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March 6th

The art of living well and the art of dying well are one. – Epicurus


TODAY – MARCH 6th

65th day of the year (66th in leap years) with 300 days to follow.

Holidays for Today:
~ National Dentist’s Day
~ National Frozen Food Day
~ National Frozen Food Month
~ National White Chocolate Cheesecake Day
~ National Nutrition Month
~ The Day of the Dude
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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1475 Michelangelo, Italian artist and sculptor (David, Sistene Chapel ceiling)
  • 1619 Cyrano de Bergerac, French soldier, poet (The Other Word: The State and Empires of the Moon)
  • 1806 Elizabeth Barrett Browning, British poet (The Cry of the Children, Sonnets from the Portuguese, Aurora Leigh)
  • 1906 Lou Costello, Paterson, New Jersey, actor and comedian (Abbott and Costello)
  • 1923 Ed McMahon, Detroit, Michigan, television personality (The Tonight Show w/Johnny Carson, Star Search, TVs Bloopers & Practical Jokes)
  • 1927 Gordon Cooper, Shawnee, Oklahoma, astronaut (Project Mercury-Atlas 9, Gemini 5)
  • 1939 Adam Osborne, British author and computer designer (1st commercially available portable computer, the Osborne 1, pioneer in computer book field)
  • 1944 Mary Wilson, Greenville, Mississippi, singer (The Supremes)
  • 1946 Martin Kove, Brooklyn, New York, actor (Cagney & Lacey, The Karate Kid, Hard Time on Planet Earth)
  • 1953 Carolyn Porco, New York, New York, planetary scientist (work in exploration of outer solar system; imagine work on Voyager missions)
  • 1959 Tom Arnold, Ottumwa, Iowa, actor and comedian (True Lies, My Big Redneck Wedding )
  • 1968 Moira Kelly, Queens, New York, actress (The Cutting Edge, One Tree Hill, voice of Nala in The Lion King)
  • 1972 Shaquille O’Neal, Newark, New Jersey, basketball player (Orlando Magic)
  • 1978 Lara Cox, Canberra, Australia, actress (Heartbreak High, Kangaroo Jack)
  • 1981 Ellen Muth, Milford, Connecticut, actress (Dead Like Me; member of Intertel and Mensa)
  • 1986 Eli Marienthal, Santa Monica, California, actor (Tucker, American Pie, Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen)

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It is not so much our friends’ help that helps us as the confident knowledge that they will help us. – Epicurus

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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1834 York, Upper Canada is incorporated as Toronto.
  • 1899 Bayer registers aspirin as a trademark.
  • 1930 International Unemployment Day demonstrations globally initiated by the Comintern.
  • 1943 Norman Rockwell published Freedom from Want in The Saturday Evening Post with a matching essay by Carlos Bulosan as part of the Four Freedoms series.
  • 1945 Cologne is captured by American Troops.
  • 1967 Joseph Stalin’s daughter Svetlana Alliluyeva defects to the United States.
  • 1983 The first United States Football League game is played.
  • 1987 The British ferry MS Herald of Free Enterprise capsizes in about 90 seconds killing 193.
  • 1992 Michelangelo computer virus begins to affect computers.

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Two friends drove by a gas station.

The first one says, “These prices are awful. They just keep going higher!”

The second replies, “It doesn’t affect me at all. I always put in just $20 worth.”
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One morning as Professor Thompson was leaving for the college his wife told her absent-minded husband, “Don’t forget we are moving today. If you come to this house this afternoon it will be empty.”

Predictably he didn’t remember until he found the house vacated that afternoon. He mumbled to himself, “And where was it we were moving to?”

He went out in front of the house and asked a little girl, “Did you see a moving van here today, little girl?”

“Yes,” she replied.

“Can you tell me which way it went?”

She looked up at him and said, “Yes, Daddy, I’ll show you.”
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ONE-LINERS: Engineers’ Most Interesting Findings
Conversion Factors for your Digestion:

1. Ratio of an igloo’s circumference to its diameter = Eskimo Pi
2. 2000 pounds of Chinese Soup = Won ton
3. 1 millionth of a mouthwash = 1 microscope

4. Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement = 1 bananosecond
5. Weight an evangelist carries with God = 1 billigram
6. Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hour = Knotfurlong

7. 365.25 days of drinking low calorie beer = 1 Lite year
8. 16.5 feet in the Twilight Zone = 1 Rod Serling
9. Half a large intestine = 1 semicolon

10. 1,000,000 aches = 1 megahurtz
11. Basic unit of laryngitis – 1 hoarsepower
12. Shortest distance between two jokes – a straight line

13. 453.6 graham crackers = 1 pound cake
14. 1 million microphones = 1 megaphone
15. 1 million bicycles = 1 megacycle

16. 365 days = 1 unicycle
17. 2000 mockingbirds = two kilomockingbirds
18. 10 cards = 1 decacard

19. 52 cards = 1 deckacard
20. 1 kilogram of falling figs = 1 Fig Newton
21. 1000 grams of wet socks = 1 literhosen

22. 1 millionth of a fish = 1 microfiche
23. 1 trillion pins = 1 terrapin
24. 10 rations = 1 decaration

25. 100 rations = 1 C-Ration
26. 2 monograms = 1 diagram
27. 8 nickels = 2 paradigms
28. 5 statute miles of intravenous surgical tubing at Yale University Hospital = 1 I.V. League
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Torrential rainstorms were knocking down power lines all over town. That meant, as a customer service rep for the electric company, I was dispatching repairmen right and left.

