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June 6th

When we feel love and kindness toward others, it not only makes others feel loved and cared for, but it helps us also to develop inner happiness and peace.” – Dalai Lama

TODAY – JUNE 6th

157th day of the year (158th in leap years) with 208 days to follow.

Holidays for Today:
~ D-Day Anniversary
~ National Applesauce Cake Day
~ National Gardening Exercise Day- Get out and exercise with your plants.
~ National Huntington’s Disease Awareness Day
~ National Yo-Yo Day (in honor of the birthday of Donald F. Duncan Sr.)
~ UN Russian Language Day
~ Woodmen of the World Founders Day (founded in 1890, 127 years in 2017)
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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1755 Nathan Hale, Coventry, Connecticut, hanged patriot (America’s 1st spy), “I only regret that I have but one life to lose for my country.
  • 1868 Robert Falcon Scott, English explorer, leader of ill-fated south polar expedition
  • 1892 Donald F. Duncan, Sr., American entrepreneur and inventor (founder of Duncan Toys Company)
  • 1918 Edwin G. Krebs, Lansing, Iowa, biochemist (Nobel / reversible protein phosphorylation as a biological regulatory mechanism)
  • 1932 David R Scott, San Antonio, Texas, Col USAF/astronaut (Gemini 8; Apollo 9, 15)
  • 1943 Richard Smalley, Akron, Ohio, chemist (Nobel / discovery of a new form of carbon, buckminsterfullerene)
  • 1947 Robert Englund, Glendale, California, actor (Nightmare on Elm Street film series)
  • 1952 Harvey Fierstein, Brooklyn, New York, actor (Torch Song Trilogy, Mrs. Doubtfire, Independence Day, Mulan, Broadway 4D)
  • 1973 Patrick Rothfuss, Madison, Wisconsin, academic and author (The Kingkiller Chronicle, The Adventures of the Princess and Mr. Whiffle)
  • 1974 Danny Strong, Manhattan Beach, California, actor (Clueless, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Gilmore Girls, Justified, Billions)

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Everything you now do is something you have chosen to do. Some people don’t want to believe that. But if you’re over age twenty-one, your life is what you’re making of it. To change your life, you need to change your priorities. – John C. Maxwell
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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1833 U.S. President Andrew Jackson becomes the first President to ride on a train.
  • 1844 The Young Men’s Christian Association (YMCA) is founded in London.
  • 1912 Eruption of Novarupta (meaning “new eruption”) in Alaska begins. (10X more powerful than 980 eruption of Mount St. Helens and led to the formation of this 841 m (2759 ft) volcano)
  • 1932 The Revenue Act of 1932 is enacted, creating the first gas tax in the United States, at a rate of 1 cent per US gallon (1/4 ¢/L) sold.
  • 1933 The first drive-in theater opens, in Camden, New Jersey.
  • 1934 New Deal: U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt signs the Securities Act of 1933 into law, establishing the U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission.
  • 1944 D-Day of World War II, code named Operation Overlord, commences with the landing of 155,000 Allied troops on the beaches of Normandy in France. The allied soldiers quickly break through the Atlantic Wall and push inland in the largest amphibious military operation in history.
  • 1946 The Basketball Association of America is formed in New York City.
  • 2002 Eastern Mediterranean Event. A near-Earth asteroid estimated at 10 metres diameter explodes over the Mediterranean Sea between Greece and Libya. The resulting explosion is estimated to have a force of 26 kilotons, slightly more powerful than the Nagasaki atomic bomb.
  • 2016 Major news outlets report Hillary Clinton as having become the presumptive nominee for US president, the first female in a major party to do so in the country’s 240-year history.

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Purported actual calls to computer technical support reps:

Customer: I’m trying to connect to the Internet with your CD, but it just doesn’t work. What am I doing wrong?
Tech support: OK, you’ve got the CD in the CD drive, right?
Customer: Yeah….
Tech support: And what sort of computer are you using?
Customer: Computer? Oh no, I haven’t got a computer. It’s in the CD player and all I get is weird noises. Listen…..
Tech support: Aaaarrrrgggghhhh!!!

