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March 7th

There is only one person who could ever make you happy, and that person is you. – David Burns


66th day of the year (67th in leap years) with 299 days to follow.

Holidays for Today:
~ National Be Heard Day
~ National Cereal Day
~ National Crown Roast of Pork Day
~ National Flapjack Day
~ Music in Our Schools Month
~ National Craft Month
~ National Women’s History Month


  • 1792 John Herschel, English mathematician, astronomer, chemist and experimental photographer and inventor (originated use of Julian day system in astronomy, named 7 moons of Saturn, and 4 moon of Uranus, invented cyanotype process of photography – precursor to modern blueprint process)
  • 1837 Henry Draper, Virginia, doctor and pioneer in astrophotography (pictures of the Moon and Jupiter)
  • 1934 Willard Scott, Alexandria, Virginia, television broadcaster (weather forecaster on Today Show)
  • 1938 Janet Guthrie, Iowa City, Iowa, race car driver (1st woman to race in Indy 500 & Daytona 500)
  • 1940 Daniel J Travanti, Kenosha, Wisconsin, actor (Frank Furillo in Hill St Blues, Missing Persons, Boss)
  • 1945 Elizabeth Moon, McAllen, Texas, author (The Speed of Dark; Series Paksenarrion, Familias Regnant Universe, Vatta’s War, Planet Pirates)
  • 1945 John Heard, Washington, D.C., actor (Home Alone, The Pelican Brief, Big, The Client, Prison Break, Sharknado, Living Among Us)
  • 1966 Jonathan del Arco, Uruguay, American actor (The Closer; Hugh, Third of Five, Star Trek: TNG; The Mambo Kings, The Closer, Major Crimes)
  • 1971 Peter Sarsgaard, Scott AFB, Illinois, actor (Dead Man Walking, Jarhead, Orphan, Green Lantern, The Killing, The Slap, Jackie, The Magnificent Seven)
  • 1984 Brandon T. Jackson, Detroit, Michigan, actor (Tropic Thunder, Percy Jackson & the Olympians: The Lightning Thief, Lottery Ticket, Deadbeat, Mr. Robinson)

In the hopes of reaching the moon men fail to see the flowers that blossom at their feet. – Albert Schweitzer


  • 1854 Charles Miller patents first US sewing machine, used to stitch buttonholes.
  • 1876 Alexander Graham Bell is granted a patent for an invention he calls the telephone beating Antonio Meucci by four hours.
  • 1897 Dr. John Kellogg served the world’s first cornflakes to his patients at a mental hospital in Battle Creek, Mich. These were an unsweetened variety. (His brother, Will Keith Kellogg, added sugar to the recipe in 1906 and began marketing them as a breakfast food. Dr. Kellogg so thoroughly disapproved of this development that he sued Will in a fruitless attempt to keep the Kellogg name off of mass-produced breakfast cereals.)
  • 1933 Game of Monopoly patented and trademarked by Charles Darrow in Atlantic City.
  • 1965 Alabama state troopers & 600 civil rights marchers clash in Selma.
  • 1985 The song “We Are the World” had its international release.
  • 1986 Challenger Disaster: Divers from the USS Preserver locate the crew cabin of Challenger on the ocean floor.
  • 1994 The U.S. Supreme Court rules that parodies of an original work are generally covered by the doctrine of fair use.
  • 2009 The Kepler space observatory, designed to discover Earth-like planets orbiting other stars, is launched.


Our 10-year-old Mattie having a conversation with her grandmother while eating breakfast:
Mattie: Nanna, I’m a fat old man.

Grandmother: Mattie! What did you say?
Mattie: I’m a fat old man.

Grandmother: Now Mattie why would you say something like that?
Mattie: Well, everybody says I look just like my daddy.

A man has six children and he is very proud of his achievement. He is so proud of himself that he starts calling his wife “Mother of Six” in spite of her objections.

One night they go to a party. The man decides that it’s time to go home, and he wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well. He shouts at the top of his voice, “shall we go home, Mother of Six?”

His wife irritated by her husband’s lack of discretion, shouts back, “anytime you’re ready, Father of Four!”

~ Children are welcomed at all theme parks as long as they are accompanied by Money and Daddy.
~ Men are like handguns. Keep one around long enough and you’re going to want to shoot it.
~ Make love, not war. Or why not do both? Get married.
~ Life is like a Lambourghini. It goes too fast and it costs too much.
~ Which is worse, ignorance or apathy? Who knows? Who cares?

An engineer, a mathematician, and a computer programmer are driving down the road when the car they are in gets a flat tire. The engineer says, “We need to sell this car and buy a new one.”

The mathematician says, “No need to do that. We only have to sell the old tire and buy a new one.”

The computer programmer says, “Before we try any of that, let’s stop the ignition, get out of the car, get back in, start it up and drive around the block a couple of times to see if the tire fixes itself.”

If Men Got Pregnant…

~ There’d be a cure for stretch marks.
~ Natural childbirth would become obsolete.
~ Maternity leave would last for two years…with full pay.

~ Children would be kept in the hospital until they were toilet trained.
~ Morning sickness would rank as the nation’s number one health problem.
~ All methods of birth control would be improved 100 percent effectiveness.

