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March 17th

May your blessings outnumber the shamrocks that grow, and may trouble avoid you wherever you go. – Irish blessing


TODAY – MARCH 17th

76th day of the year with 289 to follow.

Holidays for Today:

*Saint Patrick’s Day

*Irish American Month

*Corned Beef And Cabbage Day

*Submarine Day (the sandwich or the boat, who knows??)

*Evacuation Day (Suffolk County, Massachusetts)

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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1804 James Bridger, Richmond, Virginia, scout/fur trader/explorer (mediated between native tribes and encroaching whites)
  • 1834 Gottlieb Daimler, Germany, engineer/inventor/auto pioneer (designed 1st motorcycle)
  • 1849 Charles F. Brush, Euclid, Ohio, inventor (co-invented the Arc light)
  • 1881 Walter Rudolf Hess, Frauenfeld, Switzerland, physiologist (Nobel / mapping the areas of the brain involved in the control of internal organs)
  • 1919 Nat “King” Cole, Montgomery, Alabama, singer (Unforgettable, Mona Lisa)
  • 1930 James Irwin, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, pilot and NASA astronaut (Apollo 15 Lunar Module Pilot)
  • 1931 David Peakall, Purley, Surrey, England, scientist (internationally recognized toxicologist)
  • 1932 Donald N. Langenberg, Devils Lake, North Dakota, physicist (expert in the area of superconductivity)
  • 1936 Ken Mattingly, Chicago, Illinois, astronaut (Apollo 16, STS-4, and STS-51-C)
  • 1944 John Sebastian, Greenwich Village, New York City, singer and songwriter (a founder of The Lovin’ Spoonful)
  • 1948 William Gibson, Conway, South Carolina, author (“noir prophet” of the cyberpunk subgenre of science fiction)
  • 1949 Patrick Duffy, Townsend, Montana, actor (Bobby-Dallas, Man from Atlantis, Step by Step)
  • 1951 Kurt Russell, Springfield, Massachusetts, actor (“studio’s top star of the ’70s” / Thing, Overboard, Mean Seasons )
  • 1955 Gary Sinise, Blue Island, Illinois, actor (CSI: NY, Apollo 13, Forrest Gump)
  • 1956 Patrick McDonnell, Edison, New Jersey, cartoonist (Mutts daily comic strip)
  • 1964 Rob Lowe, Charlottesville, Virginia, actor & producer (The Outsiders, St. Elmo’s Fire, The West Wing, Parks and Recreation, Killing Kennedy)
  • 1974 Marisa Coughlan, Minneapolis, Minnesota, actress (Weird Science, Super Troopers, Boston Legal, Space Station 76)
  • 1976 Brittany Daniel, Gainesville, Florida, actress (The Game, Skyline, Sweet Valley High)
  • 1984 Ryan Rottman, Louisiana, actor (Gigantic, The Lying Game, White Dwarf)

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Other people have a nationality. The Irish and the Jews have a psychosis. – Brendan Behan
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HAPPENED THIS DAY IN HISTORY:

  • 1756 St Patrick’s Day celebrated in NYC for first time (at Crown & Thistle Tavern).
  • 1845 Rubber band patented by Stephen Perry of London.
  • 1906 The Phi Kappa Tau fraternity is founded at Miami University in Oxford, Ohio.
  • 1910 Luther Gulick and his wife Charlotte found Camp Fire Girls (now Camp Fire USA)
  • 1941 In Washington, D.C., the National Gallery of Art is officially opened by President Franklin D. Roosevelt.
  • 1950 Researchers at the University of California, Berkeley announce the creation of element 98, which they name “Californium”.
  • 1955 The Richard Riot occurs in the streets of Montreal over the suspension of hockey legend Maurice Richard.
  • 1958 The United States launches the Vanguard 1 satellite.
  • 1959 Tenzin Gyatso, the 14th Dalai Lama, flees Tibet for India.
  • 1960 U.S. President Dwight D. Eisenhower signs the National Security Council directive on the anti-Cuban covert action program that will ultimately lead to the Bay of Pigs Invasion.
  • 1975 The Chicago, Rock Island and Pacific Railroad enters its third and final bankruptcy, and William M. Gibbons is selected as receiver and bankruptcy trustee.
  • 1985 Serial killer Richard Ramirez, aka the “Night Stalker”, commits the first two murders in his Los Angeles, California murder spree.
  • 2013 The largest meteorite (since NASA started observing the moon in 2005) hit the moon.

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The old Irishman is lying in bed, very ill. His son is sitting at his bedside, expecting the end at any moment.
The old man says, “Son, get me a Protestant minister.”

“But, Dad! You’ve been a good Catholic all you life! You’re delirious. It’s a priest ye be wantin’ now, not
a minister.”

“Nae, son. Please. It’s me last request. Get a minister for me!”

“Ye raised me an’ all my brothers an’ sisters to be Catholic. Ye can’t want a minister at a time like this!”

“If you respect me and love me as a father, you’ll go out and get me a Protestant minister right now.”

The son goes out and gets the minister. They come back to the house, and the minister goes upstairs. “Wha’ cin
I do for ye?”

“I want to convert. I want to become a Protestant.”