When one lineman called a customer to get her exact address, he was told, “I’m at Post Office Box 99.”
The weary lineman replied, “Ma’am, I’ll be coming to you in a truck, not an envelope.”
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Negotiations between union members and their employer were at an impasse. The union denied that their workers were flagrantly abusing their contract’s sick-leave provisions.
One morning at the bargaining table, the company’s chief negotiator held aloft the morning edition of the newspaper.

“This man,” he announced, “Called in sick yesterday!”
There on the sports page was a photo of the ‘supposedly’ ill employee, who had just won a local golf tournament with an excellent score.

The silence in the room was broken by a union negotiator.
“Wow,” he said. “Think of the score he could have had if he hadn’t been sick!”
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pic of the day: Bug and Daisy

picture of daisy and bug
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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

Jimmy: ‘Hey, Mike! How’s your new pet fish doing? You told me he was really something special.’
Mike: ‘To tell the truth, I’m really disappointed in him. The guy who sold him to me said I could teach him to sing like a bird.’

Jimmy: ‘What? Let me get this straight… You bought a fish because you thought you could teach him to sing like a bird?’
Mike: ‘Well, yeah. After all, you know, he’s a parrot fish.’

Jimmy: ‘Now listen, Mike, while you might be able to teach a parrot to sing, you’re never going to get anywhere with a parrot fish.’
Mike: ‘That’s what you think! It just so happens this fish CAN sing. The thing is, he’s terribly off-key and it’s driving me crazy. Do you know how hard it is to tuna fish?’
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A young man called his mother and announced excitedly that he had just met the woman of his dreams. Now what should he do?
His mother had an idea: “Why don’t you send her flowers, and on the card invite her to your apartment for a home- cooked meal?”

He thought this was a great strategy, and a week later, the woman came to dinner. His mother called the next day to see how things had gone.
“I was totally humiliated,” he moaned. “She insisted on washing the dishes.”

“What’s wrong with that?” asked his mother. “I think it’s a wonderful gesture.”
“We hadn’t started eating yet.”
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A man was flying from Seattle to San Francisco. Unexpectedly, the plane stopped in Sacramento along the way. The flight attendant explained that there would be a delay, and if the passengers wanted to get off the aircraft, the plane would re-board in 50 minutes.

Everybody got off the plane except one gentleman who was blind. The man had noticed him as he walked by and could tell the gentleman was blind because his seeing-eye dog lay quietly underneath the seats in front of him throughout the entire flight.

He could also tell he had flown this very flight before because the pilot approached him, and calling him by name, said, “Bill, we’re in Sacramento for almost an hour. Would you like to get off and stretch your legs?”

The blind man replied, “No thanks, but maybe my dog would like to stretch his legs.”

Picture this: All the people in the gate area came to a complete standstill when they looked up and saw the pilot walk off the plane with a seeing-eye dog. The pilot was even wearing sunglasses. People scattered. They not only tried to change planes, but they were trying to change airlines!

Remember … things aren’t always as they appear.
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A traveler got to the airline counter and presented her ticket to New York. As she gave the agent her luggage she asked, “I’d like you to send my green suitcase to Hawaii, and my red suitcase to London.”

The confused agent said, “I’m sorry, we can’t do that.”

“Really? I am so relieved to hear you say that because, that’s exactly what you did to my luggage last year!”
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Shelia walked into the kitchen to find her husband, Fred, stalking around with a fly swatter.

“And what are we doing?” she asked.
“Hunting flies” he responded.

“Oh? Killing any?” she asked, with a smirk.
“Yep! Got 4 males, 3 Females,” he replied.

Intrigued, she asked. “How the heck can you tell?”
“Simple.” He replied, “4 were on a beer can, 3 were on the phone.”
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TODAY IN TRIVIA: What is the Day of the Dude?
March 6 is the annual sacred high holy day of Dudeism.

~ What is Dudeism? It’s a religion, philosophy, or lifestyle inspired by “The Dude”, the protagonist of the Coen Brothers’ 1998 film The Big Lebowski. The primary objective of Dudeism is to promote a modern form of Chinese Taoism, outlined in Tao Te Ching by Laozi (6th century BC), blended with concepts from the Ancient Greek philosopher Epicurus (341–270 BC), and presented in a style as personified by the character of Jeffrey “The Dude” Lebowski, a fictional character portrayed by Jeff Bridges in the film.

~ Is Dudeism a real religion? That depends on who you ask? It has sometimes been regarded as a mock religion due to its use of comedic film references and occasional criticism of religion in its traditional sense. However, its founder and many adherents take the underlying philosophy seriously. Whether you would actually call it a religion, or it is better described as a philosophy depends on your point of view.
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QUIP OF THE DAY: In God we trust. All others pay cash.

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . . Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for. – Epicurus

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