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June 27th

The universe likes SPEED. Don’t delay, don’t second-guess, don’t doubt. – Rhonda Byrne

TODAY – JUNE 27th

178th day of the year (179th in leap years) with 187 days to follow.

Holidays for Today:
~ Helen Keller Day
~ National Sunglasses Day
~ National Orange Blossom Day
~ National HIV Testing Day
~ National PTSD Awareness Day
~ Canadian Multiculturalism Day
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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1880 Helen Keller, Tuscumbia, Alabama, blind-deaf author/lecturer
  • 1907 John McIntire, Spokane, Washington, actor (Psycho, Elmer Gantry, Flaming Star, Herbie Rides Again, Rooster Cogburn, The Rescuers, Turner & Hooch, Naked City, Wagon Train, The Virginian)
  • 1927 Bob Keeshan, Lynbrook, New York, actor (Captain Kangaroo; Clarabelle on Howdy Doody)
  • 1930 Ross Perot, Texarkana, Texas, billionaire and politician (Electronic Data Systems)
  • 1937 Joseph P. Allen, Crawfordsville, Indiana, physicist and astronaut (STS-5, STS-51-A)
  • 1942 Bruce Johnston, Peoria, Illinois, musician (The Beach Boys)
  • 1949 Vera Wang, New York City, New York, fashion designer
  • 1951 Julia Duffy, Minneapolis, Minnesota, actress (Newhart, Designing Women, Baby Talk, Sabrina the Teenage Witch, The Blue and the Gray)
  • 1966 J. J. Abrams, New York City, New York, director, producer, and screenwriter (Lost, Star Trek, Mission Impossible III, Star Wars: The Force Awakens, Westworld)
  • 1975 Tobey Maguire, Santa Monica, California, actor (Spider-Man films, Brothers, The Great Gatsby, The Spoils of Babylon)
  • 1978 Courtney Ford, Orange County, California, actress (The Vampire Diaries, True Blood, Revenge, Kept Woman, Legends of Tomorrow)
  • 1986 Drake Bell, Santa Ana, California, actor and musician (Jerry Maguire, Drake & Josh, Superhero Movie, The Nutty Professor, The Amanda Show, Ultimate Spiderman, Highly Gifted)
  • 1991 Madylin Sweeten, Brownwood, Texas, actress (Everybody Loves Raymond, TMI Hollywood, Games Gone Wrong)

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Making mistakes isn’t stupid; disregarding them is. – Yevgeny Zamyatin
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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1895 The inaugural run of the Baltimore and Ohio Railroad’s Royal Blue from Washington, D.C., to New York City, the first U.S. passenger train to use electric locomotives.
  • 1898 The first solo circumnavigation of the globe is completed by Joshua Slocum from Briar Island, Nova Scotia.
  • 1923 First ever aerial refueling in a DH-4B biplane performed by Capt. Lowell H. Smith and Lt. John P. Richter.
  • 1946 The Parliament of Canada establishes the definition of Canadian citizenship in the Canadian Citizenship Act.
  • 1950 President Truman orders Air Force & Navy into Korean conflict.
  • 1954 The world’s first nuclear power station opens in Obninsk, near Moscow.
  • 1967 The world’s first ATM is installed in Enfield, London.
  • 1982 Space Shuttle Columbia launched from the Kennedy Space Center on the final research and development flight mission, STS-4.
  • 1989 The current international treaty defending indigenous peoples, ILO 169 convention, was adopted.
  • 2013 NASA launches the Interface Region Imaging Spectrograph, a space probe to observe the Sun.

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I was trying to restart an intravenous line in a male patient while his wife sat next to the hospital bed, watching my every move. I had made several attempts to insert a 22-gauge catheter and had used up all I had in my IV tray.

Another nurse passed by the doorway and I yelled, “Lisa, can you bring me a 22?”

The patient’s wife’s eyes opened wide and she said, “You’ve done it now Bobby. She’s going to shoot you!”
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GOLDEN OLDIE… One beautiful autumn day, a Park Ranger discovered a man sitting in the woods chewing away on a dead Bald Eagle.
‘Hey mister, the Bald Eagle is a protected species, and killing one is punishable offence’, said the Park Ranger.
The man was swiftly arrested, and ushered before the judge.

In court, he pleaded innocent to the charges against him, claiming that if he didn’t eat the bald eagle he would have died from starvation.
‘I was so hungry.’ complained the defensive camper, ‘the Bald Eagle was the only food I could find!’
To everyone’s amazement, the judge ruled in his favor.

