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March 5th

God writes a lot of comedy… the trouble is, he’s stuck with so many bad actors who don’t know how to play funny. – Garrison Keillor


64th day of the year (65th in leap years) with 301 days to follow.

Holidays for Today:
~ Multiple Personality Day
~ National Absinthe Day
~ National Cheese Doodle Day


  • 1935 Philip K. Chapman, Australian-American astronaut and engineer (first Australian-born American astronaut, serving for about five years in NASA Astronaut Group 6)
  • 1936 Dean Stockwell, North Hollywood, California, actor (Quantum Leap, Captain Planet and the Planeteers, Street Gear, JAG, Battlestar Galactica)
  • 1942 Mike Resnick, American author and editor (Seven Views of Olduvai Gorge, The 43 Antarean Dynasties, Travels with My Cats, Alastair Baffle’s Emporium of Wonders, A Hunger in the Soul, The Master of Dreams)
  • 1955 Penn Jillette, Greenfield, Massachusetts, magician (half of the team Penn & Teller), actor, and author
  • 1957 Ray Suarez, Brooklyn, New York, journalist (PBS NewsHour, America Abroad, Talk of the Nation) and author (How I Learned English, Saving America’s Treasures, About Men)
  • 1958 Andy Gibb, English-Australian singer-songwriter and actor (d. 1988, youngest brother of the Bee Gees: Barry, Robin, and Maurice Gibb)
  • 1971 Yuri Lowenthal, Ohio, voice actor (Ben 10, Naruto, Afro Samurai, Code Geass, Gurren Lagann, Prince of Persia, Castlevania, Saints Row, Persona 4), producer, and screenwriter
  • 1974 Eva Mendes, Miami, Florida, model and actress (Training Day, 2 Fast 2 Furious, Ghost Rider, Stuck on You, Hitch)
  • 1993 Joshua Coyne, Kansas City, MO, violinist and composer (Performed at Rally for Change, Rent, Kennedy Center)

You can never get enough of what you don’t need to make you happy. – Eric Hoffer


  • 1770 Boston Massacre: Five Americans, including Crispus Attucks, are fatally shot by British troops in an event that would contribute to the outbreak of the American Revolutionary War (also known as the American War of Independence) five years later.
  • 1836 Samuel Colt patents the first production-model revolver, the .34-caliber.
  • 1872 George Westinghouse patents the air brake.
  • 1933 President Franklin D. Roosevelt declares a “bank holiday” during the Great Depression, closing all U.S. banks and freezing all financial transactions.
  • 1943 First Flight of the Gloster Meteor, Britain’s first combat jet aircraft.
  • 1946 Winston Churchill coins the phrase “Iron Curtain” in his speech during the Cold War at Westminster College, Missouri.
  • 1963 American country music stars Patsy Cline, Hawkshaw Hawkins, Cowboy Copas and their pilot Randy Hughes are killed in a plane crash in Camden, Tennessee.
  • 1978 The Landsat 3 is launched from Vandenberg Air Force Base in California.
  • 1981 The ZX81, a pioneering British home computer, is launched by Sinclair Research and would go on to sell over 1.5 million units around the world.


A husband took his wife to the doctor.

“Oh, doctor,” he said, “my wife thinks she’s a chicken.”
The doctor gasped, “That’s terrible. How long has she been like that?

The husband replied, “Three years.”
The doctor was horrified, “Three years! Why didn’t you bring her to me sooner?”

The husband said sheepishly, “Because we needed the eggs.”


Every time the man next door headed toward Robinson’s house, Robinson knew he was coming to borrow something. “He won’t get away with it this time,” muttered Robinson to his wife. “Watch this.”

“Er, I wonder if you’d be using your power-saw this morning,” the neighbor began.

“Gee, I’m awfully sorry,” said Robinson with a smug look, “but the fact of the matter is, I’ll be using it all day.”

“In that case,” said the neighbor, “you won’t be using your golf clubs, mind if I borrow them?”


