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June 30th

My best friend is the one who brings out the best in me. – Henry Ford


TODAY – JUNE 30th

181st day of the year (182nd in leap years) with 184 days to follow.

Holidays for Today:
~ National Mai Tai Day
~ National Meteor Day
~ Social Media Day
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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1899 Harry Shields, New Orleans, Louisiana, jazz clarinetist
  • 1917 Susan Hayward, Brooklyn, New York, actress (I Want To Live!, With A Song In My Heart, David & Bathsheba)
  • 1917 Lena Horne, Brooklyn, New York, singer (Stormy Weather)
  • 1919 Ed Yost, Bristow, Iowa, inventor (modern hot air balloon, Raven Industries)
  • 1926 Paul Berg, Brookyn, New York, biochemist (Nobel/ research nucleic acids)
  • 1934 Harry Blackstone Jr, Three Rivers, Michigan, magician (Blackstone Book of Magic & Illusion)
  • 1936 Nancy Dussault, Pensacola, Florida, actress (Muriel-Too Close for Comfort, Good Morning America)
  • 1942 Robert Ballard, Wichita, Kansas, oceanographer (underwater archeology)
  • 1943 Florence Ballard, Detroit, Michigan, singer (The Supremes)
  • 1951 Stephen S. Oswald, Seattle, Washington, astronaut (STS 42, 56 & 67)
  • 1957 Sterling Martin, Columbia, Tennessee, NASCAR Nextel Cup driver
  • 1959 Vincent D’Onofrio, Brooklyn, New York, actor (Full Metal Jacket, Det. Gorin/L&O Criminal Intent, Men in Black, Jurassic World, Daredevil)
  • 1962 Deirdre Lovejoy, Abilene, Texas, actress (The Wire, Under, Lionhead, Thirsty)
  • 1963 Rupert Graves, English actor (A Room with a View, Maurice, Sherlock, The Family)
  • 1966 Wendy Davis, Joppatowne, Maryland, actress (High Incident, Army Wives)
  • 1970 Brian Bloom, Merrick, New York, actor (Once Upon a Time in America, 2000 Malibu Road, Silent Hill: Homecoming, The A Team (2010), Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Avengers Assemble, Gravity Falls)
  • 1971 Monica Potter, Cleveland, Ohio, actress (The Young & The Restless, Con Air, Patch Adams, Parenthood)
  • 1979 Rick Gonzalez, Brooklyn, New York, actor (Coach Carter, Roll Bounce, Pulse, Reaper, Victor)
  • 1982 Lizzy Caplan, Los Angeles, California, actress (Mean Girls, Cloverfield, True Blood, Party Down, Bachelorette, The Night Before)
  • 1985 Michael Phelps, Baltimore, Maryland, swimmer ( most decorated Olympian of all time, with a total of 22 medals)

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Success is what you attract by the person you become. – Jim Rohn
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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1834 Congress creates Indian Territory (now Oklahoma).
  • 1859 French acrobat Charles Blondin first to cross Niagara Falls on a tightrope.
  • 1879 The California Electric Light Company, was organized in San Francisco, becoming the first electric company in the U.S. formed to produce and sell electricity.
  • 1886 U.S. Division of Forestry was established by an Act of Congress.
  • 1893 Excelsior diamond (blue-white 995 carats) discovered.
  • 1896 First U.S. patent for an electric stove was patented by William.S. Hadaway, Jr., in New York City.
  • 1906 Pure Food & Drug Act & Meat Inspection Act adopted.
  • 1934 “Night of the Long Knives,”Adolf Hitler’s violent purge of his political rivals in Germany, takes place.
  • 1971 Ohio becomes the 38th state to approve of lower the voting age to 18, thus ratifying the 26th amendment.
  • 1990 East and West Germany merge their economies.
  • 1997 China resumes sovereignty over the city-state of Hong Kong, ending 156 years of British colonial rule.

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Golden Oldie… A guy named Joe finds himself in dire trouble. His business has gone bust and he’s in serious financial trouble. He’s so desperate he decides to ask God for help. He begins to pray…

“God, please help me. I’ve lost my business and if I don’t get some money, I’m going to lose my house as well. Please let me win the lotto.”

Lotto night comes and somebody else wins it.

Joe again prays…

“God, please let me win the lotto! I’ve lost my business, my house and I’m going to lose my car as well.”

Lotto night comes and Joe still has no luck.

Once again, he prays…

“My God, why have you forsaken me?? I’ve lost my business, my house, and my car. My wife and children are starving. I don’t often ask you for help and I have always been a good servant to you. PLEASE just let me win the lotto this one time so I can get my life back in order.”

Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens open and Joe is confronted by the voice of God Himself: “Joe, meet Me halfway on this. Buy a ticket.”

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An atheist was spending a quiet day fishing when suddenly his boat was attacked by the Loch Ness monster. In one easy flip, the beast tossed him and his boat high into the air. Then it opened its mouth to swallow both. As the man sailed head over heels, he cried out, ‘Oh, my God! Help me!’

At once, the ferocious attack scene froze in place, and as the atheist hung in mid-air, a booming voice came down from the clouds. ‘I thought you didn’t believe in Me!’

‘Come on God, give me a break!,’ the man pleaded. ‘Two minutes ago I didn’t believe in the Loch Ness monster either!’

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ONE-LINERS: Life’s reflections

1. Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.

2. I’m not into working out. My philosophy is no pain, no pain.

3. I’m in shape. Round is a shape.

4. I’m desperately trying to figure out why Kamikaze pilots wore helmets.

5. Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?

6. I’ve always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.

7. Ever notice when you blow in a dog’s face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?

8. Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

9. You have to stay in shape. My mother started walking five miles day when she was 60. She’s 97 now and we have no idea where she is.

