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March 24th

Somebody should tell us, right at the start of our lives, that we are dying. Then we might live life to the limit, every minute of every day. Do it! I say. Whatever you want to do, do it now! – Michael Landon


TODAY – MARCH 24th

83rd day of the year (84th in leap years) with 282 days to follow.

Holidays for Today:
~ International Houdini Day
~ National Cheesesteak Day
~ National Chocolate Covered Raisin Day
~ World TB (Tuberculosis) Day
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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1820 Fanny Crosby, Putnam County, New York, poet, rescue mission worker, hymnist (Blessed Assurance, To God be the Glory, Near the Cross)
  • 1834 John Wesley Powell, Mount Morris, New York, geologist/explorer of Colorado River, environmentalist, second director of the US Geological Survey
  • 1855 Andrew W. Mellon, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, banker, financier, and diplomat, 49th United States Secretary of the Treasury
  • 1874 Harry Houdini [Erik Weisz], Budapest Hungary, magician/escape artist
  • 1886 Edward Weston, Highland Park, Illinois, photographer (pioneer “precise & sharp representation”)
  • 1893 George Sisler, Manchester, Ohio, baseball player (mostly 1st baseman for St. Louis Browns. From 1920-2004 held MLB record for most hits in a single season)
  • 1897 Wilhelm Reich, Austrian-US psychoanalyst (character analysis)
  • 1911 Joseph Barbera, New York, New York, animator/cartoonist (Hanna-Barbera)
  • 1930 Steve McQueen, Slater, Missouri, actor (Wanted, Dead or Alive, Blob, Bullitt)
  • 1934 William Smith, Columbia, Missouri, actor (Laredo, Any Which Way You Can, Conan the Barbarian, The Outsiders, Island of Witches; last Malboro man)
  • 1951 Tommy Hilfiger, Elmira, New York, fashion designer
  • 1954 Robert Carradine, Hollywood, California, actor (The Cowboys, Cannonball, Coming Home, Wavelength, Revenge of the Nerds, Lizzie McGuire, Jesse Stone: Benefit of the Doubt, King of the Nerds)
  • 1954 Donna Pescow, Brooklyn, NY, actress and director (Angie, Out of This World, Even Stevens, One Sung Hero, Holiday Road Trip)
  • 1965 Peter Jacobson, Chicago, Illinois, actor (House, The Starter Wife, Transformers 2, The Midnight Meat Train, Cars 2, White House Down, Ray Donovan)
  • 1970 Lara Flynn Boyle, Davenport, Iowa, actress (Twin Peaks, The Practice, Men in Black II, Huff, Las Vegas)
  • 1976 Peyton Manning, New Orleans, Louisiana, football quarterback (Indianapolis Colts (1998-2011), Denver Bronocos (2012-2015))
  • 1977 Olivia Burnette, San Clemente, California, actress (The Torkelsons/Almost Home, Quantum Leap, Sons of Anarchy)
  • 1979 Lake Bell, New York City, New York, actress (It’s Complicated, Shrek Forever After, Burning Palms, Little Murder, How To Make It In America, No Escape)

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An excuse is worse and more terrible than a lie, for an excuse is a lie guarded. – Pope John Paul I
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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1882 Robert Koch announces the discovery of the bacterium responsible for tuberculosis (mycobacterium tuberculosis).
  • 1944 In an event later dramatized in the movie The Great Escape, 76 prisoners begin breaking out of Stalag Luft III during WWII.
  • 1965 NASA spacecraft Ranger 9, equipped to convert its signals into a form suitable for showing on domestic television, brings images of the Moon into ordinary homes before crash landing.
  • 1972 The United Kingdom imposes direct rule over Northern Ireland.
  • 1976 In Argentina, the armed forces overthrow the constitutional government of President Isabel Perón and start a 7-year dictatorial period self-styled the National Reorganization Process. Since 2006, a public holiday known as Day of Remembrance for Truth and Justice is held on this day.
  • 1989 Exxon Valdez oil spill: In Prince William Sound in Alaska, the Exxon Valdez spills 240,000 barrels (42,000 m³) of petroleum after running aground.
  • 1993 Discovery of Comet Shoemaker-Levy 9.
  • 1998 Jonesboro massacre: Mitchell Johnson and Andrew Golden, aged 11 and 13 respectively, fire upon teachers and students at Westside Middle School in Jonesboro, Arkansas; five people are killed and ten are wounded.
  • 1998 A tornado sweeps through Dantan in India killing 250 people and injuring 3000 others.
  • 1999 Kosovo War: NATO commences air bombardment against Yugoslavia, marking the first time NATO has attacked a sovereign country.
  • 2000 S&P 500 index reaches an intraday high of 1,552.87, a peak that, due to the collapse of the dot-com bubble, it will not reach again for another seven-and-a-half years.
  • 2001 Apple Inc. releases the first version of the Mac OS X operating system .
  • 2003 The Arab League votes 21-1 in favor of a resolution demanding the immediate and unconditional removal of U.S. and British soldiers from Iraq.

