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March 20th

Sport and life is about losing. It’s about understanding how to lose. – Lynn Davies


TODAY – MARCH 20th

79th day of the year (80th in leap years) with 286 days to follow.
Spring Equinox 2018 in Northern Hemisphere.

Holidays for Today:
~ Extraterrestrial Abductions Day (also called National Alien Abduction Day)
~ Great American Meatout (encourages a plant based diet)
~ International Earth Day (celebrated on every vernal equinox)
~ International Astrology Day (always on the 1st full day of astrological sign of Aries; marks the beginning of the tropical Zodiac)
~ International Day of Happiness
~ International Francophonie Day / French Language Day
~ National Bock Beer Day
~ National Native HIV/AIDS Awareness Day
~ National Proposal Day (for those seeking marriage!)
~ National Ravioli Day
~ World Sparrow Day (to raise awareness of the the threat to house sparrow and then other common birds to urban environments populations)
~ World Storytelling Day
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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1904 B. F. Skinner, Susquehanna, Pennsylvania, psychologist (invented operant conditioning chamber, radical behaviorism)
  • 1906 Ozzie Nelson, Jersey City, New Jersey, bandleader and actor (The Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet)
  • 1928 Fred Rogers, Latrobe, Pennsylvania, TV host (Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood)
  • 1931 Hal Linden, New York City, New York, actor (Barney Miller; Animals, Animals, Animals; The Golden Girls, Law & Order: Criminal Intent)
  • 1937 Lois Lowry, Honolulu, Hawaii, children’s author (Number the Stars, The Giver, The Anastasia Series, Gooney Bird Series, etc.)
  • 1948 John de Lancie, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, actor (Q on Star Trek series, Frank Simmons on Stargate SG-1; Discord on My Little Pony)
  • 1950 William Hurt, Washington, D.C., actor (Altered States, Body Heat, The Big Chill, Broadcast News, The Accidental Tourist, A History of Violence, Into the Wild, Damages, Goliath)
  • 1954 Louis Sachar, East Meadow, New York, children’s author (Sideways Stories from Wayside School, Holes)
  • 1958 Holly Hunter, Conyers, Georgia, actress (Broadcast News, The Firm, Thirteen, The Piano, Strange Weather)
  • 1963 Kathy Ireland, Glendale, California, model and actress (Alien from L.A.; Loaded Weapon 1, 9th season Dancing With the Stars)
  • 1973 Cedric Yarbrough, Minneapolis, Minnesota, actor (Reno 911!, The Boondocks, Adult Swim, Bones, Speechless)

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Life is like a coin. You can spend it any way you wish, but you only spend it once. – Lillian Dickson
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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1760 The “Great Fire” of Boston, Massachusetts, destroys 349 buildings.
  • 1914 In New Haven, Connecticut, the first international figure skating championship takes place.
  • 1922 The USS Langley (CV-1) is commissioned as the first United States Navy aircraft carrier.
  • 1952 The United States Senate ratifies a peace treaty with Japan.
  • 1987 The Food and Drug Administration approves the anti-AIDS drug, AZT.
  • 2015 Solar eclipse, equinox, and a Supermoon all occur on the same day.

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An uneducated goober took a trip to New York. When he arrived, the hotel clerk asked him a riddle.
“My mom and dad had a baby. It wasn’t my brother. It wasn’t my sister. Who was it?”
The hick thought long and hard, but eventually gave up. “I don’t know, who was it?”
The hotel clerk responded, “It was me!”

The hick thought that was hilarious. He couldn’t wait to get home and tell this funny joke to his family and friends in the sticks.

When he arrived home they met him at the airport and he asked them: “My mom and dad had a baby. It wasn’t my brother. It wasn’t my sister. Who was it?”

His friends thought and thought about it until they gave up. So he told them, “It was a hotel clerk I met in New York.”
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A woman drove a mini-van filled with a dozen screaming kids through the mall parking lot, looking for a space. Obviously frazzled, she coasted through a stop sign.

“Hey, lady, have you forgotten how to stop?” yelled an irate man.

She rolled down her window and yelled back, “What makes you think these are all mine ?”
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ONE-LINERS: HOW TO WRITE GOODER
Here are several very important but often forgotten rules of English:
~ Avoid alliteration. Always.
~ Prepositions are not words to end sentences with
~ Avoid cliches like the plague. (They’re old hat.)
~ Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
~ Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary.
~ Contractions aren’t necessary.
~ Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
~ One should never generalize.
~ Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson once said: “I hate quotations. Tell me what you know.”
~ Don’t be redundant; don’t use more words than necessary; it’s highly superfluous.
~ Be more or less specific.
~ One-word sentences? Eliminate.
~ Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
~ Who needs rhetorical questions?
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Several years ago we had an intern who was none too swift.
One day he was typing and turned to a secretary and said, ‘I’m almost out of typing paper. What do I do ?’
‘Just use copier paper,’ she told him.

