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March 1st




Life is very short and what we have to do must be done in the now. – Audre Lorde

TODAY – MARCH 1st

60th day of the year (61st in leap years) with 305 days to follow.

Holidays for Today:
~ National Fruit Compote Day
~ National Peanut Butter Lover’s Day
~ National Pig Day
National Self-Injury Awareness Day
~ World Civil Defence Day
~ Zero Discrimination Day
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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 752 BC Romulus, founder of Rome
  • 1810 Frédéric Chopin, Poland, composer/pianist (Concerto in F Minor)
  • 1904 Glenn Miller, Clarinda Iowa, bandleader (jazz, Swing)
  • 1910 David Niven, Scotland, actor (Casino Royale, Eye of the Devil)
  • 1914 Ralph Waldo Ellison, Oklahoma City, Oklahoma, author (Invisible Man, Shadow & Cast)
  • 1914 Harry Caray, St. Louis Missouri, baseball sportscaster (7th inning singing “Take Me Out To The Ballgame”)
  • 1924 Donald “Deke” Kent Slayton, Sparta Wisconsin, Major USAF/astronaut (Apollo–Soyuz Test Project)
  • 1927 Harry Belafonte, New York City, New York, musician / activist (King of Calypso / civil rights)
  • 1935 Robert Conrad, Chicago, Illinois, actor (The Wild Wild West, Baa Baa Black Sheep, High Sierra Search and Rescue)
  • 1945 Dirk Benedict, Helena Montana, actor (The A-Team, Starbuck/original Battlestar Galactica)
  • 1946 Lana Wood, Santa Monica CA, actress (Diamonds are Forever, Captain America)
  • 1952 Nevada Barr, Yerington, Nevada, author (Anna Pigeon mysteries set in national parks of U.S.; Track of the Cat)
  • 1953 Ron Howard, Duncan Oklahoma, actor/director (Andy Griffith Show, Happy Days/ Willow, Apollo 13, Backdraft)
  • 1954 Catherine Bach,Warren Ohio, actress (Daisy Duke-Dukes of Hazzard, African Skies)
  • 1956 Timothy Daly, New York City, New York, actor (Joe-Wings, Private Practice, Sopranos, voice Superman animated, Madam Secretary)
  • 1967 George Eads, Fort Worth Texas, actor (Nick Stokes/ CSI; Monte Walsh, Young Justice)
  • 1978 Alicia Leigh Willis, Atlanta Georgia, actress (7th Heaven, Another World, General Hospital, American Heiress, The Bay)
  • 1994 Justin Bieber, Canadian singer (My World, Under the Mistletoe, Believe)

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There are two ways of living: a man may be casual and simply exist, or constructively and deliberately try to do so. The constructive idea implies a constructiveness not only about one’s own life, but about that of society, and the future possibilities of mankind. – Sir Julian Huxley
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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1790 First United States census is authorized.
  • 1803 Ohio becomes 17th state.
  • 1845 President Tyler signs a resolution annexing the Republic of Texas.
  • 1867 Most of Nebraska becomes 37th US state (expanded later).
  • 1872 Yellowstone becomes world’s 1st national park.
  • 1961 President John F. Kennedy establishes the Peace Corps.
  • 1962 K-Mart opens first store in Garden City, MI.
  • 1968 NBC’s unprecedented on-air announcement; Star Trek will return.
  • 1973 Robyn Smith becomes 1st female jockey to win a major race.
  • 2002 Envisat environmental satellite successfully reaches an orbit 800 kilometers (500 miles) above the Earth on its 11th launch, carrying the heaviest payload to date at 8500 kilograms (9.5 tons).
  • 2007 Tornadoes swarm across the southern US, killing at least 20; eight of the deaths are at a high school in Enterprise, Alabama.

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A preacher was frustrated with the lack of Christian commitment in his congregation. He came up with a plan to get their attention. Trying to put some fear into his congregation, he paused in the middle of a sermon and exclaimed, “Every member of this congregation is going to die.”

Instead of getting the reaction he expected everyone just sat there stupefied. Thinking his statement hadn’t fully sunk in, he tried it again for impact. “I said, every member of this congregation is going to die,” he yelled. Everyone remained quiet as the preacher paused for effect. He noticed a man chuckling on the second row. The man, who the pastor realized was a visitor, continued until he broke into riotous laughter.

The preacher pointed to the man and asked, “Why are you laughing?”

Without a break in his laughter, the man said,”Because I’m not a member of this congregation.”

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An old guy in his Volvo is driving home from work when his wife rings him on his carphone.

“Honey”, she says in a worried voice, “Be careful! There was a bit on the news just now, some lunatic is driving the wrong way down the freeway”.

“It’s worse than that,” he replies, “There are hundreds of them!”

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ONE-LINERS: Great as humor, bad as ads…
~ 2 female Boston Terrier puppies, 7 wks old, Perfect markings, 555-1234. Leave mess.
~ A superb and inexpensive restaurant. Fine food expertly served by waitresses in appetizing forms.
~ Dinner Special — Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00.

~ For sale: an antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.
~ Four-poster bed, 101 years old. Perfect for antique lover.
~ Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too.

~ Wanted: 50 girls for stripping machine operators in factory.
~ We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.
~ For Sale — Eight puppies from a German Sheppard and an Alaskan Hussy.

~ Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it.
~ Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.
~ Vacation Special: have your home exterminated.
~ Mt. Kilimanjaro, the breathtaking backdrop for the Serena Lodge. Swim in the lovely pool while you drink it all in.

