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March 20th

Sport and life is about losing. It’s about understanding how to lose. – Lynn Davies


TODAY – MARCH 20th

79th day of the year (80th in leap years) with 286 days to follow.

Holidays for Today:
~ Extraterrestrial Abductions Day (also called National Alien Abduction Day)
~ Great American Meatout (encourages a plant based diet)
~ International Day of Happiness
~ International Francophonie Day / French Language Day
~ National Bock Beer Day
~ National Native HIV/AIDS Awareness Day
~ National Proposal Day (for those seeking marriage!)
~ World Storytelling Day
~ National Ravioli Day
~ World Flour Day
~ International Astrology Day (always on the 1st full day of astrological sign of Aries; marks the beginning of the tropical Zodiac)
~ World Sparrow Day (to raise awareness of the the threat to house sparrow and then other common birds to urban environments populations)
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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1904 B. F. Skinner, Susquehanna, Pennsylvania, psychologist (invented operant conditioning chamber, radical behaviorism)
  • 1906 Ozzie Nelson, Jersey City, New Jersey, bandleader and actor (The Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet)
  • 1928 Fred Rogers, Latrobe, Pennsylvania, TV host (Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood)
  • 1931 Hal Linden, New York City, New York, actor (Barney Miller; Animals, Animals, Animals; The Golden Girls, Law & Order: Criminal Intent)
  • 1937 Lois Lowry, Honolulu, Hawaii, children’s author (Number the Stars, The Giver, The Anastasia Series, Gooney Bird Series, etc.)
  • 1948 John de Lancie, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, actor (Q on Star Trek series, Frank Simmons on Stargate SG-1; Discord on My Little Pony)
  • 1950 William Hurt, Washington, D.C., actor (Altered States, Body Heat, The Big Chill, Broadcast News, The Accidental Tourist, A History of Violence, Into the Wild, Damages, Goliath)
  • 1954 Louis Sachar, East Meadow, New York, children’s author (Sideways Stories from Wayside School, Holes)
  • 1958 Holly Hunter, Conyers, Georgia, actress (Broadcast News, The Firm, Thirteen, The Piano, Strange Weather)
  • 1963 Kathy Ireland, Glendale, California, model and actress (Alien from L.A.; Loaded Weapon 1, 9th season Dancing With the Stars)
  • 1973 Cedric Yarbrough, Minneapolis, Minnesota, actor (Reno 911!, The Boondocks, Adult Swim, Bones, Speechless)

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Life is like a coin. You can spend it any way you wish, but you only spend it once. – Lillian Dickson
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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1760 The “Great Fire” of Boston, Massachusetts, destroys 349 buildings.
  • 1914 In New Haven, Connecticut, the first international figure skating championship takes place.
  • 1922 The USS Langley (CV-1) is commissioned as the first United States Navy aircraft carrier.
  • 1952 The United States Senate ratifies a peace treaty with Japan.
  • 1987 The Food and Drug Administration approves the anti-AIDS drug, AZT.
  • 2015 Solar eclipse, equinox, and a Supermoon all occur on the same day.

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An uneducated goober took a trip to New York. When he arrived, the hotel clerk asked him a riddle.
“My mom and dad had a baby. It wasn’t my brother. It wasn’t my sister. Who was it?”
The hick thought long and hard, but eventually gave up. “I don’t know, who was it?”
The hotel clerk responded, “It was me!”

The hick thought that was hilarious. He couldn’t wait to get home and tell this funny joke to his family and friends in the sticks.

When he arrived home they met him at the airport and he asked them: “My mom and dad had a baby. It wasn’t my brother. It wasn’t my sister. Who was it?”

His friends thought and thought about it until they gave up. So he told them, “It was a hotel clerk I met in New York.”
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A woman drove a mini-van filled with a dozen screaming kids through the mall parking lot, looking for a space. Obviously frazzled, she coasted through a stop sign.

“Hey, lady, have you forgotten how to stop?” yelled an irate man.

She rolled down her window and yelled back, “What makes you think these are all mine ?”
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ONE-LINERS: HOW TO WRITE GOODER
Here are several very important but often forgotten rules of English:

~ Avoid alliteration. Always.
~ Prepositions are not words to end sentences with
~ Avoid cliches like the plague. (They’re old hat.)

~ Contractions aren’t necessary.
~ Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
~ Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary.

~ One should never generalize.
~ Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
~ Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson once said: “I hate quotations. Tell me what you know.”

~ Be more or less specific.
~ One-word sentences? Eliminate.
~ Don’t be redundant; don’t use more words than necessary; it’s highly superfluous.

~ Who needs rhetorical questions?
~ Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
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Several years ago we had an intern who was none too swift.
One day he was typing and turned to a secretary and said, ‘I’m almost out of typing paper. What do I do ?’
‘Just use copier paper,’ she told him.

With that, the intern took his last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five blank copies.
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GOLDEN OLDIE As you are receiving e-mail, it’s wise to remember how easily this wonderful technology can be misused, sometimes unintentionally and with serious consequences.

Consider the case of the Michigan man who left the snow-filled streets of Detroit for a vacation in Florida. His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day. When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick e-mail.

