Your life is an occasion. Rise to it. – Suzanne Weyn
TODAY – MARCH 26th
85th day of the year (86th in leap years) with 280 days to follow.
Holidays for Today:
~ Epilepsy Awareness Day / Purple Day
~ Make Up Your Own Holiday Day
~ National Nougat Day
~ National Spinach Day
~ Prince Kūhiō Day (holiday in Hawaii)
BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:
- 1753 Benjamin Thompson, Woburn, Massachusetts, physicist and inventor (known for Thermodynamics)
- 1773 Nathaniel Bowditch, Salem, Massachusetts, mathematician and navigator (credited as the founder of modern maritime navigation; his book The New American Practical Navigator)
- 1874 Robert Frost, San Francisco, California, poet (The Road Not Taken, Mending Wall, Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening)
- 1904 Joseph Campbell, White Plains, New York, author (best known for work in comparative mythology and comparative religion)
- 1911 Tennessee Williams, Columbus, Mississippi, playwright (The Rose Tattoo, A Streetcar Named Desire, Cat on a Hot Tin Roof)
- 1930 Sandra Day O’Connor, El Paso, Texas, jurist (1st woman on Supreme Court of U.S.)
- 1931 Leonard Nimoy, Boston, Massachusetts, actor and director (Spock on Star Trek; Mission Impossible, In Search Of.., Civilization IV; Sentinel Prime voice on Transformers: Dark of the Moon)
- 1934 Alan Arkin, Brooklyn, New York, actor (Wait Until Dark, The Heart is a Lonely Hunter, Catch-22, Edward Scissorhands, Marley & Me, Little Miss Sunshine)
- 1940 James Caan, The Bronx, New York, actor (The Godfather, A Bridge Too Far, Brian’s Song, Elf, El Dorado, Big Ed on Las Vegas)
- 1944 Diana Ross, Detroit, Michigan, singer (Supremes)
- 1946 Johnny Crawford, Los Angeles, California, actor (The Rifleman, Mouseketeer, Indian Paint, El Dorado)
- 1949 Vicki Lawrence, Inflewood, California, actress and singer (The Carol Burnett Show, Mama’s Family)
- 1950 Martin Short, Canadian comedian and actor (Three Amigos, Mars Attacks!, Father of the Bride)
- 1957 Leeza Gibbons, Hartsville, South Carolina, television host (Hollywood Confidential; Dancing with the Stars 2007)
- 1960 Jennifer Grey, New York, New York, actress (Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, Dirty Dancing; Dancing with the Stars season 11)
- 1962 Eric Allan Kramer, Grand Rapids, Michigan, actor (Little John in Robin Hood: Men in Tights, The Hughleys, Good Luck Charlie)
- 1966 Michael Imperioli, Mount Vernon, New York, actor (The Sopranos, Law & Order, Life on Mars)
- 1973 Lawrence E. Page, Lansing, Michigan, search engine designer (co-founder of Google)
- 1992 Haley Ramm, Collin County, Texas, actress (X-Men: The Last Stand)
Life isn’t tied with a bow, but it’s still a gift. – Regina Brett
- 1958 The United States Army launches Explorer 3.
- 1967 Ten thousand people gather for one of many Central Park be-ins in New York City.
- 1971 East Pakistan declares its independence from Pakistan to form People’s Republic of Bangladesh and the Bangladesh Liberation War begins.
- 1979 Anwar al-Sadat, Menachem Begin and Jimmy Carter sign the Israel-Egypt Peace Treaty in Washington, D.C..
- 1982 A groundbreaking ceremony for the Vietnam Veterans Memorial is held in Washington, D.C..
- 1997 Thirty-nine bodies are found in the Heaven’s Gate cult suicides.
- 1999 The “Melissa worm” infects Microsoft word processing and e-mail systems around the world.
- 1999 A jury in Michigan finds Dr. Jack Kevorkian guilty of second-degree murder for administering a lethal injection to a terminally ill man.
- 2001 World Championship Wrestling is purchased by the World Wrestling Federation.
- 2005 The Taiwanese government calls on 1 million Taiwanese to demonstrate in Taipei, in opposition to the Anti-Secession Law of the People’s Republic of China. Around 200,000 to 300,000 attend the demonstration.