~ Get rid of aunts: Zap does the job in 24 hours.
~ Toaster: A gift that every member of the family appreciates. Automatically burns toast.
~ Sheer stockings. Designed for fancy dress, but so serviceable that lots of women wear nothing else.

~ Stock up and save. Limit: one.
~ Man, honest. Will take anything.
~ Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated? Come here first!

~ Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.
~ Our experienced Mom will care of your child. Fenced yard, meals, and smacks included.
~ Our bikinis are exciting. They are simply the tops.

~ Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you’ll never go anywhere again.
~ Illiterate? Write today for free help.
~ Wanted. Widower with school-age children requires person to assume general housekeeping duties. Must be capable of contributing to growth of family.

~ And now, the Superstore–unequaled in size, unmatched in variety, unrivaled inconvenience.
~ We will oil your sewing machine and adjust tension in your home for $1.00.
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When I was a child, I remember my Mom telling me, “Son, when you grow up, you can marry any girl you please.”

When I became a young man, I learned the sad fact was that I could not please any of them.

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pic of the day: Bluejay on Birdbath

bluejay bird
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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

A young woman, extraordinarily attractive in appearance, personality, character and presentation, was from an illness that made her lips cracked and sore. The slightest movement of her mouth caused pain and embarrassment.

Her condition, though not cured, was somewhat relieved by the application of a prescription medication from her physician. The instructions on the prescription were to apply the medication once a day, but the young woman
found that more frequent applications were palatable and effective.

After exhausting her supply, she returned to the doctor’s office for another one. The receptionist announced the
returning patient to the doctor: “It’s the super gal with fragile lips expecting extra doses.”

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Sophie went to see a psychiatrist about her husband.

“Doctor, My husband has this problem. Almost every night now he’s dreaming he’s a refrigerator!”

“My dear, that is not really a problem! A lot of people dream that they are somebody or something unusual…”

Sophie leans forward as she softly whispers this confidence: “But you see doctor it is also a problem for me! Jake sleeps with his mouth open and the light keeps me awake!”

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A unit of soldiers was marching a long dusty march across the rolling prairie. It was a hot blistering day and the men, longing for water and rest, were impatient to reach the next town.

A rancher rode past.

“Say, friend”, called out one of the men, “how far is it to the next town?”
“Oh, a matter of two miles or so, I reckon,” called back the rancher. Another long hour dragged by, and another rancher was encountered.

“How far to the next town?” the men asked him eagerly.
“Oh, a good two miles.”

A nearly half hour longer of marching, and then a third rancher. “Hey, how far’s the next town?”
“Not far,” was the encouraging answer, “only about two miles.”

“Well,” sighed the optimistic sergeant, “thank God, we’re holding our own, anyhow!”
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For forty years we have studied bird calls . There are so many different species , and to make it more difficult they have territorial accents just like people do.

The really amazing thing is, we have translated all of their calls. And the message is always the same. No matter the breed or the location, the message is always the same:

“Yah! Yah! Yah! Cats can’t fly!”

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Top 10 Signs That You Are Cheap

1. You attend a weekly coupon club.

2. You’ve been driving on the spare tire for over three months.

3. Fast food is your idea of fine dining.

4. You spend more time counting change during a single week than you spend at church.

5. You’re outraged when the price of a can of soda goes up a nickel.

6. You haven’t purchased a name brand product in the past ten years.

7. You take the pennies from the container next to the cash register.

8. Your family gets presents a week after Christmas because you love that fifty-percent discount.

9. Matinee. Every time.

10. You code all your own software rather than buy it.

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TODAY IN TRIVIA: Which is Germany’s oldest city? The oldest city in Germany, Trier, was once the capital of the Western Roman Empire, and residence of the Emperor Constantine. Despite a bloody history, a remarkable amount of Trier’s past has been preserved, including an impressive group of Roman monuments north of the Alps.

~Where would you avoid lilacs? With its intense, narcotic perfume, lilac, especially white lilac, is considered an unlucky plant in certain parts of the British Isles. It is among the least welcomed flowers for hospital patients, though some people believe that lilac blossoms with five petals brings luck to those who find them.

~Was the bikini an instant hit? Contrary to what you might think, it took fifteen years for the bikini to be accepted in the United States. In 1951 bikinis were banned from the Miss World Contest. In 1957, however, Brigitte Bardot’s bikini in And God Created Woman created a market for the swimwear in the US, and in 1960, Brian Hyland’s pop song “Itsy Bitsy Teenie Weenie Yellow Polka Dot Bikini” inspired a bikini-buying spree. Finally the bikini caught on, and by 1963, the movie Beach Party, starring Annette Funicello (emphatically not in a bikini, by mentor Walt Disney’s personal request) and Frankie Avalon, led a wave of films that made the bikini a pop-culture symbol.

~ What is Zero Discrimination Day? This is a day that aims to promote equality before the law and in practice throughout all of the member countries of the UN. It is particularly noted by organisations like UNAIDS that combat discrimination against people living with HIV/AIDS. Armenian Americans in California held a ‘die-in’ on Zero Discrimination Day in 2015 to remember the victims of the Armenian Genocide.

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QUIP OF THE DAY: “Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside in a cloud of smoke, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming “Wow! What a Ride!” ― Hunter S. Thompson, The Proud Highway: Saga of a Desperate Southern Gentleman

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . .You don’t stop laughing because you grow old. You grow old because you stop laughing. – Michael Pritchard

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