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May 10th

You must be the change you want to see in the world. – Mahatma Gandhi

TODAY – MAY 10th

130th day of the year (131st in leap years) with 235 days to follow.

Holidays for Today:
~ Clean up Your Room Day
~ Golden Spike Day
~ National Liver and Onions Day
~ National Shrimp Day
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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1850 Sir Thomas Johnstone Lipton, Scotland, yachtsman/tea magnate (Lipton Tea)
  • 1897 Francis P. Shepard, Marbleheard, Massachusetts, marine geologist (studied submarine canyons, coastal processes, pioneered Pacific marine geology)
  • 1899 Fred Astaire, Omaha, Nebraska, dancer and actor (Top Hat, Easter Parade)
  • 1922 Nancy Walker, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, actress (Ida Morgenstern/ Mary Tyler Moore Show, Rhoda)
  • 1933 Barbara Taylor Bradford, English author (Emma Harte saga, DeRavenel trilogy)
  • 1936 Gary Owens, Mitchell, South Dakota, disc jockey/TV host (Laugh In, Gong Show)
  • 1948 Meg Foster, Reading, Pennsylvania, actress (Sunshine, Masters of the Universe, Ravenswood, Three Days in August)
  • 1963 Lisa Nowak, Washington, D.C., USN Commander (retired) and astronaut (STS-121)
  • 1968 Erik Palladino, Yonkers, New York, actor (ER, Over There, U-571, NCIS: Los Angeles)
  • 1970 Gina Philips, Miami Beach, Florida, actress (Ally McBeal, Boston Public)

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What good to us is a long life if it is difficult and barren of joys, and if it is so full of misery that we can only welcome death as a deliverer? – Sigmund Freud
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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1863 Confederate General Stonewall Jackson died 8 days after being shot by his own troops.
  • 1869 The First Transcontinental Railroad, linking the eastern and western United States, is completed at Promontory Summit, Utah (not Promontory Point, Utah) with the golden spike.
  • 1908 First Mother’s Day observed in Grafton, West Virginia.
  • 1946 American V-2 rocket was successfully launched for the first time at White Sands Proving Ground.
  • 1949 First planetarium in the U.S. owned by a university opened at the University of Chapel Hill, North Carolina.
  • 1954 Bill Haley & His Comets release “Rock Around the Clock”, the first rock and roll record to reach number one on the Billboard charts.
  • 1960 US atomic sub USS Triton completes first circumnavigation of globe under water.
  • 1962 The first issue of The Incredible Hulk published by Marvel Comics.
  • 1994 Nelson Mandela becomes the first black president of South Africa.
  • 1996 A “rogue storm” near the summit of Mount Everest kills eight climbers, making this the deadliest day in the mountain’s history. Among the dead are experienced climbers Rob Hall and Scott Fischer, both of whom were leading paid expeditions to the summit.

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At a convention of biological scientists, one prominent researcher remarked to another, “Did you know that in our lab we have switched from mice to lawyers for our experiments?”

“Really?” the other researcher replied. “Why did you switch?”

“Well, for three reasons. First we found that lawyers are far more plentiful. Second, the lab assistants don’t get so attached to them, and thirdly there are some things even a rat won’t do.”

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The Judge asked the defendant, “Mr. Jones ,do you understand that you have sworn to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth?”
“I do.”

“Now what do you say to defend yourself?”
“Your Honor, under those limitations… nothing.”
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THINGS I’VE LEARNED FROM MY CHILDREN (By a Weary Parent) . . .
– There is no such thing as child-proofing your house.
– If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.
– A 4 year-old’s voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
– If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing pound puppy underwear and a superman cape.

– A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
– The glass in windows (even double pane) doesn’t stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
– When you hear the toilet flush and the words Uh-oh, it’s already too late.
– A six year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36 year old man says they can only do it in the movies.

– A magnifying glass can start a fire even on an overcast day.
– If you use a waterbed as home plate while wearing baseball shoes it does not leak — it explodes.
– A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 square foot house 4 inches deep.
– Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a four year old. Duplos will not.

– Play Dough and Microwave should never be used in the same sentence.
– Super glue is forever.
– McGyver can teach us many things we don’t want to know. Ditto Tarzan.
– No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can’t walk on water.

– Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
– Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
– You probably do not want to know what that odor is.

– The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earth worms dizzy.
– It will however make cats dizzy.
– Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

– Always look in the oven before you turn it on.
– Plastic toys do not like ovens.
– Quiet does not necessarily mean don’t worry.
– A good sense of humor will get you through most problems in life (unfortunately, mostly in retrospect).
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A guy tells his psychiatrist, “I always have this weird dream at night. I’m locked in a room with a door on which there is a sign. I try to push it with all my strength, but no matter how hard I try, it won’t budge.”

The psychiatrist muses, “Interesting…But tell me what does the sign on the door say?”

The guy replies, “It says ‘Pull.'”
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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

A bloke goes into a pub and, before he can order a drink he sees two bits of raw meat nailed above the bar. “What’s that all about?” he asks the barman.

