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March 22nd

The tragedy of life doesn’t lie in not reaching your goal. The tragedy lies in having no goals to reach. – Benjamin Mays


TODAY – MARCH 22nd

81st day of the year (82nd in leap years) with 284 days to follow.

Holidays for Today:
~ National Bavarian Crepes Day
~ National Goof Off Day
~ World Water Day
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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1908 Louis D L’Amour, Jamestown, North Dakota, author (Hondo, Jubal Sackett)
  • 1913 Karl Malden, Chicago, Illinois, actor (A Streetcar Named Desire, How The West Was One, PattonStreets of San Francisco)
  • 1931 William Shatner, Montréal Canada, American actor (Captain Kirk in Star Trek, T J Hooker, The Practice, Boston Legal, $#*! My Dad Says) / author (William Shatner War Chronicles, Breaking Ground / Tek Wars)
  • 1935 M[ichael] Emmet Walsh, Ogdensburg, New York, actor (Wildcats, War Party, Blade Runner, Blood Simple, Home Improvement, Killer Image, Christmas with the Kranks)
  • 1947 James Patterson, Newburgh, New York, author (Women’s Murder Club, Maximum Ride, Daniel X, and Witch & Wizard series )
  • 1959 Matthew Modine, Loma Linda, California, actor (Full Metal Jacket, Vision Quest, Pacific Heights, 47 Metres Down, Stranger Things)
  • 1975 Anne Dudek, Massachusetts, actress (White Chicks, Big Love, House, Covert Affairs, Mad Men, Those Who Kill, The Magicians, Corporate)
  • 1976 Reese Witherspoon, New Orleans, Louisiana, actress (Legally Blonde, Walk the Line, Sweet Home Alabama, Monsters vs. Aliens, Water for Elephants, Big Little Lies, A Wrinkle in Time)
  • 1988 Tania Raymonde, Los Angeles, California, actress (Lost, Trail, The Last Ship, Goliath)
  • 1995 Nick Robinson, Seattle, Washington, actor (Melissa & Joey, The Kings of Summer, Jurassic World,  The 5th Wave)

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Be not afraid of life. Believe that life is worth living, and your belief will help you create the fact. – William James
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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1765 Stamp Act passed: 1st direct British tax on colonists.
  • 1871 In North Carolina, William Woods Holden becomes the first governor of a U.S. state to be removed from office by impeachment.
  • 1960 Arthur Leonard Schawlow and Charles Hard Townes receive the first patent for a laser.
  • 1975 A fire at the Browns Ferry Nuclear Power Plant in Decatur, Alabama causes a dangerous reduction in cooling water levels.
  • 1981 1st class postage raised from 15¢ to 18¢.
  • 1982 NASA’s Space Shuttle Columbia is launched from the Kennedy Space Center on its third mission, STS-3.
  • 1997 Comet Hale-Bopp Closest Approach to Earth (1.315 AU).
  • 2006 Three Christian Peacemaker Team hostages are freed by British forces in Baghdad after 118 days of captivity and the death of their colleague, American Tom Fox.
  • 2009 Mount Redoubt, a volcano in Alaska begins erupting after a prolonged period of unrest.

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A man in Topeka, Kansas, decided to write a book about churches around the country. He started by flying to San Francisco, and started working east from there. Going to a very large church, he began taking photographs and making notes. He spotted a golden telephone on the vestibule wall and was intrigued with a sign which read “$10,000 a minute.” Seeking out the pastor he asked about the phone.

The pastor answered that this golden phone is, in fact, a direct line to Heaven and if he pays the price he can talk directly to God.

The man thanked the pastor and continued on his way. As he continued to visit churches in Seattle, Austin, Michigan, Chicago, Milwaukee, and all around the United States, he found more phones, with the same sign, and got the same answer from each pastor.

Finally, he arrived in Kalispell, Montana. Upon entering a church in this Northern area of Montana, behold, he saw the usual golden telephone. But THIS time, the sign read “Calls: 25 cents.”

Fascinated, he asked to talk to the pastor. “Reverend, I have been in cities all across the country and in each church, I have found this golden telephone and have been told it is a direct line to Heaven and that I could talk to God, but, in the other churches the cost was $10,000 a minute. Your sign reads 25 cents a call. Why?”

The pastor, smiling, replied,
“Son, you’re in Montana now. This is God’s country… and it’s a local call.”
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A man decided that he was going to ride a 10-speed bike from Phoenix to Flagstaff. He got as far as Black Canyon City before the mountains just became to much and he could go no farther.

He stuck his thumb out, but after 3 hours hadn’t gotten a single person to stop.

Finally, a guy in a Corvette pulled over and offered him a ride. Of course, the bike wouldn’t fit in the car. The owner of the Corvette found a piece of rope lying by the highway, and tied it to his bumper. He then tied the other end to the bike and told the rider that he would drive slow.

