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May 19th

Do not fear to be eccentric in opinion, for every opinion now accepted was once eccentric. – Bertrand Russell


TODAY – MAY 19th

139th day of the year (140th in leap years) with 226 days to follow.

Holidays for Today:
~ National May Ray Day
~ Hepatitis Testing Day
~ National Devil’s Food Cake Day
~ National Asian & Pacific Islander HIV/AIDS Awareness Day
~ Malcolm X (on either May 19 (his birthday) or 3rd Friday of May)
~ St. Dunstan’s Day (According to legend, St. Dunstan made a pact with the devil to spare apple and pear blossoms from late frosts nine years out of ten. In the tenth year, there was a frost on this day.)
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BIRTHDAYS ON THIS DATE:

  • 1795 Johns Hopkins, Anne Arundel County, Maryland, philanthropist (founded Johns Hopkins University)
  • 1868 John Fillmore Hayford, Rouses Point, New York, civil engineer and geodesist (established modern science of geodesy, the measurement and representation of the Earth)
  • 1897 Frank Luke Jr., Phoenix, Arizona, fighter ace (ranks 2nd to Captain Eddie Rickenbacker in number of aerial victories during WWI among U.S. Army Air Service pilots (Luke Air Force Base named in his honor))
  • 1925 Malcolm X, Omaha, Nebraska, civil rights activist
  • 1928 Colin Chapman, English engineer and businessman (founded Lotus Car)
  • 1934 James Charles Lehrer, Wichita, Kansas,  executive editor & former news anchor for PBS NewsHour, author (Crown Oklahoma, The Sooner Spy, Fine Lines, Purple Dots, Top Down: A Novel of the Kennedy Assassination)
  • 1935 David Hartman, Pawtucket, Rhode Island, TV personality (Good Morning America 1975 to 1987, History on PBS)
  • 1939 Francis R “Dick” Scobee, Cle Elum, Washingon, USAF/astronaut (STS 41C, 51L-Challenger disaster)
  • 1939 Nancy Kwan, Hong Kong, actress (Flower Drum Song, The Wrecking Crew, Walking the Edge, Noble House, Dragon: The Bruce Lee Story, Paint It Black)
  • 1941 Bobby Burgess, Long Beach, California, dancer, singer, one of Walt Disney’s original “Mouseketeers” (Lawrence Welk Show)
  • 1941 Jane Brody, Brooklyn, New York, author/nutritionist (Jane Brody’s Nutrition Book, Jane Brody’s Good Food Book)
  • 1942 Gary Kildall, Seattle, Washington, computer programmer (CP/M operating system); PBS/The Computer Chronicles)
  • 1946 André the Giant, French-American wrestler and actor (The Princess Bride)
  • 1948 Grace Jones [Mendoza], Jamaica, singer/actress (Vamp, A View to a Kill)
  • 1949 Archie Manning, Drew, Mississippi, football player and sportscaster (CBS Sports’ college football)
  • 1955 James Gosling, Canadian-American computer scientist (created Java)
  • 1966 Sophia Crawford, English actress/ martial artist (Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Chameleon on WMAC Masters)
  • 1966 Jodi Picoult, Long Island, New York, author (The Pact, Plain Truth, My Sister’s Keeper, Wonder Woman, Lone Wolf, The Storyteller, Leaving Time)
  • 1980 Drew Fuller, Atherton, California, actor (Charmed, Army Wives, The Night Before)
  • 1986 Eric Lloyd, Glendale, California, actor (Charlie Calvin in Santa Clause trilogy, Wonder Years, Jesse. True Perfection)

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Life is a mixed blessing, which we vainly try to unmixed. – Mignon McLaughlin, The Second
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HISTORICAL HAPPENINGS:

