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March 10th

Every time I’ve done something that doesn’t feel right, it’s ended up not being right. – Mario Cuomo

TODAY – MARCH 10th

69th day of the year 70th in leap years) with 296 days to follow.

Holidays for Today:

*National Blueberry Popover Day

*Middle Name Pride Day

*National Crochet Week

*National Peanut Month

*National Women’s History Month

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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1920 [Kenneth C] “Jethro” Burns, Conasauga, Tennessee, mandolinist/country singer (Homer & Jethro)
  • 1940 Chuck [Carlos Ray] Norris, Ryan, Oklahoma, martial arts actor (Delta Force, Walker Texas Ranger, Missing in Action), founder Chun Kuk Do martial arts
  • 1952 Johanna Lindsey, American author (Series: Viking Haardrad Family, Wyoming Westerns, Malory-Anderson, Shefford’s Knights, Locke Family)
  • 1956 Robert Llewellyn, British writer, Actor, Presenter (Kryten/Red Dwarf; Scrap Heap Challenge)
  • 1958 Sharon Stone, Meadville, Pennsylvania, actress (Basic Instinct, Sliver, Casino, Bobbie, The Practice)
  • 1961 Laurel Clark, Ames, Iowa, doctor, Navy captain, astronaut (died 2003 in Space Shuttle Columbia disaster)
  • 1964 Jasmine Guy, Boston, Maine, actress (Whitley / Different World, Dead Like Me, Drop Dead Diva, The Vampire Diaries)
  • 1964 Prince Edward, Earl of Wessex
  • 1966 Stephen Mailer, New York City, New York, actor (Red Meat, League of Their Own, War & Love, The Golden Boys)
  • 1971 Jon Hamm, St. Louis, Missouri, actor (Space Cowboys, The Day the Earth Stood Still, Madmen, Shrek Forever After, Minions)
  • 1974 Biz Stone, Corte Madera, California, businessman (co-founded Twitter)
  • 1977 Bree Turner, Palo Alto, California, actress (Grimm)
  • 1977 Shannon Miller, Rolla, Missouri, gymnast (1996 Olympic gold medalist; most decorated gymnast is US history)
  • 1979 Edi Gathegi, Nairoba, Kenya, actor (House, Gone Baby Gone, Twilight, X-Men First Class, Justified)
  • 1983 Carrie Underwood, Checotah, Oklahoma, country singer (winner 4th season American Idol)
  • 1984 Olivia Wilde, New York City, New York, actress (The O.C., House, Tron: Legacy, Cowboys & Aliens, In Time, The Lazarus Effect)
  • 1992 Emily Osment, Los Angeles, California, actress/ singer (Spy Kids II, Hannah Montana, The Haunting Hour, Cyberbully, Beverly Hills Chihuahua 2 & 3, Young and Hungry)

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It may be life is only worthwhile at moments. Perhaps that is all we ought to expect. – Sherwood Anderson

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HAPPENED THIS DAY IN HISTORY:

  • 1804 In St. Louis, Missouri, a formal ceremony is conducted to transfer ownership of the Louisiana Territory from France to the United States.
  • 1831 The French Foreign Legion is established by King Louis Philippe to support his war in Algeria.
  • 1848 Treaty of Guadalupe Hidalgo is ratified by the United States Senate, ending the Mexican-American War.
  • 1876 Alexander Graham Bell makes the first successful telephone call by saying “Mr. Watson, come here, I want to see you.”
  • 1891 Almon Strowger, an undertaker in Topeka, Kansas, patents the Strowger switch, a device which led to the automation of telephone circuit switching.
  • 1922 Mahatma Gandhi is arrested in India for sedition, sentenced to 6-years in prison. Released after nearly two years for an appendicitis operation.
  • 1969 James Earl Ray pleads guilty in murder of Martin Luther King Jr.
  • 1975 Dog spectacles patented in England.
  • 1977 Rings of Uranus discovered during occultation of SAO.
  • 1982 Syzygy: all 9 planets align on the same side of the Sun.
  • 2000 NASDAQ Composite stock market index peaks at 5132.52, signaling the beginning of the end of the dot-com boom.
  • 2006 Mars Reconnaissance Orbiter arrives at Mars.

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A bar in a small Texas town began construction on a new building. The site was near the Baptist church, which started a campaign to block the expansion with petitions and prayer meetings.

Work progressed right up till the week before opening, when lightning struck the bar and it burned to the ground.

The church folks were rather smug in their outlook after that, until the bar owner sued the church on the grounds
that the church was ultimately responsible for the destruction of his building, either through direct or indirect actions or means.

The church, of course, vehemently denied all responsibility or any connection to the building’s demise.

As the case made its way into court, the judge looked over the paperwork. At the hearing he commented, “I don’t
know how this case going to be decided, but it appears from the briefs that we have a bar owner who believes in the
power of prayer, and an entire church congregation that does not.”