Unable to find the scrap of paper on which he had written her e-mail address, he did his best to type it in from memory. Unfortunately, he missed one letter and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher’s wife, whose husband had passed away only the day before. When the grieving widow checked her e-mail, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream, and fell to the floor in a dead faint. Hearing the scream, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen:

“Dearest Wife,
Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow.
P.S. Sure is hot down here!”
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Signs of Spring! Frog in Pond

frog in pond
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THINGS YOU WOULD NEVER KNOW WITHOUT THE MOVIE INDUSTRY . . .

~ The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.
~ You’re very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.

~ A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
~ It is not necessary to say hello or goodbye when beginning or ending phone conversations.

~ Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments.
~ All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they’re going to go off.

~ A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.
~ If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps.

~ When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.
~ Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at that precise moment.
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TEN SIGNS OF A FRUSTRATED MOTHER

1. Your children know how to beat every level of Mario Bros but can’t operate a vacuum cleaner.
2. Your children tell you that you said “yes” and you don’t even remember the question.

3. You go to the grocery store and find yourself having a good time.
4. Your husband asks how your day went and you rate it on a scale of 1-10 repeats of “stop that!” or “no!”

5. You can’t remember the last time you didn’t have to share your drink.
6. You mistakenly tell the kids it’s “sanity” time when you meant to say “bed” time.
7. The laundry seems to have taken on an evil nature and you begin to feel that it’s out to get you.

8. You dread hearing the phone ring because it’s a sure sign there’s about to be trouble amongst the children.
9. It’s finally your turn on the computer and “Dancing with the Stars” is just coming on.
10. You go to sleep with “I’m bored” or “I’m hungry” still ringing in your ears.
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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

A long time ago, there was a beehive in the middle of a forest. Every day, as worker bees do, they would go out into their fields, gather pollen from the flowers, and bring it back to make honey.

The bees had a problem, though, because every so often an intruder would come around, such as a bear who wanted the honey, or kids who thought it’d be fun to throw rocks at the hive. Finally, the bees got tired of it.

Being the intelligent bees that they are, they built an alarm system for the hive. They built it such that one bee pulls a lever, which triggers the alarm that the bees will hear from the fields, and then the bees can come back to protect their home.

There was one bee who was exclusively assigned that job, and he was aptly named the “Lever Bee.” His job was to watch for potential adversaries, and pull the lever to raise the alarm.

Now obviously, the security of the hive depends on this one Lever Bee. So he has to be constantly ready and on the alert to be able to do his job.

And that, friends, is why people say, “I’m as ready as a Lever Bee.”

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The British are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and have raised their security level from “Miffed” to “Peeved.”

Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to”Irritated” or even “A Bit Cross.” Brits have not been “A Bit Cross” since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out.

Terrorists have been re-categorized from “Tiresome” to a “Bloody Nuisance.” The last time the British issued a “Bloody Nuisance” warning level was in 1066.

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ADVICE FROM AN OLD FARMER. . .

~ Keep skunks and bankers at a distance.
~ Life is simpler when you plow around the stump.
~ Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight and bull-strong.

~ Meanness don’t jes’ happen overnight.
~ A bumble bee is faster than a John Deere tractor.
~ Words that soak into your ears are whispered…not yelled.

~ Forgive your enemies; it messes up their heads.
~ It don’t take a very big person to carry a grudge.
~ Do not corner something that you know is meaner than you.

~ You can’t unsay a cruel word.
~ Every path has a few puddles.
~ When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty.

~ The best sermons are lived, not preached.
~ Most of the stuff people worry about ain’t never gonna happen anyway.
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A nursery school teacher was delivering a station wagon full of kids home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian dog.

The children fell to discussing the dog’s duties.
“They use him to keep crowds back,” said one youngster.

“No,” said another, “he’s just for good luck.”
A third child brought the argument to a close.
“They use the dogs,” she said firmly, “to find the fire hydrant.”
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Bad Analogies from high school essays . . .

~ He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.
~ The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.
~ Her date was pleasant enough, but she knew that if her life was a movie this guy would be buried in the credits as something like “Second Tall Man.”

~ Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. travelling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.

~ The red brick wall was the color of a brick-red Crayola crayon.
~ John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.
~ The thunder was ominous-sounding, much like the sound of a thin sheet of metal being shaken backstage during the storm scene in a play.
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TODAY IN TRIVIA: What is International Francophonie Day about? This holiday is observed within the International Organization of La Francophonie’s 77 member states every March 20 to celebrate the French language and Francophone (a person who speaks French) culture.

~ What is Bock Beer? This beverage is basically a strong and sweet (by European standards) German Lager – and several sub-styles exist within the Bock family.

~ How is Bock Beer made? The strongest and most intense version in the Bock family, the Eisbock, is crafted by partially freezing the brew and then removing the melted ice that forms.

~ Why do we celebrate World Flour Day? This holiday is to recognize the importance of flour in our daily diets and our health. In every part of the world, products made from flour provide daily sustenance for billions of people.

Flour is the main ingredient in delicious foods like pasta, cakes, pastries, bread, and biscuits. For thousands of years, humans have consumed grains ground into flour.
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QUIP OF THE DAY: I was gong to wear my camouflage shirt today, but I couldn’t find it.

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . . History has repeatedly been changed by people who had the desire and the ability to transfer their convictions and emotions to their listeners. – Dale Carnegie

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