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June 5th

An excuse is worse and more terrible than a lie, for an excuse is a lie guarded. – Pope John Paul I

TODAY – JUNE 5th

156th day of the year (157th in leap years) with 209 days to follow.

Holidays for Today:
~ National Gingerbread Day
~ National Ketchup / Catsup Day
~ World Environment Day
~ World Day Against Speciesism
~ Aquarium Month
~ National Accordion Awareness Month
~ National Iced Tea Month
~ National Seafood Month
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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1850 Pat Garrett, Chambers County, Alabama, Western lawman (sheriff of Lincoln County, NM, best known for killing Billy the Kid)
  • 1878 Pancho Villa, Mexican revolutionary (prominent Mexican Revolutionary general)
  • 1919 Richard Scarry, Boston, Massachusetts, children’s book author/illustrator (Best Bedtime Book Ever, Silly Stories, Tinker and Tanker)
  • 1949 Ken Follett, Welsh author (Eye of the Needle, Pillars of the Earth, Whiteout, The Century Trilogy)
  • 1951 Suze Orman, Chicago, Illinois, financial advisor, writer, and television personality (The Road to Wealth)
  • 1954 Nancy Stafford, Wilton Manors, Florida, actress (Matlock, Heritage Falls, A Mermaid’s Tale)
  • 1960 Leslie Hendrix, San Francisco, California, actress (Law & Order, Law & Order: Special Victims Unit, Law & Order: Criminal Intent and Law & Order: Trial by Jury, Gotham)
  • 1962 Jeff Garlin, Chicago, Illinois, comedian (Curb Your Enthusiasm, The Goldbergs, WALL-E, Cars 2)
  • 1964 Rick Riordan, San Antonio, Texas, author (Percy Jackson & the Olympians series, Tres Navarre mystery series, The Crown of Ptolemy)
  • 1967 Ron Livingston, Cedar Rapids, Iowa, actor (Office Space, Band of Brothers, Standoff, Defying Gravity, The Conjuring, Fort Bliss, Fresno, Wahlburgers, Search Party)
  • 1971 Mark Wahlberg, Boston, Massachusetts, actor (Boogie Nights, The Perfect Storm, Planet of the Apes, The Departed, Lone Survivor, Transformers: Age of Extinction, Deepwater Horizon)
  • 1977 Liza Weil, New Jersey, actress (Gilmore Girls, Scandal, How to Get Away with Murder)

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If you break your neck, if you have nothing to eat, if your house is on fire, then you’ve got a problem. Everything else is an inconvenience. Life is inconvenient. Life is lumpy. A lump in the oatmeal, a lump in the throat, and a lump in the breast are not the same kind of lump. One needs to learn the difference. -Robert Fulghum, author
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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1851 Harriet Beecher Stowe’s anti-slavery serial, Uncle Tom’s Cabin or, Life Among the Lowly, starts a ten-month run in the National Era abolitionist newspaper.
  • 1917 Conscription begins in the United States as “Army registration day” during World War I.
  • 1933 The U.S. Congress abrogates the United States’ use of the gold standard by enacting a joint resolution (48 Stat. 112) nullifying the right of creditors to demand payment in gold.
  • 1942 World War II: United States declares war on Bulgaria, Hungary, and Romania.
  • 1956 Elvis Presley introduces his new single, “Hound Dog”, on The Milton Berle Show, scandalizing the audience with his suggestive hip movements.
  • 1968 U.S. presidential candidate Robert F. Kennedy is shot at the Ambassador Hotel in Los Angeles, California by Palestinian Sirhan Sirhan. Kennedy dies the next day.
  • 1976 Collapse of the Teton Dam in Idaho, United States.
  • 1977 The Apple II, one of the first personal computers, goes on sale.
  • 1981 The Morbidity and Mortality Weekly Report of the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention report that five people in Los Angeles, California have a rare form of pneumonia seen only in patients with weakened immune systems, in what turns out to be the first recognized cases of AIDS.

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My husband was bending over to tie my three-year-old’s shoes. That’s when I noticed my son, Ben, staring at my husband’s head. He gently touched the slightly thinning spot of hair and said in a concerned little voice, “Daddy, you have a hole in your head. Does it hurt?”

After a pause, I heard my husband’s murmured reply, “Not physically.”
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A real-estate agent was driving around with a new trainee when she spotted a charming little farmhouse, with a hand-lettered “For Sale” sign out front.

After briskly introducing herself and her associate to the startled occupant, the agent cruised from room to room, opening closets and cupboards, testing faucets and pointing out where a “new light fixture here and a little paint there” would help. Pleased with her assertiveness, the woman was hopeful that the owner would offer her the listing.