In the judge’s closing statement he asked the man, ‘I would like you to tell me something before I let you go. I have never eaten a bald eagle, nor ever plan on it. But I’d like to know: What did it taste like?’
The man answered, ‘Well, it tasted like a cross between a Whooping Crane and a Spotted Owl.’
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ONE-LINERS:
~ Born Free……..Taxed to Death.
~ We will now upgrade your brain, please wait…searching…searching…still searching…sorry NO BRAIN found.
~ Just reminding you there is a very fine line between hobby and mental illness.
~ You’ll notice that a turtle only makes progress when it sticks out its neck…
~ If the grass is greener on the other side of the fence, you can bet the water bill is higher.
~ Standing in the middle of the road is dangerous. You will get knocked down by the traffic from both ways.
~ A skeptic is a person who when he sees the handwriting on the wall, claims it’s a forgery.
~ It isn’t difficult to make a mountain out of a molehill, just add a little dirt.
~ The mighty oak tree was once a little nut that held its ground.
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Once upon a time in their marriage, my Dad did something really stupid. My Mom chewed him out for it. He apologized, they made up.

However, from time to time, my mom mentions what he had done. “Honey,” my Dad finally said one day, “why do you keep bringing that up? I thought your policy was ‘forgive and forget.'”

“It is,” she said. “I just don’t want you to forget that I’ve forgiven and forgotten.”
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Two guys were sitting around talking one day. The first guy said, “Ever since we got married, my wife has tried to change me. She got me to stop drinking, smoking and running around until all hours of the night. She taught me how to dress well, enjoy the fine arts, gourmet cooking, classical music, even how to invest in the stock market.”
“Sounds like you may be bitter because she has changed you so drastically,” remarked his friend.
The first guy replied, “No, I’m not bitter. Now that I’m so improved, she just isn’t good enough for me.”
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Pic of the Day: Raccoons Partying on Cat Food
3 raccoons
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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!
~ No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.
~ A pessimist’s blood type is always b-negative.
~ If you hear it from the horse’s mouth you’re listening to a neigh sayer.
~ A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.
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An employee comes into her manager’s office to ask for a day off from work.

The manager replied, “So you want a day off? Let’s take a look at what you are asking for.
There are 365 days per year available for work. There are 52 weeks per year in which you already have 2 days off per week, leaving 261 days available for work.

Since you spend 16 hours each day away from work, you have used up 170 days, leaving only 91 days available.
You spend 30 minutes each day on coffee break, which counts for 23 days each year, leaving only 68 days available. With a 1-hour lunch each day, you used up another 46 days, leaving only 22 days available for work.

You normally spend 2 days per year on sick leave. This leaves you only 20 days per year available for work.
We are off 5 holidays per year, so your available working time is down to 15 days.

We generously give 14 days vacation per year which leaves only 1 day available for work and I’ll be darned if you are going to take that day off!
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A murderer, sitting in the electric chair, was about to be executed.
“Have you any last requests?” asked the Chaplain.
“Yes,” replied the murderer. “Will you hold my hand?”
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I met someone in the elevator who was drinking coffee and complaining about how coffee made him nervous.
I asked, “Why don’t you quit drinking coffee?”
He said, “Because if I didn’t have the shakes I wouldn’t get any exercise at all.”
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My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start.
So far today, I have finished two bags of chips and a chocolate cake.
I feel better already.
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“Doctor, I seem to get heartburn whenever I eat birthday cake.”
“Have you tried removing the candles first?”
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On a visit to Chicago, I was eager to visit a posh department store about a dozen blocks from our hotel.
My husband obligingly hailed a cab.
“The lady wants to go to Neiman Marcus,” he told the driver.

The cabby looked over his shoulder at us.
“And the gentleman?” he asked, “Does he want to go to the bank?”
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TODAY IN TRIVIA: How big are raccoons? The average adult raccoon weighs 21 pounds.

~ When is an onion not an onion? Any onion that does not form a large bulb is called either a scallion or shallot. These onions are also called green onion, and in larger, variety, leek.

~ How long have people been eating eggplant? The eggplant was domesticated in Southeast Asia more than 4,000 years ago. It belongs to the same family as the poisonous deadly nightshade (as do potatoes, tomatoes, and petunias). In the Middle East and then in Europe, doctors blamed it for all sorts of things, from epilepsy to cancer. In the fifth century, Chinese women made a black dye from the eggplant skins to stain and polish their teeth. And some people in medieval Europe considered eggplant an aphrodisiac.
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QUIP OF THE DAY: We should all swap problems; everyone knows how to solve the other guy’s.

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . . A man who has never gone to school may steal from a freight car; but if he has a university education, he may steal the whole railroad. – Theodore Roosevelt

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