“Well,” says the barman, “if you can jump up and grab those bits of meat with both hands, then I’ll buy you a drink…” “…But if you can’t, you have to buy me a drink” So the bloke jumps up, grabs the meat, and the barman buys him a drink.

“You’re good at this,” he says, “but now I’m going to make it a bit harder.” So the barman moves the bits of meat right up near the ceiling, and says “If you can jump up and grab the bits of meat again, with both hands, then everyone in the pub will buy you a drink…” “…But if you can’t, you have to buy everyone a drink”

The man studies the two bits of meat, and thinks for a moment “No,” he says, “I can’t do that… the steaks are too high”.
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While I was working in the men’s section of a department store, a woman asked me to help her choose a white dress shirt for her husband.

When I asked about his size, the woman looked stumped at first, then her face brightened. She held up her hands, forming a circle with her forefingers and thumbs.

“I don’t know his size,” she said, “but my hands fit perfectly around his neck.”
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Golden Oldie. . . A college student was delivering pizza to a regular customer’s house. The guy who answered the door asked him, “What is the usual tip?”
“Well,” replied the youth, “this is my first trip here, but the other guys say if I get a quarter out of you, I’ll be doing great.”

“Is that so?” snorted the man. “Well, just to show them how wrong they are, here’s five dollars.”
“Thanks!” replied the youth, “I’ll put this in my school fund.”

“What are you studying?”
The lad smiled and said, “Applied psychology.”
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A gentleman wanders around the campus of a college looking for the library. He approaches a student and asked, “Excuse me young man. Would you be good enough and tell me where the library is at?”

The student, in a very arrogant and belittling tone, replied, “I sorry, sir, but at this school, we are taught never to end a sentence with a preposition!”

The gentleman smiled, and in a very apologetic tone replied, “I beg your pardon. Please allow me to rephrase my question. Would you be good enough to tell me where the library is at, you big jerk?”
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The questions some people ask on cruises!

A person who had a room with a balcony phones the front desk and says, “I was told I would have an ocean view, and all I see is the parking lot.”
“We will flood the parking lot in another hour, sir.”

“Will my room and outside balcony be above or below sea level?”
“Below sea level only if you are scuba certified.”

“Hey, do these stairs go up or down?” “I’ve got good news for you­, both up and down.”

 

“Does this elevator go from front to back?”
“We’re still working on an airport-like walkway for this ship.”

An angry guest goes to the information desk and asks, “Why doesn’t my microwave work?”
“I’ll send an attendant right away.” The attendant finds a cup of coffee and a Danish roll Inside the room’s safe. His comment, “I don’t know any microwaves that need a combination to get into.”

Cruise guests get photographed from time to time, and are encouraged to buy pictures. A guest asked, “If the photos aren’t marked, how do I know which one is mine?”
“A good place to start is with your mirror. Try to match what you see in the mirror to the photo on the wall.”

 

“Is the water in the toilet fresh or salt water?”
“Who cares? And for two good reasons: One reason, #1. The second reason, #2.”

A guest notices that some people, especially in rough seas, are wearing patches behind their ears. This guest asks, “What religion are those folks with patches behind their ears?
“Queasy-asticals.”

The room steward, weary of a demanding, rude new cruiser, decided to teach him a lesson. He asked, “Is it OK if I clean up in your room now?”
“Yes.” The room steward took a shower.

 

A woman went up to the spa and asked, “How small does my face have to be for a mini-facial?”

“What do you do with the ice carvings after they melt?”
A1: “Want a glass of water?”
A2, for those who don’t “get it” after the first answer: “We throw them into the Panama Canal.”

“Does this ship generate its own power?”
“Have you seen an extension cord running back south, then through the Panama Canal and up to San Diego?”
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TODAY IN TRIVIA: What does Halley’s comet look like? The nucleus of Halley’s comet is a peanut-shaped object, weighing about 100,000 million tons, and measuring about 9 miles by 5 miles.

~How volcanic is Ecuador? Since the dawn of time, Ecuador has suffered devastation from volcanic eruptions. Spread for 200 miles, 24 active volcanoes are strung along Ecuador’s Andean mountain range. The Pan American Highway, which runs from the Colombian border south to Peru, is known as the Avenue of the Volcanoes. Mexico, on the other hand, has only seven active volcanoes, and is seven times larger than Ecuador. Some of Ecuador’s volcanoes include Cotopaxi, Sangay, Reventador, Sumaco, and Pichincha.

~Why did Cary take over for Bob? In the film version of the comedy Arsenic and Old Lace (1944), Bob Hope turned down the male lead role that Cary Grant later accepted. Grant insisted, prior to taking on the project, that the part be enlarged, which it was.

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QUIP OF THE DAY: It is never too late to become what you might have been. – George Eliot

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . . You’ve got to get to the stage in life where going for it is more important than winning or losing. – Arthur Ashe

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