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March 11th

Nothing but heaven itself is better than a friend who is really a friend. – Plautus


TODAY – MARCH 11th

70th day of the year (71st in leap years) with 295 days to follow.

Holidays for Today:
~ Worship of Tools Day
~ Oatmeal Nut Waffles Day
~ National Peanut Month
~ Red Cross Month
~ Napping Day (celebrated annually the day right after the return of daylight savings time)
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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1903 Lawrence Welk, Strasburg, North Dakota, musician (The Lawrence Welk Show)
  • 1915 J. C. R. Licklider, Arlington, Massachusetts, computer scientist (computing’s “Johnny Appleseed,” considered one of most important persons in computer science & history, one of first to foretell modern-style interactive computing)
  • 1916 Ezra Jack Keats, Brooklyn, New York, author (The Snowy Day; best known for introducing multiculturalism into mainstream children’s books)
  • 1932 Leroy Jenkins, Chicago, Illinois, composer and Avant-garde jazz violinist (The Mother of Three Sons, Fresh Faust, The Negros Burial Ground)
  • 1952 Douglas Adams, English author (The Hitchhiker’s Guide to The Galaxy, Dirk Gently’s Holistic Detective Agency, The Long Dark Tea-Time of the Soul)
  • 1956 Rob Paulsen, Detroit, Michigan, voice actor (Raphael in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Pinky from Pinky and the Brain, Dr. Otto Scratchansniff from Animaniacs; done over 250 characters)
  • 1962 Jeffrey Nordling, Ridgewood, New Jersey, actor (Once and Again, 24, Desperate Housewives, Body of Proof, Cloud 9)
  • 1964 Libba Bray, Montgomery, Alabama, author (Gemma Doyle Trilogy, Going Bovine, The Diviners)
  • 1965 Wallace Langham, Fort Worth, Texas, actor (Weird Science, The Invisible Kid, Daddy Day Care, Little Miss Sunshine, The Social Network, Transcendence, Taken 3, David Hodges on CSI)
  • 1969 Terrence Howard, Chicago, Illinois, actor (Winnie, Ray, Four Brothers, Idlewild, The Brave One, Iron Man, Winnie Mandela, Empire, Wayward Pines)
  • 1974 Kate Brian, Montvale, New Jersey, author (The Princess and the Pauper, Sweet 16, Fake Boyfriend, Private series)
  • 1978 Christopher Rice, Berkeley, California, author (A Density of Souls, The Snow Garden, Blind Fall, The Moonlit Earth)
  • 1981 David Anders, Grants Pass, Oregon, actor (Alias, Heroes, The Vampire Diaries, Once Upon a Time)
  • 1982 Thora Birch, Los Angeles, California, actress (Purple People Eater, Patriot Games, Hocus Pocus, Alaska, American Beauty, Ghost World)
  • 1984 Rob Brown, Harlem, New York, actor (Finding Forrester, Coach Carter, The Express, Treme, The Dark Knight Rises)

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If we take care of the moments, the years will take care of themselves. – Maria Edgeworth

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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 105 Ts’ai Lun invented paper, made from bamboo, mulberry, and other fibers, along with fish nets and rags.
  • 1791 Samuel Mulliken became the first person to receive more than one U.S. patent (threshing machine, breaking hemp, cutting & polishing marble, raising nap on cloth)
  • 1824 The Bureau of Indian Affairs is created by the United States Department of War.
  • 1861 The Constitution of the Confederate States of America is adopted by the south during the American Civil War.
  • 1888 The Great Blizzard of 1888 begins along the eastern seaboard of the United States,killing more than 400 and shutting down commerce.
  • 1916 USS Nevada (BB-36) is commissioned.
  • 1918 First cases of “Spanish Influenza” in the U.S. were reported, an epidemic that eventually killed over 600,000 people in the U.S., and 40 million people worldwide.
  • 1960 In one of the first in-depth attempts to study the solar system Pioneer V was launched from Cape Canaveral, Florida, on a Thor-Able three stage rocket.
  • 1993 Janet Reno becomes the first female Attorney General of the United States after she is confirmed by the United States Senate and sworn in the next day.
  • 2007 Daylight Saving Time begins three weeks earlier than in previous years in the U.S., being reset by Congress in the Energy Policy Act of 2005. DST was first introduced in the U.S., On 31 Mar 1918. The concept was introduced earlier in Great Britain during WWI as a coal-conserving measure.
  • 2011 An earthquake measuring 9.0 in magnitude strikes 130 km (81 mi) east of Sendai, Japan, triggering a tsunami killing thousands of people and triggering the second largest nuclear accident in history, and one of only two events to be classified as a Level 7 on the International Nuclear Event Scale.