10. I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.

11. One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.

12. They show you how detergent takes out bloodstains. I think if you’ve got a tee shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn’t your biggest problem.

13. Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.

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An elderly man is stopped by the police around 1 a. m. and is asked where he is going at this time of night.

The man replies, “I am going to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body”.

The officer then asks, “Really? Who is giving that lecture at this time of night?”

The man replies… “My wife.”

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After raiding the seed from the bird feeders,
apparently this squirrel craved a sweet drink…

squirrel drinking from hummingbird feeder
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Boss – Do you think you can come in on Saturday? I know you enjoy your weekends but I need you here.
Me – Yeah, no problem. I’ll probably be late though as public transport on weekends is slow.

Boss – What time will you get here?
Me – Monday.
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TOP TEN SIGNS YOU MAY NOT BE READING YOUR BIBLE ENOUGH

10) The preacher announces the sermon is from Genesis . . . and you check the table of contents.
9) You think Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob may have had a few hit songs during the 60s.

8) You open to the Gospel of Luke and a WWII Savings Bond falls out.
7) Your favorite Old Testament patriarch is Hercules.

6) A small family of woodchucks has taken up residence in the Psalms of your Bible.
5) You become frustrated because Charlton Heston isn’t listed in either the Concordance or the Table of Contents.

4) Catching the kids reading the Song of Solomon, you demand: “Who gave you this stuff?”
3) You think the minor prophets worked in the quarries.

2) You keep falling for it every time when the pastor tells you to turn to First Condominiums.
1) The kids keep asking too many questions about your usual bedtime story: “Jonah, the Shepherd Boy, and His Ark of Many Colors.”
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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

As an investigator for the Fantasy Beings’ Fair Housing Commission, Ferdinand Feghoot was assigned to look into complaints that the town of Donnybrook was systematically excluding the fictive.

The Mayor of Donnybrook was indignant. ‘That’s nonsense!’ he fumed. ‘Why, we have several families of Hobbits living here, the principal of our high school is an Elf, and one of our aldermen is an Orc.’

Feghoot shook his head sadly. ‘That,’ he replied, ‘is only . . . Tolkien integration.’
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MY HOUSEWORK PHILOSOPHY

~ I don’t put things away because my husband will never be able to find them again.
~ I don’t do windows because I love birds and don’t want one to run into a clean window and get hurt.
~ I don’t wax floors because I am terrified a guest will slip, hurt themselves, I’ll feel terrible, and they may sue me.

~ I don’t disturb cobwebs because I want every creature to have a home of their own.
~ I don’t spring clean because I love all the seasons and don’t want the others to get jealous.
~ I don’t mind the dust bunnies because they are very good company. I have named most of them, and they agree with everything I say.

~ I don’t iron because I choose to believe them when they say “Permanent Press.”
~ I don’t pull weeds in the garden because I don’t want to get rid of the only green I’ve got.
~ I don’t do gourmet meals when I entertain because I don’t want my guests to stress out over what to make when they invite me over for dinner.

~ I don’t stress much on anything because “A Type” personalities die young and I want to stick around and become a wrinkled up crusty ol’ person!
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It’s All in The Perspective . . .

An actuary, an underwriter, and an insurance salesperson are riding in a car.

The salesperson has his foot on the gas, the underwriter has his foot on the brake, and the actuary is looking out the back window telling them where to go.

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A business owner tells her friend that she is desperately searching for an accountant.

Her friend asks, “Didn’t your company hire an accountant a short while ago?”

The business owner replies, “That’s the accountant I’ve been searching for.”
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How to describe someone who’s…uh…you know…

~ Slinky’s kinked.
~ Surfing in Nebraska.
~ If she had another brain, it would be lonely.

~ Big like ox; smart like tractor.
~ A few sandwiches short of a picnic.
~ Too much yardage between the goal posts.

~ Not wound too tight.
~ Room temperature IQ.
~ Shirt size: large. Cap size: small.

~ Missing a hard-drive.
~ Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.
~ A few box cars short of a full trainload.

~ One tire short of a Goodyear.
~ Not the brightest crayon in the box.
~ Doesn’t have two wits to bat together.

~ Not firing on all thrusters.
~ Butter slipped off the noodles.
~ A few Pinata’s short of a fiesta.

~ Two cards short of a full deck.
~ Forgot to use a surge protector.
~ Three dots short of an ink-blot test.

~ Half bubble off level.
~ The mental agility of a used soap dish.
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TODAY IN TRIVIA: Which planet turns most slowly?
Venus is the planet that turns most slowly on its axis. It spins once every 243 Earth days. Since Venus takes 224 Earth days to complete one orbit of the Sun, its days are longer than its year

~ Who set up New York’s first recycling plant?
Colonel Waring, New York City Street Cleaning Commissioner, was responsible for organizing the first rubbish-sorting plant for recycling in the United States in 1898.

~ Why does a cat arch its back?
A cat’s arching back is part of a complex body language system, usually associated with feeling threatened. The arch is able to get so high because the cat’s spine contains nearly 60 vertebrae which fit loosely together. Humans have only 34 vertebrae.

~ How far did the Wright brothers fly?
The Wright brothers’ historic flight covered a distance less than the length of today’s Space Shuttle.

~ Which soap opera was the first to win an Emmy?
The NBC daytime drama, The Doctors, was the first soap opera to win an Emmy series award in 1972. Although the Emmy Awards were launched in 1948 to honor accomplishments in the television industry, the genre of daytime drama was largely ignored. It was finally recognized with its own category 24 years later.
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QUIP OF THE DAY: The wise man does not play leap frog with a unicorn. – Nostradamas

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . . Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all. – Dale Carnegie

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