Things girls think guys should know . . .
~ Don’t ever lie to us, we always find out.
~ Don’t say you understand when you don’t.
~ Saying something sweet might get you off the hook; doing something sweet will always get you off the hook.
~ If you did something wrong or even if you didn’t, apologize.
~ Be spontaneous, dinner and a movie won’t always cut it.
~ We are self-conscious by nature, we can’t help it.
~ We are drama queens.
~ Fashion police do exist.
~ We absolutely do not care about monster trucks, car systems, paintball or anything else you and your friends talk about.
~ Hugs and kisses must be given at all times.
~ We are beautiful, but make-up helps.
~ We will always think we are fat so humor us and tell us we aren’t.
~ Most importantly- we are always right- so don’t forget it.


The manager of a large city zoo was drafting a letter to order a pair of animals. He sat at his computer and typed the following sentence: “I would like to place an order for two mongooses, to be delivered at your earliest convenience.”

He stared at the screen, focusing on that odd word “mongooses.” Then he deleted the word and added another, so that the sentence now read: “I would like to place an order for two mongeese, to be delivered at your earliest convenience.”

Again he stared at the screen, this time focusing on the new word, which seemed just as odd as the original one. Finally, he deleted the whole sentence and started all over. “Everyone knows no fully stocked zoo should be without a mongoose,” he typed. “Please send us two of them.”


pic of the day: Araucana chick on African violet

Araucana chick on African violet


Mike walks into a bar with a newt on his shoulder. The barmaid looks at the creature and asks the man what he calls it.

‘Tiny,’ answers Mike.

‘Why’s that?’ enquires the barmaid.

‘Because he’s my newt.’ concludes Mike.


My niece bought her five-year-old daughter Kayleigh a hamster. One day he escaped from his cage. The family turned the house upside-down and finally found him. Several weeks later, while Kayleigh was at school, he disappeared again.

My niece searched frantically but never found the critter. Hoping to make the loss less painful for Kayleigh, my niece took the cage out of her room.

When Kayleigh came home from school that afternoon, she climbed into her mother’s lap. “We have a serious problem,” she announced. “Not only is my hamster gone again, but this time he took his cage!”


A Marine Corps drill instructor had just chewed out a new recruit. At the end of his rant, he said, “I guess when I die you’ll come and dance on my grave.”

The kid said, “Not me, sir. I promised myself that when I got out of the Marines, I’d never stand in another line.”


The Judge admonished the witness, “Do you understand that you have sworn to tell the truth?”

“I do.”

“Do you understand what will happen if you are not truthful?”

“Sure,” said the witness. “My side will win.”


A six-year-old comes crying to his mother because his little sister pulled his hair. “Don’t be angry,” the mother says, “Your little sister doesn’t realize that pulling hair hurts.”

A short while later, there’s more crying, and the mother goes to investigate.

This time the sister is bawling and her brother says, “Now she knows.”


TODAY IN TRIVIA: Who invented the coat hanger? In 1903, Albert J. Parkhouse, an employee of the Timberlake Wire and Novelty Company in Jackson, Michigan, tired of hearing the complaints of coworkers about too few coat hooks in the factory, bent a piece of wire into two ovals and twisted the ends together to form a hook, and thus invented the first basic wire hanger. Although Parkhouse patented his invention it is unlikely that he profited from it.

~ Do moths really eat clothing?  Moths in the adult stage are not responsible for damaging woolen clothing. Our wearables are attacked only by moths in the larval state, and then only by one family of moths, the Tineidae.

~When did Dick Tracy win an Oscar? After Spencer Tracy won the 1937 Best Actor Oscar for Captains Courageous, the gold statuette was sent out to be inscribed. When it was returned to the actor, it was engraved “To Dick Tracy.” The Academy was justifiably embarrassed by the error.
QUIP OF THE DAY: She was what we used to call a suicide blonde – dyed by her own hand – Saul Bellow


Thought for the day. . . The willow which bends to the tempest, often escapes better than the oak which resists it; and so in great calamities, it sometimes happens that light and frivolous spirits recover their elasticity and presence of mind sooner than those of a loftier character. -Walter Scott, novelist and poet (1771-1832)

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