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May 11th

A man’s life is interesting primarily when he has failed – I well know. For it’s a sign that he tried to surpass himself. – Georges Clemenceau

TODAY – MAY 11th

131st day of the year with 234 days to follow.

Holidays for Today:
~ Minnesota Statehood Day
~ National Eat What You Want Day
~ National Mocha Torte Day
~ Twilight Zone Day


  • 1852 Charles Warren Fairbanks, Unionville Center, Ohio, (R) 26th US Vice President (1905-09)
  • 1861 Frederick Russell Burnham, Tivoli, Minnesota, scout/adventurer (taught woodcraft to Robert Baden-Powell, inspiration of international scouting)
  • 1875 Harriet Quimby, Coldwater, Michigan, aviator (first woman to get a pilot’s license)
  • 1888 Irving Berlin, Russia-American, composer (White Christmas, God Bless America)
  • 1904 Salvador Dali, Spain, surrealist artist (Crucifixion)
  • 1918 Richard Feynman, Queens, New York, physicist/ author (Nobel, quantum mechanics, Feynman Lectures on Physics)
  • 1920 Denver Pyle, Bethune, Colorado, actor (Bonnie & Clyde, Dukes of Hazzard, Grizzly Adams, Code 3, Doris Day Show)
  • 1930 Stanley Elkin, Brooklyn, New York, author (George Mills, The MacGuffin, Van Gogh’s Room at Aries, Mrs. Ted Bliss)
  • 1935 Doug McClure, Glendale, California, actor (Checkmate, Virginian, Out of this World)
  • 1946 Robert Jarvik, Midland, Michigan, physicist and inventor (artificial heart, married to Marilyn vos Savant)
  • 1968 Jeffrey Donovan, Amesbury, Massachusetts, actor (Burn Notice, Touching Evil, Hitch, The Changeling, Fargo, Extinction, LBJ, Shut Eye)
  • 1975 Coby Bell, Orange County, California, actor (Third Watch, The Game, Burn Notice, Mad Dogs)

What is there to be afraid of? The worst thing that can happen is you fail. So what? I failed at a lot of things. My first record was horrible. – John Mellencamp


  • 1751 1st US hospital founded (Pennsylvania Hospital).
  • 1816 American Bible Society forms (New York).
  • 1858 Minnesota admitted as 32nd US state.
  • 1916 Einstein’s Theory of General Relativity presented.
  • 1929 1st regularly scheduled TV broadcasts (3 nights per week).
  • 1947 BF Goodrich manufactures 1st tubeless tire, Akron OH.
  • 1987 1st heart-lung transplant take place (Baltimore).
  • 1989 217th & final episode of “Dynasty” is aired.
  • 1997 IBM’s Deep Blue chess-playing supercomputer defeats Garry Kasparov in the last game of the rematch, becoming the first computer to beat a world-champion chess player.


“WHERE is my Sunday paper?!?” The irate customer called the newspaper office, loudly demanding to know where her Sunday edition was.

“Madam”, said the newspaper employee, “today is Saturday. The Sunday paper is not delivered until tomorrow, on Sunday.”

There was a long pause on the other end of the phone, followed by …”Well, that explains why no one was at church either.”


Golden Oldie… A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to honor thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, “Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?”

Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, “Thou shall not kill.”


ONE-LINERS: Proverbs For The Information Age . . .
~ Home is where you hang your @.
~ The e-mail of the species is more deadly than the mail.
~ A journey of a thousand sites begins with a single click.
~ You can’t teach a new mouse old clicks.
~ Great groups from little icons grow.
~ Speak softly and carry a cellular phone.
~ C:\ is the root of all directories.
~ 8. Oh, what a tangled website we have when first we practice.
~ Pentium wise, pen and paper foolish.
~ The modem is the message.
~ Too many clicks spoil the browse.
~ The geek shall inherit the earth.
~ There’s no place like homepage.
~ Don’t byte off more than you can view.
~ Fax is stranger than fiction.
~ What boots up must come down.
~ Windows will never cease.
~ Virtual reality is its own reward.
~ Modulation in all things.
~ Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach him to use Facebook and he won’t bother you for weeks.


I was talking with an old man when I noticed that his “hearing aid” was actually an earphone from a transistor radio. The wire had been cut and was sticking out of his shirt.