~ Men would be EAGER to talk about commitment.
~ They wouldn’t think twins were quite so cute.
~ Fathers would demand that their SONS be home from dates by 10:00pm.

~ Paternity suits would be a line of clothes.
~ Men could use THEIR briefcases as diaper bags.
~ They’d have to stop saying, “I’m afraid I’ll drop him.”

~ They’d stay in bed for the entire nine months.
~ Menus at most restaurants would list ice cream and pickles as an entree.

pic of the day: Western Gull

Western Gull birdTaken on Alcatraz Island

A State Police colleague of mine once received a call from a woman who asked him how to baste a turkey. After a stunned moment, he, being a fairly good cook, described the procedure. Then he asked, “But why would you call the State Police to find out how to baste a turkey?”

There was only a slight hesitation before she replied, “Well, you knew, didn’t you?” and hung up.

Camping Tips:

– Get even with a bear who raided your food bag by kicking his favorite stump apart and eating all the ants.

– A hot rock placed in your sleeping bag will keep your feet warm. A hot enchilada works almost as well, but the cheese sticks between your toes.

– The best backpacks are named for national parks or mountain ranges. Steer clear of those named for landfills.

– When camping, always wear a long-sleeved shirt. It gives you something to wipe your nose on.

– Take this simple test to see if you qualify for solo camping. Shine a flashlight into one ear. If the beam shines out the other ear, do not go into the woods alone.

– A two-man pup tent does not include two men or a pup.

– A potato baked in the coals for one hour makes an excellent side dish. A potato baked in the coals for three hours makes an excellent hockey puck.

– In emergency situations, you can survive in the wilderness by shooting small game with a slingshot made from the elastic waistband of your underwear.

WARNING! Short Puns!

To me, at 5’4″, everyone is a higher power.
Being short, I thought about becoming a short order cook.
Writing shorthand was natural.

I was let go at the store because I was short changing people.
Every other guy wears shorts, I wear shortest.
At least when I fall down, it just a mild bounce and I am back up.

I always get the short end of the deal.
drum roll please…
I must go, my time here is short.

When the wealthy businessman choked on a fish bone at a restaurant, he was fortunate that a doctor was seated at a nearby table.
Springing up, the doctor skillfully removed the bone and saved his life.

As soon as the fellow had calmed himself and could talk again, he thanked the surgeon enthusiastically and offered to pay him for his services.
“Just name the fee,” he croaked gratefully.
“Okay,” replied the doctor. “How about half of what you’d have offered when the bone was still stuck in your throat?”

As a Chaplain in service at our local hospital, I was speaking with a man whose wife was about to receive a CAT scan of the chest.

While the nurse was placing an intravenous line, I stepped just outside the door to talk to the husband. I asked the husband if his wife had undergone any other tests. The man named several procedures involving various body parts, but he couldn’t remember one particular test.

Thinking out loud and leaning back into the hospital room doorway, he asked, “Honey, what is that thing women have that men don’t?”

His wife was quick to answer, “A brain, dear.”

When my son was in the Air Force, my wife and I visited quite often. On our first visit, we were allowed inside this top secret Communications Center, but everything in sight was covered up so we could look around everywhere — Heck, even the toilet paper in the Men’s room was disguised.

Anyway, at the exit, there’s a sign above the door, which reads:
“You have been exposed to Top Secret Material.
Please destroy yourself before leaving the building.”

The man told his doctor he wasn’t able to do all the things around the house that he used to do. When the examination was complete, he said, “Now, Doc, I can take it. Tell me in plain English what’s wrong with me.”

“Well, in plain English,” the doctor replied, “You’re just a plain old lazy bum.”

“Thank You.” said the man. “Now give me the medical term, so I can tell my wife!”

TODAY IN TRIVIA: What movies has Eilean Donan Castle been in? The beautiful Eilean Donan Castle is situated in Loch Duich near Dornie on the west coast of Scotland near the Isle of Skye. It is the one of the most photographed castles in Scotland, and has been in a number of films, including Highlander (1984) and the nineteenth James Bond film The World Is Not Enough (1999).

~ What is a hospitalist? Someone who practices hospital medicine, which is one of the fastest growing specialties in modern medicine. Instead of your regular doctor taking care of you while you are in the hospital like they did in the “olden days” – making hospital rounds before going to the office – they leave it to hospitalists to manage patient care. Supposedly this reduces readmissions due to quality improvement of care and patient safety.

~ When was the term hospitalist first used? Drs. Lee Goldman and Bob Wachter first coined the term “hospitalist” in a New England Journal of Medicine article in 1996.

~ Does a hospitalist have to be a doctor? No, besides physicians, there are nurse practitioners, physician assistants and practice administrators and may be certified in a wide range of specialties, including internal medicine, family medicine and more.

~ What is National Be Heard Day for? This day is observed by small businesses as a tool to break through the big-business dominated times, a time for these small businesses to “be heard”.

~ Can you find mice in trees? There are, indeed, mice that nest in trees. These creatures may spend their whole life without ever touching the ground.

~ Which was the first electric lighthouse? The first lighthouse to use electricity was the Statue of Liberty in 1886.
QUIP OF THE DAY: Even if you’re on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there. – Will Rogers


Thought for the day. . . Without sweat and toil no work is made perfect. – Latin Proverb

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