The minister converts the old man. As he is leaving he passes Father O’Malley coming quickly through the door.
The minister says, “I’m afraid ye’re too late, Father. He’s a Protestant now.”

Father O’Malley rushes up the steps and bursts into the old man’s room. “Patrick! Patrick! Why did ye do it?
Ye were such a good Catholic! We went to St. Mary’s together! You were there when I performed my first mass! Why in the world would ye do such a thing like this?”

“I figure it’s better we lose one of them than one of us.”

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A pious man, who had reached the age of 105, suddenly stopped going to synagogue.
Alarmed by the old fellow’s absence after so many years of faithful attendance, the Rabbi went to see him. He found him in excellent health, so the Rabbi asked, “How come after all these years we don’t see you at services anymore?”
The old man lowered his voice. “I’ll tell you, Rabbi,” he whispered. “When I got to be 90, I expected God to take me any day. But then I got to be 95, then 100, then 105. So, I figured that God is very busy and must’ve forgotten about me, and I don’t want to remind Him!”

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ONE-LINERS:
~ The first Ten Commandments are the hardest.
~ People who are wrapped up in themselves are overdressed.
~ An expert is someone called in at the last minute to share the blame.

~ I am logged in…therefore, I am.
~ A word of advice…don’t give it.
~ If we made it illegal, do you think more people would vote?

~ A journey of a hundred miles starts with an argument over how to load the car.
~ Justice is blind and in some cases…deaf and dumb.
~ To belittle is to be little.

~ When fear knocks at the door, and you answer, there will be no one there.
~ Poverty is a condition with but one advantage, it doesn’t take much to improve your lot.
~ The first rule of tinkering is to save all the parts.

~ I’m retiring in Mexico. Sunny, affordable and no predatory reverse mortgages.
~ A pessimist is a man who looks both ways before crossing a one-way street.
~ Management’s job is to keep ’em too busy to look for other jobs.

~ Heredity is what sets the parents of a teenager wondering about each other.
~ Why are lawyers not sworn to tell the truth like all the witnesses in a jury trial?
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A husband went to the sheriff’s department to report that his wife was missing.

Husband: My wife is missing. She went shopping yesterday and has not come home.
Sergeant: What is her height?

Husband: Gee, I’m not sure. A little over five-feet tall.
Sergeant: Weight?

Husband: Don’t know. Not slim, not really fat.
Sergeant: Color of eyes?

Husband: Never noticed.
Sergeant: Color of hair?

Husband: Changes a couple times a year. Maybe dark brown.
Sergeant: What was she wearing?

Husband: Could have been a skirt or shorts. I don’t remember exactly.
Sergeant: What kind of car did she go in?

Husband: She went in my truck.
Sergeant: What kind of truck was it?

Husband: Brand new 2015 Ford F150 King Ranch 4X4 with eco-boost 5.0L V8 engine special ordered with manual transmission. It has a custom matching white cover for the bed. Custom leather seats and “Bubba” floor mats. Trailering package with gold hitch. DVD with navigation, 21-channel CB radio, six cup holders, and four power outlets. Added special alloy wheels and off-road Michelins. Wife put a small scratch on the driver’s door.

At this point the husband started choking up.
Sergeant: Don’t worry buddy. We’ll find your truck.

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HAPPY ST. PATRICK’S DAY!!!

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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!
~ When I was young, I wanted to study archaeology. But my dad thought it was just lot of skullduggery.
~ He often broke into song because he couldn’t find the key.
~ When she told me I was average, she was just being mean.
~ A chicken farmer put in a playground for his chickens to see if happier chickens made more eggs. Sure enough, his egg production increased. So, his neighbor across the road put in a playground for his chickens. In fact, he put one in with a 15 ft. slide. So, one by one, the first farmer’s chickens began crossing the road to get to the other slide.
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My niece, pregnant with her second child, was certain she wanted an epidural for pain management during childbirth. Her doctor asked her at which stage of labor she wanted the epidural administered.

Her response: “Just meet me in the parking lot!”
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“Recently, while I was on a shopping trip in a department store, I heard a little five-year-old talking to his mother on the down escalator. He said, ‘Mommy, what do they do when the basement gets full of steps?'” –Hal Linden
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GOLDEN OLDIE LATE NIGHT QUIPS. . .

* A report says there’s still a pay gap where women are paid 78 cents for every dollar a man makes doing the same job. Fortunately, many businesses have a solution to the problem: they just pay everyone the minimum wage. – Jim Barach

* A bomb-sniffing dog came into my office today — for real, a Belgian shepherd named Pistol, a great dog. A very happy dog, but he obviously has no idea what happens if he ever finds what he’s looking for. But then, do any of us, really? – Jimmy Kimmel
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A visitor to Israel attended a recital and concert at the Moscovitz Auditorium.

He was quite impressed with the architecture and the acoustics. He inquired of the tour guide, “Is this magnificent auditorium named after Chaim Moscovitz, the famous Talmudic scholar?”

“No,” replied the guide. “It is named after Sam Moscovitz, the writer.”

Never heard of him,” said the visitor. “What did he write?”

“A check,” replied the guide.

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QUIP OF THE DAY: Men have feelings, too. For example, we feel hungry.

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . . You’ve got to do your own growing, no matter how tall your father was. – Irish saying

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