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March 18th

“The best index to a person’s character is how he treats people who can’t do him any good, and how he treats people who can’t fight back.” – Abigail Van Buren


TODAY – MARCH 18th

77th day of the year (78th in leap years) with 288 days to follow.

Holidays for Today:
~ National Awkward Moments Day
~ National Biodiesel Day
~ National Lacy Oatmeal Cookie Day
~ National Sloppy Joe Day
~ National Supreme Sacrifice Day
~ Sheelah’s Day (Ireland, Canada, Australia)
~ Transit Driver Appreciation Day
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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1782 John C. Calhoun, Abbeville, South Carolina, politician, 7th Vice President of the United States
  • 1837 Grover Cleveland, Caldwell, New Jersey, 22nd and 24th President of the United States
  • 1858 Rudolf Diesel, German mechanical engineer and inventor (diesel engine)
  • 1909 Ernest Gallo, American winemaker (E&J Gallo Winery)
  • 1911 Smiley Burnette, Summum, Illinois, country music singer, songwriter and actor (sidekick to Gene Autry, Petticoat Junction)
  • 1926 Peter Graves, Minneapolis, Minnesota, actor (Mission: Impossible, Red Planet Mars, The Winds of War, Airplane!)
  • 1932 John Updike, Reading, Pennsylvania, author (series: Harry “Rabbit” Angstrom, Bech, Buchanan, Scarlett Letter; Witches of Eastwick, In the Beauty of the Lilies)
  • 1938 Charley Pride, Sledge, Mississippi, singer
  • 1943 Kevin Dobson, Jackson Heights, Queens, New York, actor (Kojak )
  • 1950 Brad Dourif, Huntington, West Virginia, actor (One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest)
  • 1960 Richard Biggs, Columbus, Ohio, actor (Days of our Lives, Babylon 5)
  • 1962 Mike Rowe, Baltimore, Maryland, television host (Dirty Jobs, Deadliest Catch, Mystery Diagnosis, Ford commercials)
  • 1962 Thomas Ian Griffith, Hartford, Connecticut, actor (Karate Kid 3, Avalanche, Sea Wolf, Timecop 2, One Tree Hill)
  • 1963 Vanessa L. Williams, Tarrytown, New York, beauty queen, singer and actress (Eraser, Shaft, Ugly Betty, Desperate Housewives)
  • 1970 Queen Latifah, Newark, New Jersey, singer and actress (Living Single, The Bone Collector, Chicago, Bringing Down the House, Beauty Shop, Ice Age movies)
  • 1982 Adam Pally, Livingston, New Jersey, actor and comedian (Happy Endings, The Mindy Project)

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There are many things in life that will catch your eye, but only a few will catch your heart . . . pursue those. – Author Unknown

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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1673 John Berkeley, 1st Baron Berkeley of Stratton sells his part of New Jersey to the Religious Society of Friends, commonly known as Quakers.
  • 1850 Henry Wells and William Fargo found the American Express.
  • 1874 Hawaii signs a treaty granting exclusive trading rights to the United States.
  • 1893 Former Governor General Lord Stanley pledges to donate a silver challenge cup, later named after him, as an award for the best hockey team in Canada; originally presented to amateur champions, the Stanley Cup has been awarded to the top pro team since 1910, and since 1926, only to National Hockey League teams.
  • 1940 Axis Powers represented by Adolf Hitler and Benito Mussolini meet at the Brenner Pass in the Alps and agree to form an alliance against France and the United Kingdom during WWII.
  • 1959 President Dwight D. Eisenhower signs a bill into law allowing for Hawaiian statehood, which would become official on August 21.
  • 1965 Cosmonaut Aleksei Leonov, leaving his spacecraft Voskhod 2 for 12 minutes, becomes the first person to walk in space.
  • 1968 The U.S. Congress repeals the requirement for a gold reserve to back US currency.
  • 1990 In the largest art theft in US history, 12 paintings, collectively worth around $300 million, are stolen from the Isabella Stewart Gardner Museum in Boston, Massachusetts.
  • 1992 White South Africans vote overwhelmingly in favor, in a national referendum, to end the racist policy of Apartheid.
  • 1997 The tail of a Russian Antonov An-24 charter plane breaks off while en route to Turkey causing the plane to crash and killing all 50 on board and leading to the grounding of all An-24s.