Tech support: What kind of computer do you have?
Female customer: A white one…

Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can’t get my diskette out.
Tech support: Have you tried pushing the button?
Customer: Yes, sure, it’s really stuck.
Tech support: That doesn’t sound good; I’ll make a note.
Customer: No .. wait a minute… I hadn’t inserted it into the computer yet… it’s still on my desk… sorry….

Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer: Yes, I’m sure. I saw my colleague do it.
Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Five stars.

Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.

Tech support: How may I help you?
Customer: I’m writing my first e-mail.
Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem?
Customer: Well, I have the letter ‘a’ in the address, but how do I get the circle around it?
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Two guys are walking through the woods and come across this big deep hole.

“Wow…that looks deep.”

“Sure does… toss a few pebbles in there and see how deep it is.”

They pick up a few pebbles and throw them in and wait… no noise.

“Jeeez. That is REALLY deep… here.. throw one of these great big rocks down there. Those should make a noise.”

They pick up a couple of football-sized rocks and toss them into the hole and wait… and wait. Nothing.

They look at each other in amazement. One gets a determined look on his face and says, “Hey… over here in the weeds, there’s a railroad tie. Help me carry it over here. When we toss THAT thing in, it’s GOTTA make some noise.”

The two drag the heavy tie over to the hole and heave it in. Not a sound comes from the hole.

Suddenly, out of the nearby woods, a goat appears, running like the wind. It rushes toward the two men, then right past them, running as fast as it’s legs will carry it.

Suddenly, it leaps in the air and into the hole. The two men are astonished with what they’ve just seen…

Then, out of the woods comes a farmer who spots the men and ambles over. “Hey… you two guys seen my goat out here?”

“You bet we did! Craziest thing I ever seen! It came running like crazy and just jumped into this hole!”

“Nah”, says the farmer, “That couldn’t have been MY goat. My goat was chained to a railroad tie.”

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ONE-LINERS: How To Rite Good
~ Avoid alliteration. Always.
~ Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
~ Avoid cliches like the plague. (They’re old hat.)
~ Employ the vernacular.
~ Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
~ Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary.
~ It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
~ Contractions aren’t necessary.
~ Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
~ One should never generalize.
~ Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, ”I hate quotations. Tell me what you know.”
~ Comparisons are as bad as cliches.
~ Don’t be redundant; don’t use more words than necessary; it’s highly superfluous.
~ Be more or less specific.
~ Understatement is always best.
~ One-word sentences? Eliminate.
~ Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
~ The passive voice is to be avoided.
~ Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
~ Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
~ Who needs rhetorical questions?
~ Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.
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pic of the day: U.S. Army troops wade ashore on Omaha Beach on D-Day

D-Day landing at Utah Beach
— from Wikipedia commons
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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

There’s a scuba diving geologist who has made it his business to measure the relative sizes of the rises, drops, cavities and undulations of coral formations. Of course this can only be done in the summer months so he takes the winters off to avoid the frigid air.

You may tag him as a frost-free reef ridge rater.

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A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts: “Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?”

The man below says: “Yes, you’re in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field.”

“You must work in Information Technology,” says the balloonist.

“I do,” replies the man. “How did you know?”

“Well,” says the balloonist, “everything you have told me is technically correct, but it’s no use to anyone.”

The man below says “You must work in business.”

“I do” replies the balloonist, “but how did you know?”

“Well”, says the man, “you don’t know where you are, or where you’re going, but you expect me to be able to help. You’re in the same position you were before we met, but now it’s my fault.”

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If houses were built like Microsoft Windows….

Bill: “There are a few issues we need to discuss.”

Contractor: “Ah, you have our basic support option. Calls are free for the first 90 days and $75 a call thereafter. Okay?”

Bill: “Uh, yeah… the first issue is the living room. We think it’s a little smaller than we anticipated.”