“Ma’am” the man said, “I appreciate the home-improvement tips and all, but I think you must have misread my sign. It says, “HORSE for Sale.”
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ONE-LINERS: HoW To KeEp A HeaLthY LeVel Of iNsAniTy aNd dRiVe OtHeR PeOple iNsAnE
~ At lunch time, sit in your parked car and point a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
~ Page yourself over the intercom. (Don’t disguise your voice.)
~ Insist that your e mail address be : xena-goddess-of-fire@companyname.com
~ Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
~ Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronized chair dancing.
~ Put your garbage can on your desk and label it ‘IN’.
~ Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
~ Reply to everything someone says with, “That’s what you think.”
~ Finish all your sentences with “In accordance with the prophecy”.
~ Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Wear them one day after your boss does. (This is especially effective if your boss is the opposite gender.)
~ Send e mail to the rest of the company to tell them where you’re going. For example: If anyone needs me, I’ll be in the bathroom.
~ Put mosquito netting around your cubicle.
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Franglais: Our 10 Favourites English to French Faux Pas
~ In a Paris hotel elevator: Please leave your values at the front desk.
~ Outside a Paris dress shop: Dresses for street walking.
~ In a Bed and Breakfast in France: The genuine antics in your room come from our family castle. Long life to it.
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A tourist stopped a local in a village he was visiting and asked, “What is the quickest way to the lake?”
The local thought for a while. “Are you walking or driving?” he asked the tourist.

“I’m driving.”
“That’s the quickest way.”
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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!
Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult?
A: We both do.
Q: Voodoo?
A: We do.
Q: You do?
A: Yes, voodoo.
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My wife tells me that our children are referred to as “Digital Natives” since they will not remember a time in their lives prior to the internet, iPhones, touch screens, or wifi.

Confirming evidence: Yesterday my 4-year-old daughter went to throw something away in the trash can and found it to be too full. She approached me and said, “Daddy, you need to delete the trash.”
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I went to the doctor for my yearly physical. He said, “Your blood pressure is high, your cholesterol is high and you’ve gained some weight. Now, eating right would solve your physical problems and it doesn’t have to be complicated at all. Just think in colors: Fill your plate with bright colors of greens, yellows and reds.”

I went right home and emptied an entire bag of M&Ms onto a plate, ate them and sure enough, I feel better!
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The temporary Sunday School teacher was struggling to open a combination lock on the supply cabinet.
She had been told the combination, but couldn’t quite remember it. Finally she went to the pastor’s study and asked for help.

The pastor came into the room and began to turn the dial. After the first two numbers he paused and stared blankly for a moment. Finally he looked serenely heavenward and his lips moved silently.
Then he looked back at the lock, and quickly turned to the final number, and opened the lock.

The teacher was amazed. “I’m in awe at your faith, pastor,” she said.
“It’s really nothing,” he answered. “The number is on a piece of tape on the ceiling.”
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Negotiations between the union and management were at an impasse. The union denied that their workers were flagrantly abusing their sick-leave privileges. That’s when management’s chief negotiator held aloft the morning edition of the newspaper, “This man,” he announced, “called in sick yesterday!”
There on the sports page was a photo of the supposedly ill employee, who had just won a golf tournament with an excellent score.
The union negotiator broke the silence in the room. “Wow!” he said. “Just think how well he could have done if he hadn’t been sick!”
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TODAY IN TRIVIA: What is Speciesism? The term is sometimes used by animal rights advocates, who argue that speciesism is a prejudice similar to racism or sexism, in that the treatment of individuals is predicated on group membership and morally irrelevant physical differences. Their claim is that species membership has no moral significance because there is no essential difference between humans and other animals, biologically-speaking.

~ How many beats does a heart have? The average human heart beats about 100,000 times every 24 hours. In a 72-year lifetime, the heart beats more than 2.5 billion times.

~Which is the largest nebula?The Tarantula nebula is the largest known. It is 160,000 light-years away. If it was as close to us as the Orion nebula, its light would cast shadows on Earth.

~What was FDR’s Christmas tradition? The family tradition President Franklin Roosevelt insisted on performing every Christmas Eve was one of sitting beside the fire and reading aloud the Dickens classic “A Christmas Carol,” while exuberantly acting out all the parts.

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QUIP OF THE DAY: It’s easy to identify people who can’t count to ten. They’re in front of you in the supermarket express lane.

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . . Everyone has his own specific vocation or mission in life to carry out a concrete assignment which demands fulfillment. Therein, he cannot be replaced, nor can his life be repeated. Thus, everyone’s task is as unique as is his specific opportunity to implement it. – Victor Frankl

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