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March 15th

It is only possible to live happily ever after on a day to day basis. – Margaret Bonnano


TODAY – MARCH 15th

74th day of the year (75th in leap years) with 291 days to follow.

Holidays for Today:
~ Dumbstruck Day
~ Everything You Think is Wrong Day
~ Ides of March
~ International Day Against Police Brutality
~ National Pears Helene Day
~ World Consumer Rights Day
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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1767 Andrew Jackson, SC, General/(D) 7th President (1829-37)
  • 1887 Marjorie Merriweather Post, Springfield, Illinois, businesswoman (founded General Foods)
  • 1932 Alan Lavern Bean, Wheeler, Texas, Captain USN/astronaut (Apollo 12, Skylab 3)
  • 1935 Judd Hirsch, Bronx, New York, actor (Taxi, Dear John, Ordinary People, Numb3rs, Forever, Independence Day: Resurgence)
  • 1953 Heather Graham Pozzessere, Dade County, Florida, author (Series: MacAuliffe Viking, MacKensies, Harrison Investigation, Flynn Brothers, Vampire Hunters, Bone Island, Angel Hawk)
  • 1957 Joaquim de Almeida, Portuguese-American actor (Clear and Present Danger, Desperado, Behind Enemy Lines, 24, Fast Five, The Gilded Cage, Diablo, Queen of the South)
  • 1961 Fabio [Lanzoni], Italy, romance novels model (Fabio After Dark)
  • 1975 Eva Longoria, Corpus Christi, Texas, actress (Desperate Housewives, Harsh Times, The Sentinel, Telenovela)
  • 2005 Ellie Boggs, Irving, Texas, our own Incredible Kid (now residing in Canada)

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When you want to believe in something, you also have to believe in everything that’s necessary for believing in it. – Ugo Betti
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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1776 South Carolina becomes the first American colony to declare its independence from Great Britain and set up its own government.
  • 1783 In an emotional speech in Newburgh, New York, George Washington asks his officers not to support the Newburgh Conspiracy. The plea is successful and the threatened coup d’état never takes place.
  • 1820 Maine becomes the 23rd U.S. state.
  • 1916 President Woodrow Wilson sends 12,000 United States troops over the U.S.-Mexico border to pursue Pancho Villa.
  • 1965 President Lyndon B. Johnson, responding to the Selma crisis, tells U.S. Congress “We shall overcome” while advocating the Voting Rights Act.
  • 1985 The first Internet domain name is registered (symbolics.com).
  • 1989 The United States Department of Veterans Affairs is established.
  • 1990 Mikhail Gorbachev is elected as the first executive president of the Soviet Union.

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A woman was chatting with her next-door neighbor. “I feel really good today. I started out this morning with an act of unselfish generosity. I gave a twenty dollar bill to a bum.”

“You gave a bum twenty whole dollars? That’s a lot of money to just give away. What did your husband say about it?”

“Oh, he thought it was the proper thing to do. He said, ‘Thanks.'”

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A client recently brought her two cats in to my husband’s veterinary clinic for their annual checkup. One was a small-framed, round tiger-striped tabby, while the other was a long, sleek black cat. She watched closely as I put each on the scale. “They weigh about the same,” I told her.

“That proves it!” she exclaimed. “Black does make you look slimmer. And stripes make you look fat.”
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ONE-LINERS:

~ Back up my hard drive? How do I put it in reverse?
~ I’m so tired…I was up all night trying to round off infinity.
~ I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.

~ She’s always late. In fact, her ancestors arrived on the “Juneflower.”
~ You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted and used against you.
~ I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking that if they left earlier they wouldn’t have to go so fast.
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Doug went to the eye doctor for an examination because he was having trouble reading the newspaper. “Now that you’re over 40,” the doctor told him, “you’ve developed a condition called ‘presbyopia,’ in which the lens of your eye can no longer focus as well as it used to.”