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Even though I’ve been teaching for 25 years, I never felt my age was an issue, until one day when I helped a student with a report on the Vietnam War.

I recognized the name of a war correspondent mentioned in the textbook and said, “I used to go out with him.”
Peering up from his work, the wide-eyed student asked, “You dated someone from our HISTORY BOOK?!?”
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I was on the computer checking the gift registry for my niece’s upcoming wedding. After a few minutes I said to
my husband, “She’s too young to get married.”

“Why do you say that?”
“They’ve registered for video games.”
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Deja Vu: The feeling I’ve been here before

Less-familiar “Dejas”:

~ Deja Who: The feeling I’ve forgotten your name before.
~ Deja Dew: The feeling I’ve played in this wet grass before.

~ Deja Eau: the feeling I’ve smelled this perfume before.
~ Deja Gnu: The feeling that I’ve seen this wildebeeste before.
~ Deja Zoo: The feeling that I’ve visited this menagerie before.
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ONE-LINERS: Housekeeping Tips for Slobs!

1. When something closes the door from the inside, it is time to clean out the refrigerator.
2. Keep it clean enough for healthy, dirty enough for happy.
3. Never make fried chicken in the nude.

4. Do not engage in unarmed combat with a dust bunny big enough to choke the vacuum cleaner.
5. You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.
6. If guys were suppose to hang clothes up, door knobs would be bigger.

7. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
8. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.
9. Cobwebs artfully draped over lampshades reduce the glare from the bulb, thereby creating a romantic atmosphere.

10. When writing your name in the dust on the table, omit the date.
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At a wedding I attended, the priest said, “We will now observe a moment of silence to remember the faithful dead.”
As the church grew quiet, my son turned to me and said excitedly, “Dad, you have some of their albums!”
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Almost since the beginning of time, man has studied bird calls. Today we know that each species has its own set of calls – almost like different languages – and to make it more difficult they have territorial accents just like people do.

Recently scientists have managed to translate all known bird calls. Amazingly, it turns out that the message is
always the same. No matter the breed or the location, all bird calls translate into:

“Yah! Yah! Yah! Cats can’t fly!”
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pic of the day:

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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!
~ Q: Where does the Gingerbread Man sleep? A: Under a cookie sheet
~ Q: What song does a violinist sing to his violin? A: “I’ve Got You Under My Chin.”
~ Q: How do you buy detectives? A: By the case.
~ Q: What’s the difference between the business of United Van Lines and Staples? A: One’s moving, the other’s stationery
~ When it comes to nourishment, a boa’s best friend is his smother.
~ I used to watch golf on TV but my doctor told me I need more exercise, so now I watch tennis.
~ Cartoons produced by the Japanese government are animes of the state.
~ The U.S. should have 53 states. Why? Because 53 is a prime number. We’d truly be “One nation indivisible.”
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Definitions Of A Cat

~ A lap-warmer with a built-in buzzer.
~ A four footed allergen.
~ A small, four-legged, fur-bearing extortionist.

~ A treat-seeking missile.
~ A wildlife control expert impersonator.
~ A hair relocation expert.
~ An un-programmable device.
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A local doctor cares for a family who owns a funeral home.

When the father came in for a visit, the doctor greeted him, “It’s good to see you.”

His reply, “It’s better to be seen than to be viewed.”
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Our 9-year-old daughter had a sore throat, so we were in Walgreens to get her some Ricola cough drops.

This girl of ours announced to everyone in line that she was getting “E-Bola Cough Drops”. It took ten minutes for everyone to stop laughing long enough to check out.
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I know my chances of getting Ebola are remote, but just to be on the safe side, I’m going to avoid going to the
gym for the next few years.
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Poll-taker to respondent: “Which shaving cream do you use?”
“Baba’s.”

“Which aftershave do you use?”
“Baba’s.”

“Which deodorant do you use?”
“Baba’s.”

“Which toothpaste do you use?”
“Baba’s.”

“Which shampoo do you use?”
“Baba’s.”

“Which soap do you use?”
“Baba’s.”

“Tell me a bit about ‘Baba’s’. Is it a domestic or foreign company?”
“He’s my roommate.”
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QUIP OF THE DAY: Think twice before you speak, and then you may be able to say something more insulting than if you spoke right out at once. – Evan Esar

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . . “If you look for truth, you may find comfort in the end; if you look for comfort you will not get either comfort or truth only soft soap and wishful thinking to begin, and in the end, despair.” – C.S. Lewis

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