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Following the birth of my second child, I called our insurance company to inquire about my short-term disability policy.

“I just had a baby,” I proudly announced to the representative who picked up the phone.

“Congratulations! I’ll get all of your information and activate your policy,” she assured me. After taking down basic facts like my name and address, she asked, “Was this a work-related incident?”

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ONE-LINERS: THE BIGGEST LIES IN THE WORLD

~ I promise to pay you back from my next paycheck.

~ I’m not dating anyone else.

~ You made it yourself? I never would have guessed.

~ Go ahead and tell me. I won’t tell anyone.

~ The doctor will call you right back.

~ Put the map away. I’m sure we turn at the signal.

~ This car is in perfect shape and worth well over $3,000.

~ Having a great time. Wish you were here with me.

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A motorist was on trial for hitting a pedestrian.

The motorist’s lawyer made this point: “Your honor, my client has been driving for over thirty years.”

To which the lawyer for the plaintiff retorted: “Your honor, if we are going to judge this case by experience, may I remind you that my client has been walking for over fifty years.”

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Eleven people were hanging on a rope under a helicopter, ten men and one woman. The rope was not strong enough to carry them all, so they decided that one has to leave, because otherwise they are all going to fall.

They were not able to name that person, until the woman held a very touching speech. She said that she will voluntarily let go of the rope, because as a woman she is used to giving up everything for her husband and kids, or for men in general, and was used to always making sacrifices with little in return.

As soon as she finished her speech, all the men started clapping their hands…….
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pic of the day: Cumberland Falls in Kentucky

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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!
FAMILY TREE OF VINCENT VAN GOGH
~ His dizzy aunt ———————————————– Verti Gogh
~ The brother who ate prunes———————————— Gotta Gogh
~ The brother who worked at a convenience store ————— Stop N Gogh
~ The grandfather from Yugoslavia ———————————- U Gogh
~ His magician uncle ————————————- Where-diddy Gogh
~ The nephew who drove a stage coach ———————– Wells-far Gogh
~ The constipated uncle —————————————- Can’t Gogh
~ The ballroom dancing aunt ————————————- Tang Gogh
~ The bird lover uncle —————————————- Flamin Gogh
~ The fruit-loving cousin —————————————- Man Gogh
~ An aunt who taught positive thinking ———————— Way-to-Gogh
~ The little bouncy nephew ————————————— Poe Gogh
~ A sister who loved disco —————————————- Go Gogh
~ And his niece who travels the country in an RV ———- Winnie Bay Gogh
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A priest, an imam and a rabbit were talking about the role of prayer in revealing their callings. The imam said, “I was in the middle of the desert when suddenly a fierce sandstorm appeared from nowhere. I thought my end had come as I lay down to shield my face, but I was being buried deeper and deeper under the sand. But I did not lose faith. I prayed to Allah and suddenly the storm stopped.”

The priest added, “One day while fishing I was in my little dinghy in the middle of the bay. Suddenly a fierce storm blew in. I truly thought it was the end of the line as my boat was tossed in the rough waves. But I did not lose my faith. I prayed to Jesus and all at once the sea was calm.”

The rabbi explained, “One day I was walking down the street Suddenly I spotted a roll of cash on the ground in front of me. But it was Saturday and we are not allowed to money on the Sabbath. But I did not lose my faith. I prayed to G-d and suddenly … it was Tuesday!”

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GOLDEN OLDIE LATE NIGHT QUIPS. . .
* Remember, daylight saving time started over the weekend. Spring forward, unless you’re digital. Then it’s go to System Preferences, click on Date & Time, click on the clock, go to next higher hour and hit Save Changes. Easy peasy! – Bill Williams
* A developer has created a zero-gravity martini glass, which promises to let astronauts drink cocktails in space without spilling. Our astronauts are drinking? Guys, the first step is admitting, “Houston I have a problem.” – Seth Meyers
* Psychologists have found that going to sleep early may help ward off mental illness. In other words, if you stayed up late to watch my show, you’re insane. We cause brain damage. – Conan O’Brien
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As an assistant professor, I taught during the day and did research at night. I would usually take a break around eight, however, to play the strategy game Warcraft online with a teammate.

One night I was paired with a veteran of the game who was a master strategist. With him at the helm, our troops crushed one opponent after another, and after six games we were undefeated. Suddenly, my fearless leader informed me his mom wanted him to go to bed.

“How old are you?” I typed.

“Twelve,” he replied. “How old are you?”

Feeling my face redden, I answered, “Ten.”

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QUIP OF THE DAY: God loved the birds and invented trees. Man loved the birds and invented cages. – Jacques Deval

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . . The reputation of a thousand years may be determined by the conduct of one hour. – Japanese Proverb

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