I have a simple philosophy: Fill what’s empty. Empty what’s full. Scratch where it itches. – Alice Roosevelt Longworth
TODAY – MARCH 21st
80th day of the year (81st in leap years) with 285 days to follow.
Holidays for Today:
~ Credit Card Reduction Day
~ Education Freedom Day
~ International Colour Day
~ International Day for the Elimination of Racial Discrimination
~ International Day of Forests
~ National Crunchy Taco Day
~ National Fragrance Day
~ World Down Syndrome Day
~ World Poetry Day
~ World Puppetry Day
BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:
- 1685 Johann Sebastian Bach, German composer
- 1768 Joseph Fourier, French mathematician (investigation of Fourier series and their applications to problems of heat transfer and vibrations)
- 1904 Forrest Mars, Sr., Wadena, Minnesota, candy maker (created M&M’s and Mars bar)
- 1910 Julio Gallo, Oakland, California, businessman (co-founded E & J Gallo Winery)
- 1921 Logan Ramsey, Long Beach, California, actor (Star Trek, Mission Impossible, Hawaii Five-O, M*A*S*H, Mork & Mindy, Battlestar Galactica)
- 1944 Timothy Dalton, Colwyn Bay Wales, actor (James Bond in Living Daylights, License to Kill; Scarlett, The Rocketeer, Penny Dreadful)
- 1958 Gary Oldman, English actor (The Fifth Element, Lost in Space, Harry Potter (Sirius Black), The Dark Knight, Darkest Hour)
- 1962 Matthew Broderick, New York, New York, actor (Simba/Lion King, Inspector Gadget, Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, WarGames, Biloxi Blues, American Crime Story)
- 1974 Laura Allen, Portland, Oregon, actress (The 4400, Dirt, Awake, Ravenswood, Clown)
- 1986 Scott Eastwood, Monterey, California, actor (Flags of Our Fathers, Gran Torino, Invictus, Fury, The Longest Ride, Pacific Rim Uprising) and producer
Life isn’t worth living unless you’re willing to take some big chances and go for broke. – Eliot Wiggington
- 1928 Charles Lindbergh is presented the Medal of Honor by President Coolidge for his first trans-Atlantic flight.
- 1952 Alan Freed presents the Moondog Coronation Ball, the first rock and roll concert, in Cleveland, Ohio.
- 1963 Alcatraz, a federal penitentiary on an island in San Francisco Bay, closes (see trivia).
- 1965 NASA launches Ranger 9 which is the last in a series of unmanned lunar space probes.
- 1965 Martin Luther King Jr. leads 3,200 people on the start of the third and finally successful civil rights march from Selma to Montgomery, Alabama.
- 1970 The first Earth Day proclamation is issued by San Francisco Mayor Joseph Alioto.
- 1970 Vinko Bogataj crashes during a ski-jumping championship in Germany; his image becomes that of the “agony of defeat guy” in the opening credits of ABC’s Wide World of Sports.
- 1980 US President Jimmy Carter announces a United States boycott of the 1980 Summer Olympics in Moscow to protest the Soviet Invasion of Afghanistan.
- 1980 On the season finale of the soap opera Dallas, the infamous character J.R. Ewing is shot by an unseen assailant, leading to the catchphrase “Who shot J.R.?”
- 1999 Bertrand Piccard and Brian Jones become the first to circumnavigate the Earth in a hot air balloon.
- 2006 Social media site Twitter is founded.
Doctor: I have some bad news and some very bad news.
Patient: Well, might as well give me the bad news first.
Doctor: The lab called with your test results. They said you have 24 hours to live.
Patient: 24 HOURS! That’s terrible!! WHAT could be WORSE? What’s the very bad news?
Doctor: I’ve been trying to reach you since yesterday.
An Elderly couple was celebrating their sixtieth anniversary. The couple had married as childhood sweethearts and had moved back to their old neighborhood after they retired.
Holding hands they walked back to their old school. It was not locked, so they entered, and found the old desk they’d shared where Andy had carved ‘I love you, Sally.’
On their way back home, a bag of money fell out of an armored car, practically landing at their feet. Sally quickly picked it up, but not sure what to do with it, they took it home. There, she counted the money: fifty-thousand dollars!
Andy said, ‘We’ve got to give it back.’
Sally said, ‘Finders keepers.’
She put the money back in the bag and hid it in their attic. The next day, two FBI men were canvassing the neighborhood looking for the money and knocked on the door.
‘Pardon me, but did either of you find a bag that fell out of an armored car yesterday?’
Sally said, ‘No.’
Andy said, ‘She’s lying. She hid it up in the attic.’
Sally said, ‘Don’t believe him, he’s getting senile.’
The agents turn to Andy and began to question him.
One says: ‘Tell us the story from the beginning’
Andy said, ‘Well, when Sally and I were walking home from school yesterday . . ..’
The first FBI guy turns to his partner and says, ‘We’re outta here.’
~ Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
~ A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
~ As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.
~ Laugh alone and the world thinks you’re an idiot.
~ Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let her sleep.
~ The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the ability to reach it.
~ You can’t have everything; where would you put it?
Joan went to a psychiatrist. “Doc,” she said, “I’ve got big troubles. Every time I get into bed, I think there’s somebody under it. Am I going crazy?”
“Just put yourself in my hands for one year,” said the shrink, “Come to me three times a week, and I’ll cure your fears.”
“How much do you charge?”
“A hundred dollars per visit.”
