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June 3rd

What counts is not necessarily the size of the dog in the fight – it’s the size of the fight in the dog. – Dwight D. Eisenhower, speech to the Republican National Committee, January 31, 1958


TODAY – JUNE 3rd

154th day of the year (155th in leap years) with 211 days to follow.

Holidays for Today:
~ National Chocolate Macaroon Day
~ National Egg Day
~ National Repeat Day (I said “Repeat Day”)
~ Love Conquers All Day
~ National Dairy Month
~ National Fresh Fruit and Vegetable Month
~ World Bicycle Day
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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1808 Jefferson F. Davis, Christian County, Kentucky, President of Confederate States of America (1861-1865)
  • 1864 Ransom Eli Olds, Lansing, Michigan, auto (Oldsmobile) and truck (Reo) manufacturer
  • 1879 Raymond Pearl, New England, biologist (one of the founders of biometry, the application of statistics to medicine and biology)
  • 1904 Charles Richard Drew, Washington D.C., surgeon (pioneer of blood plasma research)
  • 1924 Colleen Dewhurst, Canadian actress (The Crucible, Anne of Green Gables, Sword of Gideon)
  • 1925 Tony Curtis, Bronx, New York, actor (The Defiant Ones, Some Like It Hot, Operation Petticoat, The Persuaders!, The Mirror Crack’d, Vega$, The Mummy Lives)
  • 1930 Marion Zimmer Bradley, Albany, New York, sci-fi author (Mists of Avalon, Darkover series)
  • 1931 John Norman, Chicago, Illinois, author (Chronicles of Gor series of 34 books)
  • 1936 Larry McMurtry, Wichita Falls, Texas, author (Lonesome Dove, Pulitzer 1986)
  • 1937 Edward Winter, Ventura, California, actor (Colonel Flagg/M*A*S*H, Cabaret, Soap)
  • 1939 Kathleen E. Woodiwiss, Alexandria, Louisiana, author (historical romance pioneer, The Flame & The Flower)
  • 1961 Lawrence Lessig, Rapid City, South Dakota, lawyer and author (Founder the Creative Commons)
  • 1967 Anderson Cooper, New York City, NY, journalist (Anderson Cooper 360°, NewsNight, 60 Minutes) and author (Dispatches from the Edge)
  • 1989 Katie Hoff, Palo Alto, California, swimmer (silver & 2 bronze, 2004 & 2008 Summer Olympics)

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“Good health and good sense are two of life’s greatest blessings.” – Publius Syrius

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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1800 U.S. President John Adams takes up residence in Washington, D.C. (in a tavern because the White House was not yet completed).
  • 1850 The traditional founding date of Kansas City, Missouri. This was the date on which it was first incorporated by Jackson County, Missouri, as the “City of Kansas”.
  • 1861 American Civil War: Battle of Philippi (also called the Philippi Races) – Union forces rout Confederate troops in Barbour County, Virginia, now West Virginia, in first land battle of the War.
  • 1888 The poem “Casey at the Bat”, by Ernest Lawrence Thayer, is published in the San Francisco Examiner.
  • 1916 The Reserve Officer Training Corps or ROTC is established by the U.S. Congress.
  • 1965 Launch of Gemini 4, the first multi-day space mission by a NASA crew. Crew-member Ed White performs the first American spacewalk.
  • 1969 Melbourne-Evans collision: Off the coast of South Vietnam, the Australian aircraft carrier HMAS Melbourne cuts the U.S. Navy destroyer USS Frank E. Evans in half.
  • 1992 Aboriginal Land Rights are granted in Australia in Mabo v Queensland (1988), a case brought by Eddie Mabo.
  • 2007 USS Carter Hall engages pirates after they board the Danish ship Danica White off the coast of Somalia.
  • 2013 Trial of U.S. Army private Chelsea Manning for leaking classified material to WikiLeaks begins in Fort Meade, Maryland.

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Golden oldie… A little boy was attending his first wedding with the family..

After the service, a cousin wondered aloud, “I wonder how many women can a man marry?”
“Sixteen,” volunteered Jenni’s boy.

The cousin was amazed that the boy had figured it out so quickly and asked, “How do you know that for sure?”
“Easy,” Jenni’s boy said. “All you have to do is add it up, didn’t you hear the preacher say: ‘Four for better, four for worse, four richer, and four poorer,’ and that makes sixteen.”
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William’s wife started noticing how forgetful he was becoming. Being the concerned wife, she convinced him to see a doctor. William was a little worried when the doctor came in. Sensing his patient’s nervousness, the first thing the doctor did was to ask what was troubling him.

“Well,” William answered. “I seem to be getting forgetful. I’m never sure I can remember where I put the car, or whether I answered a letter, or where I’m going, or what it is I’m going to do once I get there, if I get there. So, I really need your help. What can I do?”

The doctor thought for a moment, then answered in his kindest tone, “Please pay me in advance.”
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ONE-LINERS:

– Indifference will be the downfall of mankind, but who cares?

– Don’t let your mind wander, it’s far too small to be let out on its own.

– I’m impressed, I’ve never met such a small mind inside such a big head before.

– Nostalgia ain’t what it used to be.

– I don’t have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.

– Inflexibility is the hallmark of the Tiny Mind.

– The only perfect science is hindsight.

– Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

– Don’t assume malice for what stupidity can explain.

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A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store but couldn’t find one big enough for her family.

She asked a stock boy, “Do these turkeys get any bigger?”

