Once you can understand and fully accept that you are solely and personally responsible for your own life, you can decide to do something about it. – Magic Power of Mind
TODAY – MAY 16th
136th day of the year (137th in leap years) with 229 days to follow.
Holidays for Today:
~ Honor Our LGBT Elders Day
~ National Barbecue Day
~ National Biographers Day
~ National Coquilles St. Jacques Day
~ National Do Something Good For Your Neighbor Day
~ National Love a Tree Day
~ National Mimosa Day
~ National Piercing Day
~ National Sea Monkey Day
~ Wear Purple for Peace Day
BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:
- 1801 William Henry Seward, Florida, New York, Secretary of State (1861-69, buys Alaska at 2¢/acre, then called “Sewards Folly”)
- 1905 Henry Fonda, Grand Island, Nebraska, actor (Mr Roberts, On Golden Pond)
- 1919 Liberace, West Allis, Wisconsin, pianist (Liberace Show, Evil Chandell-Batman)
- 1944 Danny Trejo, Los Angeles, California, actor (Desperado, Heat, Con Air, Desert Heat, Vengeance, Delta Farce, Predators, Sons of Anarchy, 3-Headed Shark Attack, The Ridiculous 6)
- 1947 Bill Smitrovich, Bridgeport, Connecticut, actor (Millennium, A Nero Wolfe Mystery, The Practice, Ted, The Last Ship)
- 1950 Bruce Coville, Syracuse, New York, author (Series: Magic Shop; My Teacher; I Was a Sixth Grade Alien; Unicorn Chronicles; Space Brat)
- 1953 Pierce Brosnan, Ireland, actor (Remington Steele, 5th James Bond, Dante’s Peak, The Thomas Crown Affair, Survivor, No Escape, The Son)
- 1955 Debra Winger, Cleveland Heights, Ohio, actress (Urban Cowboy, An Officer and a Gentleman, Terms of Endearment, Shadowlands, A Dangerous Woman, Rachel Getting Married, The Ranch)
- 1966 Janet Jackson, Gary, Indiana, singer (“Nasty”, “Rhythm Nation”, “That’s the Way Love Goes”, “Together Again” , “All for You” )
- 1969 David Boreanaz, Buffalo, New York, actor (Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Angel, Bones, Sleepy Hollow)
- 1986 Megan Fox, Oak Ridge, Tennessee, actress (Hope and Faith; Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen, Transformers, Jenifer’s Body, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, New Girl)
I have learned, by some experience, that virtue and patriotism, vice and selfishness, are found in all parties, and that they differ less in their motives than in the policies they pursue. -William H. Seward, US Secretary of State, governor, senator
- 1866 The U.S. Congress eliminates the half dime coin and replaces it with the five cent piece, or nickel.
- 1866 Charles Elmer Hires invents root beer.
- 1868 President Andrew Johnson is acquitted in his impeachment trial by one vote in the United States Senate.
- 1929 In Hollywood, California, the first Academy Awards are handed out.
- 1975 Junko Tabei becomes the first woman to reach the summit of Mount Everest.
- 1988 A report by United States’ Surgeon General C. Everett Koop states that the addictive properties of nicotine are similar to those of heroin and cocaine.
- 1991 Queen Elizabeth II of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland addressed a joint session of the United States Congress. She is the first British monarch to address the U.S. Congress.
- 1992 STS-49: Space Shuttle Endeavour lands safely after a successful maiden voyage.
- 2011 STS-134 (ISS assembly flight ULF6), launched from the Kennedy Space Center on the 25th and final flight for Space Shuttle Endeavour.
One lovely morning, Ben and Thomas were out golfing. Ben slices his ball deep into a wooded ravine. He grabs his 8-iron and proceeds down the embankment into the ravine in search of his ball.
Ben searches diligently throughout the thick underbrush and suddenly he spots something shiny. As he gets closer, he realizes that the shiny object is in fact an 8-iron in the hands of a skeleton lying near an old golf ball.
Ben excitedly calls out to his golfing partner: “Hey Thomas, come here, I got big trouble down here.”
Thomas comes running over to the edge of the ravine and calls out: “What’s the matter Ben?”
Ben shouts back in a nervous voice: “Throw me my 7-iron! Looks like you can’t get out of here with an 8-iron.”
Elsie, an elderly lady, stopped to drive into a parking space when a young man in his brand new red BMW drove around her and parked in the space that she had been waiting for. Elsie was so angered that she approached the young fellow and stated, through gritted teeth, ‘I was about to park there.’
The man looked at her with disdain and replied, ‘That’s what you can do when you’re young and bright.’
This annoyed Elsie even more, so she got back in her car, backed it up and then she stamped on the accelerator and rammed straight into his BMW.
The young man ran back to his car and shouted in a stunned voice, ‘What did you do that for?’
Elsie smiled at him and said, ‘That’s what you can do when you’re old and rich.’