Contractor: “Yeah. Some compromises were made to have it out by the release date.”

Bill: “We won’t be able to fit all our furniture in there.”

Contractor: “Well, you have two options. You can purchase a new, larger living room; or you can use a Stacker.”

Bill: “Stacker?”

Contractor: “Yeah, it allows you to fit twice as much furniture into the room. By stacking it, of course, you put the entertainment center on the couch… the chairs on the table… etc. You leave an empty spot, so when you want to use some furniture you can unstack what you need and then put it back when you’re done.”

Bill: “Uh… I dunno… issue two. The second issue is the light fixtures. The bulbs we brought with us from our old home won’t fit. The threads run the wrong way.”

Contractor: “Oh! That’s easy. Those bulbs aren’t plug and play. You’ll have to upgrade to the new bulbs.”

Bill: “And the electrical outlets? The holes are round, not rectangular. How do I fix that?”

Contractor: “Just uninstall and reinstall the electrical system.”

Bill: “You’re kidding!?”

Contractor: “Nope. Its the only way.”

Bill: “Well… I have one last problem. Sometimes, when I have guests over, someone will flush the toilet and it won’t stop. The water pressure drops so low that the showers don’t work.”

Contractor: “That’s a resource leakage problem. One fixture is failing to terminate and is hogging the resources preventing access from other fixtures.

“Bill: “And how do I fix that?”

Contractor: “Well, after each flush, you all need to exit the house, turn off the water at the street, turn it back on, reenter the house and then you can get back to work.”

Bill: “That’s the last straw. What kind of product are you selling me?”

Contractor: “Hey, if you don’t like it nobody made you buy it.”

Bill: “And when will this be fixed?”

Contractor: “Oh, in your next house — which will be ready to release sometime near the end of next year. Actually it was due out this year, but we’ve had some delays…”

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A teenager who had just received her learner’s permit offered to drive her parents to church. After a hair-raising ride, they finally reached their destination.

When the mother got out of the car she said emphatically, “Thank you!”

“Anytime,” her daughter replied with a smile.

As her mother headed for the church door, she said, “I wasn’t talking to you. I was talking to God.”

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TODAY IN TRIVIA: Who was the first to guarantee satisfaction? Montgomery Ward was the first to advertise “Satisfaction guaranteed or your money back” in 1874 – two years after Aaron Montgomery Ward launched his first mail-order catalog.

~Who’s the world’s most famous wizard? With apologies to Ms. Rowling’s young magic user, it’s the wizard Merlin, advisor to King Arthur, who’s arguably the most famous wizard of all. The modern interpretation was galvanized by T.H. White’s story of “The Sword in the Stone” written in 1938. Later in 1963, Walt Disney transformed the tale into an animated feature by the same name. In this version, the great wizard is portrayed as an old absent-minded master magician, his head full of a lifetime of magical lore and would-be myths. With Merlin’s guidance, Arthur learns the ways of sorcery and gains the ability to transform himself into an animal. Arthur grows wiser and stronger with Merlin’s mentoring and Merlin becomes the King’s eternally trusted advisor.

~ What is Huntington’s disease (HD)? Also known as Huntington’s chorea, it is an inherited disorder that results in death of brain cells. Symptoms usually begin between 30 and 50 years of age, but can start at any age. The disease may develop earlier in life in each successive generation. About 8% of cases start before the age of 20 years and typically present with symptoms more similar to Parkinson’s disease.

~ What are the symptoms of Huntington’s disease? The earliest symptoms are often subtle problems with mood or mental abilities, followed by a lack of coordination and an unsteady gait. Physical abilities gradually worsen until coordinated movement becomes difficult and the person is unable to talk. Mental abilities generally decline into dementia. The specific symptoms vary somewhat between people.

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QUIP OF THE DAY: All that glitters is not gold. – Chaucer

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . . Whatever advice you give, be brief. – Horace

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