“I’ll sleep on it,” said Joan. six months later the doctor met Joan on the street.
“Why didn’t you ever come to see me again?” asked the psychiatrist.
“For a hundred bucks a visit? No way! Instead, I went on one of those ‘Dude Ranch’ vacations, and an old cowboy cured me for the price of a bottle of whiskey.”
“Is that so! How?”
“He told me to cut the legs off the bed!
pic of the day: Alcatraz Prison Complex in San Francisco Bay
WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!
A snail bought himself a snazzy fast car but took it in to get a more eye catching color. At the car paint shop, he asked that the car be painted neon yellow and have a large red ‘S’ printed on each side.
Confused, the worker asked, “Why a big ‘S’?”
Grinning, the snail replied, “When people see me drive past, they’ll notice and say, ‘Hey, look at that ‘S’ car go!’”
A minister parked his car in a no-parking zone in a large city because he was short of time and couldn’t find a space with a meter. Then he put a note under the windshield wiper that read:
“I have circled the block 10 times. If I don’t park here, I’ll miss my appointment. FORGIVE US OUR TRESPASSES.”
When he returned, he found a citation from a police officer along with this note.
“I’ve circled this block for 10 years. If I don’t give you a ticket, I’ll lose my job.
God was missing for six days. Eventually, Michael, the archangel, found him, resting on the seventh day.
He inquired of God, “Where have you been?”
God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction, and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds,
“Look, Michael. Look what I’ve made.”
Archangel Michael looked puzzled, and said, “What is it?”
“It’s a planet,” replied God, “and I’ve put Life on it. I’m going to call it Earth and it’s going to be a great place of balance.”
“Balance?” inquired Michael, still confused. God explained, pointing to different parts of earth.
“For example, northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth, while southern Europe is going to be poor. Over there I’ve placed a continent of white people, and over there is a continent of black people. Balance in all things.”
God continued pointing to different countries. “This one will be extremely hot, while this one will be very cold and covered in ice.” The Archangel, impressed by God’s work, then pointed to a land area and said,”What’s that one?”
“Ah,” said God, “That’s Washington State, the most glorious place on earth. There are beautiful mountains, rivers and streams, lakes, forests, hills, plains, and coulees. The people from Washington State are going to be handsome, modest, intelligent, and humorous, and they are going to be found traveling the world. They will be extremely sociable, hardworking, high achieving, and they will be known throughout the world as diplomats, and carriers of peace.”
Michael gasped in wonder and admiration, but then proclaimed, “What about balance, God? You said there would be balance.”
God smiled, “There is another Washington…wait until you see the idiots I put there.”
New Orleans lawyer sought an FHA loan for a client. He was told the loan would be granted if he could prove satisfactory title to a parcel of property being offered as collateral. The title to the property dated back to 1803, which took the Lawyer three months to track down.
After sending the information to the FHA, he received the following reply:
“Upon review of your letter adjoining your client’s loan application, we note that the request is supported by an Abstract of Title. While we compliment the able manner in which you have prepared and presented the application, we must point out that you have only cleared title to the proposed collateral property back to 1803. Before final approval can be accorded, it will be necessary to clear the title back to its origin.”
Annoyed, the lawyer responded as follows:
“Your letter regarding title in Case No. 189156 has been received. I note that you wish to have title extended further than the 194 years covered by the present application. I was unaware that any educated person in this country, particularly those working in the property area, would not know that Louisiana was purchased, by the U.S., from France in 1803, the year of origin identified in our application.
For the edification of uninformed FHA bureaucrats, the title to the land prior to U.S. ownership was obtained from France, which had acquired it by Right of Conquest from Spain. The land came into the possession of Spain by Right of Discovery made in the year 1492 by a sea captain named Christopher Columbus, who had been granted the privilege of seeking a new route to India by the Spanish monarch, Isabella. The good queen, Isabella, being pious woman and almost as careful about titles as the FHA, took the precaution of securing the blessing of the Pope before she sold her jewels to finance Columbus’ expedition.
Now the Pope, as I’m sure you may know, is the emissary of Jesus Christ, the Son of God, and God, it is commonly accepted, created this world. Therefore, I believe it is safe to presume that God also made that part of the world called Louisiana. God, therefore, would be the owner of origin and His origins date back, to before the beginning of time, the world as we know it AND the FHA. I hope you at the FHA find God’s original claim to be satisfactory.
Now, may we have our loan?”
The loan was approved.
TODAY IN TRIVIA: How many wardens did Alcatraz Prison have? There were four: James A. Johnston (1934–48), Edwin B. Swope (1948–55), Paul J. Madigan (1955–61), and Olin G. Blackwell (1961–63).
~ When was Alcatraz Prison in operation? Alcatraz was in use as a prison from August 11, 1934, until March 21, 1963.
~ What was the main purpose of Alcatraz? Alcatraz was designed to hold prisoners who continuously caused trouble at other federal prisons.
~ How many prisoners were at Alcatraz? Over the years, Alcatraz had some 1,576 of America’s most ruthless criminals including Al Capone, Robert Franklin Stroud (the “Birdman of Alcatraz”), George “Machine Gun” Kelly, Bumpy Johnson, Rafael Cancel Miranda, Mickey Cohen, Arthur R. “Doc” Barker, Whitey Bulger, and Alvin “Creepy” Karpis.
QUIP OF THE DAY: The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly and lie about your age. – Lucille Ball
THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!
Thought for the day. . . When all else is lost, the future still remains. – Christian Bovee