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US tourists, a man and his wife are traveling in the Middle East. An Arab approaches the husband, saying, “I’ll give you 100 camels for your woman.”

After a long silence, the husband says, “She’s not for sale.”

The indignant wife says, “What took you so long to answer?”

The husband replied, “I was trying to figure out how to get 100 camels back home.”
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A Yuppie was sent a ransom note saying that he was to bring $50,000 to the 17th hole of the country club at 10 o’clock the next day if he ever wanted to see his wife alive again.

He didn’t arrive until almost 12:30. A masked man stepped out from behind some bushes and growled, “What took ya so long ? You’re over two hours late.”

“Hey ! Give me a break.” whined the Yuppie. “I have a 27 handicap.”
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ONE-LINERS: Interesting Ideas

— I had amnesia once — or twice.
— Protons have mass? I didn’t even know they were Catholic.
— I planted some birdseed. A bird came up. Now I don’t know what to feed it.

— What is a “free” gift? Aren’t all gifts free?
— They told me I was gullible… and I believed them.
— Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home and, when he grows up, he’ll never be able to merge his car onto a freeway.

— What if there were no hypothetical questions?
— Two can live as cheaply as one, for half as long.
— Experience is the thing you have left when everything else is gone.

— A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.
— One nice thing about egotists: They don’t talk about other people.
— When the only tool you own is a hammer, every problem begins to look like a nail.
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I overheard a conversation during lunch today. It was between a young woman and an older woman who, I assumed, was her mother.
“I haven’t slept in three days,” said the younger woman. “The baby is teething and he’s up all night, crying.”

“Why don’t you just rub a thimble full of brandy on his gums?” asked the older woman. “That will numb those teeth up and put him right to sleep,” she went on to explain.
“I can’t give the baby alcohol! Lord knows what that will do to him!” protested the daughter.

“Well, it never hurt you any.”
The look on the daughter’s face was priceless.
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Little Emily was at her first wedding and gaped at the entire ceremony. When it was over, she asked her mother, “Why did the lady change her mind?”

Her mother asked, “What do you mean?”
“Well, she went down the aisle with one man and came back with another one.”
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pic of the day: Galesburg Railroad Museum yard in IL


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Leaving Minnesota for Colorado, I decide to make a stop at one of those rest areas on the side of the road. I go in the washroom. The first stall was taken so I went in the second stall. I just sat down when I hear a voice from the next stall…
– “Hi there, how is it going?”

Okay, I am not the type to strike conversations with strangers in washrooms on the side of the road. I didn’t know what to say so finally I say:
– “Not bad…”

Then the voice says:
– “So, what are you doing?”

I am starting to find that a bit weird, but I say:
– “Well, I’m going back to Colorado…”

Then I hear the person say all flustered:
– “Look I’ll call you back, every time I ask you a question this idiot in the next stall keeps answering me.”
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A fellow was very much in love with a beautiful girl. One day she told him that the next day was her birthday. He told her he would send her a bouquet of roses… one for each year of her life.

That evening he called the local florist and ordered twenty-one roses with instructions that they be delivered first thing the next morning.

As the florist was preparing the order, he decided that since the young man was such a good customer, he would put an extra dozen roses in the bouquet.

The fellow never did find out what made the young girl so angry with him.
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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

~ Q: Why don’t snakes drink coffee?
A: Makes them viperactive.

~ Q: What do you get when you cross a high, backless chair with a quail?
A: A stool pigeon.

~ Q: Why was Cinderella a lousy football player?
A: She had a pumpkin for a coach.