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A property manager of single-family residence was showing a unit to prospective tenants and asking the usual questions. “Professionally employed?” he asked.

“We’re a military family,” the wife answered.

“Children?”

“Oh, yes, ages nine and twelve,” she answered proudly.

“Animals?”

“Oh, no,” she said earnestly. “They’re very well behaved.”
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I’m not on Twitter, so I just go around announcing out loud what I’m doing at random times.

I have three followers so far, but I think two of them are cops.
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“It is of interest to note that while some dolphins are reported to have learned English — up to fifty words used
in correct context — no human being has been reported to have learned dolphinese.” – Carl Sagan
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ONE-LINERS:
~ A child’s greatest period of growth is the month after you’ve purchased new school clothes.
~ A friend is someone who reaches for your hand, but touches your heart.
~ If voting could really change things, Congress would make it illegal.

~ Love at first sight is nice, but it might be wise to take a second look.
~ Patience isn’t the ability to wait. It’s how you behave while waiting.
~ The nice thing about cold weather is that you immediately know if you’ve walked outside with your fly unzipped.

~ The only people who listen to both sides of an argument are the neighbors.
~ There is an old proverb that says just about anything you want it to.
~ There is no snooze button on a cat who wants breakfast.

~ Those with the best advice usually offer no advice.
~ Time is the best teacher; unfortunately it kills all its students.
~ Sound travels slowly. Sometimes the things you say when your kids are teenagers don’t reach them till they’re in their 30s.
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The Life of a Cat: Day 283 Of My Captivity

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another house plant.

Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded; must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair; must try this on their bed.

Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was. Hmmm, not working according to plan.

There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the food. More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of “allergies.” Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.

I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird on the other hand has got to be an informant, and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room, his safety is assured. But I can wait, it is only a matter of time…

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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

A guy goes into the doctor’s office. He has a banana stuck in one ear, a cucumber in the other ear, and a carrot up his nose.

The guy says, “Doc, I feel terrible. What’s wrong with me?”

The doctor says, “Well, first of all, you’re not eating right.”
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Organizational Body

The body of any organization has four bones:

1. Wish bones, who spend all their time wishing someone else will do all the work;

2. Jaw Bones, who do all the talking and very little else;

3. Knuckle Bones, who knock everything that everybody else tries to do;

4. Back Bones, who get under the load and do all the work.
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My friend and I joined a weight-loss organization. At one meeting the instructor held up an apple and a candy bar.

“What are the attributes of this apple,” she asked, “and how do they relate to our diet?”

“Low in calories” and “lots of fiber,” were among the answers.

She then detailed what was wrong with eating candy, and concluded, “Apples are not only more healthful but also less expensive. Do you know I paid fifty-five cents for this candy bar?” We stared as she held aloft the forbidden treat.

From in back of the room a small voice spoke up. “I’ll give you seventy-five cents for it.”
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The theme of our community college’s annual writers’ conference was “Writing: For the Sell of It”. I called a widely published author and asked him to be our keynote speaker. my request was met with a long silence. Finally he said, “I don’t know what I would say to that audience.”
“You’re just being modest,” I replied. “I’m sure you’re extremely qualified to speak about selling what you’ve written.”
He suddenly broke into laughter. “I thought you said ‘Writing for the Celibate.'”
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Recently while we were eating lunch after church one Sunday, my youngest son asked me what the highest number I had ever counted up to was.
I said I didn’t know. Then I asked him how high he has counted.
“5,372,” came the prompt reply.
“Oh,” I said. “Why did you stop there?”
“The sermon was over.”
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Last year I entered a marathon. The race started and immediately I was the last of the runners. It was embarrassing.

The guy who was in front of me, second to last, was making fun of me. He said, “Hey buddy, how does it feel to be last?”

I replied: “You really want to know?”

Then I dropped out of the race.
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QUIP OF THE DAY: I want one of those jobs where people ask, “Do you actually get paid to do this??”

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . . There just isn’t any pleasing some people. The trick is to stop trying. – Robert Mitchum

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