  • 1535 French explorer Jacques Cartier sets sail on his second voyage to North America with 3 ships.
  • 1536 Anne Boleyn, the second wife of Henry VIII of England, is beheaded for adultery, treason, and incest.
  • 1828 Tariff of 1828 signed into law by U.S. President John Quincy Adams to protect wool manufacturers in the United States.
  • 1848 Mexico ratifies the Treaty of Guadalupe Hidalgo thus ending the war and ceding California, Nevada, Utah and parts of five other modern-day U.S. states to the USA for USD $15 million.
  • 1885 Jan Matzeliger began the first U.S. mass production of shoes, in Lynn, Massachusetts.
  • 1906 Federated Boys’ Club (Boys’ Club of America) organizes.
  • 1910 The Earth passed through the tail of Halley’s Comet, the most intimate contact between the Earth and any comet in recorded history.
  • 1921 Congress passes the Emergency Quota Act establishing national quotas on immigration.
  • 1962 Birthday salute to U.S. President John F. Kennedy at Madison Square Garden, NYC. Marilyn Monroe sang Happy Birthday.
  • 1971 Mars probe program: Mars 2 is launched by the Soviet Union.
  • 1973 99th Preakness: Ron Turcotte aboard Secretariat wins in 1:54.4
  • 1994 Final Episode of LA Law after 8 year run.
  • 1997 The Sierra Gorda Biosphere, the most ecologically diverse region in Mexico, is established as a result of grassroots efforts.

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“Dad, I’m running away from home!”

“What will you do when you get hungry?”
“Then I’ll come home and eat.”

“And when you run out of money …?”
“I’ll come home and get some.”

“What’ll you do when your clothes get dirty?”
“I’ll come home and let mommy wash them.”

“You’re not running away from home; you’re going off to college!”
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I asked my friend who’s a crop-duster, “How was your day?”

“It was the worst day of my life. This morning I was up in my plane dusting a field when I nicked a power line and damaged the wing of the plane. When I got back to the office, my boss yelled at me. Then the FAA inspector yelled at me.

On my way home, I stopped off at a bar and was handed a warm beer. So I yelled at the bartender, ‘Don’t you have any cold beer?’

The bartender said, ‘Sorry, but our electricity has been out all day ever since some idiot crop-duster hit a power line down the road.'”
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ONE-LINERS: UNIQUE BOOK TITLES

~ “Cry Wolf!” by Al Armist
~ “How to Make a Robot” by Anne Droyd
~ “Where Can I Find a Cure?” by Anita Remedy

~ “Beekeeping” by A.P. Arry
~ “Parachuting” by Hugo First
~ “Armed Heists” by Robin Banks

~ “Germ Warfare” by Mike Rohbes
~ “Off to Market” by Tobias A. Pigg
~ “I Was a Cloakroom Attendant” by Mahatma Cloake
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Are you interested in making $$$$ fast? Here’s an incredibly simple way to do it, and there is nothing to buy, no investment to make, no money to lose! Try it now!

Follow this simple procedure:

1) Hold down the shift key.

2) Hit the 4 key four times.

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pic of the day:

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The pastor of a church decides that God is calling the church to a new vision of what it is to be and do. So at the elders meeting, he presents the new vision with as much energy, conviction and passion as he can muster. When he had finished and sat down, the senior elder called for a vote. All 12 elders voted against the new vision, with only the clergyman voting for it.

“Well, pastor, it looks like you will have to think again,” says the senior elder. “Would you like to close the meeting in prayer?”

So the priest stands up, raises his hand to heaven, and prays, “LOOOOOOORD!…will you not show these people that this is not MY vision but it is YOUR vision!”

At that moment, the clouds darken, the thunder rolls, and a streak of lightning bursts through the window and strikes in two the table at which they are sitting, throwing the pastor and all the elders to the ground.

After a moment’s silence, as they all get up and dust themselves off, the senior elder speaks again.
“Well, that’s twelve votes to two then.”
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Here are some suggested comebacks to unsolicited, persistent telephone sales callers:

~ In the middle of the caller’s memorized sales pitch, interrupt with: “What causes a hiccup?”
~ “Shhh. Wait a minute. I’m here robbing the house. Whoa! I think the owners just got home. Can you hold?”
~ “I’m sorry, but I’m really busy right now. Give me your home number and I’ll call you back later tonight.”

~ When someone asks how you are: “Well, I’m having an existential crisis at the moment. Let me explain . . .”

~ “You want to sell me insurance? I’ve been trying to get insurance for years, but nobody will sell me any!”
~ Another response to rug cleaners or any person offering home services: (Break into tears and say) “Is this some kind of joke? My house burned down last night! We lost everything!”