A minister had just finished an excellent fried chicken dinner at the home of a congregation member when he saw a rooster come strutting through the yard.
“That’s certainly a proud-looking rooster,” the minister commented.
“Yes, sir,” replied the farmer. “He has reason to be proud — one of his sons just entered the ministry.”
Well now, you see it’s like this….
A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the rear that are killed. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole because only the fittest survive thus improving the general health and speed of the entire herd.
In much the same way the human brain only operates as quickly as the slowest of it’s brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol kills brain cells, as we all know, and naturally the alcohol attacks the slowest/weakest cells first….
So it is as plain as the nose on your face that regular consumption of Guinness will eliminate the weaker, slower brain cells thus leaving the remaining cells the best in the brain.
The end result, of course, is a faster more efficient brain.
If you doubt this at all, tell me, isn’t it true that we always feel a bit smarter after a few pints?
ONE-LINERS: CHILD REARING Q&A
Q. Should I have a baby after 35?
A. No, 35 children is enough.
Q. I’m two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
A. With any luck, right after he finishes college.
Q. How will I know if my vomiting is morning sickness or the flu?
A. If it’s the flu, you’ll get better.
GOLDEN OLDIE… Did you hear about the lawyer on vacation whose sailboat capsized in dangerous, shark-infested waters? He surprised his traveling companions by volunteering to swim to the far-off shore for help.
As he swam, his companions were startled by the appearance of two dorsal fins — great white sharks, heading straight toward the lawyer. To their surprise, the sharks allowed the lawyer to take hold of their fins, and escorted him safely to shore.
When the lawyer returned with help, his companions asked him how he had managed such an incredible feat. The lawyer answered, “Professional courtesy.”
The farmer’s son was returning from the market with the crate of chicken’s his father had entrusted to him, when all of a sudden the box fell and broke open. Chickens scurried off in different directions, but the determined boy walked all over the neighborhood scooping up the wayward birds and returning them to the repaired crate. Hoping he had found them all, the boy reluctantly returned home, expecting the worst.
“Pa, the chickens got loose,” the boy confessed sadly, “but I managed to find all twelve of them.”
“Well, you did real good, son,” the farmer beamed. “You left with seven.”
It can buy you a House,
But not a Home.
It can buy you a Bed,
But not Sleep.
It can buy you a Clock,
But not Time.
It can buy you a Book,
But not Knowledge.
It can buy you a Position,
But not Respect.
It can buy you Medicine,
But not Health.
It can buy you Blood,
But not Life.
It can buy you Sex,
But not Love.
So you see, money isn’t everything. The best things in life can’t be bought, and often we destroy ourselves trying!
I tell you all this because I am your Friend, and as your Friend I want to take away your needless pain and suffering…
So send me all your money and I will suffer for you.
A truer Friend than me you will never find.
CASH ONLY, PLEASE
WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!
A lady opened her refrigerator and saw a rabbit sitting on one of the shelves. “What are you doing in there?” she asked.
The rabbit replied: “This is a Westinghouse, isn’t it?”
“Well, I’m westing.”
How to Mess Up a Job Interview
We’ve all been interviewed for jobs. And, we’ve all spent most of those interviews thinking about what not to do. Don’t bite your nails. Don’t fidget. Don’t interrupt. Don’t belch. If we did any of the don’ts, we knew we’d disqualify ourselves instantly. But some job applicants go light years beyond this. We surveyed top personnel executives of 100 major American corporations and asked for stories of unusual behavior by job applicants. The lowlights:
– “…stretched out on the floor to fill out the job application.”
– “She wore a Walkman and said she could listen to me and the music at the same time.”
– “A balding candidate abruptly excused himself. Returned to office a few minutes later, wearing a hairpiece.”
– “…asked to see interviewer’s resume to see if the personnel executive was qualified to judge the candidate.”
– “… announced she hadn’t had lunch and proceeded to eat a hamburger and french fries in the interviewer’s office – wiping the ketchup on her sleeve.”
– “Stated that, if he were hired, he would demonstrate his loyalty by having the corporate logo tattooed on his forearm.”
– “Interrupted to phone his therapist for advice on answering specific interview questions.”
– “When I asked him about his hobbies, he stood up and started tap dancing around my office.”