Everything went fine for the first 30 miles.

Suddenly, another Corvette blew past them. Not to be outdone, the Corvette pulling the bike took off after the other.

A short distance down the road, the Corvettes, both going well over 120 mph, blew through a speed trap.

The police officer noted the speeds from his radar gun and radioed ahead to the another officer that he had two Corvettes headed his way at over 120 mph.

He then relayed, “…and you’re not going to believe this, but there’s a guy on a 10 speed bike yelling to pass.”
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ONE-LINERS: 10 Laws of Computing

1) The more acronyms on a page, the harder the topic is to understand.

2) Inside every program is a small module struggling to find a life of its own.

3) Developeritus. Developers get their programs working perfectly on their machines, but they forget that their potential customers may have very different computer environments.

4) Computer project teams avoid monthly progress reporting because it demonstrates their lack of progress.

5) Program complexity grows until it exceeds the abilities of the programmer who must maintain it.

6) You will never solve any computer problem if you are in a bad mood.

7) When troubleshooting computer problems, people always assume that problem is the most obscure combination possible. Whereas, in reality the fault is invariably the simplest fault.

8) Every computer program expands to fill all the available memory.

9) If a computer supplier says a part is interchangeable, for example tape drives – they lie.

10) Remember that your computer makes as many mistakes in two pico seconds as fifty men working for a years.
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George goes to the Birth Registration Office to register his newborn son.
The man behind the counter asks the name he wants to give to the boy, and the father replies: “Euro.”

The man says that such a name is not acceptable, because it’s a currency.
Says George: “What? There weren’t any objections when I called my first two sons Mark and Frank.”
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pic of the day: That’s close enough Dog!

cat and English Shepherd dog
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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

Q: What’s a cannibal’s favorite type of TV show?
A: A celebrity roast
—–
Q: What sign did the real estate agent put in the yard of the Old Woman Who Lived In A Shoe?
A: “Soled”
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Visitors to Cuba are often Havana good time.
—–
“How was the auction at the funeral parlor?”
“It was more bid.”
—–
The neurosurgeon operated on the wrong side of my brain. I have half a mind to sue him.
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Computer novices may feel like they’re alone these days, but the following call to IBM’s help center show there are plenty of people out there who still are inching onto the information superhighway.

After a caller gave a technician her PC’s serial number, he scanned a database of registered users and responded, “I see you have an Aptiva desktop unit.”

Before he could say another word, the caller shrieked and said she’d be right back. When the customer returned, the technician asked if she was all right. The caller responded: “Had I realized you could see me, I never would have telephoned in my bathrobe.”
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Judge to the court, at the start of a case: “I have to declare an interest in this case. Last week, the plaintiff sent me a check for $10,000 to find in his favor.

Two days later, I received $20,000 from the defendant to find in his favor.
I have therefore sent $10,000 back to the defendant and can try the case without bias.”
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A woman goes to the local psychic in hopes of contacting her dearly departed grandmother. The psychic’s eyelids begin fluttering, her voice begins warbling, her hands float up above the table, and she begins moaning.
Eventually, a coherent voice emanates, saying, “Granddaughter? Are you there?”

The customer, wide-eyed and on the edge of her seat, responds, “Grandmother? Is that you?”
“Yes granddaughter, it’s me.”

“It’s really, really you, grandmother?” the woman repeats.
“Yes, it’s really me, granddaughter.”

The woman looks puzzled, “You’re sure it’s you, grandmother?”
“Yes, granddaughter, I’m sure it’s me.”

The woman pauses a moment, “Grandmother, I have just one question for you.”
“Anything, my child.”

“Grandmother, when did you learn to speak English?”
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TODAY IN TRIVIA: Where is the world’s largest yo-yo? The world’s largest yo-yo resides in the National YoYo Museum in Chico, California. Named “Big Yo,” the 256-pound yoyo is an exact scale replica of a Tom Kuhn “No Jive 3 in 1 YoYo.” Fifty inches tall and 31.5 inches wide, the yo-yo is made of California sugar pine, baltic birch from the former USSR, and hardrock maple. It was first launched in San Francisco on October 13, 1979.

~ How much was John’s white suit worth? John Travolta’s famous white suit from the film Saturday Night Fever (1977) sold at auction for an incredible $145,500 in 1995.

~ Who pushed Chuck Norris into acting? Actor Steve McQueen encouraged his karate teacher to pursue a career in acting. The teacher? Chuck Norris. McQueen is quoted as telling Norris, “If you can’t do anything else, there’s always acting.”
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QUIP OF THE DAY: I’d like to help you out today. Which way did you come in?

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . . A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing. – George Bernard Shaw

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