Seeing his worried look, the doctor tried to be upbeat. “Congratulations!” he said. “You’re now officially a presbyope!”

Doug leaned over and asked seriously, “If that means I’m no longer a Roman Catholic, do I still have to go to Confession?”
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pic of the day: Trillium cuneatum

Trillium cuneatum
Wildflower native to the southeastern United States.
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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

After a heavy day’s digging at the archaeological site in Norway, the researchers uncovered a priceless statue of the ancient Norse thunder god.

It was a wondrous piece of artwork – He had bulging muscles, and imposing stance, and of course his famous giant hammer.

But most important of all, the eyes in his fierce-looking face were made of two giant rubies that glittered with a brilliant red colour.

Of course, the two leading archaeologists on the dig were both determined that they should be the one to have their name listed against the discovery, and pretty soon the argument was intensifying to the point where the rest of the team, despite being exhausted after the day’s work, started to gather round to watch.

The two of them continued squabbling for some time, and they provided the others with a great source of amusement for the evening, and by the time they finally gave up and called a truce, everyone else was feeling quite refreshed by the entertainment.

As the crowd dispersed, one junior digger turned to his friend, and said:

“Well, that was a fight for Thor eyes.”

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Three mischievous boys skipped school one day and instead went to the zoo one day for an outing.

They decided to visit the elephant cage first, but soon enough, they were picked up by a zoo security officer for causing a commotion.

The officer hauled them off to the Security Office for questioning.

The supervisor in charge asked each of them to give their names and tell what they were doing at the elephant cage.

The first boy innocently said, “Okay, my name is Gary, and I was just throwing peanuts into the elephant cage.”

The second added, “My name is Larry, and all I was doing was throwing peanuts into the elephant cage.”

The third boy was a little more shaken up than his buddies and said,

“Well, my name is Peter, but my friends call me Peanuts.”

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After a long day of being called upon to visit an endless series of horses and cows with sore legs, I finally returned to the animal clinic.

Although exhausted, when I discovered I had a slow leak in one of my truck tires, I drove over to get it fixed at the service station.

The mechanic knew immediately he was dealing with a tired veterinarian after I carefully explained to him that my truck seemed to be lame in the right hind tire.

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Murphy’s Real Laws
~ Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don’t have film.
~ When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty.
~ Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don’t.
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A college drama group presented a play in which one character would stand on a trap door and announce, “I descend into hell!”

A stagehand below would then pull a rope, the trapdoor would spring, and the actor would drop from view.

The play was well received. When the actor playing the part became ill, another actor who was quite overweight took his place. When the new actor announced, “I descend into hell!” the stagehand pulled the rope, and the actor began his plunge, but became hopelessly stuck. No amount of tugging on the rope could make him descend.

One student in the balcony jumped up and yelled: “Hallelujah! Hell is full!”

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TODAY IN TRIVIA: How high can a cat jump under its own power? Some cats can jump up to five times their own height in just one leap. So make sure fragile breakables are stored out of harm’s way: opt for china cabinets with closing doors or enclosed display cases to protect heirlooms and collectibles from an acrobatic cat.

~ What does it mean to be dumbstruck? To be dumbstruck is to be so shocked or surprised that a person is unable to speak.

~ What were early dentures made from? Before all-porcelain false teeth were perfected in the mid-19th century, dentures were commonly made with teeth pulled from the mouths of dead soldiers following a battle. Teeth extracted from U.S. Civil War soldier cadavers were shipped to England by the barrel to dentists.

~ What are some other names for Trillium cuneatum? Blooming in early March to mid April, the wildflower Trillium cuneatum is commonly known as little sweet Betsy, or whip-poor-will flower, large toadshade, purple toadshade, and bloody butcher.
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QUIP OF THE DAY: Warning: Dates in calendar are closer than they appear.

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . . I want to stay as close to the edge as I can without going over. Out on the edge you see all kinds of things you can’t see from the center. – Kurt Vonnegut, Jr

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