With that, the intern took his last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five blank copies.
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Signs of Spring! Frog in Pond

frog in pond
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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

A long time ago, there was a beehive in the middle of a forest. Every day, as worker bees do, they would go out into their fields, gather pollen from the flowers, and bring it back to make honey.

The bees had a problem, though, because every so often an intruder would come around, such as a bear who wanted the honey, or kids who thought it’d be fun to throw rocks at the hive. Finally, the bees got tired of it.

Being the intelligent bees that they are, they built an alarm system for the hive. They built it such that one bee pulls a lever, which triggers the alarm that the bees will hear from the fields, and then the bees can come back to protect their home.

There was one bee who was exclusively assigned that job, and he was aptly named the “Lever Bee.” His job was to watch for potential adversaries, and pull the lever to raise the alarm.

Now obviously, the security of the hive depends on this one Lever Bee. So he has to be constantly ready and on the alert to be able to do his job.

And that, friends, is why people say, “I’m as ready as a Lever Bee.”

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The British are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and have raised their security level from “Miffed” to “Peeved.”

Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to”Irritated” or even “A Bit Cross.” Brits have not been “A Bit Cross” since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out.

Terrorists have been re-categorized from “Tiresome” to a “Bloody Nuisance.” The last time the British issued a “Bloody Nuisance” warning level was in 1066.

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ADVICE FROM AN OLD FARMER. . .
~ Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight and bull-strong.
~ Keep skunks and bankers at a distance.
~ Life is simpler when you plow around the stump.
~ A bumble bee is faster than a John Deere tractor.
~ Words that soak into your ears are whispered…not yelled.
~ Meanness don’t jes’ happen overnight.
~ Forgive your enemies; it messes up their heads.
~ Do not corner something that you know is meaner than you.
~ It don’t take a very big person to carry a grudge.
~ You can’t unsay a cruel word.
~ Every path has a few puddles.
~ When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty.
~ The best sermons are lived, not preached.
~ Most of the stuff people worry about ain’t never gonna happen anyway.
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A nursery school teacher was delivering a station wagon full of kids home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian dog.

The children fell to discussing the dog’s duties.
“They use him to keep crowds back,” said one youngster.

“No,” said another, “he’s just for good luck.”
A third child brought the argument to a close.
“They use the dogs,” she said firmly, “to find the fire hydrant.”
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Bad Analogies from high school essays . . .
~ He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.
~ The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.
~ Her date was pleasant enough, but she knew that if her life was a movie this guy would be buried in the credits as something like “Second Tall Man.”
~ Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. travelling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.
~ John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.
~ The thunder was ominous-sounding, much like the sound of a thin sheet of metal being shaken backstage during the storm scene in a play.
~ The red brick wall was the color of a brick-red Crayola crayon.
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TODAY IN TRIVIA: Equinox Trivia

•Equal day/night: The equinox is famously the time of balance, with theoretically 12 hours of sunshine and 12 hours of non-sun. In practice, the atmosphere bends the sun upward so that the real date of sunlight equality is three or four days ahead of the equinox.

•East/West phenomenon: The equinox is also when every place on earth rotates perpendicularly into our planet’s day-night shadow line.  It’s the best time to observe the cardinal compass directions.  As a result, on the sun rises precisely due east and set exactly in the west, and this is true everywhere except from the poles.

From both poles, you’d see the equinoctial Sun hovering fully above the horizon, never setting, but moving horizontally. At the north pole the Sun moves rightward, and it chugs along leftward for the folks at the South Pole research station, rolling atop the horizon like a red rubber ball.

•Sunlight changes: This is also the week when sunlight changes at its maximum annual rate, with three extra minutes of daily Sun from typical US cities, but nearly seven daily minutes for the folks in Fairbanks, Alaska.  That may be the equinox’s greatest gift, and worthy of an early morning Sun Salutation. (From the Old Farmer’s Almanac)
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QUIP OF THE DAY: I was gong to wear my camouflage shirt today, but I couldn’t find it.

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . . History has repeatedly been changed by people who had the desire and the ability to transfer their convictions and emotions to their listeners. – Dale Carnegie

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