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June 9th

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. – Chinese Proverb


TODAY – JUNE 9th – THURSDAY

160th day of the year (161st in leap years) with 205 days to follow.

Holidays for Today:
~ National Donald Duck Day
~ National Earl Day
~ National Strawberry Rhubarb Pie Day
~ Fight the Filthy Fly Month
~ National Steakhouse Month

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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1781 George Stephenson, English inventor, “Father of Railways” (built the first public inter-city railway line in the world to use steam locomotives)
  • 1875 Henry Hallett Dale, English pharmacologist and physiologist (Nobel / study of acetylcholine for neurotransmission)
  • 1893 Cole Porter, Indiana, composer/lyricist (Anything Goes, Kiss Me Kate)
  • 1900 Fred Waring, Tyrone, Pennsylvania, musician/conductor (financially backed inventor of Waring Blender)
  • 1915 Les Paul, Waukesha, Wisconsin, guitarist/inventor (Les Paul guitar)
  • 1916 Robert S McNamara, Oakland, California, Secretary of Defense (1961-68)/head of World Bank (1968-81)
  • 1921 Forrest M. Bird, Stoughton, Massachusetts, inventor, aeromedical scientist (developed first reliable, mass-produced medical respirator, the Bird Universal Medical Respirator)
  • 1931 Joe Santos, Brooklyn, New York, actor (Rockford Files, AKA Pablo, Shamus, Hardcastle and McCormick)
  • 1939 Charles Webb, San Francisco, author (The Graduate)
  • 1943 Joe Haldeman, Oklahoma City, OK, author (The Forever War, Forever Peace, The Accidental Time Machine, Camouflage, Work Done For Hire)
  • 1954 George Pérez, NYC, New York, comic book artist (Teen Titans, Wonder Woman, Crisis on Infinite Earths)
  • 1956 Patricia Cornwell, Miami, Florida, author (Dr. Kay Scarpetta books)
  • 1961 Michael J Fox, Canadian-born actor (Family Ties, Back to the Future, Teen Wolf, Stuart Little, Spin City, The Michael J. Fox Show)
  • 1963 Johnny Depp, Owensboro, Kentucky, actor (21 Jump Street, Pirates of the Caribbean, Charlie & the Chocolate Factory, Dark Shadows, The Lone Ranger, Transcendence, Mortdecai, Alice Through the Looking Glass)
  • 1981 Natalie Portman, Israeli-born actress (Mars Attacks, Star Wars (Amidala), Cold Mountain, Mr. Magorium’s Wonder Emporium, Black Swan, Thor, Jane Got a Gun)
  • 1988 Mae Whitman, Los Angeles, California, actress (Independence Day, Hope Floats, Tinkerbell, The Perks of Being a Wallflower, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles TV series, DC Super Hero Girls)
  • 1989 Chloe Agnew, Dublin, Ireland, singer (Celtic Woman group)
  • 1993 Danielle Ryan Chuchran, Upland, California, actress (Little House on the Prairie, The Wild Stallion, Haunt, Survivor)

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Think of all the beauty still left around you and be happy. – Anne Frank
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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1650 The Harvard Corporation, the more powerful of the two administrative boards of Harvard, is established. It is the first legal corporation in the Americas.
  • 1732 Royal charter for Georgia granted to James Oglethorpe.
  • 1790 Philadelphia Spelling Book by John Barry becomes the first book to be copyrighted in the US.
  • 1822 Charles Graham receives first patent for false teeth.
  • 1909 Alice Huyler Ramsey, a 22-year-old housewife and mother from Hackensack, NJ, became first woman to drive across US. With three female companions, none of whom could drive a car, for fifty-nine days she drove a Maxwell automobile the 3,800 miles from Manhattan, New York, to San Francisco, California.
  • 1934 Donald Duck debuts in The Wise Little Hen.
  • 1953 John H. Kraft granted patent for “manufacture of soft surface cured cheese”.
  • 1973 Secretariat wins Belmont Stakes and thus the Triple Crown.
  • 1986 Rogers Commission releases its report on the Space Shuttle Challenger disaster.
  • 1989 “Star Trek V” premiers.
  • 2008 In the town of Lake Delton, Wisconsin, Lake Delton drains as a result of heavy flooding breaking the dam holding the lake back.

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Every morning during our coffee break, we listened to the culinary challenges (and disasters) from one of our newlywed colleagues. We usually tried to share helpful hints and tips from our own recipes.

One day she actually broke down crying, explaining that sweet potatoes were her husband’s favorite dish and she just couldn’t get them right. “I’ve finally been able to make them sweet,” she sobbed, “but how do you make them orange?”

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“Waiter, there’s a footprint in my breakfast!”

“Yes sir. Your exact words when you ordered were, “Bring me an omelet and step on it.”

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Three convicts escape from prison. They make it to a nearby town but are confronted by a policeman.

“Hey, aren’t you those three escaped convicts?”, asked the policeman.

Thinking on his feet the first convict looked around him and said “no, I’m Mark, Mark Spencer.”

“The second followed his lead and said “My names is William, W H Smith.”

The third said “My name is Ken… Ken Tuckyfriedchicken!”
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ONE-LINERS:

~ Wanted: Meaningful overnight relationship
~ Very funny Scotty, now beam down my clothes.
~ Warning: Dates in calendar are closer than they appear.

~ We have enough youth, how about a fountain of smart?
~ When you don’t know what you are doing, do it neatly.
~ You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted then used against you.

