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March 29th

Love and you shall be loved. – Ralph Waldo Emerson


TODAY -MARCH 29th

88th day of the year with 277 days to follow.

Holidays for Today:
~ National Lemon Chiffon Cake Day
~ National Mom and Pop Business Owners Day
~ Smoke and Mirrors Day
~ Vietnam Veterans Day
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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1790 John Tyler, Charles City County, Virginia, (D/W) 10th President (1841-1845)
  • 1867 Cy Young, Gilmore, Ohio, baseball player (pitcher: Cy Young Award honors previous season’s best pitcher)
  • 1888 James E Casey, Pick Handle Gulch, Nevada, businessman (founder United Parcel Service)
  • 1917 Man o’ War, Lexington, Kentucky, thoroughbred racehorse (considered one of the greatest of all time!)
  • 1918 Pearl Bailey, Newport News, Virginia, singer / actress (Hello Dolly)
  • 1918 Sam Walton, Kingfisher, Oklahoma, billionaire founder Wal-Mart
  • 1957 Christopher Lambert, NY, actor (Highlander, Subway, Greystoke, Why Me)
  • 1959 Marina Sirtis, London, actress (Deanna Troi-Star Trek: The Next Generation; Threat Matrix, Earth: Final Conflict, Gargoyles, Gadgetman, Paradise Lost, Terminal Error, My Summer Prince)
  • 1968 Lucy Lawless, New Zealand actress and singer (Xena: Warrior Princess; Battlestar Galactica; Spartacus, Salem)

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Since you get more joy out of giving joy to others, you should put a good deal of thought into the happiness that you are able to give. – Eleanor Roosevelt

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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1806 Construction is authorized of the Great National Pike, better known as the Cumberland Road, becoming the first United States federal highway.
  • 1882 Knights of Columbus chartered for Catholic men.
  • 1886 Dr. John Pemberton brews the first batch of Coca-Cola in a backyard in Atlanta, Georgia.
  • 1943 Meat, butter & cheese rationed in US during WWII (784 gram/week, 2 kilogram for GI’s).
  • 1951 Julius & Ethel Rosenberg convicted of espionage.
  • 1962 Jack Paar’s final appearance on the “Tonight Show”.
  • 1973 Last US troops leave Vietnam, 9 years after Tonkin Gulf Resolution.
  • 1974 NASA’s Mariner 10 becomes the first space probe to fly by Mercury. It was launched on November 3, 1973.
  • 2008 35 Countries and over 370 cities join Earth Hour for the first time.
  • 2017 The UK formally begins the process of leaving the EU.

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Golden Oldie… In the Hospital the relatives gathered in the waiting room, where their family member lay gravely ill. Finally, the doctor came in looking tired and somber.

“I’m afraid I’m the bearer of bad news,” he said, as he surveyed the worried faces. “The only hope left for your loved one at this time is a brain transplant. It’s an experimental procedure, semi-risky and you will have to pay for the brain yourselves.”

The family members sat silent as they absorbed the news. After a great length of time, someone asked, “Well, how much does a brain cost?”

The doctor quickly responded, $5,000 for a male brain, and $1,000 for a female brain.”

The moment turned awkward. Men in the room tried not to smile, avoiding eye contact with the women, but some actually smirked. A man, unable to control his curiosity, blurted out the question everyone wanted to ask, “Why is the male brain so much more?”

The doctor smiled at the childish innocence and so to the entire group said, “It’s just standard pricing procedure. We have to mark down the price of the female brains, because they’ve been used!”

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Tired of the inconvenience of driving from the airport to his country cottage, a man equipped his small plane with pontoons so he could land on the lake directly in front of his cottage. On his next trip however, he made his approach down the airport runway as usual.

Alarmed, his wife cried out, “Are you crazy? You can’t land this plane here without wheels!” The startled husband yanked the nose up, narrowly averting certain disaster.

Continuing home, he landed the plane on the lake without mishap. As he sat there, visibly shaken, he said to his wife, “I don’t know what on earth got into me. That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever done in my life!”

And with that, he opened the door and stepped out… right into the water.

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ONE-LINERS: A-Z on men

* Men are like computers…
hard to figure out and never have enough memory.

* Men are like coolers…
load them with beer and you can take them anywhere.

* Men are like horoscopes….
they always tell you what to do and are usually wrong.

~ Q: Why is it hard for a women to find men who are sensitive, caring and good looking?
A: Because those men already have boyfriends.