– “At the end of the interview, while I stood there dumbstruck, went through my purse, took out a brush, brushed his hair, and left.”
– “…pulled out a Polaroid camera and snapped a flash picture of me. Said he collected photos of everyone who interviewed him.”
A middle-aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table, she had a near death experience.
Seeing God, she asked “Is my time up?”
God said, “No, you have another 43 years, 2 months, and 8 days to live.”
Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a facelift, liposuction, and a tummy tuck. She even had someone come in and change her hair color. Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well make the most of it.
After her last operation, she was released from the hospital. While crossing the street on her way home, she was killed by an ambulance.
Arriving in front of God, she demanded, “I thought you said I had another 40 years? Why didn’t you pull me from out of the path of the ambulance?”
God replied, “I didn’t recognize you!”
While carpenters were working outside the old house I had just bought, I busied myself with indoor cleaning. I had just finished washing the floor when one of the workmen asked to use the bathroom.
With dismay I looked from his muddy boots to my newly scrubbed floors. “Just a minute,” I said, thinking of a quick solution. “I’ll put down newspapers.”
“That’s all right, lady,” he responded. “I’m already trained.”
More How to Mess Up a Job Interview . . .
– “Said he wasn’t interested because the position paid too much.”
– “While I was on a long-distance phone call, the applicant took out a copy of Penthouse, and looked through the photos only, stopping longest at the centerfold.”
– “During the interview, an alarm clock went off from the candidate’s brief case. He took it out, shut it off, apologized and said he had to leave for another interview.”
– “A telephone call came in for the job applicant. It was from his wife. His side of the conversation went like this: ‘Which company? When do I start? What’s the salary?’ I said, ‘I assume you’re not interested in conducting the interview any further.’ He promptly responded, ‘I am as long as you’ll pay me more.’ I didn’t hire him, but later found out there was no other job offer. It was a scam to get a higher offer.”
– “His attache [case] opened when he picked it up and the contents spilled, revealing ladies’ undergarments and assorted makeup and perfume.”
– “Candidate said he really didn’t want to get a job, but the unemployment office needed proof that he was looking for one.”
– “…asked who the lovely babe was, pointing to the picture on my desk. When I said it was my wife, he asked if she was home now and wanted my phone number. I called security.”
– “Pointing to a black case he carried into my office, he said that if he was not hired, the bomb would go off. Disbelieving, I began to state why he would never be hired and that I was going to call the police. He then reached down to the case, flipped a switch, and ran. No one was injured, but I did need to get a new desk.”
TODAY IN TRIVIA: ABOUT SPINACH!
~ Spinach is a native plant of Persia (modern day Iran).
~ Introduced to China in the 7th century, widely known as “the Persian Green” even today.
~ In 1870, Dr. E von Wolf measured the iron content of spinach, but placed the decimal point in the wrong position. The myth of the high iron content of spinach is still being wrongfully yet widely circulated today.
~ The spinach growing town of Crystal City, Texas, erected a statue of Popeye in 1937.
~ ‘Birds Eye’ was the first company to advertise frozen spinach. It did so in “Life” magazine in 1949.
~ California is today the US’s #1 grower/supplier of spinach.
~ Where is Donner Lake? It is a freshwater lake located in Northeast California on the eastern slope of the Sierra Nevada and about 20 miles (32 km) northwest of the much larger Lake Tahoe.
~ How did Donner Lake get its’ name? Both the lake and the pass were named after the ill-fated Donner Party, which wintered involuntarily near the lake in 1846.
~ Why is the Donner Party so famous? They were a group of American pioneers who migrated to California in a wagon train from the Midwest. Delayed by a series of mishaps, they spent the winter of 1846–47 snowbound in the Sierra Nevada mountain range. Some of the migrants resorted to cannibalism to survive, eating the bodies of those who had succumbed to starvation and sickness.
~ When were they rescued? The first relief party did not arrive until the middle of February 1847, almost four months after the wagon train became trapped. Of the 87 members of the party, only 48 survived the ordeal.
QUIP OF THE DAY: There are no rules here – we’re trying to accomplish something. – Thomas A. Edison
THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!
Thought for the day. . .
Have courage for the great sorrows of life, and patience for the small ones. And when you have laboriously accomplished your daily task, go to sleep in peace. God is awake. – Victor Hugo