~ How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one, but the light bulb has to WANT to change.
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An airhead woman buys a bathtub. The next day she returns it to the shop. “This bathtub is broken and leaking water.”

“What seems to be the problem?”

“Every time I fill it up it just empties.”

“You put the plug in it.”

“That’s ridiculous! Bathtubs aren’t electrical!”

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Judi stormed up to the front desk of the library and said, “I have a complaint!”

“Yes, ma’am?”

“I borrowed a book last week and it was horrible!”

“What was wrong with it?”

“It had way too many characters and there was no plot whatsoever!”

The librarian nodded and said, “Ah. So you must be the person who took our phone book.”

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Stairsteps to Mystery

stone steps
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Doug went to the eye doctor for an examination because he was having trouble reading the newspaper. “Now that you’re over 40,” the doctor told him, “you’ve developed a condition called ‘presbyopia,’ in which the lens of your eye can no longer focus as well as it used to.”

Seeing his worried look, the doctor tried to be upbeat. “Con- gratulations!” he said. “You’re now officially a presbyope!”

Doug leaned over and asked seriously, “If that means I’m no longer a Roman Catholic, do I still have to go to Confession?”
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Mrs. Peterson phoned the repairman because her dishwasher quit working. He couldn’t accommodate her with an “after-hours” appointment and since she had to go to work, she told him, “I’ll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dish washer, leave the bill on the counter, and I’ll mail you a check.

“By the way, I have a large rottweiler inside named Killer; he won’t bother you. I also have a parrot, and whatever you do, do not talk to the bird!”

Well, sure enough the dog, Killer, totally ignored the repairman, but the whole time he was there, the parrot cursed, yelled, screamed, and about drove him nuts.

As he was ready to leave, he couldn’t resist saying, “You stupid bird, why don’t you shut up!”

To which the bird replied, “Killer, get him!”

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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

~ An elephant’s opinion carries a lot of weight.
~ A skunk fell in the river and stank to the bottom.
~ I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

~ She was only a whisky maker, but he loved her still.
~ In the novel, there is an unexpected secret meeting of the lovers. It is a plot tryst.

~ Luke and Obi-Wan are in a Chinese restaurant having a meal. Skillfully using his chopsticks, Obi-Wan deftly dishes him- self a large portion of noodles into his bowl, then tops it off with some chicken and cashew nuts. All this is done with consummate ease you’d expect from a Jedi Master.
Poor old Luke is having a nightmare, using his chopsticks in both hands, dropping his food all over the table and eventually himself.
Obi-Wan looks at Luke disapprovingly and says, “Use the FORKS, Luke.”
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At the airline check in at London Heathrow, Guy has three bags. He puts them down and says to the young lady, “I’d like you to send this one to Los Angeles, that one to Hong Kong and the last one to Durban.”

Her face shows signs of confusion before her training takes over and she says, “I’m afraid we can’t do that, sir.”

“Why not?” demands Guy, “you did the last time I flew with you.”

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The nurse noticed a man in golf attire pacing up and down outside the emergency room where another golfer, who had a golf ball driven down his throat, was being treated by a doctor.

“Is he a relative of yours?” the nurse, stepping outside the room, asked the pacing golfer.

“No,” replied the man. “It’s my ball.”
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Our 15-year-old daughter, Melanie, had to write a report for school about World War II, specifically D-Day and the invasion of Normandy.

“Isn’t there a movie about that?” she asked.

I told her there was, but I couldn’t think of the name.

Then it came to her, “Oh, I remember! Isn’t it something like ‘Finding Private Nemo’?”
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It was the little boy’s first visit to the country, and feeding the chickens was his favorite chore. Early one morning, he caught his first glimpse of a peacock strutting around in the yard.

Rushing indoors excitedly, he announced to his grandmother, “Oh, Granny! One of the chickens is in bloom!”

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TODAY IN TRIVIA: Where did the name “chickenpox” come from? 
Chickenpox can be a terrible illness, especially if you catch it as an adult, but it gets its name from being one of the milder diseases. The term “chickenpox,” for varicella, originated in the 1700’s. Since a chicken is considered the mildest of all barnyard fowl, the name distinguished the disease from the far deadlier “smallpox,” which resembles chickenpox.

~ What is National Earl Day about?
Celebrate the Earls you know as this day is to honor the legends with that name. The holiday was named in honor of Earl Baltes, who went from bandleader to dirt race track owner in 1954 when he transformed the El dora Ballroom into Eldora Speedway, a quarter-mile dirt track. By 1958, he expanded the track to its present-day half-mile length. Other famous Earls include Earl Scruggs, Earl Monroe and Earl Warren.

~ When does a tarantula leave its burrow?
The tarantula spends most of its life within its burrow, which is an 18-inch vertical hole with an inch-wide opening. When male tarantulas are between the ages of 5 to 7 years, they leave the burrow in search of a female, usually in the early fall. This migration actually signals the end of their life cycle. The males mate with as many females as they can, and then they die around mid-November.

~ What would a Scottish witch look like?
At one time in Scotland, witches were suspected of assuming the form of red butterflies.

~ What makes Drosophila so special?
Drosophila, the small fruit-fly, has been warmly received by the scientific community, mainly owing to the giant-sized chromosomes possessed by the cells of its salivary glands. These chromosomes, which can stretch to more than a mile long when unraveled, allow scientists to study DNA using only a sheet of white paper and a bright table lamp.
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QUIP OF THE DAY: You can never lose a homing pigeon – if your homing pigeon doesn’t come back, what you’ve lost is a pigeon.

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . . There are two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle. – Albert Einstein

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