~ A termite walks into a bar and asks, “Is the bar tender here?”
~ YELLOW: I’ll do it for you, but YELLOW me a favor.
~ The Fighting Irish got a Ford Focus for the football team.
It became known as The Hatchback of Notre Dame.
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Golden Oldie… A senior citizen in Florida bought a brand new Mercedes convertible. He took off down the road, flooring it to 80 mph and enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left on his head.

“This is great,” he thought as he roared down I-75. He pushed the pedal to the metal even more. Then he looked in his rear view mirror and saw a highway patrol trooper behind him, blue lights flashing and siren blaring.

“I can get away from him with no problem,” thought the man and he tromped it some more and flew down the road at over 100 mph. Then 110, 120 mph!

Then he thought, “What am I doing? I’m too old for this kind of thing.” He pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the trooper to catch up with him.

The trooper pulled in behind the Mercedes and walked up to the man. “Sir,” he said, looking at his watch. “My shift ends in 30 minutes and today is Friday. If you can give me a reason why you were speeding that I’ve never heard before, I’ll let you go.”

The man looked at the trooper and said, “Years ago my wife ran off with a Florida state trooper, and I thought you were bringing her back.”

The trooper replied, “Sir, have a nice day.”
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GOLDEN OLDIE LATE NIGHT QUIPS. . .

* A lawmaker in Nevada just introduced a new bill that would provide pets with medical marijuana. Weed for pets. Which raises the question: Is it possible for cats to sleep 25 hours a day? Is that possible? – Jimmy Fallon

* Blackberry and Samsung are working together on a new project to build a high-security tablet. The way it works is this: It says “Blackberry” on the back and nobody wants to steal it. – Seth Meyers
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FUNNY COP QUOTES. . .

~ “Just how big were those two beers?”
~ “And if you run, you’ll only go to jail tired.”
~ “The handcuffs are tight because they’re new. They’ll stretch out after you wear them awhile.”

~ “Life’s tough, it’s tougher if you’re stupid.”
~ “Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven.”
~ “So, you don’t know how fast you were going. Well, I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?”

~ “The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or dog?”
~ “Warning! You want a warning? Okay, I’m warning you not to do that again or I’ll give you ANOTHER ticket.”
~ “No sir, we don’t have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas, but now we’re allowed to write as many tickets as we want.”
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A guy was hitch-hiking on a very dark and stormy night. The night was getting on and no cars went by. Suddenly he saw a car roll slowly toward him and stop.

Without thinking about it, the guy jumped into the back seat and closed the door when he suddenly realized there was nobody behind the wheel! Just then the car started slowly rolling forward again. He was beginning to get really freaked out when he noticed a curve in the road ahead. He was just thinking about climbing into the front seat when a hand mysteriously appeared through the window and moved the wheel.

The guy, paralyzed in terror, watched how the hand appeared every time right before a curve.

Gathering his courage, the guy finally jumped out of the car and ran to the nearest town. Wet and in shock, he went to a restaurant and started telling everybody about the horrible experience he just went through.

About half an hour later, two guys walked into the same restaurant. They were looking around for a table when one said to the other, “Hey, look, isn’t that the jerk who got in the car when we were pushing it?”
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TODAY’S TRIVIA: What is the Pullman Meath? This is Car CB&Q 2645, The Meath, was built in January 1921. It was a classic Pullman-Parlor car containing 12 Sections, each having upper and lower berths, plus 1 drawing room. (Shown in photo above)

~ How many Pullman train cars were there? This type of railroad car made up 4000 of the nearly 10,000 cars in the Pullman fleet in the peak year of 1931.

~ What was the typical car like? The interior was highly lacquered in tones of gray and light green. Semi compartment sections contained winged seats patterned after colonial fireside armchairs. The upholstery and carpet were pearl green with rose undertones in oriental patterns. Oversized dressing rooms contained individual shaving mirrors for men and quaint Jeffersonian prinking seats for women. (Galesburg Railroad Museum)
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QUIP OF THE DAY: “He was a great patriot, a humanitarian, and a loyal friend; provided, of course, he really is dead.” – Voltaire

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . . A man at work, making something which he feels will exist because he is working at it and wills it, is exercising the energies of his mind and soul as well as of his body. Memory and imagination help him as he works. – William Morris

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