The stock boy replied, “No, ma’am, they’re dead.”

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pic of the day: Wandering Stone Staircase


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I was driving home from work when I was pulled over for not wearing a seat belt. Three days later, I got the same ticket, at the same stop, from the same cop.

“So, have you learned anything?” asked the cop.
“Yes, I have,” I began. “I’ve learned it’s time to find a new way home from work.”
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An old guy shows up at the Pearly Gates.

“Man,” he says to Saint Peter, “I was so busy when I was working, and even busier after I retired. Now it’s time for some much needed R and R.”

Saint Peter looks at him and says “Didn’t you hear? You have a new agenda!”

“Agenda?” says the man as he hurriedly rustles through his welcome packet. “Where is it?!”

Saint Peter smiles and says “Oh, it’s on the cloud now!”
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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

The tribal chieftain’s daughter was offered as a bride to the son of a neighboring potentate in exchange for two cows and four sheep. The swap was to be effected on the shore of the stream that separated the two tribes.

The chief and his daughter showed up at the appointed time, only to discover that the groom and his livestock were on the wrong side of the stream.

The father grunted, “He doesn’t know which side his bride is bartered on.”

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The following is a conversation overheard as Bill Gates was moving into his new house…

Bill: “There are a few issues we need to discuss.”

Contractor: “Ah, you have our basic support option. Calls are free for the first 90 days and $75 a call thereafter. Okay?”

Bill: “Uh, yeah… the first issue is the living room. We think its a little smaller than we anticipated.”

Contractor: “Yeah. Some compromises were made to have it out by the release date.”

Bill: “We won’t be able to fit all our furniture in there.”

Contractor: “Well, you have two options. You can purchase a new, larger living room; or you can use a Stacker.”

Bill: “Stacker?”

Contractor: “Yeah, it allows you to fit twice as much furniture into the room. By stacking it, of course, you put the entertainment center on the couch… the chairs on the table… etc. You leave an empty spot, so when you want to use some furniture you can unstack what you need and then put it back when you’re done.”

Bill: “Uh… I dunno… issue two. The second issue is the light fixtures. The bulbs we brought with us from our old home won’t fit. The threads run the wrong way.”

Contractor: “Oh! That’s easy. Those bulbs aren’t plug and play. You’ll have to upgrade to the new bulbs.”

Bill: “And the electrical outlets? The holes are round, not rectangular. How do I fix that?”

Contractor: “Just uninstall and reinstall the electrical system.”

Bill: “You’re kidding!?”

Contractor: “Nope. Its the only way.”

Bill: “Well… I have one last problem. Sometimes, when I have guests over, someone will flush the toilet and it won’t stop. The water pressure drops so low that the showers don’t work.”

Contractor: “That’s a resource leakage problem. One fixture is failing to terminate and is hogging the resources preventing access from other fixtures.”

Bill: “And how do I fix that?”

Contractor: “Well, after each flush, you all need to exit the house, turn off the water at the street, turn it back on, reenter the house and then you can get back to work.”

Bill: “That’s the last straw. What kind of product are you selling me?”

Contractor: “Hey, if you don’t like it nobody made you buy it.”

Bill: “And when will this be fixed?”

Contractor: “Oh, in your next house — which will be ready to release sometime near the end of next year. Actually it was due out this year, but we’ve had some delays…”

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Why I Don’t Clean

1. I don’t do windows because … I love birds and don’t want one to run into a clean window and get hurt.
2. I don’t wax floors because … I am terrified a guest will slip, hurt themselves. I’ll feel terrible and they may sue me.
3. I don’t mind the dust bunnies because …. they are very good company. I have named most of them, and they agree with everything I say.

4. I don’t disturb cobwebs because . I want every creature to have a home of their own and hubby loves spiders.
5. I don’t Spring Clean because … I love all the seasons and don’t want the others to get jealous.
6. I don’t plant a garden because … I don’t want to get in God’s way. He is an excellent designer.

7. I don’t put things away because … my husband will never be able to find them again.
8. I don’t do gourmet meals when I entertain because … I don’t want my guests to stress out over what to make when they invite me over for dinner.
9. I don’t iron because … I choose to believe them when they say “Permanent Press”.

10. I don’t stress much on anything because …
“A Type” personalities die young and I want to stick around and become a wrinkled up fiesty ol’ woman!!!!
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“I need to cash this check, please.”

“I need some identification.”

“Here you go.”

“Hmmm … you gave me several charge cards, a Social Security card and a library card. I need a driver’s license.”

“Oh, I don’t drive.”

“Don’t you have anything with your picture on it?”

“Oh, sure! Here’s a photo from our last family picnic. That’s me in the back row.”

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TODAY IN TRIVIA: Do you give your pet presents? According to a pet owner survey, 79 percent of Americans give their dogs holiday and/or birthday presents.

~ When does a camel give up? Camels instinctively know their own endurance and will refuse to move beyond it. If their masters try to drive them farther, they will lie down and refuse to budge.

~ Why was Yale so fond of apple pie? By the eighteenth century, apple pie had become so popular a dessert in America that Yale College served it every night at supper, and did so for more than a century.

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QUIP OF THE DAY: “Being in politics is like being a football coach. You have to be smart enough to understand the game and dumb enough to think it’s important.” – Eugene McCarthy

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . . Do not be fooled into believing that because a man is rich he is necessarily smart. There is ample proof to the contrary. –  Julius Rosenwald

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