”

The little snail replied, “I don’t know — it all happened so fast.”
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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

~A backward poet writes in-verse.

~You feel stuck with your debt if you can’t budge it.

~In democracy it’s your vote that counts. In feudalism it’s your count that votes.

~The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.

~When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

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St. Peter is checking ID’s at the Pearly Gates.

St. Peter: “What did you do on Earth?”

Man #1: “I was a doctor.”

St. Peter: “Ok, go right through those pearly gates. Next! What did you do on Earth?”

Man #2: “I was a school teacher.”

St. Peter: “Go right through those pearly gates. Next! And what did you do on Earth?”

Man #3: “I was a musician.”

St. Peter: “Go around the side, up the freight elevator, through the kitchen…”

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After driving up and down several lanes, I finally found a parking spot at the shopping mall. I noticed another man driving very slowly in the same direction, and, since he was closer, I gave him the “Are you going to park there?” look.

His responding gestures were very confusing. First he shook his head. Next he pointed at me, then at the parking space and then at himself, his watch and the mall. Finishing off, he frowned, raised his palms upward and shrugged. Once I parked, I walked over to the driver to make sure he didn’t want the space.

“You must be single,” he replied. “If you were married, you would’ve known that was the universal sign for ‘Go ahead and take the spot. I’m waiting for my wife.'”
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An older couple is having dinner in a restaurant. The wife sees another couple about their age sitting in a booth nearby. She sees the husband sitting close to his wife, with his arm around her. He is whispering things in her ear, and she is smiling and blushing. He’s gently rubbing her shoulder and touching her hair.

The woman turns to her husband and says, “Look at the couple over there. Look how close that man is to his wife, how he’s talking to her. Look at how sweet he is. Why don’t you ever do that?”

Her husband looks up from his Caesar salad and glances over at the next booth. Then he turns to his wife and says, “Honey, I don’t even know that woman.”
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While cruising at 40,000 feet, the airplane shuddered and Mr. Benson looked out the window.

“Good lord!” he screamed, “one of the engines just blew up!”

Other passengers left their seats and came running over; suddenly the aircraft was rocked by a second blast as yet another engine exploded on the other side.

The passengers were in a panic now, and even the stewardesses couldn’t maintain order. Just then, standing tall and smiling confidently, the pilot strode from the cockpit and assured everyone that there was nothing to worry about. His words and his demeanor seemed made most of the passengers feel better, and they sat down as the pilot calmly walked to the door of the aircraft. There, he grabbed several packages from under the seats and began handing them to the flight attendants.

Each crew member attached the package to their backs.

“Say,” spoke up an alert passenger, “aren’t those parachutes?”

The pilot said they were.

The passenger went on, “But I thought you said there was nothing to worry about?”

“There isn’t,” replied the pilot as a third engine exploded. “We’re going to get help.”

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TODAY IN TRIVIA: Who was the first woman on the Wheaties box? The first female athlete to appear in a Wheaties “Breakfast of Champions” television commercial was Mary Lou Retton, shortly after her gold medal win at the 1984 summer Olympics.

~ What kind of tortoise was Lonesome George? He was a species of Galápagos tortoise native to Ecuador’s Pinta Island. Other names included The Pinta Island tortoise (Chelonoidis abingdonii), also known as the Pinta giant tortoise, Abingdon Island tortoise, or Abingdon Island giant tortoise.

~ How long did Galápagos tortoises rest? In the wild, this species rests about 16 hours a day.

~ What do these big tortoises eat? Galápagos tortoises are herbivores, feeding primarily on greens, grasses, native fruit, and cactus pads.

~ How much water does a Galápagos tortoise drink? Lots! They drink large quantities of water, which they can then store in their bodies for long periods of time for later use. They can reportedly survive up to six months without food or water.
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QUIP OF THE DAY: Anger is only one letter short of danger.

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . . There are as many nights as days, and the one is just as long as the other in the year’s course. Even a happy life cannot be without a measure of darkness, and the word “happy” would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness. – Carl Jung

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