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A three-year old went with his dad to see a litter of kittens.

On returning home, he breathlessly informed his mother there were two boy kittens and two girl kittens. “how did you know?” his mother asked.

“Daddy picked them up and looked underneath,” he replied. “I think it’s printed on the bottom.

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pic of the day: Man o’War


American Thoroughbred widely considered one of the greatest racehorses of all time.
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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

Although he was a qualified meteorologist, Hopkins ran up a terrible record of forecasting for the TV news program. He became something of a local joke when a newspaper began keeping a record of his predictions and showed that he’d been wrong almost three hundred times in a single year.

That kind of notoriety was enough to get him fired.

He moved to another part of the country and applied for a similar job. But in the interview for the post, they asked him the one question he was dreading: “What was the reason for you leaving your last job?”

Hopkins replied, “The climate didn’t agree with me.”

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Another three-year old put his shoes on by himself.

His mother noticed the left was on the right foot.

She said, “Son, your shoes are on the wrong feet.”

He looked up at her with a raised brow and said, “Don’t kid me, Mom. I KNOW they’re my feet.”

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A farmer had been taken several times by a local car dealer. One day, the car dealer informed the farmer that he was coming over to purchase a cow.

The farmer priced the unit as follows:

Basic Cow $ 999.95
Shipping and Handling 35.75
Extra Stomach 79.25
Two-tone Exterior 142.10
Produce Storage Compartment 128.50
Heavy Duty Straw Chopper 189.60
4-Spigot/High Output Drain System 149.20
Automatic Fly Swatter 88.50
Genuine Cowhide Upholstery 170.80
Deluxe Dual Horns 59.25
Automatic Fertilizer Attachment 339.40
4 X 4 Traction Drive Assembly 884.16
Pre-Delivery Wash and Comb 69.80

Farmer Suggested List Price $ 3336.26
Additional Dealer Adjustment 300.00

Total list price
(including options) $ 3636.26
Tax and Ear Tags 418.00

TOTAL PURCHASE PRICE $ 4054.26

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13-year-old Dewey spent a beautiful Saturday and Sunday indoors playing video games.

His older sister tried coaxing him outside by warning, “Someday, you’re going to be 30 years old, single, and living in Mom’s basement playing video games all day!”

His reply: “I can only dream.”

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On the outskirts of town, there was a big old pecan tree by the cemetery fence.

One day two kids filled up a bucketful of nuts and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing them.
One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me,” said the boy. Several were dropped and rolled down toward the gate.

Another boy came riding along the road on his bicycle. As he passed, he thought he heard voices from inside the cemetery. He slowed down to investigate. Sure enough, he heard, “One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me.” He just knew what it was. “Oh my,” he shuddered, “it’s Satan and the Lord dividing the souls at the cemetery.” He jumped back on his bike and rode off.

Just around the bend he met an old man with a cane, hobbling along. “Come here quick,” said the boy, “you won’t believe what I heard. Satan and the Lord are down at the cemetery dividing up the souls!”

The man said, “Beat it, kid, can’t you see it’s hard for me to walk?”

When the boy insisted, the man hobbled to the cemetery. Standing by the fence they heard, “One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me.”

The old man whispered, “Boy, you’ve been tellin’ the truth, let’s see if we can see the devil himself.” Shaking with fear, they peered through the gate, yet were still unable to see anything. The old man and the boy gripped the wrought iron bars of the gate tighter and tighter as they tried to get a glimpse of Satan.

At last they heard, “One for you, one for me. And one last one for you. That’s all. Now let’s go get those nuts by the gate, and we’ll be done.”

They say the old guy made it back to town before the boy!

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TODAY IN TRIVIA: How many U.S. women are ‘plus size?’ In the United States, more than 25 percent of women’s fashion dollars are spent on sizes 16 and up.

~How big was the Latrun Menorah? Pretty big — In 1997, a Menorah was built in Latrun, near the main Jerusalem-Tel Aviv highway. It was more than 60 feet tall, weighed 17 metric tons, and took up an area of 600 square meters. A rabbi was lifted in a crane each night of the holiday to light the candles on the menorah, which was made of metal pipes.

~Which human hair grows the fastest? Beards are the fastest growing hairs on the human body. If the average man never trimmed his beard, it would grow to nearly 30 feet long in his lifetime.

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QUIP OF THE DAY: Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . . It’s not what happens to you, it’s what you do about it. – W. Mitchell

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