ONE-LINERS: Some interesting facts
~ Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated.
~ The national anthem of Greece has 158 verses.
~ There are 293 ways to make change for a dollar.
~ A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes.
~ There are more chickens than people in the world.
~ The longest one-syllable word in the English language is “screeched”.
~ No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver or purple.
~ “Dreamt” is the only English word that ends in the letters “mt”.
~ Almonds are members of the peach family.
~ Maine is the only state whose name is just one syllable.
~ There are only four words in the English language which end in “dous”: tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous.
~ Los Angeles’s full name is “El Pueblo de Nuestra Senora la Reina de los Angeles de Porciuncula”. And can be abbreviated to 3.63% of its size, “L.A.”
~ Tigers have striped skin, not just striped fur.
~ A dime has 118 ridges around the edge. (The Mint calls them reeds.)
Golden Oldie… Fred rushes in and announces loudly, ‘I tell you, women drivers are a hazard to traffic. Driving to work this morning on the freeway, I looked over to my left and there was this woman in a Jaguar doing at least 70 mph with her face up next to her rear view mirror putting on her mascara.
I looked away for a couple seconds and then the next thing I knew was she was careering all over my lane.
It scared me so badly that I dropped my electric shaver into my coffee, and it spilled all over my mobile phone.’
pic of the day: Seward Totem Pole
WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!
One day while he was at the coalface the miner swung his pickaxe and the point went deep into a rock. He eventually managed to remove the it from the rock, but as he did so he was engulfed in a deluge of water.
Afterwards his coworkers remarked that he looked ten years younger. They all soaked themselves in the water, and they all came out looking ten years younger.
But they quickly discovered that no matter how wet they got or how many times they soaked themselves, they had only been made to look ten years younger, not twenty or 25.
You see, it was a miner miracle.
Baby bear goes downstairs, sits in his small chair at the table. He looks into his small bowl. It is empty. “Who’s been eating my porridge?” he squeaks.
Daddy Bear arrives at the big table and sits in his big chair. He looks into his big bowl and it is also empty. “Who’s been eating my porridge?!?” he roars.
Mommy Bear puts her head through the door from the kitchen and yells, “How many times do I have to go through this with you? It was Mommy Bear who got up early. It was Mommy Bear who woke everyone in the house. It was Mommy Bear who made the coffee. It was Mommy Bear who unloaded the dishwasher from last night and put everything away. It was Mommy Bear who swept the floor in the kitchen. It was Mommy Bear who went out in the cold early morning air to fetch the newspaper and croissants. It was Mommy Bear who set the stupid table. It was Mommy Bear who walked the dog, cleaned the cat’s litter tray, gave them their food, and refilled their water.
“And now that you’ve decided to drag your sorry bear-butts downstairs and grace Mommy Bear with your grumpy presence … listen carefully, because I’m only going to say this once:
I HAVEN’T MADE THE DANG PORRIDGE YET!!
The boy forgot his lines in the Sunday School presentation. His mother, sitting in the front row tried to prompt him, gesturing and forming the words silently with her lips, but it didn’t help. Her son’s memory was blank.
Finally she leaned forward and whispered the cue, “I am the light of the world.”
The child beamed and with great feeling and a loud, clear voice said, “My Mommy is the light of the world.”
My “ex” wanted a Jaguar as part of our divorce, so I got her one.
I just received a phone call from the hospital, no more than 30 minutes after the zoo delivered the Jaguar to her home. The hospital said she is in stable condition.
TODAY IN TRIVIA: What is Sudoku? Sudoku, also known as Number Place or Nanpure, is a logic-based placement puzzle. The aim of the puzzle is to enter a numerical digit from 1 through 9 in each cell of a 9×9 grid made up of 3×3 subgrids (called “regions”), starting with various digits given in some cells (the “givens”); each row, column, and region must contain only one instance of each numeral. Completing the puzzle requires patience and logical ability.
~Who invented glasses? The Chinese invented eyeglasses. Marco Polo reported seeing many pairs worn by the Chinese as early as 1275, 500 years before lens grinding became an art in the West.
~ Do other countries have bootlegging in their companies? Quite a few firms have their own specific term for it: English firms call it: Friday afternoon work, work behind the fume cupboard, free lance work, under the counter work, under the table work, pet-project, discretionary research, free wheeling, illicit research, scrounging , renegades work, work in the shadow- or underworld. American firms call it moonlighting. German firms call it: U-Boot Forschung, or graue Projekte.
QUIP OF THE DAY: The best way to get most ‘men’ to do something is to suggest that perhaps they’re too old to do it. – Ann Bancroft
THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!
Thought for the day. . . As a general truth, communities prosper and flourish, or droop and decline, in just the degree that they practice or neglect to practice the primary duties of justice and humanity. – William Henry Seward, Secretary of State, Governor, and Senator