“How does that help your hearing?” I asked.

“Don’t help my hearing none.” he replied.

“Then how does it help?”

“Makes people talk louder.”




~What do you call a sleeping bull? A bull-dozer.

~How do you fit more pigs on your farm? Build a sty-scraper!

~What did the farmer call the cow that had no milk? An udder failure.

~What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.

~Why are teddy bears never hungry? They are always stuffed!

~Why do fish live in salt water? Because pepper makes them sneeze!



Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we’re kids? If you’re less than 10 years old, you’re so excited about aging that you think in fractions.

“How old are you?”
“I’m 4 and half.”

You’re never 36 and a half, but you are 4 and a half going on 5! That’s the key. You get into your teens, now they can’t hold you back. You jump to the next number.

“How old are you?”
“I’m gonna be 16.”
You could be 12, but you’re gonna be 16.

And then the greatest day of your life happens: you become 21. Even the words sounds like a ceremony–you BECOME 21. YES!!!! But then you turn 30. Ooohhh, what happened here?? Makes you sound like bad milk. He TURNED. We had to throw him out. There’s no fun now. What’s wrong?? What changed???

You BECOME 21,
you TURN 30,
then you’re PUSHING 40…stay over there, it’s all slipping away…

You BECOME 21,
you TURN 30,
you’re PUSHING 40,
you REACH 50…my dreams are gone…

You BECOME 21,
you TURN 30,
you’re PUSHING 40,
you REACH 50
and then you MAKE IT to 60…Whew! I didn’t think I’d make it.

You BECOME 21,
you TURN 30,
you’re PUSHING 40,
you REACH 50,
you MAKE IT to 60,
and by then you’ve built up so much speed, you HIT 70!

After that, it’s a day-by-day thing. You HIT Wednesday, you get into your 80s, you HIT lunch.

I mean my grandmother won’t even buy green bananas: “Well it’s an investment, you know, and maybe a bad one.”

And it doesn’t end there…into the 90’s, you start going backwards: I was JUST 92. Then a strange thing happens, if you make it over 100, you become a little kid again: I’m 100 and a half!!

Age is a funny thing.

Golden Oldie… One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother has several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head. She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, “Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?”

Her mother replied, “Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white.”

The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, “Momma, how come ALL of grandma’s hairs are white?”


The Mafia don, accompanied by his attorney, meets with a former rival’s accountant. The godfather asks the accountant, “Where is the 3 million bucks?”

The accountant does not answer.

The godfather asks again, “Where is the 3 million bucks you embezzled?”

The attorney interrupts, “The man is a deaf mute and cannot understand you, but I can interpret for you.”

“Well ask him where my darn money is!”

The attorney, using sign language, asks the accountant where the 3 million dollars is.

The accountant signs back, “I don’t know what you are talking about.”

The attorney tells the Godfather, “He says he doesn’t know what you’re talking about.”

The Godfather pulls out a 9 mm pistol, puts it to the accountant’s temple, cocks the trigger and says calmly, “Ask him again.”

The attorney signs to the accountant, “He wants to know where it is!”

The accountant signs back, “Okay, okay, okay! The money is hidden in a brown suitcase behind the shed in my back yard.”

The Godfather asks, “Well, what did he say?”

The attorney replies, “He says, ‘Buzz off. You don’t have the guts to pull the trigger.'”


TODAY IN TRIVIA: Can asteroids create islands? Speculation has existed for decades that ancient asteroid impacts might create hot spots of volcanic activity, which could give rise to mountains that poke up through seas that didn’t used to be there. There’s no firm answer to this question, but a recent computer model suggested Hawaii might have been formed in this manner.

~Is it illegal to be a drug addict? It is not against the law in the U.S. to be a drug addict. In 1962, the Supreme Court called imprisonment for being an addict cruel and unusual punishment prohibited by the Bill of Rights.

~How long does it take topsoil to form? Soils require centuries, or even millennia, to form. According to the United States Soil Conservation Service, most topsoils cannot regenerate at rates of more than 5 tons per acre per year.

QUIP OF THE DAY: Why put off ’til tomorrow what you’ll never do anyway?


Thought for the day. . . There are only four questions of value in life. What is sacred? Of what is the spirit made of? What is worth living for? What is worth dying for? The answer to each is the same. Only love. – Don Juan Demarco

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