~ To a phone company solicitor: “That sounds GREAT! Wait, can you hold for a minute?” (Leave the phone on the table until he/she hangs up.)
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WARNING! ENTERING THE PUN ZONE!

Once there was a horse that was much annoyed because several birds were building nests in his mane. Nothing he did would make them stop. The noise and activity were driving the horse crazy. So, he decided to see the wise old owl for help.

The old owl told him to go home and put some yeast in his mane and all would be well. The horse thought this was a bit nutty, but out of desperation, he did what the owl told him.

The next morning the mane was completely clear of nests. The very surprised horse trotted excitedly to the owl’s house.

When asked why the yeast worked, the owl replied, “Horse, don’t you know that …. yeast is yeast and nest is nest and never the mane shall tweet?”

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A reporter interviewed a 104-year-old man.

“And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?” the reporter asked.

“No peer pressure,” he replied.
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College Applications. . .
Readers of the Washington POST were asked to compose a very unwise line for a college application:
~ “When I told my friends I was applying to LeHigh, they were like, no way, and I was like, yes way. And they were like, way cool.”
~ “Four years of fees at your institution come to about $78,000. Just bill my father and mail me half the money. He’ll never find out.”
~ “First off, coach said there wasn’t going to be no writing.”
~ “To demonstrate my love for your school, I have spray-painted your logo on my town’s water tower.”
~ “College is probably the last place they’ll look for me.”
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Teacher: I hope I didn’t just see you looking at Harry’s paper, Raymond!

Raymond: I hope so too, teacher!
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While on a road trip, an elderly couple stopped at a roadside restaurant for lunch. After finishing their meal, they left the restaurant and resumed their trip. When leaving, the elderly woman unknowingly left her glasses on the table and she didn’t miss them until they had been driving about twenty minutes.

By then, to add to the aggravation, they had to travel quite a distance before they could find a place to turn around in order to return to the restaurant to retrieve her glasses. All the way back, the elderly husband became the classic grouchy old man. He fussed and complained and scolded his wife relentlessly during the entire return drive. The more he chided her the more agitated he became. He just wouldn’t let up one minute.

To her relief, they finally arrived at the restaurant. As the woman got out of the car and hurried inside to retrieve her glasses, the old geezer yelled to her, “While you’re in there, you might as well get my hat and credit card.”
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GOLDEN OLDIE There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things mechanical. After serving his company loyally for over 30 years, he happily retired. Several years later the company contacted him regarding a seemingly impossible problem they were having with one of their multi-million dollar machines.

They had tried everything and everyone else to get the machine fixed, but to no avail. The machine’s failure was costing them nearly $100,000 in lost work per day. In desperation, they called on the retired engineer who had solved so many of their problems in the past.

The engineer reluctantly took the challenge. He spent a day studying the huge machine. At the end of the day, he marked a small ‘x’ in chalk on a particular component of the machine and proudly stated, ‘This is where your problem is.’

The part was replaced and the machine worked perfectly again. The company received a bill for $50,000 from the engineer for his service. They demanded an itemized accounting of his charges. The engineer responded briefly:

One chalk mark $1

Knowing where to put it $49,999. The bill was paid in full and the engineer retired again in peace.

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TODAY IN TRIVIA: ~Is rain on your wedding day a good thing? Bad weather on the way to the wedding is thought to be an omen of an unhappy marriage; some cultures, however, consider rain is considered a good omen. Cloudy skies and wind are believed to cause stormy marriages. Snow, on the other hand, is associated with fertility and wealth.

~Where would you have “St. Martin’s Summer?” In November, there is a stretch of warm dry weather with a little wind and usually a bit of haze in the air. In the United States, it is called “Indian Summer.” In England, France, and Italy, it is referred to as “St. Martin’s Summer.”

~How strong is a leaf cutter? The leaf-cutting ant can lift more than 50 times its own weight.

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QUIP OF THE DAY: What would men be without women? Scarce, sir .. mighty scarce. – Mark Twain

THAT’S (ALMOST) ALL FOLKS!

Thought for the day. . . To succeed in life, you need three things:  a wishbone, a backbone and a funnybone. – Reba McEntire

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